"You're at a strip club? A male strip club?"
"Yes, and this one dude has the biggest cock I've ever seen, Jack. It's just not natural. There's no way man or woman lets him near any hole with that thing."
I drop my head into my hand while shaking it.
"Why didn't you tell me you were heading out tonight?" God, that sounds overbearing.
"It was a busy afternoon. I just got caught up at work and Liam's antics." She chuckles. "I forgot to mention it, but we haven't talked since."
"You could have shot me a quick text." God! What am I doing? I need to stop this.
"I probably should have, huh? Sorry, babe." She's giggling and I think drunk and I feel like a real ass for being so needy and jealous.
"No. It's okay. Sorry, uh, be careful. Take a cab, Jenny."
"Rochelle knows a few of the strippers so we're catching a ride with them when the club closes."
"You're hanging out with male strippers?" I boast shocked my girlfriend is going to hang out with male strippers.
Holy shit, I can't believe this. This… the feelings of jealousy stirring up inside me.
"Are you jealous, Lumber-Jack? Cause, baby, you know the only dick I'm excited by anymore is yours. You should send me a picture."
"No." I'm pouting! Holy hell, I'm really pouting. I clear my throat. "I'm going to hit the hay, sweetheart."
"Mmm, I miss your bed. Send me a pic, Lumber-Jack."
"Enjoy your strippers." Stop, Jack! Stop!
"They're not my strippers. Are you really jealous right now? Do you…." There's a silence and I'm trying to hold back this childish jealousy. "Do you want me to go home?" Suddenly her chipper voice sounds like I rained on her parade. "I don't even really know why I'm here. I have to be in the office early tomorrow morning." She inhales a breath and I'm not sure what's going on in her head but I think I royally screwed up.
"No, Jenny. Have a good night. Just send me a text and let me know you make it home safe."
"I'm headed out right now. Grabbing a taxi as we speak." It sounds like she's running.
Shit, what'd I do?
"Jenny. Sweetheart. Go back inside. Celebrate with your friends."
"I'm not single anymore." She's laughing and actually sounds a little crazy at the moment. "I don't know what the hell I was thinking when I let them drag me there." Still laughing and I think maybe she's losing it, which means I'm going to lose her.
"I'm really not upset. I was just screwing around."
"You weren't. It's okay. I think I'd much prefer you to be with me if you were to go to a strip club. Besides." Her voice is muffled while she tells the cabdriver where to take her. "When I get home I have my own lumberjack to give me a private show. Computer on, babe. I'll be home in twenty minutes." And the line goes dead.
I never thought the day would come that I would strip for a woman, but I didn't want her upset with me so I agreed to her little game and now I'm shaking my ass in the tightest pair of boxer briefs I own. Her snorting laughter helps me through it because we can make a joke out of it, but she's not letting me stop and we're already on song three and it's Rihanna's S&M.
"Hey, sweetheart." I drop to my knees so I can see her on the screen and she's giggling away. "I'm pretty sure this is a song you should be dancing to for me." I grin at her playful smile.
"You want a striptease, Lumber-Jack?"
"Yeah, baby. I do." I start to get comfortable and she disappears off the screen.
When she comes back almost ten minutes later she's dressed in some bondage gear with straps and chains and… holy shit, she has a riding crop. The song starts from the beginning and now I'm as close to the screen as I can get but still see her. Jealousy of an inanimate object has to show what level of crazy this woman has me at, but she's pulling that crop between her legs and my mouth goes almost as dry as that piece of leather. By the time she finishes her X rated dance she's naked and fucking her hand so hard while screaming my name that by the fifth pump of my cock I'm coming.
Life with this woman, even the life of enduring a LDR, is the best thing that has ever happened to me.
***
"Hey, sweetheart," I answer Jenny's call just after noon and smirk because I could go for a quickie over the phone. Liam just left for lunch.
"Mary, you have to spread your knees farther."
"Jenny?" I say with confusion.
"Farther than that. I need to be able to fit both arms and my head between your legs, Mary."
Oh God! I think she accidentally dialed me and she's in the middle of an exam.
"Thank you. Now just relax because I don't want you peeing on me like last time, but I'm going to insert two fingers and push."
I can't stop cringing and then I hear it. What sounds like the grunt of a much older woman and I actually gag.
"This isn't for your pleasure, Mary. I'm only going soft so you don't urinate on me again. Stop trying to rock your hips into my hand."
"But it feels good, Dr. Bang." That woman is well over seventy and I just heard her moan my girlfriend's name.
I've called her Dr. Bang while fucking her before. Never again. Never again!
"Well this next part won't. Spread 'em wide and take a deep breath. You're going to feel a pinch from the clippers snipping your cervix."
Clippers snipping what!? Holy mother of all that is holy. No! What is she doing to that woman!? Better question, why can't I hang up?
The howl of the old woman sounds as clearly as if it would have if she were holding the phone to her ear.
"See, I told you. You were so busy trying to get off on my hand," Jenny grumbles. "Dammit, Mary." She sighs. "You said you emptied your bladder."
"You're taking a chainsaw to my pussy, Dr. Bang!"
Lord save us all. That's when I hang up. The moment a seventy something year old woman ruins the word 'pussy' for me, is a very sad moment.
"What's wrong?" Liam asks and I realize I'm staring at my phone like I have full nudes of that woman spread eagle staring back at me. I can't get the vision out of my head and it's burning.
"Old women, and vaginas, peeing because of chainsaws." I shutter. "She was fucking my girlfriend's hand," I boast and toss my phone.
"Nope. Don't even want to know," Liam says walking back out of my office.
That's fine by me because I don't want to ever repeat what I just heard.
"This is Jack," I answer my ringing phone in a daze because I'm very disturbed.
"Hey. I think Firefly's sick. She's thrown up a few times today and won't eat," Ryley's voice comes over the line.
"Did she get into something? Maybe Able leave some food around that she ate?"
"No. Able's been at Annie's all day. It's just been me and Firefly and she hasn't moved much. I carried her outside and she wouldn't even go to the bathroom but she hasn't ate or drank much either."
"That's weird. I'll see if my sister can get her in if it continues. You want me to come pick her up? I don't want you to be cleaning up her messes."
"No. She's okay, I just wanted to let you know."
"Thanks, Ryley. You feeling okay? Baby's almost here." I smile then the thought of where babies come from hits and I'm cringing because I think that old woman may have ruined a once beautiful place on a woman for me.
She's rambling on about the baby but I'm not listening because all I can think about is some old woman trying to fuck Jenny's hand. Jesus, I need to get a grip.
***
When I show up for Firefly she doesn't greet me. When she sees me her tail starts to wag but she doesn't get up.
"Hey, girl." I kneel and she shimmies the few feet too me. "You not feeling good today?" I pet her and she starts to hack so I scoop her up and outside before she throws up on Liam's carpet.
The second I see she's vomited blood I start to panic and I call my sister.
"Hey, uh, something's wrong with Firefly. She's throwing up blood, Jo. Can you see her? I don't know what happened. Ryley said she hasn't eaten
all day and yesterday she only ate her puppy food. Oh, Jesus, she's doing it again, Jo. She's throwing up more blood."
"Jack, I'm not home tonight. We're at Bill's mother's until tomorrow. Bring her over in the morning at like ten. Okay?"
"Shit," I huff and gently start to pet Firefly's head and can feel she's trembling. "She's real sick, Jo. Maybe I should just bring her to the vet hospital."
"She probably ate some grass. Hematemesis isn't uncommon, Jack. If you think she needs immediate medical attention then bring her into Grace."
"I don't know." Is this what it feels like to have a sick child? You feel helpless and terrible and you'd give just about anything to take away whatever is happening. "I'll see what happens tonight."
I need my girlfriend here to help me deal with our sick dog together.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
THERE'S A DAMN KILLER IN EXAM ROOM ONE
JENNY
Fuck!
Tuesday, it's Tuesday and I'm completely late for work. As in, I've already missed two appointments late.
Shit.
Last night I was woken up at midnight by a nurse from the hospital. If babies kept normal business hours, I'd be a happy camper. Unfortunately, they like to come at all hours of the night. This notion isn't new to me but most patients are ok if I'm not on call the night they go into labor. Last night, Wendy wasn't having it. The screams coming from her to get her 'mother fucking doctor into the hospital' were enough to wake the neighboring counties.
Needless to say, I've had a long night.
Throwing on whatever outfit I can find, I twist my hair into a bun and run out the door. Speeding into work, I somehow miss all red lights and make it in record time.
Thank Christ!
"Dr. Bang, we've been trying to reach you all morning!" Shelly says out of breath and frazzled.
She locks the door behind me and I turn, confused as to why she just did that. Why's the office so empty? It is a work day today, isn't it?
"What's wrong? I didn't—" I pause and pull out my phone. Dead. Great. "Shit, sorry, Shelly. My phone's dead. What's going on?" I ask rubbing my eyes and remembering I totally forgot to put makeup on this morning.
Dammit.
"Um, well…. We have a little problem." She raises her eyebrows and flicks her eyes to exam room one.
Oh my God, what now?
The exam rooms are old. The entire office is old. We've had rodents on multiple occasions, water leakage once, but nothing ever bad enough to close the office. Sighing, I set my bags on the front desk and swing open the door.
"Wait, Dr.—" she tries to stop me but it's to no avail. I'm already walking into the snake pit.
Literally.
"Sweet mother! What the fuck is that?!" I scream jumping and slamming the door.
Whatever that thing is, it most definitely hissed at me.
Good God!
I hear it strike the door and we both jump, shrieking.
"My God, did you not think to call animal control?!" I yell watching her cower.
Fuck.
"Sorry, I'm not mad… but that's so wrong! How'd that thing get in here?"
"There's a tile knocked out in the ceiling in your office. It probably got in through there overnight. I was trying to get ahold of you to see what you wanted to do." She shrugs and grins sheepishly.
Great.
The office phone starts to ring and she runs to get it while I stare at the door. Behind that door could very well be my death. Do I face it and get it out myself, or pay the hefty fee for animal services to remove it for me? How bad could it be luring a snake out of a building?
"Dr. Bang, it's for you." Shelly pokes her head around the corner.
"Tell them I'll call them back, Shelly. We've got bigger issues."
"He's persistent. I tried telling him we had an in office emergency, but—"
"He?"
"Jack, your boyfriend?"
"Crap," I mumble. "Ok, be right there."
Putting a chair under the handle of the exam room, just in case it's a brilliant mutant lizard that can open doors, I run away like it's going to strike through the wood and jog up to the front desk. Fucking killers making me move fast.
"Hey, babe," I huff.
"You didn't call this morning. Or text. Everything okay?" His deep voice that normally soothes me doesn't help this morning.
"Sorry. It's been… hectic. Late night last night with a midnight delivery, then I was late to the office, and now I'm in so much trouble here I'm not sure whether to try and lure out the killer myself or call in reinforcements."
"What?! Jenny what the hell's going on over there?!"
"There's a damn killer in exam room one, Jack! A Killer! And I can't see any of my scheduled patients today until he's out!"
I'm not going to freak out. Things will be straightened out. We'll get it out and just stay open a few hours later tonight to make up for the missed appointments. It's all going to be okay.
"What the hell do you mean a killer?! Like you need to call the cops?" he yells into the phone.
I think I hear Liam yell from the background but my mind is only focused on the massive amount of 'no' that's happening right now in my life.
"Jack, the cops can't do anything with this thing," I huff.
"Why're you still even in the building, Jenny? Oh my God, are they holding you hostage? Jenny, what the hell?" His voice changes to a whisper towards the end of the sentence.
It's then that it clicks what he thinks this is. He thinks there's really a human killer in this building.
Oh God.
"Jack, sweetheart. It's a snake. A snake, or massive lizard, or something that's hissing behind the exam door right now made its way into the office overnight." I sigh. "God, Jack. Can I call you later? I need to figure out how to fix today."
"Yeah. Be careful, sweetheart. Let the professionals take care of that, okay?"
"Fine,” I huff.
"Hey, I need to talk to you about something though. Pretty important. Can you call me next chance you're able to talk for a bit?" His tone should tell me there's something wrong but my mind isn't registering that feeling right now. It's too busy registering how to get that massive beast out of my office.
"Yeah, yeah, sure. Great. Bye, babe," I mutter hanging up the receiver.
Three hours later and animal control finally shows up. I sent Shelly home and have spent the last three hours flipping through my pictures from Wisconsin. I miss everyone up there and each time my phone flicks through a picture of Firefly I smile even brighter. I never thought I wanted a dog but she's so cute and cuddly and sweet. I hope Jack's treating her well. I probably should've called him back while I sat waiting for the animal man to come remove the monster from my office, but it's the middle of the work day and I bet he's busy. I know owning a business isn't an easy feat, so I'll call him tonight.
By the time the man removes the monster from exam room one (though in his words it was 'a harmless garden snake'), it's already two p.m. and there's not enough time or patience to reschedule everyone for this afternoon. I spend the rest of the day making phone calls and squeezing in patients the rest of the week.
Dammit, it’s going to be busy this week.
Once I'm home and back into comfortable clothes, mad at myself for not creature-proofing the office, I call Jack.
"Hey, you," he sighs into the phone and I immediately know something's wrong.
"What's up?" I curl into the couch with my glass of wine.
"Uh… so Firefly hasn't been feeling so great. I called my sister—"
"What do you mean by 'not feeling so great'? Is she shitting a lot? Is she hurt again? Do you need to find her a mate to play with?"
"Jenny, stop. Listen, okay?" he asks and I hum in response. "She's been throwing up blood."
"Blood!? Jack, why didn't you tell me this!?" I scream sitting up on the couch.
"Calm down, we don't know what it is yet. My sister took blood today and we should have the
test results back in a couple of days. We'll know more then." He sighs and I hear her whimper in the background. And then my heart breaks a little.
"Oh God, Jack, is she hurting? Why's she whimpering?" I want to reach through the phone and hug her.
Oh God, please let her be okay.
"She's been off for a couple of days. The puking started yesterday at Ry's."
"Oh my God. I'm so sorry I'm not there!" I am too.
I actually want to be there, but I honestly can't. There's too much going on at work right now. Strangely, I want to be the one to give her the medicine that makes her better. I want to be the one to nurse her back to health.
"It's ok, babe. We understand. The appointment with results should be Thursday so I'll let you know what she says." He sighs again.
I can tell this is eating at him but it's all going to be good. She'll get better.
She has to.
"No. I want to be on the call. I want to be there however I can. Just give me an hours or more notice. I'll make sure I'm there for the call."
My patients might hate me after this week but I can't make Jack do this alone.
"You sure? Your week sounds pretty busy, babe."
"I'm positive, Jack. She's my baby. I need to be there for her."
He sighs and agrees. Firefly starts whimpering again then I hear her start hacking.
"Shit, Jenny. I gotta go," he says then hangs up before I'm able to get another word out.
Shit, shit, shit. She has to be okay.
***
I didn't talk to Jack yesterday. He texted and told me the appointment is set for noon today so I made sure to clear appointments to be able to be on the phone for the meeting. Ten minutes before twelve I shove food in my mouth so I don't have to be eating during the phone call. I need to be there for her. When my phone rings I know I need to answer it but I stare at the screen. Just stare.
What if she tells us it's something that can't be fixed? What if he's calling to tell me she's already dead? The hurt in my heart couldn't take it. I can't stand the thought of losing her after helping nurse her back to health. She's a fighter, she can make it through whatever that it is that's making her not feel good, and she'll be back to tip top puppy shape in no time.
Bang: Challenge Accepted Page 18