by Donna Grant
* * *
His touch was ecstasy. Abby barely drew in a breath before the second climax swarmed her. It was more intense than the first, flinging her into a vortex of blinding pleasure.
And then he was inside her.
Her body was more than ready and quickly stretched to accommodate him. He moved slowly, gradually, until all of him was inside.
That’s when she opened her eyes. He leaned over her with his eyes squeezed shut and his arms shaking from the effort not to come.
She touched his face, and he stilled instantly. When his green eyes met hers, something solidified between then, bonding not just their bodies but also something deeper.
It scared her, but she didn’t pull away. She couldn’t. Not with him looking at her so tenderly. Despite the trepidation she felt with whatever was happening between them, his steadfastness kept her from bolting.
“I’ve fantasized about this moment from the first time I saw you.”
She was about to reply when he withdrew and then thrust. All words deserted her. She gripped his arms as he began moving, building his rhythm with each drive of his hips.
Somehow, this man had actually seen her. Not the hot mess of a woman she’d become, the one trying to juggle her life, work, and her brothers. No, he saw the woman beneath.
He refused to let her back down, pushing her in new, frightening directions. He saw her fears and worries and made some of them his own. He recognized her need and woke her desires.
And he appeared to have no intention of stopping anytime soon.
She’d never felt more beautiful or wanted than in that moment. He’d given her pleasure before himself, playing her body as if it were his favorite instrument in the universe. His skilled fingers had flung her over the precipice with ease.
Abby clung to him now as he pounded her body with long, hard strokes that had yet another orgasm building. She let the pleasure take her, welcoming the bliss while his hard body filled her again and again, deeper, harder.
He shifted slightly, causing him to rub against her clit. And just like that, another climax roared through her.
In a daze of ecstasy, she watched Clayton. She caught a glimpse of his pleasure, so pure and unadulterated as it crossed his face that it made her breath catch.
She couldn’t look away as he gave one final thrust, his back arching as he came. The sight was glorious. His face pinched, his muscles straining, and a sheen of sweat covering his body.
When his head dropped forward, she pushed his hair back and looked into his eyes. With his breath still coming in gasps, he leaned down and put his lips against hers for a moment.
She liked his weight atop her, so she wrapped her arms around him, holding him close. They remained that way until their breathing evened out. Then he pulled out of her and removed the condom before rolling onto his back. He reached for her, and she eagerly moved against him.
“Damn,” he said, a smile in his voice. “That was amazing.”
She grinned. “Yeah. It was.”
He played with the ends of her hair as they grew quiet. Abby closed her eyes, content to lay upon him, listening to his heart and the birds.
“I want you.”
She chuckled without opening her eyes. “Again?”
“Always,” he replied in a solemn voice.
Her eyes snapped open when she heard his reply. Then she rose up on her elbow to see him. “What?”
“I’ve been around the world more times than I can count. I’ve met a lot of people, but no one has caught my attention like you.”
She wanted so badly to believe him, and a part of her did. But she wasn’t ready to talk about such things. Perhaps she never would be.
All these years she’d been alone, she’d claimed it was because of her brothers, but Justine had made her see the truth. Abby hadn’t let anyone close because of her fear of abandonment. And it reared up now.
As if sensing that she was thinking of returning to the house, Clayton pulled her back down on top of his chest. “I wanted you to know how I felt. There’s no need to reply. Just enjoy the afternoon and this fine weather we’ve been given.”
That she could do. It was thinking of the future that gave her hives. No. It was thinking of a future with Clayton. She could see the years stretching before her where she was alone. She always had. Ever since her mother left.
Clayton never stopped touching her. He caressed her back and arm in slow movements that lulled her and eventually allowed her muscles to relax. But his words replayed in her head.
How wonderful it would be if she and Clayton could be together.
But how long would it take him to see all of her flaws? When would the things she did become annoying? Or her brothers? How long could they go without getting into trouble as they always did? The Easts had been forgiving, but everyone had their limits.
It was no great feat to think of all the ways she could drive Clayton away. And she hated herself for it, almost as much as she hated her mother for making her and her brothers so scared of the possibility of everyone leaving them.
Chapter 19
The day would forever be imprinted in Clayton’s memory. He’d had to tell Abby how he felt, but once he saw her begin to retreat, he’d ceased the conversation. She wasn’t ready to hear what he had to say.
After another hour in the sun locked in each other’s arms, they rose and dressed. He took her down to the water to walk along the edge.
“I can’t imagine having all this land as a playground,” she said and tossed a rock into the water.
He looked around, thinking back to his younger days. “We did have grand adventures.”
“Let me guess, you always won?” she asked cheekily.
He grinned. “Always.”
“I’m not buying it.” Abby bent and scooped water into her hand before throwing it at him.
Clayton didn’t dodge it. Instead, he rushed her, grabbed her from behind when she tried to run, and lifted her against him as he turned. Her laughter rang out, echoing around them. He loved the sound of it. In fact, he basked in it.
He set her on her feet, but he didn’t release her, and the way she leaned her head back on his shoulder, she seemed content to be in his arms.
“You’re sad here,” she said after a moment.
He began to argue until he realized she was right. “It reminds me of Landon. We were here all the time. Sometimes with my parents, sometimes alone.”
“That was so dangerous.”
“Yes. Very. My parents never knew.”
“Is that … is this where he died?”
“No.” Clayton kissed the side of her head and took her hand as he walked her back up to the top. He whistled to the horses and folded the blanket.
“I’m sorry,” she said. “I shouldn’t have asked.”
He glanced at her and shook his head. “It’s okay. It’s just not something I’ve talked about in a very long time.”
They didn’t speak again as he helped her mount and got onto his own horse. He motioned for her to follow him as he led her through pastures and around herds of cattle. She didn’t ask any questions, simply took it all in.
Finally, they reached the spot. Clayton dismounted and walked to the corral. He rested his hands along the wooden fence that showed no signs of the destruction. His mind was instantly transported back to that horrible day.
“Landon always tried new things,” Clayton began. “He’d watch someone do something a few times, and then have the ability to mimic it nearly to perfection. It was his gift. That and he was the most likeable person I knew.”
Abby came to stand beside him, folding her hands before her on the fence. She turned her head to him and rested her cheek on her hands.
He glanced at her, but his gaze was pulled back to the corral. “It was two weeks after Landon’s thirteenth birthday. He’d been begging dad to let him learn to bull ride. We were both able to rope soon after we were in the saddle. And we learned to ride horses befo
re we could even walk.
“Dad said there was a need to learn to rope, that the skill would come in handy on the ranch. He was right. However, he had a disdain for bull riding. He said it was pointless, and too many men died trying to show off. There were few things my father had such an opinion about, so Landon and I knew he wasn’t going to change his mind. I thought the matter was closed. For about a week, Landon didn’t mention it.
“Then a new bull my father bought arrived. He was enormous. This massive, black beast was in a new place and not at all happy about it. So Dad moved him out here to adjust to things for a few days. The animal terrified me with his snorting and stamping, but, as usual, Dad was right. The bull stopped kicking and head-butting everything after a day or so. He even allowed us to pet him.
“That’s where everything changed for Landon. That night, he came into my room to get me. We often snuck out to play in the hayloft or go to the bunkhouse with the men. That’s what I thought we were doing that night, but he brought me here.”
Clayton had to stop as his throat tightened with emotion. Abby put her hand on his arm. Her touch gave him the strength to continue down the road of memories that had turned the tide of his life in the most vicious way.
He licked his lips and said, “I knew as soon as we arrived what Landon planned. I tried to talk him out of it. I suggested all kinds of other things for us to do, but he wouldn’t listen. I knew something bad was going to happen. I should’ve immediately gone back and gotten Dad or Shane or someone, but I didn’t. I couldn’t leave. So, I watched in horror as Landon climbed through the fence and walked to the bull.”
Abby’s fingers tightened on his arm.
Clayton was grateful for her touch. “Can you believe the bull didn’t so much as twitch? It was like he didn’t care. Even when Landon petted him, the animal didn’t move. I honestly thought the night might end all right. Landon was usually so level-headed. He always made the right decisions. But that night, he wouldn’t listen to reason. I begged and pleaded with him to return to the house. He looped a rope around the bull’s neck then walked to the fence and climbed up before scooting over to the animal’s back. Then he climbed on.”
He closed his eyes, recalling how his stomach had fallen to his feet when his brother had jumped onto the bull’s back. Clayton had been torn on whether to stay with him or run to get someone, because he’d known—an instinct he’d recognized even at a young age—that something horrible was about to happen.
“For a few seconds, the bull did nothing,” Clayton said and opened his eyes. “I was screaming at Landon, but we were so far from even the bunkhouse that no one could hear me. I can still see my brother’s face, the moonlight shining on him like a spotlight. He was grinning like he always did. He told me everything was going to be all right. Then he kicked the bull. My heart leapt from my chest, but amazingly enough, the bull still did nothing.
“The night would’ve ended right there, but one of us had made a mistake, one that we’d been taught never to do. When we’d gone through the pastures, we didn’t close one of the gates all the way. I don’t know if it was Landon or I who did it, but some cows got through. The bull smelled them, and he wanted to get to them. He went nuts, running and bucking. He slammed up against the fence where I stood. The sound of the wood cracking was as loud as a shot.
“Landon began screaming as he desperately tried to hold on. I kept yelling at him to jump off. He was barely hanging on as it was. If the bull got out, Landon could get trampled. Our eyes met. We both knew then if he was going to make it, he had to get off. He tried to jump onto the fence. He was so damn close. He should’ve made it, but he fell short by a few inches. The bull was already leaning toward the fence, so Landon got caught between it and the animal. A half a foot and the fence was all that stood between my brother and me.
“Landon called my name.” Clayton squeezed his eyes shut for a moment. “The terror in his voice was horrific. My blood felt like it was made of ice. I was sweating and scared to death, and everything seemed to move in slow motion. Yet, I couldn’t move. I tried to reach for him, but he crumpled to the ground, moaning in pain. The bull didn’t even know Landon was there as he ran over him again and again, trying to get out of the corral. All I could do was stand there and watch helplessly until finally the fence broke and the bull ran to the cattle. I rushed into the corral and gathered Landon in my arms.”
Clayton dropped his chin to his chest, his stomach heaving at the mental image of his brother. His throat tightened painfully as he fought back tears. “You couldn’t even recognize his face. He was broken and bloody. I tried to lift him and carry him back to the house, but I was too weak. So I sat in there and held him until Shane finally found us.”
Abby turned him so that he faced her. There were tears rolling down her cheeks as she pulled him against her. Clayton buried his head in her neck and simply held onto her as if she were a lifeline.
And in her arms, some of the pain he’d carried from that night melted away. It didn’t matter whether it was from sharing the story or Abby herself, but he felt freer.
“You know it’s not your fault, right?” she said, sniffing.
“I should’ve gotten someone.”
“Then you might not have been there when he died.”
Clayton leaned back to look at her. “I heard Shane tell my parents that the bull ran right past me. He said it was a miracle I hadn’t been trampled, as well.”
“All these years, you’ve carried guilt. I can see it in your eyes.”
He glanced away, toward the corral. “Yes.”
“It’s time to let that go. You were kids, and your brother wasn’t going to listen to you. You did all that you could.”
He turned from the corral and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. She put her arm around his waist and leaned her head against him as they walked to the horses.
“Thank you for sharing that with me,” she said.
He wasn’t quite ready to let her go, so he held onto her. “I’ve not had reason to talk about it in a long time. As long as I can remember, I always knew the ranch was going to be Landon’s. My parents said that we could work it together, 50/50, but then I overheard my parents talking one day about what would happen if we fought over something. It had happened to my dad and his sister. She sold him her share after a long, drawn-out fight because she wanted to sell the ranch, and he didn’t. I didn’t want that, so I told myself then that the ranch was Landon’s.”
“And then it became yours, which compounded your guilt,” Abby said softly. “I know all about carrying guilt.”
Curious, he looked down at the top of her, but she gazed off into the distance. “How?”
“The night Mom left, I told her to go.”
He was so shocked that he was at a loss for words for a minute. “You can’t honestly believe it’s your fault your mother left.”
“I told her to go.” Abby repeated, then dropped her arm and walked to Diamond.
He watched her, recognizing that petting the horse calmed her. “Do you want to talk about it?”
She shrugged half-heartedly. “There isn’t much to say. Mom was griping about how I should take more responsibility and look after my brothers so she could have some fun since she’d birthed us and raised me. I was pissed because I was supposed to go on a date that night. It was two nights after graduation, and she’d been on my ass for months, telling me to get a good-paying job and help her with money.
“I was so tired of hearing the same load of crap that I told her I wasn’t going to help. I said that I was now an adult and I planned to get my own place. I said that she was the one who’d had the kids, and it was her responsibility.” Abby swallowed hard. “It was all a lie. I wouldn’t have left my brothers with her, but I was angry, so I lashed out. I told her she was the mother, not me.”
Abby’s face crumpled then as she turned her head to him, her blue eyes so full of pain that he ached for her. He wasn’t sure whether to go to her or n
ot. She looked on the verge of breaking down, but she had given him comfort during his story.
His decision made, Clayton walked to her. Near enough to touch if she needed it.
“I went out that night,” she continued. “I partied with my friends until three the next morning. It felt good to forget the recurring fight and all the troubles with Mom. When I got home, I went straight to bed without checking on my brothers. It was Caleb who got me up the next morning because he was hungry. I told him to go get Mom, and he told me she wasn’t there.
“I was instantly awake then. I went to her room, and the drawers were half opened, allowing me to see that they had been emptied. I ran into the kitchen and found the note on the table with the papers she’d already signed giving me guardianship of Brice and Caleb.”
A tear rolled down Abby’s check. “Brice had found the papers first. He was in a corner in the kitchen with his knees drawn up to his chest, rocking back and forth as he silently cried.”
Clayton pulled her against him. He could see the picture she painted clearly. A young girl with too many responsibilities given even more, who set aside her own anguish to deal with her brothers’ grief.
“Your argument didn’t send your mother away,” he told her. “The fact that she already had those papers drawn up says that she’d been planning it for a while.”
Like right after Abby had graduated high school.
Abby looked up at him with spiked lashes from her tears. “But if I hadn’t yelled at her, she might not have left that night.”
“Darlin’, if it hadn’t been that night, it would’ve been another.”
She buried her head against his chest and cried harder. He rested his chin atop her head, feeling her body shaking from her sobs. This wasn’t how he planned the day to go, but if this was what Abby needed to heal her soul, then he would hold her for however long it took. Because it was time she finally let her grief out.