Had I been in some kind of stasis like in a science fiction movie? Or asleep like that Disney princess who woke up when the prince kissed her? I never wanted to be that girl. I wanted to be the princess who wore armor and slayed dragons, but I had to admit, kissing the prince wasn’t a bad deal either. We could slay dragons together.
I yawned and rolled over. It was still early, a quarter after ten, but I couldn’t keep my eyes open. Too much emotional upheaval for one day, and my bed was much too comfy.
When I woke the next morning, it was early. The sun was young and still low in the sky. Today was the day of Derek’s press conference. There was no going back to sleep with the anxious batter of butterfly wings in my stomach.
I rolled to the edge of the bed and heard a crinkling under my pillow. I sat up and felt around. A glittery little bag was tucked under my pillow. I pulled it out and opened it to find another photo, folded note and another charm box.
I grabbed my glasses from the window sill where they were perched and put them on, blinking the photo into focus. It was Derek and I as toddlers. We had to be two or three. He had my glasses on and was laughing, pushing me away. I was reaching for my glasses and bawling my brains out because he wouldn’t let me have them.
There were the tears again, right on time, forcing their way out from the corners of my eyes. I let them fall and opened the tiny note.
Because I love it when you put them on in the morning and look at me like you’re seeing me for the first time.
Inside the charm box was a tiny pair of black glasses just like mine.
I gathered the photo, scrap of notepaper and the charm and fell back onto my pillow. “How did you do this, Bast?” I whispered. “I know this wasn’t here last night.” He worked in mysterious ways. “You’ll make a good Tooth Fairy someday.”
I secretly hoped he was waiting out in the hallway for me to wake up and find them, but no answer came. My apartment was silent.
The sense of facing my future head-on lingered heavily around me. Today was it—the day I’d decide if I ran full speed into my future, unknown risks and all, or if I cowered safely in my bubble and never let myself open up to anyone. I didn’t want the bubbly anymore, but leaving it behind terrified me. The consolation was leaving the bubble and taking Derek’s hand. I wouldn’t be alone, he’d be by my side.
As for my trust issue with him, what I hadn’t told him and maybe I didn’t even fully realize, was that I did trust him—I trusted that he wouldn’t give up on us and would figure out where things went wrong with us all those years ago and make it right. Maybe it wasn’t that I needed to learn to trust him as much as I needed proof that he’d take my pain seriously and not give up on me—on us. Because if I came out of my shell and he walked away at the first sign of trouble, I’d regret it. I didn’t want to regret deciding to love and trust Derek with my whole heart. Derek felt like my forever. He always had. If I let myself be honest, I’d been waiting inside my bubble for him to come and coax me out.
I was one of those princesses waiting for her prince after all.
And it wasn’t fair.
He shouldn’t have to rescue me. I should’ve told him what my problem was with him back when it happened the summer before our senior year in high school. Emmy was right. I needed to tell him what I wanted and needed, what my expectations were. And he had to do the same. How could he trust me if I wasn’t open and honest with him and kept him guessing? He accused me of playing a game and it pissed me off, like he was dismissing my feelings, but what about his feelings? The fate of our relationship and its future if there was one couldn’t be solely his responsibility.
I had to do my part.
He was going all out delivering bits and pieces of our past and present in photos and charms with special notes, trying to make me see how much he cared, how much he remembered. I knew Derek, probably better than I knew myself. He craved stability and security, freedom and independence. Control. That was why he left his manager and took back his music career. He’d rather face it ending in his own hands than becoming a farce.
Derek didn’t lie and he didn’t hide. He didn’t take the easy way out. I had to do the same.
I hopped out of bed and strode to the kitchen to grab my phone off the charger on the counter. I dialed and wiggled my toes waiting for Karen to pick up. “You’re not backing out,” she said as soon as she answered, her voice deep and gritty with sleep. “Get in your toy car and drive to Santa Cruz. No. Even better—we’re coming to get you.”
“I’m going!”
I studied my charm bracelet. He knew how to get through my fear and speak directly to my heart. “I have a lot of lost time to make up for. I can’t be afraid anymore.”
“You can’t be if you want to be with him.”
I heard murmuring and a masculine chuckle, then Adrian came on the line. “We’ll pick you up in fifteen.”
“Thanks, I—”
“Now get your ass ready!” Karen yelled into the phone, then hung up.
Nineteen
Derek
“She’s coming, right?” I couldn’t stop pacing around the Halprin’s kitchen. Emmy stepped in front of me and grabbed my shoulders.
“She’s coming if I have to drive to L.A. and haul her out of her apartment by her blue-black hair.”
John kicked a chair out at the table across from where he sat shoveling scrambled eggs in his mouth. “Sit.”
I sat. Emmy and John brought their three girls. The baby sat in a car seat carrier thing on the table by John’s plate, fussing. The two older girls were fighting over Emmy’s laptop in the family room. They were a loud family.
“My mom texted her last night and told her they were coming home and she needed to be here today,” Emmy said, screwing a nipple on a bottle. “She’ll be here.”
“They aren’t coming home though, right?” I said, confused by the ruse Emmy schemed up.
Her hip shot out and she gave me a look like I was the most ignorant moron she’d ever met. “No. Get with the plan, Bast.”
“I’m with it. I’m not good at keeping track of stories that aren’t true.”
“You mean lies,” John said, stabbing more eggs with his fork. “Wait until you have kids. You become a pro at creative storytelling to cover your butt.”
“Like calling the fire chief outside when really you’re smoking a cigarette and don’t want us to know?” Emmy said, shooting him a glare with one thin eyebrow cocked.
“Yes,” he said, chewing. “And how mommy’s looking under the blankets for her ring—with her mouth—which just happened to fall around my dick.”
“Shh!” Emmy dashed to the kitchen doorway and peered out into the family room. “You’re lucky they didn’t hear you,” she said, striding back toward the table with the baby’s bottle.
I couldn’t help laughing. Emmy whacked me in the back of the head. “Laugh now while you can.”
These two already had me and Bess married off with kids. It made me nervous, but only because I wasn’t sure it would ever happen. I wanted it to, more and more every day. I was ready for the next adventure in my life to start. True North was all about making a life with Bess. Not just her and I being home base for each other, but being able to do what I loved from home or L.A., no more than five hours away.
“Everything ready?” John asked, pushing his breakfast plate away.
I leaned back and drummed my fingertips on the table. “As ready as they can be on my end.”
“She’ll be here.” Emmy settled the baby in her arms with the bottle. “Relax.”
It was easy for them to say, they hadn’t been here the day I left. The day I told Bess I was done with her game. If she would tell me what to do—what to say—I’d do it. I’d do anything to be with her. Now that I knew the major fuck up I’d committed all I could do was guess and keep trying to win her heart, body and soul. One without the other would never be enough for me. I had to have all of her. If I failed today, I’d never give up.
>
My phone rang. I pulled it out of my pocket and glanced at the screen before answering. Adrian. “Hey. What’s the word?”
“We’re getting ready to pick up your woman. We’ll make sure she gets to you before the press conference.”
My heart jolted. “Why are you picking her up? Doesn’t she want to come?”
“She wants to, man. Relax. Karen’s sitting here with razor sharp nails ready to rip my balls off if I don’t get moving.”
“See you soon, Bast,” Karen shouted and the phone went dead.
I set the phone on the table and laughed. “What?” Emmy asked.
“She’ll be here, but Adrian and Karen are picking her up.”
John tugged on the baby’s foot. “Halprin women can never just go along with things. They always have to do it their own way. I’m sure Karen knows she needs to keep Bess on track or her mind will talk her in circles.”
Emmy smirked at him. “Why do things someone else’s way when you can do it your own way? It only makes sense.”
John gave me a sympathetic look. “See what you have to look forward to? I mean, I know you and Bess grew up together, but she’s a woman now and well…” He tilted his head toward his wife like the two of us were entering into a pact that no man should enter into.
“If she can deal with me, I’ll gladly put up with anything she throws my way.” If I got the chance, I’d prove to her that I could control my temper, never overlook her feelings, and put her first always in every situation. I’d drop out of the music business altogether if she asked. I’d move to the other side of the world and be a potato farmer if that’s what she wanted. As long as she was with me, I’d do anything.
I picked up my phone to check the time. Six hours until the press conference. Whatever Bess was doing, she better hurry.
The time passed painfully slow. My dad joined us an hour out from the conference as I put my final touches in place. I gave Pricilla and Lindsey each a charm and sent them on their way. Emmy would have the charm for the baby. “I got the sign up,” Dad said, patting me on the back. “We should head down there. Mom’s overseeing the set up and doing one hell of a job directing the press. You’ll be surprised.”
“Mom’s been directing the two of us for a long time,” I said, patting him on the arm. “If she can deal with our tempers, she’s got to be a natural at herding reporters and cameramen where she wants them.”
“How about the two of you keeping out of jail today, okay?” Emmy said, shooing us out the front door. “Now go. Make sure John gets that ladder truck back to the station before his chief finds out he borrowed it to put up a weathervane.”
Dad and I stepped out the front door onto the porch, but Emmy grabbed me by the arm. “Wait.” She stepped out beside me and gave me a strong hug. “Ever since you and my sister were little I knew you two would end up together. Not many people find the one person meant for them right from the start. I’m glad you didn’t give up on her. She never gave up on you no matter what she might think or say. I’m her big sister and I know when she’s fooling herself because she’s too afraid to act on her feelings.”
“I didn’t think about her feelings at all before a couple weeks ago when she hammered me in her review. Hopefully today will make up for it.”
Her smile was all the encouragement I needed. “I think it will.”
Bess
My hands shook, my feet tapped. I couldn’t sit still. Adrian sat in the passenger seat of his Bentley Mulsanne with a hired driver behind the wheel while Karen and I sat in back. We pulled off the highway on the exit for Santa Cruz—for home—and I wanted to puke I was so nervous.
“Exactly what are you freaking out about?” Karen said, putting her hand on my knee and holding it still. “Is it seeing him after your fight or whatever, or are you afraid you’ll rip your clothes off and throw yourself on him in front of the press?”
She whipped her hair over her shoulder, giving me a smug grin. “I don’t know,” I said, but it was a lie. I was afraid of everything. All of it. I was T-minus ten minutes until we pulled in my driveway and I emerged from my cocoon and gave myself over to Derek to do with as he would. I could only pray I didn’t end up with a shattered heart that would never mend.
The look in Derek’s eyes when he said I wouldn’t let him love me… nothing could hurt more than that. I would let him love me, and I would love him back with every single part of me.
Adrian’s driver pulled into my parents’ driveway. Emmy’s minivan was there, but my dad’s Subaru wasn’t. Something told me I wouldn’t find Jean and Paul home from Europe early after all. Derek had an elaborate plan going and I’d ride its current downstream and into his arms.
“Okay, get out,” Karen said, nudging my hip. “We’ll see you at the press conference. Emmy’s inside.”
“The press conference isn’t here?” I looked next door. Nobody was around anywhere.
“It’s close by.” She nudged me again. “Go.”
I opened the car door and got out. Before I made it up the sidewalk, the car pulled out and headed down the road the wrong direction—toward the dead end and the vacant lot.
“Planning on standing there all day?” Emmy called. I turned to find her standing in the doorway with my baby niece in her arms. “We have things to do and a little less than an hour to do them. Come in here.”
The house smelled like breakfast food and it was almost dinner. “Where are the girls and John?” The quiet was unsettling.
“Around.” She sat on the sofa and motioned for me to join her. It felt like I was walking into a trap or an intervention of some kind. “Hannah has something for you,” she said, holding out the baby’s wrist. There was a pink ribbon tied around it with a dangling charm.
I took my niece’s hand. She wrapped her fingers around my thumb and I kissed her pudgy cheek. “You’re in on this too, huh?”
“It was practically impossible to keep her from tugging that charm off and not letting her swallow it,” Emmy said, untying the ribbon and handing the charm over. It was a platinum band, like a spacer that would go between the charms and it had Aquamarine stones embedded all the way around it. “It’s her birthstone,” Emmy said, handing me a folded note.
I clutched the charm and unfolded the paper, curious about what it would say. Derek hadn’t spent any time that I knew of with my nieces other than the day he was at their house drunk and Pricilla asked me why my boyfriend was puking in the bushes. That day was certainly not one for the memory books.
When I think of family, I think of you. Growing up an only child, I didn’t have what you and Emmy had, or what your nieces have. But I had you. It wasn’t a consolation, it was a gift.
Didn’t he know by now that what he and I shared growing up and the secrets and closeness we shared outweighed what Emmy and I had by far? Being six years younger than her, we didn’t have a lot in common and we still didn’t. I loved my sister and she loved me, but it was a family love, not a friend love. Friends you chose. Sisters you inherited.
“I’m supposed to give you this, too.” She picked up a gift bag by her feet and handed it to me. I folded the note and tucked it in my bag before digging into my next gift. Inside I found a picture frame with three empty spaces for photos. Across the top was an engraving. Only happiness. Only love. Only everything.
“Are those for the girls’ pictures?” Emmy asked, leaning over to get a closer look.
“I don’t know.” I didn’t think so. Something told me they were for Derek and I to fill with new memories. Ones we’d make together. My mind flashed to babies and Disney World again and fear crept in. Fear of never having those new memories with him. I wanted this so badly that if it didn’t work, if we somehow failed each other…
Emmy swung her arm over my shoulders. “It’s a lot to take in. Don’t let it overwhelm you. He’s not asking you to hand over the world today, only your trust. The rest will come in time.”
I looked at my sister and understood something I ne
ver had. She was my rock. She never faltered. She stood strong and weathered all her own storms and mine. She sheltered me under her arm and guided me in the direction she knew my heart wanted to go but my feet were too afraid to tread. “Thanks, Em.” I hugged her and the baby, squeezing them tight until Hannah let out a shrill shriek of protest.
“We should head down the street,” my sister said, standing with Hannah. Lindsey and Pricilla are waiting for us.
“Where?” The pieces of the day were still fuzzy and refused to come together.
“Along the way,” she said, “to the press conference.”
I followed her outside and waited while she locked up the house. “Mom and Dad aren’t home, are they?”
“Of course not. Catch up, mustard, it was part of the plan to make sure you got here.”
“That’s what I figured.” I held out my arms to take Hannah. “I’ll hold her for a while.”
We walked side-by-side down the sidewalk toward the end of the street. Hannah kept reaching up trying to grab my glasses and whacking me in the chin instead. A little farther down the road, I saw the mass of press vans in the cul-de-sac in front of the vacant lot, but they blocked my view of anything else going on.
“Mom! Aunt Bess!” Lindsey came jogging toward us. “I have a present for you, Aunt Bess!” Lindsey was sunshine. She bounced instead of walked, always wore a smile and had the easiest laugh. She was the typical clown of a middle child who loved to be loved.
“Let me guess,” I said. “A charm?” She held out her arm and tied around it on a ribbon was a charm, just the same as the one Hannah had, but with her own birthstone, rubies. “Thank you, Lindz.” I handed the baby back to Emmy and untied the ribbon. “You’re taller every time I see you,” I said, giving Lindsey a hug.
“I’m tallest in my class.” She shoved a hand in her pocket and pulled out a note. “Here. This goes with it.”
Cover Me: A Rock Star Romance Page 17