by Linda Ford
Amy wrinkled her nose but at Darcy's warning look, went to obey.
"Aunt Betty, would you tell Blake I'd like to see him after he's eaten?"
"Certainly."
She went home to prepare for the evening and to begin packing.
By the time Blake arrived, she'd worked out the details of what she wanted to say.
She opened the door to his knock. He stood in the evening shadows, dressed in blue jeans and a navy plaid shirt, the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. He smiled, his dark eyes warm and watchful.
She caught her breath as she realized she loved him.
"You wanted to see me?"
The world seemed to hold still while she smiled at him. She would cherish this moment forever. "Come on in." She waved him toward the living room where she had put out icy drinks and fresh chocolate chips cookies. "Help yourself." She followed him and chose a chair facing him, knowing if she sat beside him on the couch as he expected, she would forget her carefully rehearsed words.
He took several cookies and bit into one. "Good."
"Thanks." She waited until he sipped his drink. "I'm leaving tomorrow." He put his glass down and studied her. "But I'm not relinquishing my joint guardianship of Amy." She'd never ever agreed to, though she knew Blake expected she would. "I think she needs me. We can arrange for her to stay with me during her holidays." She rushed on, ignoring the way his expression grew hard and set. She didn't want him to say anything until she was done. "I've changed my mind about selling my house too. I want to keep it so I can visit as often as I like." She took a deep breath and waited. It was the first time she'd belonged anywhere, and she wasn't going to give it up.
He continued to stare at her. She was sure she could smell rubber burning as he assessed her words. "Oka-a-ay," he finally managed. "I guess I'm not surprised. But are you sure it's the best thing for Amy?"
"Maybe this is what my father intended—that I would have input into Amy's life. I just know I can't walk away from her. I care too much about her." She tried not to think how much she cared about the ranch. And Blake. Especially Blake. She didn't dare let her mind go there. Foolishly she'd fallen in love with him. But she wouldn't let it destroy her. She was an expert at pushing away things that hurt.
"You've certainly made the holiday memorable for her." He smiled. "And for me."
She nodded. "It's been fun." She mentally shut a few more doors against the pain she knew she would endure when she drove away. More than anything, she wanted to really belong here. More than just owning the house. She wanted to be part of the fabric of his life. But she didn't belong. She never had and she never would.
"I'm glad you're not going to walk away without a backward look."
She knew then he expected she would. Had perhaps even been counting on it. Even as he still blamed her for not contacting her father. "I'm sorry I never tried to mend things with my father, but I can't change the past. I'm forever grateful he found what he needed here with you and your mother and Amy. I can't resent that."
"But you're going back?"
She nodded. "Tomorrow. I have to. The run and everything."
"Of course. Amy will miss you."
"I'll phone and write. And I'll be back every chance I get. I'd like if she could spend part of her vacation time with me." He hadn't refused. Nor had he agreed. The last thing she wanted was a tug of war over the child.
"It won't be the same as having you here."
She pressed her lips together. She closed her eyes and forced a long, slow breath into her lungs. Somewhere she had to find the strength to leave. And the grace to do it without breaking down and upsetting everyone.
"We'll miss you."
He'd admitted he'd miss her? "You mean Amy?"
He leaned forward, his eyes dark. "I mean me. I will miss you."
Their gazes fused like lightening. He reached for her hands and electricity crashed into her limbs. "Who am I trying to fool? I love you. Marry me. It would be the ideal solution for Amy."
He loved her? How awfully convenient to discover he was in love just as she announced she intended to remain a part of his life. How ironic he came up with this idea at the last minute.
For a moment she seriously considered the offer. She could care for both Amy and Blake. She could see her sister every day. She could accept this very convenient offer and be a very convenient wife to a man she loved.
But she'd been shortchanging herself long enough. She was worthy of a heart shattering, life changing, world altering love.
She withdrew her hands. "Blake, it's a very generous offer but one I have to refuse. I want to be more than a convenient solution to a problem." She stood, feeling an urgent need to put distance between them.
He rushed to her side. "Darcy, it's not like that."
She moved away. "I'm sure both you and Amy will settle into a nice little routine after I've gone and you'll thank me for not taking you seriously."
He took a step toward her and then another. She backed away until she ran into a wall.
He stopped, inches away and studied her, his expression serious. She could almost convince herself he looked sorrowful but knew she would only be transferring her own emotions.
"You've forgotten one small matter." He gently cupped her chin in his palm and slowly lowered his head. When his lips touched her, it was all she could do not to melt against him. He lifted his head. "I love you."
"Funny you just discovered this."
He shrugged. "Call me slow. Or maybe cautious."
"It would be the best thing for Amy."
"Yes, it would."
"She'd never be torn between us."
"No, she wouldn't." His expression grew increasingly cautious.
She took a deep breath and found the strength she needed to push away from him. "Sorry. I'm not interested n a marriage of convenience."
"Me, either." He ground around and stalked from the room. He paused at the door. "You're doing it again, Darcy."
"What am I doing?"
"You're pushing away love because you're afraid of getting hurt." He slowly closed the door behind him.
She sank to the couch. No, Blake, I'm finally seeing that I'm worthy of real love, not just convenience.
That night she lay staring up at the ceiling waiting in vain for sleep to come. If he loved her why hadn't he said so earlier? Why now? It was just too coincidental.
Maybe he'd only discovered it. Her own discovery was new.
She stared into the darkness. Could it be...? Was it possible? If he loved her, he would not let her leave tomorrow morning without trying again to convince her. She laughed softly in the darkness as she allowed herself to hope. To be loved by Blake. To be a part of his life.
It was all she could do to remain in bed when she wanted to rush over, throw herself in his arms and confess her own love.
Lord, is this why You brought me here? To heal the past, find a new beginning? If so, I thank You.
"I love you, Blake Thompson," she whispered into the dark.
Blake sat in the office. What's a man to do? He finally comes to his senses and realizes his world revolves around a certain woman and he tells her so only to have her refuse his offer. Generous. Convenient. Of course it was. But it was also honest.
He knew what to blame. Her honed defensiveness. She'd shut out her father. Afraid loving would mean rejection. She was doing the same with him. She couldn't let herself believe him. It was like she was afraid to belong.
Well, she'd been wrong about her father. He had cared about her. He'd kept that old picture by his desk all those years.
He jerked upright so fast the chair creaked. He could prove to her her father loved her. Maybe that would make it possible for her to accept HIS love.
He opened the drawer where he'd dropped her picture two weeks ago and smiled at her childish sweetness. He polished the frame on his shirtsleeve and set the picture in the middle of the desk.
Finally, smiling, he climbed the stairs and f
ell into bed. Sleep came quickly and easily.
The next morning he headed for her house as soon as the first rays of light trickled over the horizon. She was already throwing things into her car.
When she saw him coming, she straightened, cocked one hip against the trunk and crossed her arms to wait. He broke his stride at the way her mouth turned up and her eyes brightened. All welcoming and sweet. Had she changed her mind?
He closed the distance between them and stood staring down at her, unable to speak for the explosion of hope inside him. She smiled with the brightness of the sun coming over the horizon.
"I had to catch you before you left." His voice felt thick and heavy.
She touched his jaw and the sensation vibrated through him. "Some special reason?"
She didn't act surprised at his presence or his words. "Were you expecting me?"
She lowered her gaze. "I—I'm not sure."
"I have something to show you." He held out the picture. She took it and studied it.
"This is me. Where did you find it?"
"Your father always kept it by his desk."
"But I was in there and never saw it."
"I shoved it in the drawer when you came. I was a little angry at the time." He gave her his best repentant smile.
"My father really kept it by his desk?"
"Always."
"And you never thought to tell me that until now?" He stepped back from the fierce look on her face. She shook the picture at him. "You knew how much it would mean to me but you never thought to tell me?"
This was not going the way he planned. "I forgot, but don't you see? You've always had a place here. A place in his heart. And now—" He held out his hands. "You have a place in my heart. Darcy, I love you."
She yanked open the car door and set the picture on the passenger seat. "One thing I've discovered here. I'm worth more than last minute confessions and suddenly remembered revelations." She slid behind the steering wheel, slammed the door and backed out of the yard then paused and lowered her window. "I'll call Amy."
He managed to get in a few words before she closed the window and drove away. "Darcy, when are you going to stop running?"
Running, running, running. The pavement pounding beneath her feet. Blood pulsating through her veins. Driving every thought from her head.
Blake. Amy. Her father. It all seemed so convoluted. Why had her father left her the house and named her joint guardian of Amy?
He thought she would know what Amy needed.
She didn't even know what she needed.
Faster. Faster. Run. Don't think.
It was what she did best. Run until she no longer remembered anything.
“When are you going to stop running?”
She almost faltered as Blake's words echoed through her head.
She picked up her pace again, every piston drive of her legs striking home a truth. She was running away. She'd done it before, shutting her father out of her life rather than chance being rejected. And she'd missed knowing him and his love for her.
Blake said he loved her, but she hadn't even given him a chance. Instead, here she was, trying to run away from her thoughts.
She knew what Amy needed. As clearly as a message written in letters across the sky. Amy needed to know those who loved her would be with her day in and day out, rejoicing in her accomplishments, comforting her in times of disappointment.
Maybe it was time to stop running from her fear of abandonment and feelings of being unworthy. Maybe it was time to take a risk. What was the worst thing that could happen? Blake might change his mind. Better to have loved and lost then never loved at all.
She chuckled knowing how the girls in the office always changed the saying, better to have loved a short man then never loved a tall. Usually when the CEO wandered the halls. A short man but incredibly handsome and a real sweetheart. All the girls were more than half in love with him.
As she rounded the corner and headed down the home stretch, she made up her mind. It was time to stop running and take a risk on the most important thing in her life—loving Blake.
She would quit her job and move to the ranch. She could either work from home or get a job in Blissdale. That didn't matter. She could live on her savings for several months.
She would give her love for Blake a chance. And his love for her. Maybe he'd changed his mind. After all—
No, if he really loved her, he would welcome her back. No more running from her fears.
Darcy waved at Irene who was timing her and pushed for one more burst of speed before she crossed the line.
Irene cheered. "Best time ever. You are going to take this race for sure, girl."
Darcy took the towel Irene offered and wiped her face as she paced in place, cooling off. "Two more days."
"I've never seen you work so hard. It's like you're trying to escape a hoard of demons."
They headed for the showers. "Maybe I have been, but no more." She told Irene her plan. Her friend hugged her.
"Good for you. You deserve every bit of happiness you can find."
14
"Why'd you let her go?" Amy demanded.
Blake sighed. The child had been difficult since Darcy left. Not that he could blame her for feeling out of sorts. His own patience took a real beating these past few days. "She had to go. You know that."
"You could have stopped her. You could have made her stay."
"Honey, she's a grown-up. She has to decide to do things on her own." He'd known she would leave. From the beginning he'd expected it. After all, look at her record.
"She wanted to stay but you wouldn't let her."
"No, Amy. That's not true."
Amy crossed her arms over her chest and glowered at him. "You said something to her. I know you did. You were mean."
"No, Amy. I asked her to stay and she wouldn't."
"I don't believe you."
Amy stalked away. Blake considered following her, but he understood her need to blame someone or something for Darcy's departure. Who did he blame? Himself, her, her past, her fears. Sighing deeply, he headed for the office, the only place he could find peace lately. He tried to convince himself it wasn't because he caught hints of her scent, or imagined her standing at the window or sitting in the chair.
Amy was wrong. He'd tried to convince her to stay. He'd said he loved her. What more could he do?
He could have told her sooner. Why did he wait until she was leaving so it looked just a little too convenient?
Because he'd been too busy trying to protect himself.
From what?
From risk. From hurt. He knew firsthand how much it hurt to lose a loved one. And in his messed up way of thinking, he thought if he didn't let himself love someone, he wouldn't have to deal with that pain again. Trouble was, by protecting himself, he'd spoken too late and he knew pain stronger, more intense, more mind bending than the pain of losing Rob or his parents.
Because she wasn't gone, she was just out of reach.
Unless—
Lord, forgive me for being so blind. Help her to hear what I have to say. What I feel.
He overturned the chair as he sprang to his feet. "Aunt Betty. Amy," he roared.
Aunt Betty called from the living room. "I'm in here."
He hurried into the room, not caring in the least that he interrupted her soaps. "I'm going to Seattle to see Darcy."
That got her attention. She jerked her gaze from the TV. "So you've come to your senses finally?"
"What do you mean?"
"That girl loves you, and you let her go."
"I didn't—" Why was everyone blaming him? "She loves me? How do you know?"
She snorted. "I may be old but even if I was half blind I could see it."
"She loves me?"
"Question is, do you love her?"
He grinned like the village idiot offered candy. "I do."
"Well, don't just stand there. Go find her and tell her." She turned back to t
he TV. "Are you taking Amy?"
"Taking me where? Amy demanded.
"I'm going to see Darcy and try and persuade her to come back."
"I’m going too." She pursed her lips into a stubborn expression.
He contemplated the idea. "It's a long drive and I'm not going to waste time."
She didn't flinch. "I'm going too. Darcy said she'd show me the ocean."
Blake hadn't thought what he would do when he got there past hugging Darcy and telling her he loved her until she was thoroughly convinced. But a little holiday sounded ideal. He'd arrange for someone to do the chores so he could get away.
He and Darcy could wander the beaches hand in hand, visit some special restaurants. He could see all her favorite places, go to church with her, see how she lived.
"I'm going," Amy said again, more forcefully. "You might mess up."
Blake laughed. "Six years old and you already think I can't handle things because I'm male."
"Me and Darcy are sisters." She said it vehemently. "We understand each other."
Chuckling, he swung her into his arms. "I'm sure you do. Yes, you can come. Let's go pack a few things."
They were on the road in an hour. He figured if he drove straight through the night, they could get there in time to catch her race.
Blake rubbed his stinging eyes as he fought the city traffic. He hated city driving. Stop. Start. Avoid the crazies trying to gain a fraction of a second by lane hopping. Only today, he was one of the crazies.
He glanced at his watch. They would never make it in time for the start of her race, but with a little luck they'd catch the end.
Traffic had been slowed to a crawl coming through the mountains thanks to an accident. He'd prayed for God to open up a way for him and was grateful for getting through safely.
Amy struggled awake. Once she saw they were in the city, she sat up and strained to see everything. "Is this Seattle?"
"Yes it is."
"Where's the ocean? Where's Darcy?"