Simon nodded. “I’ll accept the compliment as graciously as I can. You’ve obviously got the talent for what you do, at least as far as I’ve seen, so if I helped you find the path, that’s great.” He turned and surveyed the nearly empty bar. “Let’s find a table, get more comfortable, and compare war stories. I’ve got an urge to kick back a little. Do you have the time, or maybe you’ve got someplace you need to be?”
Andre picked up his glass. “No, sounds like a plan to me. I’ve got some free time and I’d enjoy a chance to talk with you.”
They left the stools, drinks in hand and sauntered over to a vacant table.
Andre never made it to the dinner, and instead they shared a plate of chicken wings and potato skins, and another round of drinks. They had more in common than Andre ever could have expected, and their conversation went on well into the night. It was the wee hours of morning before they looked up and realized how much time had passed.
“Wow,” Andre remarked as he rose from the table. “I can’t believe how the time has flown. I’m sorry I kept you so long.”
Simon laughed. “Hey, I enjoyed it. But it is getting late and I need to get some sleep. I’m planning to hike up the mountain tomorrow and need at least a few hours of rest.”
They walked through the glass front doors of the hotel. Andre turned to Simon and held out his hand. “I enjoyed the conversation and the panel discussion. I hope we’ll have a chance to meet again.”
Simon reached out and engulfed Andre’s hand in a firm grip, held it for long moments, staring into Andre’s eyes.
Andre felt a warmth pervade his bones and dig deep inside. He felt regret at the parting, feeling there was something more to be shared with this man. There was something about him that Andre didn’t want to let go. For a few short hours, the loneliness that had always been a part of him had faded away.
“You live in town?” Simon finally asked as he released his grip.
“Yes, not too far from here as a matter of fact.”
The doorman waved a taxi forward.
“Care to share a cab? I have an apartment in town as well.”
Andre nodded and followed Simon into the taxi, and gave his directions to the cabbie, then settled back.
Andre felt the hard heat of Simon’s thigh almost touch him, hips close, his warmth and vibrancy reaching toward him. In a sense it made him uncomfortable that he was responding to Simon in much the same way he would to an attractive woman. Except it was more—something deeper inside him, something far stronger.
He looked at Simon’s hand lying at rest on his thigh. He wore a gold ring with a black onyx stone. He remembered the firm grip when they shook hands. Andre found himself wondering how he used them to make love to a woman. Was he as smooth and in his element in bed as he obviously was when reporting? And for some reason Andre’s balls tightened at the thought of discovering how the hard touch of a man was different from the softness of a woman.
He shook his head, trying to dispel the foreign erotic thoughts running through his mind, and turned to look out the window at the passing buildings, noting the streets were beginning to fill as people rose to begin a new day. He’d never thought of himself in those terms before, not ever. So why now?
He must be tired, and then there were all those Scotches he hadn’t noticed himself downing as they talked through the night. That must be it.
The taxi pulled up in front of his building. He opened the door, then felt Simon’s firm grip on his arm. He turned to look inquiringly.
“I mentioned I’m going hiking…well, later today. I know it’s short notice, but if you don’t have anything better to do, maybe you’d like to join me?”
Andre’s heart seemed to stutter to a halt in his chest. It was one of the things they’d discussed in their conversation—how they both enjoyed rock climbing and hiking. Something odd was taking place inside Andre and he didn’t understand it, and the excitement stirred him in strange and pleasurable ways. The idea that the loneliness he always felt was drawing farther and farther away in the company of this man, the fact that the touch on his arm felt good, and Andre wanted to pursue the friendship that seem to be budding between them, had him nodding his head. Anything to hold onto the magic of Simon’s presence.
The warmth in Simon’s eyes drew him in. His firm lips lifted upward into a smile. Andre had the overwhelming urge to lean forward and find out what those lips tasted like—how would they be different from a woman’s, and instead reared back, afraid of the turbulent emotions swirling around inside him.
He saw something in Simon’s eyes, a flicker of—regret maybe? About what? The moment passed.
“I’d like that, Simon.” He could not turn this man down. They had touched tonight in a way he’d never been touched before and was afraid to lose the connection. He’d never felt that in a relationship before—this need for more—for everything.
Simon nodded. “I’ll pick you up. You bring the coffee and beer, I’ll bring food. I think you’ll find it illuminating, if nothing else. Eleven work for you?”
Again, Andre nodded. “Fine with me. Five or six hours of sleep will do me fine. I’ll be ready.”
He swung the door of the yellow cab closed and walked into his apartment building. This whole day had been like a fantasy from a long-forgotten dream. It was the first day in his life he’d felt there was a place he belonged in the world, but the closer he got to his apartment, the feeling of separation settled back in. Panic set in and he began to wonder about the plans for the day. Did Simon mean to keep the date? Or had he offered it on a whim and would call and cancel? It hadn’t seemed real somehow, and he found himself wanting, no, needing, it to be tangible.
There was some other element at work here as well, and he hid from discovering it—what it might mean. Finding someone to share his thoughts with, and who shared his own—who made him feel a bond with another human being, and a likeness of mind. He’d never had that before. Not on this level.
He tossed and turned in his bed trying to sleep, yet kept waking up. His dreams weren’t filled with fucking women, making him hard for release. They were different this time. His dreams were of Simon Doran. Of Simon kissing him, touching him, of being naked in bed. He dreamed of bodies touching, as their minds had, feeling his flat nipples grinding against his own chest, cocks touching and sliding against each other, hard lips and tongues mating and slipping together in hot abandon.
He’d awoken with his hand on his cock, slick with the orgasm the dream had elicited. It felt good, but it confused him. How could he possibly find it arousing to be making love—no, wanting to fuck—with another man. He’d never had dreams like that before, and it was troubling, and he didn’t understand it, not one bit.
He got up, padded to the bathroom, and then on toward the kitchen for a drink of water. Too much alcohol the night before—that had to be the problem. He downed the glass of water, placed the glass in the sink, and went back to bed. If he did end up going hiking, he was going to need more energy than he had right now.
The dream was troubling, yet a part of him had enjoyed the erotic fantasy encounter. He found himself wondering what Simon looked like in the buff. Would he be as hot as Andre imagined in his dreams?
He found himself stroking his cock again as he visualized in his mind the melding of their bodies. He tried to imagine a woman, but a female form wouldn’t materialize. He wandered into sleep too tired to force his dream world down a path it didn’t want to take. After all, it was only fantasy, right? And Simon would never know he was the subject of Andre’s erotic fantasies. Dreams were safe. He would worry about it later. Right now, he enjoyed the feeling of connecting with someone, of sharing more than his body with a person who made him feel not so alone. At least he hoped it was right and he hadn’t misunderstood.
He’d never had a close friend, always too immersed in succeeding in his chosen profession and following the scent of the next story.
But this relationship was different
. And something told him it was going to change everything for him.
CHAPTER THREE
Andre was up, showered, and ready when Simon rang the bell announcing his arrival. He was pumped, more than ready to begin the day. Surprisingly, he felt well rested and more awake than he’d expected to be. He pulled opened his apartment door and raced down the steps rather than taking the cranky old elevator.
When he saw Simon waiting for him, he felt a rush of pleasure surge through him. He tried not to think about the erotic dreams he’d had the night before, but couldn’t help himself. He’d never been sexually attracted to a man and couldn’t quite figure out what was going on inside his head. Whatever it was, he’d keep it to himself. It had to be just a passing phase—the excitement of meeting the person who had previously been just a distant, untouchable icon to him. He had friends who were gay, but he’d never felt sexually attracted to any of them. He had no problem making love to women. Maybe it wasn’t always the earth-shattering experience he would have liked to experience during sex, but he’d always been satisfied. He just figured he was waiting for the right one to show up.
So what was this sudden desire in fantasizing about making love to a man? True, he’d hero-worshiped this particular man for years, but this was different than that adolescent pedestal thing. This was some kind of attraction of a different sort. Something he’d better bury before it ruined a relationship he was determined to enjoy, mano to mano.
His own father hadn’t been a particularly good role model, coming home drunk more often than not, and eventually ending up in prison. In those early years, Simon had been the man Andre had looked up to. But this attraction he was feeling wasn’t for a father figure, even though Simon was quite a bit older than him.
He was actually attracted to him in a physical way. Just looking at him aroused passions in Andre no one else ever had. But he refused to let it affect this new relationship, and he shoved those thoughts back deep inside. He was looking for an intellectual friendship with someone who understood his profession, his lifestyle, and not in adventuring into anything more than that—no matter what his dreams were like.
Andre couldn’t remember a moment when he’d been happier than he was right now. Blood pumped through his veins at a surprising rate and he eagerly pushed through the door to greet the man waiting for him.
Simon smiled as Andre reached his side. “Morning. Ready to go?” He gazed up at the blue, cloudless sky as they walked toward Simon’s vehicle, which turned out to a beat up, old brown Jeep. “Looks like it’s going to be a great day for hiking. Throw your pack in the back and we’ll get going.”
Eagerly, Andre did as instructed, climbed into the vehicle, and fastened his seatbelt. Simon got in and the vehicle rumbled to life. Andre had never been this excited about a trip to the mountains. Simon deftly wove through the busy Saturday traffic with a sure hand.
“Have you hiked these mountains before?” Simon asked.
“Yes, a few times, when I was younger. Haven’t had much time in recent years—I’m usually out of town on assignment someplace and when I get back it’s not hiking I’m usually looking to do.”
Simon chuckled. “I know what you mean. Since I stopped traveling I’ve been spending more time up there—communing with nature, getting grounded. There’s a small, private glen near the top of the mountain I’d like to show you. I study butterflies and it’s a sort of special place where they seem to gather. It’s not well known, so I expect they feel pretty safe there as opposed to other places.”
Andre would never have expected butterflies to be one of Simon’s hobbies. “Butterflies, huh?” It didn’t seem to fit Andre’s image of him somehow.
Simon turned to glance at him as they came to a halt at a stoplight. “Surprised you, did I? We’re not all what we appear, are we? I expect you have a few secrets of your own that not everyone is aware of. Am I right?” As the light turned green, his gaze shifted back to the road as he accelerated and pulled away.
It felt as though Simon had seemed to tap into Andre’s mind and knew about the taboo dream he’d had the night before. It made him feel uncomfortable and he turned his gaze onto the road ahead. “I expect I do. It just caught me by surprise that you have a hobby like butterflies.”
“You expected guns maybe? Or something more manly, perhaps?” Simon sighed. “I don’t follow the rules, Andre. I never much liked rules. Seeing too much war and bloodshed I developed an appreciation for the simple, delicate beauty of nature. It always reminds me that life goes on, no matter what. I could be in the middle of the aftermath of the bloodiest battle and suddenly a butterfly would appear. For a moment, it would draw me out of the ugliness for just a brief second, but it was enough to get me through. Made me think somebody’s soul had survived and transformed, allowing it to break free and his ravaged body could no longer imprison it inside. I began to think of them as a reaffirmation of life—that the lives lost were given a chance at freedom that humanity couldn’t take away, no matter how hard it tried. A sort of metamorphosis if you will.”
Andre didn’t know quite how to respond—he was touched by the image it presented. He’d always thought of himself as hardened to the effects of the viciousness he witnessed daily in his line of work. It was as though experiencing the ravages of humanity he’d cut himself off from feeling any sort of emotion and that was the reason he couldn’t connect on an intimate basis. Simon’s remarks were beginning to make him think about his own experiences. As he tossed the memories around inside his head, he suddenly realized he unconsciously did something very similar.
“Flowers.”
Simon glanced at him again. “What?”
“I look for a flower when I get in a situation like that. It didn’t even register until just now. Something fragrant and beautiful. Just one flower.” He turned to look intently at Simon. “It yanks me out of the darkness for only a second. My focus changes.” His mind fought against the memory of a recent encounter.
“You understand, don’t you?” Simon’s eyes blazed into him.
Andre’s gaze turned to the window, unfocused on the present, rooted in the past. “There was a white flower blooming at the center of a village that had just been demolished by a rebel group. I heard a child crying. He was sitting outside this hut next to the body of a woman. I picked the flower and I went to the child and handed it to him. For one moment he stopped crying and the look he gave me—” Andre shook his head, remembering that stark moment, and shuddered.
Suddenly he felt a warm, comforting hand over his, pressing, reassuring. Andre’s gaze rose to meet Simon’s and an understanding melded them. It was a deeper sense of communication with another human being than he’d ever felt before. He had a strong urge to reach over and embrace Simon, to feel his strong warmth against him, filling him, knowing he understood exactly how Andre felt at that moment.
Again, he turned away, afraid of the feelings this man invoked inside him. Simon’s grip on his hand tightened for an instant and then was gone, and Andre felt a loss.
“I think you’ll like the glen. It’s peaceful and renewing. Sometimes we need that.”
Andre’s gaze was again drawn to Simon—he couldn’t seem to keep his eyes off of him. “I’ve never felt this kind of kinship with anyone else,” he admitted. “Shit, I can’t figure this out. What is it about you? It’s an odd feeling. I’ve met lots of people over the years that have shared the same experiences as me, yet with you, something is different. You understand.”
Simon’s lips curved into a smile. “You’ll figure it out. Sometimes people just connect on more than one level.” He turned again to pin Andre with a penetrating look. “And sometimes people don’t meet until the time is right in their lives.” He shrugged. “Maybe you weren’t ready to meet me before this, and you are now. Who knows the plan the universe has in store for us? All we can do sometimes is relax and enjoy the ride.” Simon back to the road.
Something special was happening here, but Andre couldn’
t quite put his finger on it. The air inside the vehicle seemed to be charged with potent energy, his body wound tighter and tighter, waiting. And he yearned for…something. He didn’t understand, wasn’t sure he wanted to know the source. All he knew was that in the short space of time he’d known Simon, he felt closer to him than anyone else he’d ever known. And he liked the camaraderie, the kinship. It felt like some part of him was an exact match to the other person in this vehicle.
It frightened him…and excited him.
CHAPTER FOUR
They climbed the mountain pass and then Simon veered off to the left into a makeshift parking area and turned off the engine. Theirs was the only vehicle parked in this particular location. He turned to Andre.
“Here we are.” He pointed to the left. “We’ll follow that path for about three miles up, and then we’ll turn off . It’s one of the more advanced trails and I usually don’t encounter too many hikers up here. Another mile along the other path will get us to the glen. Ready?”
Andre nodded. “Yep. Let’s do it.”
He opened his door and stepped out. Reaching into the back, he yanked out his backpack and hefted it onto his back. Andre found he was actually looking forward to the physical activity of the climb up the mountain; it might help to settle his churning thoughts. It was different when he was on assignment—he was more focused on the story and not on the beauty of the surrounding area. Today he could enjoy the experience, unworried about the human dangers lying in wait.
Simon locked the Jeep and turned toward the path he’d pointed out. He grinned at Andre—it was an expression of kinship as they embarked on an adventure—and Andre felt something inside his chest expand and warm, blotting out the dark solitude that always seemed to be a part of him. They both started walking.
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