by MJ Haag
The moonlight glinted in his eyes as we watched one another.
“What are you doing, Alec?”
Slowly, he lifted a hand and lightly brushed a knuckle over my nipple. My chest tightened with longing.
“Do you fear me?”
“No,” I answered, honestly, wondering why he would think that.
He lifted his hand and drew his palm under my shirt and up along my side. My breath caught at the need I felt. He tried to pull me toward him, but I resisted. I had to because I wasn’t thinking straight.
“Leave, Alec. Leave now, and I won’t bar my doors. Persist, and I’ll call for help and bolt the doors every night until the day I leave.”
Because I would need to leave, I reminded myself.
I saw his temper flare, but his only reaction was to withdraw his hand and leave my bed. He stalked across the carpets and quietly closed himself into his own room.
It was a long while before I fell asleep.
* * * *
As soon as I opened my eyes, I hurried from bed and dressed. With the feast so close, we couldn’t afford to have Alec losing his temper after my rejection the night before.
Instead of finding him upset, I found him reading in his study. When I hesitated in the doorway, he glanced up at me.
“Are we to press cider so early?” he asked as he set the book aside and stood. He looked completely relaxed and not a bit upset with me.
“Uh...yes. Have you eaten?”
“Not yet. And you?”
“No.”
“Then we’ll see what your sister can offer us before we begin today’s work.”
He held out his arm, and I hesitated. Once before, I’d mistaken his courtesy and patience for coldness. Yet, according to him, it had been a mask to hide what he really felt. What was he hiding now?
“Perhaps I shouldn’t,” I said, considering the courtesy he offered.
“Perhaps you’re right.”
His accepting, genial mood worried me.
He motioned for me to lead the way, and I did.
In the kitchen, the table was set with bowls, and a kettle of oats waited with a pitcher of fresh cream. Kara and Bryn were absent. I spooned us both a portion and saw they’d added apples to the oats. Topping the bowls with cream, I sat across from Alec.
“You seem in a good mood today,” I said carefully, watching him eat with enthusiasm.
“I am.”
“Does that mean you’ve accepted that you need to wed soon?”
He paused eating to look at me. A serious light crept into his gaze.
“I have.”
My stomach gave a nauseating turn.
“Very good,” I said softly as I lifted the spoon to my mouth.
Bryn walked out of the dry pantry just then. Though she didn’t acknowledge us, I knew she’d heard he needed to wed. Tonight, everyone in the village would know. Within a day or two, many in the Water would know as well. My face flushed at the thought, and my stomach continued its sickening churning. I struggled to remind myself that Alec wasn’t the beast I’d once loved. It was kinder to let him go and start anew. Kinder for us both. And, having those around us know about his need to wed might not be a bad thing. If Alec had settled his mind on wedding someone, he needed to start meeting his options. And once the female population heard he meant to wed, his options would come to him. I struggled to continue eating.
He finished his food first and stood.
“I will see you outside,” he said.
Bryn stopped adding things to her kettle and stared after him, no doubt waiting for him to leave so she could question me. However, Kara came up from the cellar, carrying a half basket of apples. Alec passed her with a polite nod.
“I hope it’s all right to take some,” she said, looking at me after he left.
“Certainly. We’ll have more than I’ll care to press. Plenty to make cider for the feast and any future entertaining the estate may need to do.”
I forced myself to finish breakfast quickly and fled the kitchen.
Alec was already outside pressing the baskets of apples we’d stored in the laundry. Father joined us not long after, and we spent a companionable morning and afternoon together making more cider.
Bryn finally caught me alone as I washed in the laundry before dinner.
“Is he truly seeking a wife?” she asked in a hushed tone. She didn’t wait for an answer. “Did you tell Blye?”
“Tell Blye? Why? Both you and Blye were quite clear in your refusal to speak with me ever again.”
“We didn’t understand you were in Lord Ruhall’s confidence.”
I stopped drying my hands and turned to stare at her.
“Your selfish ways continue to astound me,” I said.
“Me, selfish? Hardly. You should have told Blye when she was here. She could have introduced herself as a prospect. In fact, you should invite her for tea and introduce her yourself. If they married, we’d be related to the Lord. Edmund and I wouldn’t need to work like this, then.”
I threw my hands in the air.
“Do you have any idea how futile that would be? Do you honestly think he doesn’t remember you or Blye? He knows your characters and wants nothing to do with either of you. He tolerates you here because Father and I asked him to. Stop thinking of yourselves. Start thinking of your babe and your husband. He likes and respects his occupation, and you did too once. Change your ways, Bryn, before you find yourself alone and unloved. Never forget you have another man’s babe in your belly and that Edmund could choose to annul your marriage.”
She paled and trembled, but her fear didn’t stop her anger.
“I hope Lord Ruhall weds soon. You preside over the staff and sleep in the Lady’s room as if the role was yours. But you’re too stupid to take it.”
She turned and left. I didn’t move.
She was right. If Alec did meet someone, what would she think of me occupying the Lady’s room? Many of the bedrooms on the second floor had been cleaned now. There was no reason to remain where I was.
Instead of joining Alec and Father in the library for dinner, I went to my room and gathered my things. I looked around the room with sad eyes. It had been my home for so long.
Father found me as I left the room with my arms full.
“Will you dine with us?”
“Yes, let me just set these things in my room.”
He made no comment when I picked the room next to his and placed my few possessions there. The spare dress, my shirt and pants, which I hadn’t worn in ages, and my hairbrush and hair oil.
After straightening the Lady’s room, I closed the door behind me for good and joined them for dinner.
* * * *
A crash woke me. Lying still, I listened with a hammering heart. Another crash followed.
“Damn her!”
Alec’s roar echoed in the hallway. Cowering under the covers crossed my mind. Instead, I rose and tiptoed to the door. Something crashed again, and I jumped. He would wake the house if he hadn’t already. Nibbling my lip, I opened my door.
“Bini?” Father said quietly. His door stood open, and he held a lit candle.
“Yes,” I said, just as softly.
Suddenly, all sound stopped. I turned to look down the hall and saw Alec standing just outside his door. As soon as our gazes met, he started toward me.
“Perhaps you should fetch your wrap,” my father said. “It appears he would like to speak to you.”
Then he withdrew from the hall, closing his door. I blinked at his abandonment.
“Benella,” Alec said, startling me. I spun and found him just inches from me. “Why are you not in your room?”
I swallowed and stood straight.
“I am in my room. If you recall, I only took the Lady’s room because no other had been cleaned. Most are now clean, so I could choose.”
He opened his mouth, ready to argue, and without thinking, I stepped closer and pressed my hand over it.
“Listen. Many people will be here in just a few days. Some might ask to spend the night. How would it look if I slept in that chamber? Especially, when most who attend know what the baker tried to do.”
He growled and grabbed my wrist. Then, he surprised me by licking my palm before pulling my hand from his mouth. The tingle almost distracted me from what he said next.
“Marry me, and you need not worry what they think.”
I curled my hand into a fist. I stared at him for a moment, confused. He had told me just that morning he’d resolved himself to marriage. Had he meant to me?
“I cannot,” I said. But I struggled to remember why. His abandonment of me after the baker attacked. Yes. I questioned if he truly cared for me.
Even in the dimly lit hall, I caught the scarlet hue of his face.
“Then I damn what they think and damn the feast. If I cannot have you, I will have no one.” He turned and strode back to his room, slamming his door.
Surely, he did not mean that.
* * * *
Alec said nothing when he joined us outside at the press. Though he was late, I was glad to see him. Many baskets lined the laundry. So many that Tam, Swiftly, and the Coalres ran out. On their last delivery, they had created a small mountain outside. Father and I fed the apples in as Alec turned the wheel with aggressive force.
His gaze tracked my movements, yet he made no comment. It wasn’t until near lunch, when Father walked inside for a drink, that Alec moved away from the press. I stood quickly, dropping the apples I’d been about to place in the bucket.
“Return to your room tonight.”
“That is not my room.”
He snarled and ran his hand through his hair. I backed away a step and tripped over the bucket. Before I could fall, he wrapped his arm around me and pulled me tight to his chest.
A shiver stole through me at the contact. His frown faded as he studied me. He brought his other arm around me and slowly smoothed his hand up my back. When he reached my neck, his fingers speared into my hair. My breathing became irregular as I realized he intended to kiss me.
I lifted my hands and gripped his coat.
“No,” I whispered.
“Yes.” He started to close the distance.
“Ah-erm.”
The noise gave me the motivation I needed to pull myself from his embrace.
Father stood by the door, looking decidedly embarrassed. He held two cups.
“I thought you might both be thirsty.”
“I am. Thank you. If you’ll excuse me, I need a private moment.”
I took the cup from him and left, heading toward my room for some quiet and perhaps a nap. However, it wasn’t meant to be.
The door opened to a disaster. The mattress lay shredded on the bed frame, and for a stunned moment, I just stood there. Then I realized what had happened and stomped my foot. Alec’s late arrival wasn’t due to sleep but manipulative destruction. He thought to drive me back into the Lady’s room. I wouldn’t go back, and the estate couldn’t afford for me to choose another room. I would need to sleep on a ruined mattress.
Breathing through my anger, I left my room just as I’d found it. When I rejoined them for lunch, Alec watched me closely. I gave nothing away then or through our dinner.
“Will you read to me, Benella?” he asked softly just before we finished.
Father excused himself to look at books on one of the far shelves.
“I’ve slept poorly these last few nights and pressing cider is tiresome work. I would prefer to retire early.”
He bowed his head as if in acceptance. I knew better. He hid his smile.
* * * *
Sleeping on a torn, lumpy mattress made my slumber restless and light. The slightest noise roused me as did the slamming of Alec’s door at some point during the night. I lay awake a long while after, straining to hear the slightest noise, but all was silent. The quiet was worse than the previous night’s rage. What was he planning?
The next day, he glared at me over breakfast and maintained his surly mood throughout the morning. When he excused himself from our midday meal, I wondered what he would do next.
Later that evening, when I stepped into my room, I discovered a large space where my bed and torn mattress had once existed. I hoped he hadn’t destroyed the bed further when removing it. Backtracking, I went to the laundry and took what blankets and bedding I could to make myself a nest on the floor.
Exhaustion did not aid me to sleep. My mind refused to calm. I considered Alec’s anger over my change in rooms. He had agreed he needed to marry. Surely his comment about only marrying me was false. He would do what was needed in order to maintain his freedom. Wouldn’t he?
Chapter 9
My back objected when I rose the next morning, and my arms begged to be left alone as I dressed. Had I an actual bed, I would have remained in my room several more hours and ignored my protesting stomach.
I opened my door and squeaked at the sight of Alec. He hadn’t made a sound in the hall to warn me that he stood just outside the door. His eyes were bloodshot, and he wore the same clothes as the prior day.
He scowled at me.
“I vow, tonight you will sleep where you belong.”
He turned and walked to his room. I stared after him and hoped he would stay in his room to rest nearly as much as I hoped he would continue to help us press the apples. After his door slapped shut, I quietly left my sanctuary.
When I entered the kitchen, I found Bryn and Kara hard at work. Bryn rolled out thin sheets of dough while Kara sliced apples, equally thin.
“Good morning, Miss Hovtel,” Kara said with a smile. “Would you care to sample one of the apple tartlets we’re making?”
“Please. I’m starving and will sample anything you set before me.”
She smiled as she went to the warming oven where she withdrew a full plate.
“I’d hoped you would be hungry,” she said as she brought the food to me.
On the plate, she had several types of tartlets, bits of apple that looked brown, and a serving of thick oats mixed with more brown bits of apple.
“May I sit with you?” she asked.
“Of course.”
She studied me closely as I sampled everything, and I knew she was waiting for my opinion.
“The tartlets are delicious.”
“Good. With Lord Ruhall’s intent to marry, Bryn and I thought we might need some form of refreshment in supply for any callers.”
Bryn was a gossip. I’d known that. Yet, it still irked me that she’d told Kara.
“A sound plan. This bit here,” I said, pointing to the brown apple pieces. “It was surprisingly sweet. I’d thought it burnt at first glance.” I popped the last morsel into my mouth and chewed.
“We set some of the slices in the warming oven last night to dry them. Often, stored apples rot too fast. Dried apples last much longer. I used the dried pieces to sweeten the oats to show you how they could be consumed.”
“It was very tasty,” I said.
She smiled broadly.
“I’d hope you would say that and allow me to dry some more.”
“Take as many apples as you want. The fewer to press, the happier I will be.”
She thanked me and took away my empty plate. Sated, I walked out the laundry’s door and found Alec already at the press.
He cranked the handle ruthlessly. Knowing him to be in a mood, I carefully did not turn my back to him as I filled a bucket with apples. He watched me approach and narrowed his eyes as I dumped the fruit into the chute. The way he acted reminded me of our earlier attempts to pent up his energies in the moments just before he would run and find the wood nymph.
However, Egrit was no longer his target. I wasn’t sure what to do about him.
Father joined us before I’d added the fourth bucket, and I almost sighed with relief. He moved to help me fill buckets, and Alec continued with his wheel.
We worked a long while that way b
efore Father offered to take a turn at the wheel. Alec quickly agreed. Neither Father nor I could compete with Alec’s endurance, but we tried to help.
As I bent to pick up more apples, something brushed against my backside. A hand gripped my hip. I straightened with a blush and glanced at my father who busily turned the wheel. Glaring at Alec, I pushed him back a step.
“Stop this,” I whispered.
“No,” he said, not bothering to lower his voice.
“Beast,” I hissed.
He grinned at me.
“I need to rest,” Father said suddenly. “This work is taxing me.”
And faster than I could blink, he left me alone with Alec in the courtyard.
As Father’s steps faded, Alec’s grin widened. He’d rolled up his sleeves at some point during his labor, and his shirt was damp with sweat. My heart skipped a beat. He took a step toward me, and I retreated in time as if we danced. His eyes narrowed, and he reached out to grab me. I ducked under his arm and sprinted for the door. Behind me, I heard apples tumble and his curse. A glance showed him on the ground due to a tipped basket. I didn’t hesitate but fled to the kitchen.
Kara looked up in surprise as I burst into the room.
“Kara, do you have a pitcher of cold water?”
“Yes, right th—”
I rushed to where she pointed and snatched up the pitcher just as Alec stomped into the room. His gaze immediately landed on me. We stared at each other, both of us breathing heavily but for different reasons. Anger and lust fueled him. Fear had me tossing the contents of the pitcher in his face.
For a moment, stunned silence claimed the kitchen.
“Benella!”
I ignored Bryn’s censure and stared at Alec, awaiting his reaction. Mr. Crow stepped from his office.
“Is there a problem, Lord Ruhall?” he asked.
Alec’s eyes narrowed on me briefly.
“No problem. I think I’ll go change.” He turned away and said over his shoulder, “Have Miss Hovtel take a tray to the library.”
I swallowed hard, glanced at Mr. Crow, and shook my head slightly. Alec wasn’t done with me; but, I wasn’t foolish enough to enter into whatever game he saw us playing.