by N. Schwalbe
»Complicated?« Tom snorted.
This woman had no idea what damage he had done with his sloppy sentimentality!
He had brought disaster upon his wife, his son was shortly before committing suicide and his family had broken up overnight. And now, he had to summon up the strength to pick up the pieces and to put them together again. He would have loved to jump, too.
Without further ado, he opened the door and walked out on the roof. With it, he made as much noise as possible in order not to startle Anton.
Anton looked back at him. »What do you want here?«
Tom hesitated only for a second, then, he approached him quietly. »Anton, please listen to me!«
»No, leave me alone!«
Tom got closer. »Please get away there! Let’s talk about everything and look for a solution.«
Anton turned and gazed at him furiously. »What do you want to talk about? That you’ve chased away Mom? Or do you want to talk about the fact that you’re a queen now?«
»I’m no queen. That’s rubbish!« Tom breathed in. »I’m still the same person. I love my kids, I love pudding with a lot of chocolate, I love my work, I train sword fight, I like to play football and I love cycling tours.«
Anton squinted against the sun. »And what’s with your lover?«
»I know you’re mad at me because I fell in love with a man of all people but it has never been my purpose to hurt neither you, nor your Mom or your sibs.«
»The boys are saying you’re an ass bandit.«
»Yes. People are talking much all day long. And children are the cruelest among them since they don’t mince matters. They haven’t learned what it means to hurt others verbally.« Tom just stood a few meters away from Anton. He hated abysses because he suffered extremely from fear of heights. »Would you get off the roof edge, please?«
Anton hesitated. »Are you going to leave him?«
»Who? Luca?«
Anton nodded.
Tom closed his eyes.
Why did all people had such a problem with him being together with Luca?
He loved Luca.
He has experienced so much love, happy hours and fulfillment during the last few weeks that he wondered what he had done to deserve this. Sure, he also suffered from the reaction of the people, he meanwhile felt like an elastic band all people were pulling at because they thought they knew best where he belongs to but did he really want to give up?
»Are you telling me you’ll jump off the roof in case I won’t do it?«
They looked into each other’s eyes and Tom sensed that Anton’s resistance was crumbling. He was as scared of jumping as he was himself.
»Please don’t jump! You’re young and, sometimes, life is like a roller coaster. It goes up and, then, it goes down again. Sometimes, it’s gripping and, then, deadly boring. But life has something to offer, Anton! No matter, what sexual attitude you and I are indulging in, life is precious.« Tom gasped and held out his hand. »It doesn’t matter if you’re fancying women or men. Sex is only one single area of life and God knows it’s not the most important one.«
Anton approached him and Tom still held out his hand. »Suicide is not worth it,« he said softly, »And it’ll hurt everyone who loves you. Think of your Mom!«
»Mom has made a quick getaway. She has simply left me behind,« Anton called out furiously.
His body trembled.
He made a step back again towards the roof edge.
Tom groaned inwardly.
He tried to stay calm and looked for arguments to lure his son away from the edge. »Mom is hurt. She is angry, at me, not at you or your sibs.«
»And why do we never see her any more these days?« Anton started to cry.
Tom fumbled his cellphone out of his pocket and dialed Zoe’s number. He knew she would not answer and so he left a message. »Zoe, if you’re listening to this, it’s hopefully not too late. Anton is standing on the roof of his school and threatens to jump. Perhaps you would be so kind as to move your ass over here – if you have the guts. Thanks.« He stowed his phone away and focused his attention on Anton again. »Please get off!«
Anton shook his head.
»Penny would be heartbroken if you weren’t there anymore. She loves you. Benno and Maja love you, too.«
Anton bent his head crying.
Tom looked around.
Dr. Gnaedig kept her distance and nodded.
»Anton, I love you, please come here! You’re my son. The bottom would fall out of my world if you’ll commit suicide,« Tom said and wiped away some tears.
Anton looked up. »Then leave your lover!«
Tom opened his mouth, but could not say a word. Damn it, he did not want to be blackmailed!
»Please don’t ask for that! Even parents are people with emotions. They don’t live exclusively for their kids but with them. Do you really want to have a father sitting at home and feeling like shit?« Meanwhile, Tom was crying and stopped to wipe away his tears. He did not even feel ashamed of it. He was at a loss as to what to do next.
Surrr. Surrr. Surrr.
Tom fetched out his cellphone. »Yes?«
»Tom, where’s Anton?« It was Zoe.
Tom snorted into the phone. »He…« He sobbed not being able to continue.
Zoe hung up.
Confused, Tom gazed at the phone. »Well, I guess your mother’s coming any minute.«
He crouched on his knees and carefully crawled forwards while he cried vehemently.
Flabbergasted, Anton watched his father, who sat down awkwardly at the edge of the roof.
»What are you doing there?« Anton stopped sniffling.
»I’m sitting down.«
»You suffer from vertigo,« Anton said shocked.
»Yes,« Tom nodded, »And I’m scared shitless.«
He wiped his eyes.
His damn acrophobia crept up in him and left the urge to relent and to jump down. It was this terribly helpless feeling which was always seizing him at dizzying heights as if he was remote-controlled, virtually, as if a foreign authority would take possession of him and pull his body downwards.
»Dad?«
Tom swayed.
»Mr Weidemeyer!« Dr. Gnaedig’s voice had overtones of panic as she slowly approached. »Would you please get away from the edge? If it breaks, you’ll fall down.«
»That might be the best for all persons involved,« he said so softly that only Anton could hear him.
Anton crawled over to him. »I’m sorry, Dad!«
Tom looked at him through tears. »I know I botched it up,« he said while Anton was laying his head onto his lap. »I wanted to hurt no-one. It has just happened.«
They sat there silent for a while.
Suddenly, there was a rioting behind them.
Out of the corner of his eye, Tom saw Zoe approaching.
»Tom! Anton! Please get off there!«
Anton raised his head. »Mom!«
He got back on his feet again and started slipping. Little stones rolled over the edge and flew down.
Tom grabbed his son and clung to him with all his strength. He looked down for the fraction of a second and felt this helpless dizzy spell again which threatened to draw him into the deep.
Tom pulled at Anton’s pants and lost his balance at the same moment. He closed his eyes panically and saw himself falling down in a nosedive as two strong hands grabbed hold of him, pulling him away from the edge.
»For goodness’ sake, Tom, have you gone mad? Why are you sitting at the edge of the roof?« Hans snapped at him.
Maik clung to Anton and dragged him in reverse gear along the roof to the steel door.
»I’m sorry!«
»It almost went wrong,« Hans scolded, pulling Tom to the middle of the roof.
»That wouldn’t have been a loss for you, would it?«
Hans gasped. »That’s nonsense! For goodness’s sake, Tom! We’ve been colleagues for an eternity now, close colleagues, friends! Never do this again, okay
?«
»And what is with my new lifestyle?« Tom waggled his head meaningfully.
Hans hummed and hawed. »That’s your pigeon. As far as you won’t chat me up,« he added grinning.
Tom shook hands with him. »Don’t worry, you’re not my type!«
»Well, I’m quite relieved.«
***
Tom put his sword on the bench and tied his laces. Luca took off his shirt and positioned in the middle of the lawn.
»God, I’m glad you’re training with me. I’ve been told to stay away from the club,« Tom said disgruntled.
»We should found our own swordfight club where real men are accepted,« Luca joked.
»Real men? What are real men then?« Tom laughed.
»Men who dares to live the way they want and not the way the society wants,« Luca answered calmly.
Tom thought about it. »Are you thinking of a club only for homos or one which is open for straights and queers?«
»The ladder,« Luca raised his sword.
»Then, we should also think about lesbian members.«
»Good idea. Shall we start?«
»Yes.« Tom touched Luca’s blade with his sword and made the first strike.
Luca parried, jumped one step to the right and tried to hit Tom at his left shoulder.
»Oh, you bastard!« Tom called with played outrage. »I’m easy on you and you’re trying to attack me from behind!«
»No way! I’m no beginner anymore. Show me that you’re a dignified opponent!«
Spurred on, Tom fought against Luca like a warrior. After two hours, they paused and sat down into the warm grass.
»And Zoe really takes Anton in?« Luca asked while he dried his neck with a towel.
Tom nodded. »Yes. Even though we could prevent him from jumping down, that doesn’t mean he wouldn’t try again. The educational psychologist said he’s extremely unstable and couldn’t cope with the re-orientation of his father.«
»Damn puberty,« Luca said.
Tom snorted. »A true word!«
»Let’s go eating! I’m starving.«
Tom looked at him in surprise. »You haven’t eaten as yet? I thought you’d break in filming.«
»It’s no matter of time,« Luca said and took a swig out of his water bottle, »But my apartment seems so big and empty to me at once that I don’t feel like cooking there.«
Tom looked at him. »Your apartment is the most awful one I’ve ever seen.«
»But since I’ve been spending the afternoons with you and the kids I can’t bear the loneliness anymore. I miss you and the kids.«
Tom kissed him. »You’re so cute!«
»I’m head over heels in love,« Luca apologized, »And that makes it impossible for me to spend time with me at home.«
»When do you have to work again?«
»In two weeks.«
»Are you going to leave the city?« Tom asked anxiously.
Luca smiled. »No. I told Franz I urgently have to shoot in Hamburg. Wild horses couldn’t drag me further away than necessary.«
»What do you think of staying her overnight at the weekend?«
A faint smile whizzed across Luca’s face. »My luck would be perfect!«
»Well, then…«
***
Tom got Anton’s suitcase out of the car and went towards his parents-in-law’s house with a thumping heart.
»You’ll always be welcome home, Anton,« Tom said for a hundred times.
Anton nodded and walked next to him in silence.
Tom rang the doorbell and waited patiently.
Steps were heard, then, Jacob opened the door. »Hello, you two! Please come in!«
Tom hesitated while Anton squeezed past his Grandpa.
»Isn’t Zoe present?«
»Yes, she is. The ladies are sitting on the terrace drinking cold punch.«
»Cool,« Anton said happily, »Count me in.« And gone he was.
Tom remained at the doorway, passing his suitcase to Jacob. »She could at least have come to the door.«
»Yes.« Jacob put down the suitcase. Then, he pulled Tom into the house unceremoniously. »And that’s why you’ll come in. Be my guest, please!« he added.
Tom followed him reluctantly.
Stefanie looked up at him. »What are you doing here?«
Jacob gave him a glass of ice-cold coke and adjusted a chair for him. »Tom is my guest. Since the ladies didn’t even think it necessary to receive Anton at the door in order to discuss any concerns, I asked Tom to come in.«
Zoe looked Tom up and down. »Is there anything to discuss?«
Tom blinked at her unsecure. »I don’t understand what you’re talking about.«
»Who has undertaken the child care for the last years?«
Jacob gave her a severe look. »Zoe, this conversation shall improve your relationship and is not for blaming anyone. Besides, you have to negotiate about visiting rights for the kids.«
»That’s our business, Dad!«
»No. Not as long as you won’t stand on your own two feet,« Jacob replied upset.
Zoe turned up her nose. »I’m grown up, Dad. Thank you for the instruction.«
»When you’re mature, then pack your things and watch how you get along alone.«
Tom groaned inwardly.
This conversation took an awkward turn.
»Your daughter wasn’t able to study because she was knocked up by him,« she pointed to her son-in-law disparagingly. »Hadn’t you been able to tell her before that, that you’re queer?«
»He’s bi,« Zoe said grudgingly.
»I’m just a person and it doesn’t matter whether I’m screwing Zoe, some other woman or a man.«
»Luca Steffen is not some man, my dear,« Stefanie said snappy. »And you’re responsible that he got on the sinful path of the homogamous love. Before he met you, he had been an absolute lady-killer. Perhaps, you’ve seduced him!«
»One can seduce nobody to homosexuality,« Tom replied, offended.
»I see that completely different, my dear.«
»If you think so.« Tom stood up. »I might go now.« He knocked on the table as if he left the pub and went to Anton who sat on the ground nipping at his glass. »I hope your drink is without alcohol.«
»Sure, Dad.«
»If you need something just call me and if you want to come home tell your mother. You’ll always find an open door. And your sibs will be pleased if you’ll drop by from time to time. They already miss you now!«
»You don’t,« Zoe snapped at him.
»Yes, I do, too, Zoe. After all, it wasn’t my idea that Anton lives with you at your parents’ place.«
»I’ll move out as soon as we’ll be divorced and you’ll pay maintenance. You can already start to save up for it!« Zoe sneered and got a new glass of punch.
Tom grimaced. »You know exactly that I have to pay off the installments for our house and we have three more kids who need food, drinks and clothes. Anton is also getting installments. I’ll transfer this to your account. You’re old enough to go to work. And since you don’t have to take care for your kids, the separation allowance is not to be paid. You don’t have a claim to spousal support.«
»Touché!« Jacob applauded and reaped bitter glances from his wife and daughter.
»Traitor!«
»Tom is right. He and Zoe have decided to have a house and four kids. That’s expensive. So he won’t be able to go far and to co-finance the fancy ideas of his wife, neither during his marriage, nor afterwards.«
»Now give it a break, Dad,« Zoe said indignantly, »Whose side are you on? Tom has deceived and left me.«
»Wrong! You’ve left me.«
Zoe made a face. »Oho! Surely, you haven’t expected that I stay with you and spread my legs from time to time after you’ve had your dick in Luca’s ass?«
»No,« Tom said clenching his teeth, »I haven’t expected this. To be honest, I had no solution for my problem. And that’s why I repeat it: I have never mea
nt to fall in love with a man and to hurt you.«
Zoe frowned. »Well, you haven’t managed.«
Tom rolled his eyes. »I can’t pay you more than two-hundred Euros per month additionally to Anton’s installments.«
»What is with your lover? For sure he’s got enough cash.«
»You’re not serious, are you, Zoe?« Tom gazed at his wife. »Then, I’ll rather sell the house and live under the bridge before I’ll touch Luca for money.«
Zoe sneered. »May I tell this our family judge? Then, you can bring our kids to my parent’s place right now.«
Jacob cleared his throat. »May I have a say in that, too, Zoe? Where shall five additional people live here?«
»In my old children’s room,« Zoe said stubbornly.
»God, you’re childish!« Jacob banged his fist on the table. »As long as I’m alive and in full possession of my mental faculties, you won’t live your student dissolute lifestyle and you won’t live off me.«
Everyone looked at him in surprise.
»What’s gotten into you?« his wife asked in a whisper.
»It’s highest time that I bang on the table,« Jacob grunted, »And when your daughter thinks she has to study once more at the age of thirty, then, if you don’t mind, she must go to work to support her family.«
»Why do you always harp on about the studies, Jacob?« Stefanie asked annoyed.
»I don’t have anything against studies if you can afford them. But Zoe has chosen to have children and no education, so she has to bear the consequences, in fact, not on my own expense.« Jacob went into the house and returned shortly after with a bottle of beer. »And if your daughter wants to study nevertheless, she has enough time now to work on the side, just like all the other students, too.« He turned to Tom, shrugging. »I’d offer you one, but you still have to drive.«
Tom made a dismissive gesture.
»I haven’t been able to study before, since I got pregnant unwanted at the age of eighteen,« Zoe protested.
Jacob’s left brow raised. »How unwanted is it when someone stops taking the pill and refrains from the condom to tie the man down the whole school is keen on?«
Silence.
Even Anton forgot to suck at his punch and gazed at his grandfather with interest.