by Lang, Alice
Not that he wanted to step a foot in there again anyway. Later, he sent a text message to Henry: Who do you think will win if we threw them into a debate club - Susanna Smith or Jane Hunt?
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
She opened Turquoise’s cage in the middle of the park and set him free. She couldn’t take him back with her to Richmond. The plane wasn’t the best transportation for animals. She knew that she would miss him, but it was because she loved him that she decided to let him go. The little bird hesitated at first but then flew away into the opening with glee as it was able to fly higher, faster than the small space in her apartment. After all, birds were not meant to be in a cage. They were meant to roam free across the sky.
She looked at the bird cage that once symbolized her beginning with Patrick. It was empty now. The happiness inside it was gone. Everything felt so impossible. She just needed to move on.
The first day had been the worse. Sarah couldn’t find the energy to move from her bed. She couldn’t look around the room or go outside. Every time she thought about what happened to her, Sarah felt so sick that she just need to sit down and cry.
Her rooms were now just like the first day she arrived here not long ago, with towers of cardboard boxes and wrappers. Everything was so spacious and messy at the same time. There was still one more box to be filled. Sarah looked at the picture frames in her room. They were the last thing she needed to pack.
The first one that she would take with her was the picture of her and Henry. He would always be her best friend, the little brother she never had. She would miss all of the times she and Henry hung out, even the times they were dating. The next one was the picture of their celebration in the bar with Diana, Henry and Patrick. It was one of those moments where Sarah felt she belong here, in this town with her friends, even when she was so far away from her family.
She put in a gift she received from a receptionist she befriended, a coffee mug with “Lawyer at work” printed on the side. The memories of her happy times working in that building flooded into her mind like a silent picture. She would miss everyone.
The picture of Patrick and her hugging each other on their first date together was still sitting on the table. She looked at it and wondered if she needed it. Sarah was angry at Patrick, but she didn’t hate him. She could still recall how broken he was when he heard that she was about to be moved, how he tried to tell her that he would fix everything. Was she too hard on him? He was clearly sorry for what he did. And he was a victim in this too.
Her phone rang before she could decide what to do with the picture. She was being asked to attend a conference with the director again. She signed, loathed to go but unable to say no. She agreed to the afternoon time slot and continued packing her things.
When Sarah arrived at the firm, she looked up at the tall building and felt her heart twinge. She hadn’t planned on coming back, was hoping she could avoid it. This part of her life was over, and she’d prefer to just be on her way.
She was surprised at the welcome she received, the questions of concern, the gentle hugs of condolence from the people she had known so briefly. It saddened her yet also warmed her heart to know her feelings hadn’t been one sided.
She tried to not make Patrick out to be a villain. Yes, he had requested the transfer but no, his current wishes weren’t being addressed either. Sarah didn’t mention the part about them sleeping together; it was simply too personal for her.
She rode the elevator to the 24th floor alone. The floor was as eerie as she remembered. The last time she was there became one of the worst days of her life. Every step she took was a reluctant one. The atmosphere was as stiff as she could remember. She walked past another employee who was clutching his head in total stress.
Sarah knocked on the doors of Susanna’s office and went in as she was instructed. Susanna was sitting down on her seat with a big file in her hands. She didn’t look at Sarah when she came in, simply told her to sit down.
“Thank you for meeting me on such short notice,” Suzanna began, after she finally looked up at Sarah.
“Of course, although I’m not sure what else we have to discuss.”
“What we need to discuss is this… I don’t appreciate having my orders questioned. I’ve spent the past twenty years of my life making decisions that I felt were best for this company and because of those decisions, we have thrived.”
“What…” Sarah began but paused when Suzanna’s hand lifted to quieten her.
“Ever since I approved your transfer, I’ve been interrupted at every turn by people disagreeing with my decision. I’ve received letters from your associates, a visit from Mr. Greenburg and have even been harassed at reception.”
Suzanna glared at her. “I don’t like it,” she said.
“I had nothing to do…” Sarah started again and was once again interrupted by the irate woman.
“It’s Patrick that surprised me. He burst into my office and insisted I overturn my own decision. His own decision, I should say. If you remember, it was his recommendation that you be moved.”
“I have to admit; it’s not difficult to revoke the transfer. Patrick did make a very sound argument against your transfer after all. But, my instincts say you will be better off in your original office. I always follow my instincts.
Finally, Sarah saw an opportunity to speak. “And, how could my staying possibly be a problem? It appears that I have tremendous support and am working well with the team. Patrick and I are on the verge of winning a very public case. What could possibly be a problem?”
Suzanna set down the file, leaned back in her chair and took a very deep breath. “Between you and me, it’s your personal relationship that has me concerned.”
“But…”
“Hear me out,” Suzanna interrupted again. “It’s not company policy to attempt to micro-manage the relationships of our attorneys or staff members. However, Patrick is a senior attorney while you are still of junior status. As you know, that could be construed as nepotism and should your relationship deteriorate, be fatal to your existence with our firm.”
“But…”
“Ms. Blake, surely you understand what I’m trying to say. You are a smart woman, an intelligent attorney. Your relationship with Patrick leaves you vulnerable to not only the gossip of others, but of creating issues for this firm should he ever be seen using favoritism.”
Was Suzanna seriously trying to protect her? Or was this simply a game to scare her into submitting to her wishes?
“I thought your highest concern was Patrick’s decrease in billable hours? Now you’re saying your concern is about my emotional health?” Sarah couldn’t keep the disbelief from being written all over her face. Susanna seemed always to be in her way no matter which route she took.
“Are you aware that Patrick turned down two cases in the past few weeks, Ms. Blake?”
Sarah’s mouth dropped open. “No,” she whispered. And she didn’t. She had wondered about his caseload and remembered thinking he should be much busier than he was, but she hadn’t considered he was turning work away.
“Yes, Ms. Blake. Patrick has been… very distracted of late.”
In a burst of understanding, the full picture blossomed in her mind. So this was the trump card that Susanna decided to pull out at the last minute, using Patrick’s career and not hers as the bargaining chip. This wasn’t about the letter, or even the nepotism concerns. She was distracting THE Patrick Greenburg and putting his own career in jeopardy.
Her entire body grew cold, and she realized her own culpability in this situation. She had been so enamored by Patrick, had worshipped him from afar for so long, that she couldn’t see how her very presence was sidetracking him in such a significant way.
She had thought it cute to sign him up for coffee duty, more concerned with helping him be more social than truly understanding how the hour long run was interrupting his day.
She had encouraged him to step out into the hall, to socialize wit
h others. She had thought it wonderful to see him be included with the others.
And it was. To the point. But the line had been crossed, and she hadn’t even noticed how it had affected his work. THE Patrick Greenburg was losing his edge, the discipline that had made him such a great attorney. It was all her fault.
Broken, Sarah pinched the bridge of her nose, to keep herself from crying. She had to go, she realized it now. She couldn’t be the one to interfere with such greatness.
She always thought she had total control over her life. She just never expected how much one person could mess up her crisp decision making, or how much she could mess up theirs. She wanted to stay. Desperately. But, she wouldn’t be responsible for hurting him in this way.
Susanna said nothing. She waited patiently for Sarah’s answer. The only sound that was in the room was the soft ticking of the clock hanging on the wall. Sarah’s heart beat to the sound of each gear that turned. The blood in her veins moved with that soft tick-tock that intensified in her brain.
“I’ll go.”
People would question Sarah’s decision. They would continue to blame Patrick for her leaving. It couldn’t be helped. For Patrick’s sake… and hers, she had to go.
The memories of her time with Patrick, the words they shared, the love they felt, became the ammunition for the battleground in her heart. And yet, why did her love for Patrick not win over this? It did. She realized it was her love for Patrick that gave her the strength to set him free.
She stood and turned to leave, but stopped. “I’d like the transfer to be immediate. Tomorrow.”
When Suzanna nodded, Sarah walked to the door, pulled it open and left without another word.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Patrick took the news like a blow to his gut. He felt as if there was a train running straight through his body as he heard it. He’d learned the transfer was final from Henry, who phoned him just after Sarah had left his office. He had been in court that morning, trying his best to stay focused, and failing miserably, as his thoughts kept returning to Sarah.
The judge had finally called for recess after nearly fining Patrick for contempt of court for not paying attention. His client had been pissed as well, but none of that could be helped in the moment. He had to get back to the office.
But when he got there, all of Sarah’s things were gone. The empty desk seemed so foreign in his eyes. Then the call from Henry had come before he’s even had a chance to mourn their loss. She was gone, leaving tomorrow. She hadn’t even told him goodbye.
Patrick was racing down the hallway, on his way to the 24th floor to confront Suzanna when he was intercepted by Henry and Adewale next to the elevator. They had to pin him to the wall to keep him from being reckless.
“Stop it,” Henry urged. “Let’s go to your office to talk.”
…
An hour later, Patrick had a better understanding of what had occurred, but he still couldn’t believe what he’d been told. Sarah was leaving on her own, had made the choice to transfer.
“She told me Suzanna offered to let her stay,” explained Henry, who was also shaking his head. “I still don’t understand it, but Sarah told Suzanna she not only preferred to go, but wanted the transfer to be immediate.”
With his face full of sympathy, Henry looked at his brother. “Patrick, she’s leaving tomorrow.”
As if a gong had sounded in his head, the word ‘tomorrow’ vibrated inside his mind. She was really leaving, almost gone already. His heart almost broke inside his chest.
Was the mistake he made so big that Sarah couldn’t forgive him? Was the rift between them widening apart so much that it was impossible for them to close that gap now? There had to be more to this, he just couldn’t believe she would leave him of her own accord.
Henry was silent as he walked with him to Sarah’s apartment. He had given Patrick one last squeeze on his shoulder before he went off on his own. There were no words that could comfort his brother’s broken heart after all.
Sarah came into his life one day and changed everything. She just couldn’t leave like nothing happened. He needed her to stay. He needed her to stand by his side just as much as he wanted to be there for her. After meeting her and loving her, Patrick just couldn’t imagine himself alone anymore. Or rather, he didn’t want to remember how to be alone anymore. The lone wolf of Johnson and Smith had found a mate. He just hoped his little blue bird wasn’t going to fly away to some place he couldn’t reach.
He knocked on Sarah’s door with perfect realization that this might be the last time he would ever get to knock on this wooden door, to enter this cozy room. This could be the last chance he would get to see Sarah Blake, the woman that made him felt so human again.
Sarah didn’t look surprised to see him. In fact, it was as if she expected him there. She always saw right through him, after all. People always thought that Sarah was the transparent one in their relationship. But it was the other way around. She could see right through him no matter how hard he tried to conceal it.
“Please,” it was a simple plea. He said it with such a broken voice, begging for the last time for her to not leave him. He didn’t want to sit by the empty desk ever again. Patrick never felt alone, now he was sick of it, frightened he could never find happiness again. He’s had everything, and now was losing it.
Sarah only shook her head and looked down at the floor. “I’m sorry.”
She didn’t sound angry, not like the day before. She sounded just as broken as he was. There was a trembling pitch in her little voice.
Two of the most confident and powerful lawyers were reduced to this, two broken lovers trying to hang on to their last moments together.
“If it’s because of me, I’m sorry. I don’t know what you want or how you want me to fix this but, please just give me time. Just tell me what you want or what I should do and-”
“It’s not about you, Patrick,” Sarah stopped him. She couldn’t bear to see Patrick like this, so sad and desperate for her to stay, thinking everything was his fault. Although he was the one who started it, he surely did everything in his power to fix this. She could never let him know her true reason for leaving.
“It’s me,” she said finally, “I just need to leave. I know you did everything that you could to make sure that I could stay, and I appreciate your effort.”
“Then why didn’t you?”
“Because…” she trailed off. Her eyes looked at the empty birdcage. Everything that she let go never came back to her. She had to let Patrick go, had to free him to be the attorney he once was. It became clear what she’d have to say.
“You hurt me, Patrick. There’s no denying that.”
Sarah could see the guilt in his eyes, watched the tears well into his eyes. She could also feel her own tears trailing down the side of her face. “It’s best that I go back. I’m tired of your mood swings, your grumpiness and overall bad mood. If you can have me transferred once, how do I know you won’t try it again?”
“I wouldn’t. I won’t. Let me show you.”
She looked in his dear face, this brilliant man she so admired and did the one thing she swore she wouldn’t do. She lied.
“I don’t believe you. It’s best that you go now.”
Patrick didn’t move. Desperation was written on his face.
“I don’t want to go back to that kind of life,” Sarah’s hand came up to his cheek. She didn’t want this to be how they parted. Both in tears and with huge regrets lingered upon their hearts. She didn’t want to hurt him just like he was sorry for hurting her. Their joyful heartbeat synchronized as well as their heartache. They hurt each other…because that was what love also did to you. It made you fly and do the impossible as well as tear you down to pieces and leave you without your other half.
For now, Sarah and Patrick drank in this last moment, their last time to feel so complete. They both hope that it was temporary. They both knew it wasn’t.
The kiss the shared that n
ight was bittersweet. Patrick’s lips were chapped rough against hers. She worried for a moment that he wasn’t taking care of himself, or was maybe biting his lips in frustration.
Patrick breathed in the last of Sarah’s scent. His hands roamed down her body, as he were trying to memorize every curve. He touched her face, ran his hands through her hair. He wanted to remember it all.
The love they made that night wasn’t passionate. It was longing, pure and simple. It was two people holding on tight to the other as if they were experiencing their last night on earth. It wasn’t pleasure they shared, neither was it pain. The love they shared that night was a goodbye. It was more sensual than sexual.
They were totally connected… body, mind and spirit. They gazed into each other’s eyes, as if memorizing the other’s face. They whispered love words, their voices cracking from the strain. Love just isn’t always enough.
Patrick ran his hand through Sarah’s hair as they bathed in the afterglow of their climax. He gave her forehead a gentle kiss, a sign of goodbye. Sarah’s hand met his and trailed down to his shoulders and pulled him to her for the last time. She looked into Patrick’s face before closing her eyes and falling asleep. She wanted the last image she had of Patrick to be this one.
Patrick did not spend the night. He waited for Sarah to fall completely asleep. He had planned to leave right away but ended up staying another half hour. He couldn’t bear to walk away, take his eyes from her calm face.
She looked so beautiful like this. Tucking one stray strand behind her ear, Patrick slowly untangled himself from Sarah’s limbs. He tucked the duvet over her body and got dressed.
He tried to not look back at Sarah’s sleeping form, but he couldn’t stop himself. Was she better off without him? He knew he would always think about her when she left. But if this were another test of their relationship, he would gladly take it. Sarah said that she needed time, and Patrick would give it. He just wished it wouldn’t be long. He wished Sarah would have some faith in him, in their love.