by Maisey Yates
“That’s why you have so much trouble accepting compliments from me.”
Again, Aleksei didn’t condemn.
“Yes. They didn’t mean anything from William. They were just a means of controlling me. And it worked. The word love is more effective at keeping someone prisoner than chains. I was so…desperate. I hate that part of myself. I’ve done everything I could since then to just not need.”
Aleksei just looked at her, his dark eyes unreadable.
“How can you not hate me for everything I’ve just told you?” she asked.
“Because you don’t deserve that, Maddy.” He extended his arms, pulled her to him. She crumpled against him, letting a few more tears slip down her cheeks. “You didn’t deserve any of it. Not the way your parents treated you, not the way he manipulated you. And you need to see yourself as you are. You are beautiful.”
Her lungs felt like they might burst and her heart ached. The emotions in her felt too big to be contained. Grief. Anger. Acceptance.
And something else, something that frightened her with its strength.
More tears escaped and, for a while, she simply let them come. She needed the release, needed to wash away the guilt that had lived in her for so long.
She had been a victim then. Young and naive. Both as a neglected child, and then as an emotionally needy adult. But she couldn’t let those things control her anymore. She had to let it go. Really let it go.
After the storm inside of her passed, Aleksei still held her, his body warm and comforting against hers.
She inhaled his scent. Deep comfort spread through her, different than she’d ever experienced before. Peace that went deeper than she’d ever known. He simply held her in the silence, and nothing had ever meant more to her.
“You know,” she said softly. “You gave me my first orgasm.”
A one-note chuckle escaped his lips. “What?”
“I just thought you should know that.”
“Now I really want to kill the bastard.”
“Why is that?” she asked.
“The least he could have done was made some effort for you.”
“At this point, it doesn’t matter. I’m happy to have learned all I have from you.”
She snuggled into him. At the moment, she was simply happy to be with him. In the morning, maybe she would examine that. And maybe she would even panic. But for now, she was simply going to enjoy.
CHAPTER TEN
“LET’S go out today,” Aleksei said from his position on the couch.
Maddy turned to face Aleksei, shocked that he hadn’t sent her packing yet. She’d spent the night in his apartment, an apartment he’d been reluctant to invite her to. And then he’d fixed her breakfast, brought it to her in bed.
Now it was nearing noon and he still didn’t seem to be champing at the bit to be rid of her. And now he was suggesting they spend the actual day together. Out of bed. Seemed like a violation of ‘strictly sexual fling’ rules to her. There were rules, she was sure of it. A more experienced woman would know.
“You want to go out?” She walked around the kitchen counter and joined him on the couch in the living room. “We could stay in.”
He kissed her lightly on the lips. “Yes, we could. But I want to take you out.”
She sucked in a breath. It was noticeably easier to do today than it had been yesterday. As though a weight had been removed from her. In a way, that was exactly what had happened. She’d finally been able to let go of the things that had been holding her back for so many years.
It was only natural she feel lighter. Freer than she’d ever felt before.
“I only have a T-shirt and jeans. Unless you want to stop by my house.” She’d rushed over last night, not even bothering with makeup or perfume or any of the things a man of Aleksei’s caliber might expect from a mistress.
But he’d wanted her anyway. He’d said she was beautiful. He hadn’t judged her.
Her chest felt tight, as though it were too full. It was the strangest feeling. Foreign. Completely new to her. And she had a feeling she didn’t want to know the name for it.
Instead of dwelling on it, she took another sharp breath and tried to ease the feeling of fullness.
“I think you’re quite sexy in your jeans,” he said.
She laughed. She couldn’t help it. She just felt happy. She had felt happy since the moment she’d decided to start up her strictly sexual relationship with Aleksei. It was probably part of that feeling of lightness.
“Then as long as you’re up for casual we’re good to go.”
Aleksei took her hand in his and squeezed it, looking right at her, his dark eyes intense, as he lowered his head and pressed a kiss to her palm. “It pleases me to do whatever suits you today.”
She pulled her hand away and kissed him on the mouth, trying to ignore the hammering of her heart. Trying to ignore the way she felt when he looked at her like that. When he said things that clearly went beyond the borders of the bedroom.
The antiques market at the Naviglio canal was packed, people walking shoulder to shoulder, the noise of voices, shouting, laughing, talking, making it hard to hear Maddy speak right next to him.
He had never enjoyed things like this. He’d always preferred intimate restaurants, private dining if possible, or small gatherings of people. But the look on Maddy’s face made it worth it. Her blue eyes were sparkling as they wandered around looking at different stalls, stopping to admire treasures at all of the booths.
Unless they were in bed, it was rare for him to see her so relaxed. Her dark hair was loose and messy from the breeze and she had pink residue on her lips from the candy floss she’d been eating. And she was smiling.
He was glad to give her a reason to smile. No one else in her life had. He felt the hot burn of anger rising in him again when he thought of all of the people who had wronged Madeline. Fate was cruel. No question.
What had happened to Paulina was proof enough of that. His wife had been so young, with so much yet ahead of her. And it had all been taken away in an instant.
And then there was Maddy. Thank God for her brother or she would have had no one. Would she even have survived her childhood? He knew of her family. They were wealthy, society’s elite. And they had left their daughter alone with no food.
He tightened his hands into fists. Then there was her former boss. The man who had taken such perfect, sick advantage of a young girl who had been so neglected that she had been starving for affection. And he had known it.
The bastard.
That was why he was here, at the market. Because she deserved something that made her smile. She deserved to be happy. For someone to treat her with consideration. He couldn’t love her, couldn’t give her everything she deserved. But he could give her this.
He could make her happy for a few moments in time.
He noticed her blue eyes light up when she saw the large tourist-filled boats moored in the canal. The men in the boats were charging an exorbitant sum for a ten-minute ride, but money was not one of his concerns.
“Would you like a ride?”
She looked at him, her expression so open and sweet it made his stomach clench tight. “It’s such a tourist thing.”
He shrugged. “Technically, I’m a tourist. I don’t spend all that much time in Milan, and you’ve only been living here for what? Three months? We’re both tourists.”
She put her hand on her chin as though she was considering it. “True. Okay.”
“That didn’t take much convincing,” he said as he paid one of the men and helped Maddy down into the boat.
She cuddled up against him, looping her arms through his. “I know, but I really wanted to go.”
He chuckled, surprised by how easy it was. “I could tell.”
It was a silly thing to do, Maddy acknowledged as the boat slid smoothly through the smooth water of the canal. But it was also romantic. A silly smile spread over her face and she pressed her face against Aleks
ei’s shoulder. It didn’t even matter that there were ten other people in the boat. She could barely see them. Not when Aleksei was so close.
Dimly, it registered that she shouldn’t be looking for romance. She should be running from it. That wasn’t part of the bargain at all. Because romance was coupled with love more often than not, and she just…she still didn’t trust herself enough.
She’d forgiven herself for what had happened with William, but she should still learn from it. Her desire to be loved had overridden common sense. It had made her behave stupidly, and she had no desire to go there again.
But that wasn’t what this was about. This was about the moment. About being with Aleksei. Their relationship was temporary. It would end when one of them tired of the other one. She knew that now, so there would be no heartbreak later.
She felt a slight ache in her chest and she ignored it. She wasn’t going to be heartbroken. Of course, it was hard to imagine tiring of Aleksei. He was just so good in bed. And he was sweet. Considerate. No one had ever taken her to anything like this before. No one had ever indulged her with a boat ride through Milan. Her parents…they never would have taken her to something like this in the first place.
Gage had been so good to her, but he had been so young, he just hadn’t thought to provide anything extra. Just having her had been all he could handle, and she had been far too timid to ask. Why would she when, in her mind, no one had time for her?
And with William, everything had been clandestine. So there certainly hadn’t been any dates.
So it was natural that she would miss this, would miss him, a little when it came to an end. She suppressed a sigh.
The boat came to a stop where they had started, the short loop completed. Aleksei stood and got out, stepping up on to the stone walkway before reaching down to help her. She gripped his hand and let him pull her up, but her shoe slipped on the edge of the slick stone, she banged her knee on the rock edge of the canal and scraped her other leg down the side of the rough stone before crashing back into the boat, onto the green vinyl covered benches, barely missing another passenger.
“Ow,” she said, trying to stand again.
Aleksei was back in the boat in a second, barking angry Italian at the concerned tour guide. He knelt down beside her, his dark eyes fierce. “Are you okay, Maddy?”
“I’m…ouch…I’m fine. I mean, it hurts, but I’m not mortally wounded.”
He bent and scooped her into his arms. She squeaked and grabbed onto his shirt as he moved into a standing position and stepped up and back onto solid ground.
“I’m fine,” she repeated, when a minute had gone by and he still hadn’t put her down.
He narrowed his dark eyes and set her down.
“Ouch!” she said when she put weight on the knee she’d hit hardest.
“You’re not fine,” he said, his voice harsh.
“Nothing’s broken!” she protested.
“You don’t know that.”
She let out an exasperated breath. “Um, yes, I’m pretty sure I do know that since I’m not incapacitated by pain.”
“But it hurts when you put weight on it,” he said, wrapping an arm around her waist and helping her walk through the tight knot of people.
“Yes, probably because I have a serious bruise. But nothing more fatal than that.”
“Come over here.” He led her through the crowd and into a less populated part of the square. “Sit,” he said, gesturing to one of the benches.
“Yes, master,” she said, but she complied, because her knee really did hurt. And her other leg stung horribly, and she knew she really needed a bandage. Or three.
“Maddy,” he growled.
“Sorry, but you’re so intense. I fell and scraped my leg.”
He knelt in front of her and rolled her jeans up slowly, careful not to scrape the rough material against her injured skin. She’d been right about the bruise. It was already turning a very unflattering color, and it was even getting swollen.
She touched the affected spot lightly. “Ow,” she said.
“Well, don’t touch it, Maddy,” he gritted.
It was strange to see Aleksei concerned for her. He reacted to concern with anger. She realized that now. It was how he’d acted when he’d come in and seen her on the ladder. He’d been angry because he’d been…scared. For her. That was a shocking revelation.
“How is your other leg?” he asked.
She winced. “Likely bleeding.”
“Let’s go back to my apartment.”
The walk back to Aleksei’s was short, but it seemed longer thanks to the goose egg on her knee. When they were upstairs and inside, Aleksei sat her on the couch and went searching for the first aid kit. When he returned with it, he regarded her closely.
“You might need to take those off.” He gestured to her jeans.
She laughed as she stood and undid the closure on her pants, trying to step out of them as carefully as possible. “Quite the bedside manner you have there.”
She kicked her jeans to the side and sat back down on the couch. Aleksei crouched in front of her, propping her leg on one of his thighs as he felt around the swollen part of her knee gingerly.
“Do you feel like you need a brace?” he asked.
She shook her head. “I think I’m fine.”
He moved her leg slowly and then took her other one and propped it up. She had a mean scrape down her shin that, while not as painful as the bruise, looked uglier.
He took antiseptic out of the kit and sprayed some onto her wounds. She squirmed when the cold, stinging medicine hit her skin. He looked up at her, concern in his eyes. Her heart felt so full she was afraid it was going to burst.
As Aleksei put a large piece of gauze over her scrape she felt something shift inside of her. When was the last time someone, other than her brother, had cared for her at all? There was nothing in this for Aleksei. Bandaging injuries was hardly seduction material, after all.
She swallowed hard, trying to push the lump in her throat down, trying to ignore the sting of tears she could feel welling up in her eyes. What was wrong with her? She didn’t want an emotional attachment, least of all with Aleksei.
He loved his wife. He still carried the necklace.
She didn’t even believe in love. She didn’t. When had she ever really seen it? Gage had been good to her, but she’d always been afraid that he…that he cared for her out of duty because he was simply too good a man to do anything less.
She took a deep breath, trying to hold back the tears. “I really… Thank you,” she said, standing on wobbly legs and picking her jeans up from the floor. She tugged them on slowly, trying not to disturb her new bandages. “I should go.”
“Why, Maddy? Neither of us have work tomorrow.”
“Because…this is your house and I really shouldn’t…impose on you anymore. You’ve already done more than you bargained for.”
“Do you think I resent taking care of you? You’re hurt.”
“I…I know.” That scary feeling was back, taking over, filling her.
He reached a hand out and touched her face. “Who took care of you, Maddy?”
She looked down. “My brother did. He was really good to me.”
“Let me take care of you. For now, let me take care of you.”
She was powerless to resist his words, powerless to deny the rising tide inside of her. She leaned in and kissed him. Kissing was good. Uncomplicated. It was a lot easier to deal with than him treating her so kindly. Taking her on a boat ride and buying her cotton candy.
It was a lot easier to deal with than the riot of emotions that were pounding through her, making her dizzy with their force.
She couldn’t ignore them forever. But she would ignore them for now.
When Maddy woke up, she was naked, in Aleksei’s bed, and the sun streaming through the window was fiery orange. She checked the bedside clock. It was seven in the evening. She’d slept for most of the afternoon, afte
r they’d made love.
He’d been so gentle with her, careful because of her very minor injuries. He’d been so concerned about hurting her. She sucked in a breath, trying to ease the tension in her chest.
The bedroom door opened and Aleksei strode in from the en suite bathroom, a towel wrapped low around his lean hips. For a moment, all she could do was admire him. How had she got so lucky to have him for a lover? He was so beautiful.
Broad, bronzed chest bare, his muscles shifting as he walked to the bed. He was more than looks, though. He was a good boss, a savvy businessman. He was the kind of man who would get on his knees to clean your wounds.
Her breath caught.
“Feeling better?” he asked, sitting on the edge of the bed.
She pulled the covers tightly around her. “I never felt bad. You were worrying about nothing.”
“I don’t want to see you get hurt, Maddy.”
That sounded more like a warning than anything else. And not a warning against further knee-scrapes.
“Aleksei, I know what this is. I’m the one who instigated it. I don’t even believe in love.”
“Not at all?”
“No. People make you love them, then they use it against you. Neglect you and remind you that they’re your parents, so you love them even if they forgot to pick you up from school again. Or forgot even to send one of the household staff to get you.”
“Your parents are unfit to be called human beings.”
“No argument,” she said.
“I believe in love,” he said hoarsely.
Her stomach lurched and her heart pounded, everything in her body on hold as she waited for his next words. There was no reason for that. No reason she should be holding her breath to hear what he would say next. But she was.