by K Larsen
“I could say the same for you. We’re on our way to getaway weekend—some mystery spot up in these mountains.”
I’m close enough to touch him, so I reach out my hand. He’s just as handsome as he was the night I met him, even better in real life than on the pages of a magazine. Ty takes my hand and pulls me into his chest. Another little sound escapes me, as his big arms find their way around me. His sweater is against my cheek and I can feel his heart beating through his strong chest. My hands timidly move up his sides until I’m hugging him back. It’s a bear hug, so huge and warm and honest. I breathe in his scent and smile at how uncomplicated he seems. Ty wears Old Spice, uses Ivory soap and doesn’t have a bad bone in his body.
“I have wanted to do this for way, way too long.” He says into my hair at the crown of my head. His lips are only touching my head but somehow it’s extremely intimate and tender. I love how closely he pulls me in.
Not a lot else has ever felt so entirely right. She’s in my arms. I can’t relax them to let her go. This hug has gone from perfect timing to an awkward length of time to hold a near stranger. I don’t care. Her hair smells fruity. I could inhale it all day. I doubt she’s strong enough to wiggle out of my hold, so maybe I will do just that. Sniff her. Oh, God, I’m a creep now. My heart is pounding in my chest. I’m sure she can feel it. I’m sure it’s a dead giveaway to all that I’m feeling. Her scent, the feel of her pressed against me, my heart rate, my jeans slowly growing tighter. Slowly, I force my arms to relax and let go of her. I keep my palms on her shoulders and sort of hold her arm’s length away, to really look at her. One hand has a mind of its own and a finger trails over some of those freckles on her collarbone. I want to make constellations out of all of them. She’s watching my finger graze her skin. When I realize what I’m doing, I yank my hand away like she bit it. “Sorry!” I say, a little too frantically. Pull yourself together, man.
Jess smiles and giggles a little. “It’s okay.”
“So, ah, what are you doing out here?” I ask. Jess tucks some hair behind her ear, pulls her cardigan from her waist and starts to put it on. Good, I think. It’s chilly out here. Her face is flushed. The tip of her nose is pink. I want to pull her to my chest again and warm her nose.
“We’re having a weekend away,” she says then stands ramrod straight and turns to face Luke and Angie. “You two!” she accuses, pointing to our children. Both their heads snap to our direction with mock-innocent expressions plastered on their faces. The kids? No way. How on earth would they be able to pull this off?
“Tire’s changed!” Luke shouts and starts putting things into the trunk of Jess’s Volvo at record speed. His hair is flopping into his eyes as he does and he keeps pushing it out of the way. Angie bites her bottom lip. She looks a lot like her mother at that age.
“Luke,” I say sternly. “Was this planned?”
He dusts off his hands before wiping them on his jeans and looks to Angie. “Busted,” he says. I have a hand on Jess’s shoulder as I stand next to her. Her head reaches my chest. How did I end up next to her, touching her? Why does it seem so natural?
“Mom, you needed a push,” Angie explains while approaching her mother slowly. Her face, though, is covered in an enormous grin.
“I most certainly did not,” Jess says. She sidles in toward my side a little more. Naturally. It’s all natural. I squeeze her shoulder. Again, all so normal—yet not.
“You so did! Luke and I planned a little meet up. We have separate cabins but it will be fun, getting to know each other again and look how beautiful it is out here,” Angie gestures to the incredible mountain views surrounding us. “Plus, it’s already paid for so—waste not, want not, right?”
Jess’s shoulders sag. I remove my hand from her. “Luke, I can’t believe you did this,” I scold.
“Mom would’ve . . .” I cut him off. “Stop,” I say putting my palm up. “Jess.” She turns to me and looks confused or maybe just unsure. “We don’t have to do this, if you aren’t ready. I think sneaky kids really want it, too, and I’m alright with it, but if you need time—then we don’t have to do this. Luke and I can go home.” I search her face, her eyes, as I finish—hoping like hell that she agrees to ride out the weekend because I can’t lie—I’ll be devastated now that I’ve seen her, held her, if she didn’t want to stay.
“You’re alright with it?” she asks hesitantly.
Hell yes, I am. “Absolutely,” I answer. A weight lifts from my chest.
Jess gives a sideways glance to Angie, then turns her attention back to me. “Okay then. Let’s all stay the weekend.”
And just like that, I’m pulled in. Hooked, like a junkie. I feel high at just the sight of her. What will I feel spending a weekend with her? There’s a brief moment where Jess barks orders at Luke and Angie and people start to head back to their respective vehicles but I’m lost in a sea of what if’s.
What if I can’t bring myself to leave on Sunday? What if she can’t? What if this is the worst idea in the history of bad ideas? What if I just hold her hostage in a cabin until we’re old and gray and sickly, so that I never have to stop looking at her? What if she hates me? I’m still thinking about all the what-if’s when Jess’s arms wrap around my middle. I look down, taken by the contact. She looks up. There’s eye contact. It holds me captive. It is intimate. I’m warm all over. I’m on the cusp of leaning down to kiss her, when she says, “I’ll see you there, Ty,” and lets go of me. I watch her walk to her Volvo. I watch her get in and buckle up and start the engine, only then do I turn for the truck.
“Dad?” Luke says.
“Holy shit,” I mutter under my breath.
“You okay?” Luke asks.
I watch Jess pull out from the shoulder and put the truck in drive. “I don’t know, Buddy. I think I just had an out of body experience.” I pull out behind her and try not to freak out while Luke starts laughing.
Loudly.
“Angie, you are a busy body! I can’t believe you set us up! What if we weren’t ready yet, what if . . . I don’t even know where I’m attempting to go with this.
“What if what? If I’d have told you, would you have agreed to it?”
I adjust the rearview mirror and watch Ty and his son get back into their truck.
“Probably not.”
“See, it’s like therapy, then. I’m helping you move on and reconnect with old friends. You should consider yourself lucky you’ve got someone outgoing like me in your life.”
“Were you just going to let us think it happened by chance?”
“We were going to play it by ear. Hey, he looks even hotter in person.”
I glance again in the review and see they’re following close behind us. Ty has his sunglasses on and appears to be laughing at something his son said.
“He’s a gorgeous man, always was. There is something so, I don’t know, wholesome about him.”
Angie’s shoes are off again and her feet are pulled in close to her butt.
“Right? I know, like he seems like a really sweet person. He works hard and loves his son. Plus—it’s like he feels things pretty deeply. If his obsession with you is any indication. He’s like a burly, man’s man but he’s in touch with his feelings.”
We take another curve and scatter yellow leaves across the black pavement. My heart is warm in my chest and I can’t wipe the smile off my face.
“I wouldn’t say it was an “obsession,” maybe more like a bucket list thing. We’re getting older—it’s natural to want to reconnect with those who’ve made an impression on you in your life.”
“Stop with the old thing, would you? Okay, we turn off to the left in about two miles. They’ve got amazing hot tubs here. Some of them are outside and you can use them at night!”
“I don’t know if I brought a swimming suit, Angelina!”
She’s working her hair back up into a bun. Even though we work together and talk on the days we’re not prepping for the show, it’s been a long time
since we had quality time like this. I’m not going to admit it out loud, but I’m impressed with my daughter for pulling this off.
“I brought an extra. This is the turn-off, up here at the sign. Oh, now I’m getting excited. We can watch movies, eat in the lodge, sleep in late, do whatever we want. It’s going to be awesome, Mom! There are hiking trails all through the woods and a lake at the bottom of the mountain.”
“You should have said something about the underwear a little earlier than half-way here.”
“Well, then you would have been too suspicious. Why, you already thinking about sleeping with him?”
“Angelina!” I say and reach across the seats to bat at her arm. But right then, we pull up in front of a beautiful old lodge. There are cabins and pathways reaching up to the mountain, all nestled cozily among brilliant fall foliage.
“Oh, man, is it stunning? We couldn’t have picked a better time to come! This is going to be so fun!”
I love her enthusiasm and her positive energy. I pull into a parking space in the small lot and Ty pulls in right next to me. I’m nervous about speaking to him, there are so many expectations. But being in his arms felt so easy—much easier than I could have ever imagined.
“Wow, what a view!” Ty says, as he steps out of the cab. Luke hops down on the other side and scans the scenery around us.
“It’s amazing, right, Dad? I knew you would love it. When Angie sent the website, it was hard not to show it to you!”
“Apparently, our kids have good taste,” Ty says, smiling at me. He moves closer and puts an arm around my shoulders, almost possessively. God, John never touched me like this, so friendly and familiar, Ty is the warmest man I’ve ever met and we’ve only ever spent mere hours together. John agreed to link his arm through mine for picture ops at State dinners. I want to roll into Ty’s chest and smell his clean and earnest scent. I want to stargaze in the hot tub while sitting on his lap.
He squeezes me in a warm hug, his arm still around my shoulder. Ty kisses me on the side of the head, and I’m almost in shock at how perfectly natural it is.
“Does it look good to you? Are you okay with the place?”
I turn to look into his soft gaze.
“There is no other place I’d rather be than here with the three of you.”
“Perfect. I feel the same way,” he says, in a low voice just between the two of us. “Luke, are we doing the lodge or the cabins?”
“Dad, I booked us a cabin because it’s a little more rustic. Angie got a room at the lodge because it comes with spa amenities and girls like that kind of stuff. Plus, we wanted to be careful, in case you guys didn’t hit it off. We could always switch it up a little with the four of us, but I think the rest of the place is booked for the whole weekend.”
“I like rustic. The cabins look great!” Ty says as he and Luke automatically help Angie get the luggage out of the Volvo. It touches me just then how wonderful a job Ty is doing raising his teenage son alone. Luke is polite, engaged, and as personable as his father. Not every man can turn a teenager into a gentleman. I can tell the bond between the two of them is ferociously strong.
We walk together up the hill to the main entrance of the lodge. Angie chats with Luke and Ty is back by my side. He gently takes my hand in his hand and heat rushes right through me. Are we moving too fast? Acting like long lost lovers, when we were only ever conversation partners on a night of pure desperation for the both of us. Did we connect back then out of mutual torment and not because we were kindred spirits? Maybe we have nothing in common.
I take a deep inhale of the fresh fall air that surrounds us. The lodge is huge and built to look rustic but anyone could tell that it’s a five star resort, if ever there was one. I dare myself to peek over at his eyes again. He smiles at me and looks relaxed, not terrified like I feel I must seem. I squeeze his hand back gently and he pulls me in closer.
At the front desk, Ty and I are left to check in while Angie insists she and Luke go get some of the hot chocolate the lodge is famous for.
“Angelina, can’t it wait five minutes?” I ask. Now I’m fearful she’s up to something. Why do I feel like this is becoming a trend in our relationship? “What credit card did you use to make the reservation? Is it my Amex or did you use Andrew’s? Can I do the check-in without it?”
“Dad’s business expense account. Don’t worry, I asked him first. Told him it was for me and Andrew to get some quality time away—a little reboot before the big wedding,” Angie says, walking backwards and practically shouting. She winks at me like it’s all fun and games, and then turns her attention back to Luke. Her words bounce around the giant A-frame of the entrance with low beams crisscrossing every which way above us.
“Oh, dear,” I mutter almost under my breath. I’m pretty sure I’m blushing. I’m pretty sure I’m mortified that I told Ty in the letter that John and I had split. He probably thinks I’m desperate, or just looking for a quick hookup. Nothing could be farther from the truth—I’m terrified of both getting close and/or physical with someone.
“Kids. They have good intentions, but sometimes you wish you could sit them in front of Sesame Street and they’d shut up just like they did when they were little.”
“Oh, Angie never shut up, even as a toddler. She’s all fire, that girl, I think it’s why I suffered such heartburn while carrying her.”
“Luke’s a good kid,” Ty laughs jovially. “But we should do this for ourselves and not because our kids are too bossy. Anything you’re uncomfortable with, just let me know. I consider myself a gentleman and the last thing I want to do here, is put any pressure on you. I read your letter about the split. I know that can’t be easy.”
“Thank you, Titan,” I say, biting my lower lip. I hand my card to the front desk clerk and my driver’s license with it. “It was a really long time coming, so not so emotional, if you know what I mean? Angie is grown, so it was more about logistics than anything. I’m glad it’s over, if I’m being honest.”
“Me, too,” Ty says simply, and it makes the warmth rush through me again, picking up right where it left off. It might sound audacious coming from any other man, but out of Ty’s mouth, it’s just intense and maybe a tiny bit suggestive. He hands over his card and we check into our rooms and walk toward the great hallway.
“Mom, Holy Crap? You have to taste this!” Angie yells. She and Luke are skidding toward us with giant to-go cups.
“Best I ever had, Dad. Better than yours, even!” Luke says.
“How many sugary drinks are you going to consume in one day, Honey?”
“As many as I want, because this chick is on vacation!” Angie says, pointing to herself dramatically. “Speaking of calories, Luke and I took the liberty of signing you two up for an activity. They’ve got a wine and cheese thingy by the grand fireplace in the main lodge tonight and it looks really cozy and romantic. It’s casual; you can wear jeans or whatever.”
“Angie,” I say. I’m slightly embarrassed that my daughter is so forward.
“You like cheese, Ty? You look like you could deal with a nice wine and cheese night—right?” Angie asks. Forget forward, she’s unstoppable.
“I love cheese. I haven’t had a drop to drink since the day I met your mother, though,” Ty says good-naturedly. I look up to him. The accident. He told me all about it.
“See, Mom, its fine. He’s totally a cheese guy,” Angie says. She’s so cavalier. She shrugs her shoulders as if this were any random meet up.
“What about you and Luke? Don’t you two want to come?”
“Oh, we’ve got plans alright. Popcorn and The Shining downstairs in the movie room. I’m going to scare myself senseless and enjoy watching Luke freak out. He’s never seen it before, can you believe it? What better time than at a remote resort in the woods? Muhahahaha! Come on, dude, can you carry that all the way to my room?” Angie says as Luke follows her, lugging her suitcase in one hand and his hot chocolate in the other.
“Angie can
sometimes be a little much,” I offer, not knowing quite what to say.
“Don’t worry at all, fast-friends, I’d say. Luke thinks she’s great, I can tell by his face. Imagine how bored he’d be, if he didn’t have Angelina to conspire with.”
“We don’t have to do the fire-side thing, if you’re not up for it. It was a long drive up here and— ”
“Are you kidding? There is nothing I’d rather do in this world than sit by the fire with you and catch up. It’s been twenty years and I’d love to hear about everything you’ve been up to.”
I smile at him and nod my head in agreement. I can’t think of anything I’d rather do than stand under his gaze, drink some wine and get close to him by the fireplace.
“Here, let me get your luggage. What did you say your room number was?”
This is happening. It’s real. Ty is standing here beside me. We’re in one of the most romantic spots I’ve ever seen and we’ve got the whole weekend ahead of us.
I’m carrying bags.
Jess’s bags up to her room.
This place is spectacular. Charming, but rustic. I can’t wait to see the cabin Luke and I have. I’m still reeling from seeing Luke and Angie together, like they’ve known each other all their lives.
“Penny for your thoughts,” Jess says and bumps my arm with her shoulder.
“I’m overwhelmed. Luke, Angie. You. It’s a lot to take in. And this place is incredible.” She stops in the hallway and tries her keycard in the door.
“Mmmhmm, I’m feeling the same.” She holds the door open for me, so I enter her room and set the bags on the floor at the end of one of the beds. Her arms are wrapped around her midsection. Like she’s trying to hold herself together.
I cross the floor and stop a few inches from her. “I’m going to hug you again, Jess.” I can’t stop the smile from creeping over my face. “I’m all those things, but mostly, I’m in awe that you are standing right here with me. It’s surreal.” I pull her into my chest and squeeze. Her delicate arms snake around my waist and squeeze back. “Flabbergasted,” her voice is muffled in my sweater.