by Luna Maye
“You, Shelli Sutton, were so full of fight and fire that I knew you could be saved. You challenged me with a single glance to be a better person, to be stronger than I ever felt I could — that spirit isn’t something anyone can ever take away from you. Even without your memories I see it in you now.”
Mina spoke with so much conviction it was difficult to doubt her sincerity, but the niggling emptiness at the back of her brain wouldn’t let her accept the assessment, at least not fully.
“But for you and Cal and everyone else — you all see me as this sweet, giving, selfless person and I don’t know how to be that anymore. If I don’t know how to give you all what you need from me, what you expect, if I’m not serving that purpose, then what am I good for? Then I’m just as empty and useless as the rest of me.”
“Oh, Shelli, no. We could never love you any less now than we did a week ago. All I want is for you to be happy and healthy again — and to get to be the fun aunt for this little nugget of yours. The rest is just window dressing.”
She patted Shelli’s belly with one hand and pulled her close into an embrace. The warm, lavender scent that emanated from the thick coils of Mina’s hair was the first smell she remembered since her release from the hospital and to her it smelled like home. She smiled, a soft hitch of her lips, and pulled free, feeling a hint of the special relationship she’d shared with her truest friend. The realization filled one of the emptiest corners of her fractured mind and it soothed the jagged edges of her consciousness.
“Thank you, Mina. You knew just what I needed, even when I didn’t know myself.”
“That’s what friends are for, chica.” The spry woman popped up quickly from the bed despite her rounded belly and she reached down to help Shelli up after her.
“Now, I know you already let yourself get all pruny in the shower, but if we don’t get you into a swimsuit and out among the others soon, Cal is going to come barging in here like a man on a mission.”
Shelli giggled, a light airy sound that was a welcome relief, even to her own ears after the weight that had been pressing down on her throughout the afternoon. She kneeled in front of her chest of drawers, digging through the underwear and nightclothes to find a swimsuit and threw a sassy wink over her shoulder at her dearest friend.
“I’d like to see him try.”
18
Cal
“Now I know how women feel when they watch that volleyball montage on Top Gun.” Victor shifted uncomfortably in his seat at the long table on the patio, his eyes glued to his pregnant wife’s baby belly bobbing up and down in the hot tub, completely exposed by the nearly too-small red bikini she was wearing. They turned the temperature down to a more lukewarm bathwater setting so the two pregnant women could get in comfortably, but it wasn’t stopping Mina, Shelli and Isabel from having a wild time playing in the water.
Cal himself felt a little dazed and a lot aroused as Shelli flicked water at her friend across the hot tub, her pale blue bikini highlighting her porcelain skin and colorful tattoos. The bold black lines dotting down her back peeked above the rim of the pool, and he couldn’t help wanting to trace them down the notches of her spine. He propped his legs up in the chair across from him, pushing his seat up on three legs and crossing his arms behind his head in a relaxed pose.
He couldn’t believe the absolute siren across the courtyard from him was pregnant with his child. Even lost as she was, he was falling more and more in love with her with each passing second. She was resilient and strong, beautiful and feisty.
Despite how discouraged she had looked when they made it back from their outing, here she was reestablishing herself among her friends with so much grace. He felt he couldn’t imagine a better mother than her, even if he were to search the whole planet. His reverie was interrupted as someone pushed his chair up from behind, sending him from balanced on three legs to two and wobbling uncontrollably. Mattie’s distinctive laugh echoed in his ear and across the courtyard and the other man let his chair drop back to the stone courtyard.
“Victor, I love you like a super annoying older brother, but you guys are on my shitlist for not telling us this was going down sooner. I mean, how could you let me miss one minute of this utter perfection.”
Mattie plopped into a chair on Cal’s right side and he moved the chair away from the table on his left so Moises could roll up and sit beside them. They looked like idiots all sitting side-by-side in one long line, but the view was too good to pass up.
“How’d it go today with Shelli, Cal?” Moises asked the question beside him, the younger man’s eyes unmoving from the back of Isabel’s high-cut one piece across the way. His low melodic voice only carried slightly, the music the girls were listening to kept their conversation from being heard.
“Well, she absolutely schooled me in Battleship but her memory loss has definitely affected her abilities as a baker.”
Cal snorted lightly remembering their outing earlier that day. Their trip into town had gone fairly well. Shelli didn’t remember anything specific, but the town and bakeshop building felt familiar to here in a sense. He’d had the bright idea to get her in the kitchen and try to make one of her own recipes, hoping maybe muscle memory or being back in her element might help. It definitely hadn’t.
“I tried to help her make dough so we could do pizzas for everyone for dinner tonight. I figured that was something simple enough I could help with, right?”
“Yeah, I see that, just flour, water, whatever.” Mattie was only half paying attention thanks to Isabel, bending over the side of the hot tub to retrieve a fallen pair of sunglasses, but even he could agree pizza dough was a simple culinary feat.
“Yeah, well I don’t know what happened but it completely bombed. It was like a yeast explosion in there. Dough everywhere and we both got covered in flour. I have no idea what she did to it but it wasn’t pretty.” Well, that was sort of a lie. The dough wasn’t pretty, sure. But, Shelli, she looked angelic all coated in flour, piping mad, her cheeks heated a becoming pink from embarrassment.
He couldn’t help picturing their first time together the entire time they were in the kitchen and for the first time since the accident, he’d sensed a little reciprocation of interest on her part. It was cautious and flirty, like two unsure teenagers moving their friendship into something more, but every time he’d brushed against her hip or leaned around her to assist, her body leaned into his touch, his proximity. He felt a little swell of hope that maybe one day soon, she’d either regain her memories of their time together or they’d be able to make new memories and a new life for their child.
“Speaking of pizza, did you guys get enough made for us to have some tonight or was it a total flop?” Victor leaned across Moises to ask the question, the twin leaning the other way to avoid his view being obstructed.
“Oh please say yes, I’m starving.” Mattie was focused so hard on Isabel, Cal was pretty sure drool was coming out the side of his mouth.
“The pizzas are already in the oven, Mattie, but I’m not sure that’s going to help. It doesn’t look like you boys are hungry for food.” He bumped his shoulder and gave the younger man a grin, only holding his attention for a second before his eyes were pulled back to the scene in front of them.
“Ugh, I’m almost desperate enough to ask you old geezers for advice. This friend zone stuff sucks.” He huffed a little and sank further down in his seat, tipping back one of the beers from a six-pack Cal and Victor had brought out with them.
“You know she likes us, Mattie, we just have to be patient. Mina already talked to us about this, we know the girls out here can’t be rushed.”
“Moy, she’s known us for six years, if she doesn’t trust us by now, she never will. Something’s holding her back.”
Cal could tell this was a brotherly argument the two men had often and while he wasn’t exactly sure why they both were having the discussion, he was pretty sure he was safer finding them a distraction from the pent up sexual tension they
were all feeling watching the beautiful women across the yard.
“Alright you two, that’s enough. Those pizzas are going to be ready any minute now. You guys head on into the kitchen and grab the plates. Quit creeping on your friend over there.” He smirked at him a little when he emphasized friend. Both the twins groaned, but they didn’t fight him on the chores he’d given, and they took one last longing look in Isabel’s direction before they shuffled and rolled inside.
When the boys were gone, Victor turned to face Cal while the women started to get out of the hot tub and dry off in the background.
“How is Shelli really doing, Cal? The memory loss, the accident, the baby — that’s a ton for someone to take in, especially all at once.”
“I think she’s trying not to think about it all at one time. It seems like she’s trying to work through it one day at a time. I think today was her working through the physical implications of the accident. She slept late and let me keep her cooped up in the house, help wash her hair. But she hasn’t said much about the baby or her memories, and I think she’ll work through those in her own time.”
Victor nodded thoughtfully. His eyes betraying his worry about his wife’s best friend. “Let me know if either of you need absolutely anything. We’ll get her back to normal, I’m sure of it.”
As he finished, the women joined the two of them at the table, and Mattie and Moises brought out plates and cups, plus the pizzas from the oven. Isabel couldn’t resist razzing them a little and she poked Mattie in the ribs as Shelli settled in next to Cal.
“I’m surprised you two could find your way around the kitchen, I could have sworn I saw your eyes fall out of your head when I got Shelli’s sunglasses.”
Mattie went a severe shade of red and Moises spit out a wide spray of the beer he’d just picked up.
Cal watched as the other couple and — throuple? Yeah, not touching that one with a ten-foot pole — kidded each other and worked together to lay out the dinner he and Shelli had prepared. Beside him, he could see Shelli relaxing back into her chair. She eagerly finished off several slices of pizza, including the some of the weird combination of peppers and pineapple she’d insisted on. Her eyes were the brightest he’d seen them since the accident and although she didn’t contribute much to the conversations going on around them, it was clear she was enjoying the company.
Draping his arm across the back of her chair and allowing himself to gently brush through the tendrils of now-clean hair she’d put up in a clip, he savored the time spent among friends. Here with Shelli, Victor, Mina, Isabel and the twins, he felt more a part of a family than he ever had in his entire life before and if anyone could help heal Shelli, it would be the love and attention showered on her by these friends. And for that, he was very thankful.
19
Shelli
The little house was quiet and calm as Shelli sat up in bed, pulling her fluffy down comforter with her and wrapping herself up like a puffy pink burrito. She quietly grabbed the little brown book out from under her pillow and peeked over the side of the bed to be sure Cal was still sleeping on his pallet on the floor.
The stubborn man had refused to go back to the guest room, wanting to stay close in case she got scared again in her sleep or needed something in the night. His head was cradled on his hands and he curled on his side. Cal’s arms were wrapped around the pillow and she was pretty sure he’d be an octopus-style cuddler if she ever let him move up into the bigger bed with her. His face was calm and serene as he slept, and she envied his ability to rest so peacefully, so soundly as her own inner turmoil forced her into action.
She put one foot over on the opposite side of the bed, carefully pulling herself up onto the floor, blankets and all. Tiptoeing along the side of the bed toward the door, she frequently looked over her should to be sure Cal didn’t hear her move.
She hadn’t told anyone about the journal she discovered during the day and even though she knew her new-found friends would probably have allowed her time and space to read it, she wanted to form her own opinions before anyone else found out about the diary.
Making her way to the front door and easing it shut behind her, the latch clicked into place loudly, but hopefully not loudly enough to be heard in the back bedroom. She waddled in her cozy burrito to a lounge chair close to the hot tub in the courtyard and struggled to get herself completely wrapped back up in her sturdy blanket. In early fall, the valley was still warm during the day, but it cooled quickly at night, and a light breeze blew through the compound.
While she searched for the courage to open the little journal still clutched in her hands, she laid her head back and looked at the stars. It was so beautiful here, unlike anything she’d experienced in her time in Dallas. The people, the food, the warmth of the whole place overwhelmed her at times and she felt a little guilty for not missing her high society friends, brunch dates and overpriced coffee shops.
Even if she never regained her memories, she knew living here, with the Honeys, was an experience she could never regret. She allowed herself to picture raising a baby here — Cal taking him or her out to the woods with him, letting them play with Andy in the courtyard or with Mina and Victor’s little one. The club was full of the best built-in babysitters she could imagine, but the only downside to the whole scenario in her head was the missing pieces in her mind. She needed to know about Cal, where he fit in with her life before, and about the scars. Her body was nothing like she remembered twelve years ago. Sure, she was fuller in a few places and there were a handful of dark spots and wrinkles she hadn’t had before, but none of those things were as concerning as the marks of years of consistent and terrible abuse.
The most concerning was the raised burns from a brand on her nape. Her fingers skittered over the raised HH on the tender skin at the back of her neck. Although she was unable to remember the pain now, she was sure it must have been excruciating. The brand was partially surrounded by her Hellacious Honeys tattoo, but even Isabel’s beautiful ink couldn’t completely hide the reality of the brand. She needed to know who marked her, why and whether she and her child would be in danger in the future. Maybe the little book she held cradled in her hands could give her some sense of peace.
Cracking open the first pages, she almost couldn’t force herself to look. Nerves flared in her stomach and she was wary of what she’d find written about her former life. She let out a little sigh, a mixture of relief and disappointment, when she realized the date on the first page was just over a year ago. She wouldn’t learn anything about her time before the Hellacious Honeys, but she could at least learn a little more about her role here and hopefully about Cal.
The better part of two hours passed as she immersed herself in her own words from such a short time ago. It was similar to reading a book, like she was experiencing everything for the first time. When she described the start of Mina and Victor’s relationship she laughed, picturing her friend so out of sorts thanks to the striking military man across the way. Of course she knew they were meant for each other all along, she gave herself a little pat on the back for her part in the love story as it unfolded on the pages before her. When Reina killed the man who took Mina, her eyes moistened, and she promised herself she’d go thank the handy mechanic again the following day. Even after being around Mina a couple of days, she knew their friendship was lifelong and to be treasured.
When she got to the entries three months ago, she sat up on the edge of her seat immediately. The mention of Cal’s name, her description of their first meeting. Her skin felt hot and too tight as she pictured him dominating her body, owning her completely. And after such a long time! But she could tell from her writing and from knowing Cal that despite his dominant nature physically, he had a caring air about him that trumped his need to be in control. She smiled so hard her cheeks hurt when he insisted on holding her tight after their kitchen rendezvous and she wanted to let out a little cheer when she landed on his lap in the plane. New Shelli was apparently up f
or sex in the strangest places and she definitely didn’t hate it.
Her sadness and frustration when Cal ended things with her, without ever really beginning them, was palpable, both from the phrasing on the page and the lightly warped wet marks on the paper. In hindsight, his reaction was mature and well thought, but she could sense her own desire to have him close, in whatever capacity she was able.
The chapters about the baby were her favorite by far, letting her see how genuinely excited she had been about the child, completely ready to be a mother. In her words, she could tell her plan was always to let Cal know, especially after she made it past the first trimester and she knew he didn’t currently hold her silence on the matter against her.
When she finished, she felt completely wrung out. It was as if she’d experienced the emotional highs and lows of a very crazy year in the span of a couple of hours. Her body still ached from the impacts of the accident and her head had little twinges every now and again if she moved too fast. She packed up her little book, carefully shutting it and clipping the pen back where it had been; she definitely wanted to keep the pages she’d written about her child for future reading, and maybe one day to share with Cal.
Unfolding herself from the chair, she gathered the blanket around her and slowly walked back to the cute little adobe she called home. She opened the door just as quietly as she’d left and upon re-entering her room, she giggled a little at finding Cal rolled over on his stomach, wrapped around his pillow in a near-child’s pose. Quiet little snores exited his tightly curled body as she laid the comforter back out on the bed, smoothing it down and peeling back both sides.