by Luna Maye
It was the night Shelli decided to take culinary classes through a school in Taos and start her business, as well as the night Mina came up with the idea to start their own club at the compound. The two wracked their brains to think of a name, and when Mina saw Shelli’s brand on the base of her neck, revealed by her hair swept up in a messy bun, Mina decided their club should also have two Hs to reclaim the meaning of the mark. Thus, the Hellacious Honeys were born.
Pushing away from his seat at the table, Cal looked up to see the clock reading 4:30 a.m. He cleaned up all his tissues and took out Reina’s trash for her. He left her a short note thanking her for helping him and setting him up with everything he needed. He turned off the coffee pot and closed up the shop behind him, carrying the now complete journal with him. When he got to Shelli’s house, he stashed the journal in the console of his jeep until he was ready to share it and quietly walked into the little adobe house through the front door.
The house was dark and the living room was illuminated by just the light from the TV, the title page for a princess movie revolving over and over again on the screen, the quiet tinkling music at odds with all of the darkness he’d just absorbed. In a big mass of blankets and pillows on the ground, Mina, Shelli, Isabel, Reina and Andy — Wait is that a cat? — were all piled into one big sleepy heap. Shelli looked so peaceful and beautiful that he hated to wake her and yet he needed to be near her, to hold her and feel her real and perfect and whole in his arms.
He stepped over the pile of sleeping women and pets, reaching down to swoop Shelli up into his arms as if his present attention could heal every sharp word and harsh hit she’d endured. Instead of fighting him like she had in the parking lot, Shelli sighed dreamily, looping her arms around his neck and burrowing deeply into his chest, nosing into the notch between his pectorals.
Her eyes parted a little, and she sighed his name but he could tell she wasn’t fully awake. “Sleep, baby girl, I’m here now,” he whispered as he carried her down the hall and into the bedroom, her body clad in a sweet set of matching short-sleeved pajamas. He laid her on the bed, gently covering her and settling her head on the pillow. She curled sweetly, right back into the same position she’d been sleeping out in the living room and burrowed deeper into the covers. He watched her intently as he slipped off his t-shirt and untied his boots, stripping each one off before he undid his belt and removed his jeans to settle behind her in just his boxers.
His entire body was worn out. His shoulders, arms and hands were sore from the boxing bag, his head and neck aching from his time spent over the table and as he curled his body around Shelli, he found he was also emotionally drained. His eyes itched with unshed tears, but he could only hold her tighter, feel her more fully against him and be grateful that they were here together with their unborn child, the three of them alive and well. The rest could wait until morning.
27
Shelli
A thick tongue coasting down the side of Shelli’s cheek tickled her senses and roused her early the next morning. Eyes still closed, she could feel herself cocooned by a tangle of strong, wiry limbs that let her know Cal had returned to her sometime in the night and he was a completely clingy cuddler, just as she’d suspected.
Running her hands across the arms banding her abdomen, she relished the feeling of her small baby bump wrapped tightly by Cal’s hands. He was going to be such a strong, loving father and knowing he’d made plans to stay by her side, to build a future together before he ever knew about their little baby bear, well that was the icing on her cake.
She felt Cal’s hair brush up against the curve of her neck and she shivered a little as goose bumps broke out over her arms. He was so warm and strong behind her, she never wanted to move one inch from the bed. Her cozy cocoon was disturbed however, when she was hit again by a thick lick straight across her lips from corner to corner by a slimy, scratchy tongue. Her eyes opened fast and wide, met face to face with a white fluffy snout and a curved doggy grin as Andy wagged his tail in front of her. He must need to go out this morning. Shelli patted him on the head and tried to separate herself from Cal’s iron grip long enough to let the poor dog loose but it was no use.
“Uh, uh. Nope, never letting go.”
She felt Cal’s lips lift against the side of her throat and his body pressed against hers as he stretched, straightening his legs and flattening his delicious abs up against her spine. She rocked back, her butt bumping up against a hard erection as Cal pulled her even closer, tighter.
“Well, I can’t deny that sounds nice. But if you don’t let go, I’m afraid Andy’s bladder will. He’s already licked me twice and he looks antsy.”
Cal’s rough chuckle vibrated against her back, running all the way down to his hands still bracing her belly. She shifted to cover his hands with her palms, softly holding him against her a treasuring his easy hold.
“I love this teeny little belly so much, Shelli Sutton. You’ve given me the most precious gift, both of yourself and our little one. I’ll never let you go, you know?”
“I know,” she whispered, turning into his neck and letting the words softly fall from her lips.
The creaking of the door behind them startled her, causing her head to come up sharply and clipping Cal on the jaw, eliciting a rough groan from him.
“Sorry, sorry. Just coming to collect my child in here.” Mina waddled past the corner of the bed, latching on to Andy’s collar and leading him behind her. “I’m not looking. I promise. Carry on.”
Her hands were over her eyes, but she was peeking out through the cracks between her fingers, a smile gracing her face. Shelli hoped that in a few months she would glow half as much as her best friend did throughout her pregnancy.
“Hey, Mina,” Cal said behind her, his voice still a bit scratching from lack of use. “I’m planning on taking Shelli up to my dad’s old cabin this afternoon. Up on Roosevelt’s Ridge, you know where that is?”
Mina turned and Shelli swore her eyes got a little glossy with tears. Why would she care where Cal was taking her? There was an understanding between them that she couldn’t place, and it set her nerves on edge.
“Yeah, I know it. You guys planning on spending the night?” Shelli felt Cal give one, quick nod behind her, his scruffy jaw grazing her ear as he did.
“Okay, you take good care of her, you hear me?”
“I’ll bring her back to you, Mina. Safe and sound. And whole. I promise.”
Mina nodded her understanding, scratching Andy’s neck scruff as she headed to the door, the dog following along behind her, happy to be going outside to do his business. She heard Isabel follow Mina out the door, probably cradling her new cat. None of them would have ever figured their sullen club sister for a cat lady, but stranger things had happened.
Behind her Cal wedged his hand under her belly, rolling her to face him, his hands naturally gliding through her hair as she rested her chin against his chest.
“The cabin, huh? I thought you hadn’t been up there in years. Are you sure we’ll even be able to stay the night?”
“I let my friend Alex and his wife visit it during a back-country trip a few weeks ago, and they said it was in great shape. I thought you could use a change of scenery after last night.”
Shelli shrunk back, shame filling her at her reaction to Cal’s touch. “I’m so sorry, Cal, I don’t know what came over me…” His fingers pressed gently against her lips, softly shushing her, before he leaned in for a brief, soft kiss against her lips, his hand cradling the curve at the back of her neck to draw her in.
“No, honey. It’s a completely natural reaction. We’ll get through this together. I promise I’ll help you figure it out. But right now, we need to get up and get cracking, or we’ll never make it up the mountain.” He kissed her on the forehead before rolling out of bed, reaching for his jeans before his feet hit the floor. He seemed preoccupied, a little distracted as he dressed, like his mind was a million miles away. She took the opportunity to wa
tch him, his muscles tensing and shifting as he pulled on his jeans and a t-shirts, quickly shoving his shoes on his feet while she still lay like a bump on a log in bed. She shifted up, getting ready to head to the shower.
“Here, let me help you. Do you want a bath or a shower?” She cocked her head to one side, unsure of how he was going to help her accomplish either of those pursuits.
“A shower, why?”
“I’ll start the water for you and then go make sure I’ve got everything I need in the jeep and unload the leftover catering gear from last night in the club kitchen.”
“Oh okay,” she said, following slowly behind him as he walked with purpose into the bathroom, his steps quick but steady. She got caught staring at his ass shifting in front of her in his worn jeans and accidentally bumped into his back as they came into the bathroom.
“Oops. Sorry.” She blushed, ducking her head, as he made sure the water was just right.
“I’ll see you in a little bit, alright? Be sure you dress in comfortable clothes and shoes, maybe bring some extra with you for tomorrow if you want.”
“I can definitely do that.” She stepped up to the mat by the shower curtain, reflexively stripping off her pajama top as she prepared to get in. Cal let out a sharp intake of breath the moment her breasts were revealed and she almost pulled the top back into place, but she wanted to turn over a new leaf, to show herself that despite the events of the night before, she could still be herself, act normally again.
“Ugh. Baby, you’re so fucking pretty. What’s a gorgeous girl like you doing with an old man like me?” She giggled lightly as Cal stepped toward her, his eyes raking over her bare skin with an almost bittersweet longing.
“We’re nearly the same age so if you’re old, I’m old too. That’s just the way it works.”
He leaned down, tipping her head back with a firm hand on her throat as he kissed the peaked nipple on first her left breast and then her right, trailing his lips down across her skin to her slightly convex belly, which he graced with a tender press of his lips before standing and popping her lightly on the ass through her thin pajama bottoms.
“Time to get a move on,” he brusquely stated as he quickly pushed out of the room without looking back. If he had, he would have seen the thick desire in Shelli’s eyes and her longing as he left.
28
Shelli
Shelli let her head dip back, her soft red strands whipping against her face as the jeep climbed higher up the winding road to the cabin. Cal kept the radio down low and let her sink into the soft solitude of the cool breeze as they ascended, seemingly sensing her need to just let go for a little while. He drove slowly and carefully, the jeep’s tires crunching on the gravel lining the two tracks they followed. It looked like no one had driven this way in a long time.
She let her right hand hang out of the doorless side, catching the air and feeling the soft wind against her palm. At her side, Cal’s dark sunglasses concealed his eyes, but his face was set in a grim, determined cast that set her insides on edge. He’d been quiet since preparing for their trip and she was beginning to think this drive to the cabin was more than a quick getaway.
Last night, Mina, Isabel, and Reina had reassured her about her place in the club, about Cal’s good intentions. Mina seemed to know her innermost thoughts before she ever voiced them, Isabel recognized and didn’t shy away from her inner darkness and Reina jokingly complimented her on her defensive maneuvers in the parking lot. They gave her just the right amount of active understanding and space to feel like she could face another day with this deep, dark well of shadowy memories bubbling beneath the surface. But today, with Cal, she felt change on the air once again. Something pivotal was happening and she hoped she could conjure the strength to bear it.
After almost an hour in the car, Cal pulled up into a wide clearing. The meadow was spacious and thick with waving grasses and a rare, small pond glinting in the center. The cabin itself was far more than she’d expected. It had a wide veranda with a porch swing and large windows set into the board planks covering the front. A bank of solar panels gleamed from the roof, causing Shelli to turn a questioning eye toward Cal.
“I had those installed a few years back. They’re nice to have, even if I don’t come here much anymore.”
“Does it have plumbing at least?”
“Yes, Miss I Have To Pee Every Five Minutes.” Cal’s dry humor and almost shy grin were a balm on her fraying nerves. She spontaneously reached out to grip his hand in her own, marveling at how right the two felt together despite the way his palm swallowed hers. She pressed a kiss to the back of his hand, rising up to meet his soft gaze.
“Thank you for bringing me here, Cal. I know this place is special to you.”
He leaned back in his seat, stretching out the kinks after their drive and brought her hand in his up to his chest, cradling it over his heart.
“I’m happy to share this with you, to share anything and everything that I have, that I am with you, Shelli. I love you.”
Her heart stutter-stepped in her chest as she met his gaze, unsure. It felt like the other foot was about to drop, like there was a reason, a motivation for him to say those words. Words she longed to hear, that offered a healing draught to her fragile heart. But upon examining his eyes, she saw in his expression only the elements she needed most — respect, care, admiration and true, unbound love. Her breath hitched, a soft sob working its way up her dry throat. Pinpricks filled her eyes and she opened her mouth to speak but nothing came out.
“I just wanted you to know. I think today might be hard and before we revisit my past and maybe later, yours, I just need you to know how I feel about you. And about our little baby bear, I love him or her just as much, but I loved you first. Unconditionally. You get me?”
Shelli nodded, her head rattling around as she tried to process everything he just said, just given her.
“Sit tight, I’ll come around and help you out.” As he hopped out, he gave her hand one last squeeze, gently kissing the inside of her wrist, his soft warm lips bringing goose bumps out across her sensitive skin. He smiled, a heartbreakingly open and hopeful tip of his lips, the lines at the corners of his eyes perking up and he rubbed the bumps smooth before releasing her.
He hustled around the front of the truck like an eager child, a happy lilting hop to his steps and when he reached her side, she couldn’t help but giggle as he lifted her out of the car, gently setting her on her feet.
“Cal, I…”
“Now don’t steal my thunder, baby girl.” He wrapped his arms around her loosely, kissing her on the forehead before turning to head inside. “When it’s right, you’ll know it. It’s not your fault I beat you to it.”
“Beat me to it? I lost all my memories, you jackwagon. And now you won’t let me get a word in edgewise.” She stepped out in front of him, huffing up the steps and reaching for the door before she realized she didn’t have a key and couldn’t get in without him. Her lip perched out unnaturally as she turned and she tried to keep the petulance out of her face when she looked at him but it was no use. He laughed, a breathtaking, joyful sound that soothed her ire rather than stirred it. It was impossible to be angry with him when he was so handsome and so happy. Damn him.
Reaching around her, he let his arms graze hers as he reached for the door handle and turned it, the door swinging inward, no key required. She resisted the urge to stomp her foot but just barely as he gently swatted her on the ass and gruffly said, “Get in there,” the hoarse quality in his tone betraying his withheld laughter.
The cabin was much as she’d expected inside. With sun-washed plaid curtains that hung in the windows and a general air of neglect about it, the place had definitely been a bachelor pad but there was an air of care tingeing the edges — a petite child’s bow and arrows leaned in one corner and a few framed pictures of Cal as a child still graced the walls.
They spent the morning reminiscing, digging through toy boxes and salvaging
a handful of Cal’s old things for their little one. She cherished the time spent wading through Cal’s memories, even as she couldn’t access her own. The knowledge that Cal had been loved, his things kept like precious, if a bit dusty, treasures secreted away filled her with hope for the future of their own little one.
Around noon, Cal brought her back outside and they spread a blanket out by the pond, cracking open a small cooler he’d packed away with simple sandwiches, jerky and trail mix. Her inner caterer, set free by the chaos of the wedding, cringed a little at his choices, but something about the fresh air and the cool breeze made her ravenously hungry and she enjoyed every bite.
Cal was courteous and calm as always through it all. He gently led her around the house, wouldn’t give her access to high shelves and occasionally brushed a sweet kiss across her temple, but she wanted more. Shelli felt ready to accept the love of her gentle old mountain man and offer hers in return, and yet, it felt like he was holding something back, something big. As he packed away their trash to return to the jeep and tossed their blanket over his arm, she could sense the tension building within him, pushing toward the surface. He tossed the empty lunch cooler in the seat and then gruffly led her by the hand to the porch.
“Here, take a seat.” Shelli eased into the porch swing, her eyes never leaving Cal’s tortured gaze. His hands shook a little as he tucked the blanket around her, even though it wasn’t cold out. His breathing accelerated and she could sense him building himself up, not focusing on her for too many seconds at a time, as if the questions in her eyes might burn him.
“Cal, what’s wrong? You’ve been like this all day.”