by Megan Derr
Then shadows grabbed him, wrapping around him like a slab of meat being wrapped for the customer to take home.
Let me go!
Binhadi's smug satisfaction filled the bond, laced with amusement from the other two. Did you really think darkness would be enough to stop me? I see dark and light better than you. Black to you is a hundred shades of darkness to me. Where the slightest bit of light goes, there are shadows.
The shadows dragged Mahzan to his feet, then bound him there, arms pulled down as though held by chains fastened to the floor, with more shadows like manacles about his ankles. I hate you.
"If that was true," came Binhadi's soft, sinuous voice as he stepped into Mahzan's hiding place. "You would not be hiding away drowning in remorse and recrimination."
Mahzan's eyes stung, but the words clogged in his throat and wouldn't come out. Even his thoughts stumbled and stuttered and failed him. "Binhadi—"
Binhadi closed the space between them, rested one hand against the side of Mahzan's face. "I know you didn't mean to hurt me. I'm perfectly fine now. And I did not mean to lie to all of you. I never had any intention of killing any of us."
Mahzan drew a shuddery breath, wishing he could see, that he'd picked a less stupid hiding place.
But the thoughts faded as Binhadi kissed him. Mahzan shuddered, barely noticed as the shadows fell away to be replaced by Binhadi holding him close, more interested in wrapping his own arms around Binhadi's neck and clinging tightly while he took everything Binhadi gave him and did his best to return it thrice over.
"Fool," Binhadi said, and kissed away the tears on Mahzan's cheeks before finally drawing back. "Why are you hiding here like you're afraid of us?"
"I didn't think—"
Binhadi let out a soft huff. "For a man who reads minds with the skills of a legend, you're remarkably lousy at it. We've missed you, and have been worried about you, and it's long past time you came home."
"But I almost killed you," Mahzan said, hating the way his voice trembled. "I remember—" His voice broke as the memories tormented him yet again, all the worse because Binhadi was remembering it too.
But now Mahzan could also read the way that worry for Mahzan, and remorse for the misunderstanding, had been right there with the pain and surprise. Even in the midst of all those broken bones and other pains, Binhadi had been worried about him.
"You're a Dragon damned halfwit."
"Well then I'm in good company. I cannot tell who is more ridiculous—you for hiding away in these ruins, or Sule for returning to the village he hates to drink himself into an early grave."
Mahzan, Sule said. I mean, at least my behavior is fairly typical of whiny soldiers. Mahzan is so melodramatic I'm embarrassed for him.
Oh, yes, you're not remotely melodramatic, Mahzan retorted.
Binhadi interrupted the bickering with a laugh—the sort of laugh Mahzan had never heard from him.
Yes, he's doing it more and more often, Cemal said. Clearly getting thrown around was good for him.
Mahzan flinched.
Sorry, I guess I should wait a bit longer before that's funny.
It's never going to be funny, you ass.
Though he still couldn't see Binhadi, seeing him wasn't necessary to know he was rolling his eyes. Enough. I'm tired and hungry. We're returning to camp.
I've nearly caught dinner, Sule said. Should be back soon.
Cemal added, The rest is ready or cooking. Mahzan, the first thing I'm doing tomorrow is teaching you how to properly forage. Those mushrooms stopped my heart.
Your heart? I was sure they were the right ones.
Well, you won't be making that mistake again, and Sule will be teaching you how to hunt.
Mahzan wrinkled his nose. Binhadi laughed again, the sound washing over him like the soothing steam of a hot spring. There was no way Mahzan could not kiss him again, though it was still heady and unreal to think he could kiss Binhadi whenever he wanted. Even back in Eser's house, that had seemed like something he could only experience via the bond, not for the likes of him to know directly.
"Fool," Binhadi whispered as he drew away. He took Mahzan's hand, grip firm and warm, and led the way back through the dark cellar.
Outside, moonlight glimmered on white stone, washed Binhadi in silvery light and made him look like a living shadow.
Binhadi rolled his eyes, and Mahzan shrugged. The thought might be silly, but that didn't make it less true.
"You look a shadow yourself, or maybe some mischievous offspring of the Dragon sent to cause trouble among us mortals."
Mahzan laughed. "Well, jester would make a good occupation for such, but I am nothing half so interesting."
And he wasn't a jester anymore. Thinking about it still turned his stomach, even if his friends didn't hate him as he had feared they would.
"I have something for you," Binhadi said. He reached up and untied the leather cord around his neck—the cord that held his memory stone. Stepping in close, he secured it around Mahzan's neck.
Mahzan stared at the stone and gently picked it up. It was warm from body heat, and heavier than he would have expected.
Memory stones were a mystery in magic. Some argued they weren't even really stone, but bone changed over time. They came from a small isthmus at the south end of the continent, and cost no small fortune. How they retained memories, no one knew exactly, but all the owner had to do was wake it and the most recent event to have taken place was stored.
Some theorized memory stones were the bones of seers or mind mages, which would make sense, given the islands and isthmus had been used as prisons to hold them for a long time. Though that didn't explain why memory stones weren't found on the other islands, only the isthmus.
He looked at Binhadi. "Why are giving me this?"
"It holds information that many people could use to hurt or kill me. No one can access it save me, and now you. Every memory I've ever stored, precious, dangerous, otherwise, is now yours. So you know I trust you, and you can trust me."
Mahzan swallowed, fingers tightening around the stone. It was square cut, as was most typical, hollow in the center and rounded slightly at the corners. It was dark gray in color, and one whole, smooth piece, unlike Cemal's poor broken one.
"Here's a memory of note," Binhadi said as his fingers curled around Mahzan's. The stone glowed, and a tingling sensation snaked through his mind. His eyes slid shut as a memory filled them as clear and sharp as though it were happening.
Binhadi eyed the three men as he moved slowly into the light of a nearby street lamp, steps loud in the sudden silence. When the three men tried to struggle, he strengthened the grip of his shadows, amazed at how easily the shadows obeyed him, as though eager to hold fast to the three men.
Shaking off the strange, no doubt moon-induced impression, he said, "All three of you are out after curfew, and I doubt you have permission. Not a one of you is fit to be around other people. When I release my shadows, you will each return to where you should be. I will accept no protests. Am I understood?"
"Yes, my lord," the men all said.
Binhadi released them slowly, watching for mischief. When they'd gone, he reached up to touch the pendant resting in the hollow of his throat. It glowed with magic as he engraved the memory, not certain why he did but trusting his instinct.
Alone again, he walked on, searching for the exhaustion that would banish all else for a time.
The memory faded. Mahzan stared at Binhadi. "I remember that night. I'd just come home to find my lover cheating on me."
My father had just disowned me, Sule added. I dealt with that by getting drunk, too.
Cemal's mind was quiet and solemn as he said, I was on my way back to the temple after killing the North Captain. I was terrified one of you would notice the blood on my robes.
Mahzan shook his head. "I can't believe we were all there that night, only to be the last four standing against the fearmonger a year later. What are the odds of that?"
> Dragon's Will, Cemal said. It could be nothing else, the coincidence is too much on its own.
Whatever it is, we're here, Sule said. Clearly we are good at finding each other when most needed, even if we were all too distressed or distracted that night to realize it.
Binhadi's fingers slowly slid away. Mahzan leaned in to kiss him, soft and lingering. He drew back after a moment, answered Binhadi's soft smile with his own, and took his hand as they returned to camp.
When they reached it, Sule and Cemal were there as well, butchering the fanged hare Sule had caught and tending a soup that smelled infinitely better than anything Mahzan had managed.
"Herbs," Cemal said with a grin as he stood and walked over to them. He curled his hands into the front of Mahzan's tunic and yanked him in close, dropped a quick, hard kiss on his mouth. "One of your many lessons."
"I hope mushrooms is the first one," Mahzan muttered.
Cemal laughed against his lips and took a softer kiss before stepping back. "Mushrooms is definitely the first one. Come on, we have something a bit more fun than tea to drink tonight."
"Sule's allowed to have alcohol?"
"Shut up."
Mahzan crouched close to him, careful to stay clear of the blood and mess that came with butchering. "I am sorry for what I said. I didn't mean it."
"None of us did. We were being brats," Sule replied. "Though I hate that you seem to think you shouldn't be a jester now."
The words caused a flinch, though Mahzan tried not to. "You weren't wrong. I could have been accidentally manip—"
"No," Sule cut in firmly, the word echoed by the thoughts of the others. "I've seen what you can do and how well you do it. I also watched your performances numerous times. You don't need magic to enthrall a crowd, and you're too smug and cocky to want to use it. What I said was awful. You've always said listening to me is stupid, so why are you bothering now? Stop being a fool." He leaned over and kissed Mahzan quick and firm. "Go drink. I'll have this ready for cooking shortly."
Mahzan stole another kiss, still bemused that he could do such a thing so freely with all of them. He didn't think he would ever comprehend how his life had come to this point, in the middle of nowhere with three lovers, on a quest to kill a prince and a fearmonger, his life in the Heart feeling more and more like it had belonged to someone else.
He sat near Cemal by the fire, annoyed all over again at how much better the food looked than the feeble attempts he'd been so proud of until now.
Cemal shoved him hard enough he fell over. "Your attempts were good. If they weren't, you'd already be dead."
"Apparently I would have died this evening."
"Maybe, maybe not," Cemal said. "Those mushrooms smell pretty rancid once cooked. It's another way to tell them from the good ones. You may have decided to toss them."
"Probably. I miss real food."
Binhadi gave a brief laugh. "Oh, is that the real reason for your despondence? We left Eser's home before you could cadge several meals out of her staff?"
"Shut up."
"Where is the brandy we purchased?" Binhadi asked.
Cemal stopped fussing with the stew and reached into one of the saddlebags at his side. Pulling out two large bottles made of dark brown glass, he tossed one to Binhadi and uncorked the other. He took a swallow then handed it over.
Mahzan sniffed it, eyes immediately watering. "This is brandy?"
"Only in the barest sense," Binhadi said, his mouth turning down in something that would have been a pout on a normal person. "I wanted to buy the good stuff, but Cemal and Sule got tetchy."
"Your good brandy would have wiped half our funds," Sule said. "Honestly, who cares. Alcohol is alcohol. Why buy expensive when the cheap stuff does the same thing?"
Mahzan bent double laughing at the offended look on Binhadi's face.
Sule huffed loudly and went back to butchering.
"The moment this is over, we are going to buy quality alcohol and I'm going to teach you why it's vastly preferable to that warm piss you drink."
"Warm piss you're drinking," Sule retorted as he rose and carried the prepared meat over to Cemal. "I'm going to wash up."
Mahzan took another swig of brandy as he watched Cemal skewer meat on the poles he'd been preparing and set them over the fire. The brandy tasted of borra berries, leaving his mouth tingling. On an empty stomach, it wasn't going to take much for it to go straight to his head.
He could already feel Binhadi and Cemal's thoughts softening, growing vaguer. "Oh, Dragon, I've never read drunk people in quite this way. Don't get too drunk, I don't know what I'll do."
"Oh, I don't think it's that much of a mystery," Binhadi replied, and before Mahzan could ask what that was supposed to mean, his mind filled with a memory of Mahzan leaning against a wall, a man in royal livery on his knees sucking Mahzan's cock.
Mahzan choked on the brandy he'd just swallowed, cheeks going hot. "You bastard! Did you stand there and watch the whole time?"
"Of course not, that would be inappropriate. I chanced upon it and left shortly thereafter."
After Mahzan had come, the memory showed, and he didn't miss the wistfulness that lingered with the memory.
"How long have you been watching us?" he asked.
"I didn't watch you. I merely noticed you more after our paths crossed that night," Binhadi said. "Something about that night stuck with me. I couldn't forget you, even if I hadn't stored the memory. So when I saw you, I saw you. It's why I knew you'd be worth approaching when everything went so wrong."
"You didn't have much choice," Cemal said.
Binhadi shrugged. "There were other people I could have bonded with, but I was set on you three."
"I get the feeling there was more shadow work going on than I ever realized," Mahzan said.
"Maybe." But the flickering memories that spilled into his mind showed just how much shadow work Binhadi had been doing that day, how easily all of them would have died if he hadn't saved them.
Mahzan didn't know what to say, so he took another swig of brandy then rose and circled the fire, plopped down next to Binhadi and dragged him into a kiss that was hot and filthy and full of invitation.
"Save it for after dinner," Sule grumbled.
Tearing away, Mahzan stole Binhadi's brandy and took a sip, then leaned against him as he watched Cemal and Sule across the fire. It shouldn't have been so easy to settle into the idea of four of them. He'd never managed to keep one lover, how was he going to keep three from getting sick of him?
"Shut up," Sule said congenially. "I think we've made it clear that even at our worst all we want is to find each other again. Now somebody feed me."
Cemal lifted his eyes to the sky but set to work parceling out food. After that, there was very little talking, all their focus on eating and drinking, and why converse aloud when they were more than capable of conversing in silence?
This is delicious. I knew my attempts were shitty, but not that shitty.
Nobody is brilliant at the start, Cemal replied. In a few weeks, you'll probably be better than me. My cooking has never been more than mediocre, I assure you.
Mahzan doubted that, but it wasn't worth arguing. He finished the last of his meal and collected the dishes as the others finished. Carrying it all down to the stream, he washed them as quickly as he could, constantly impeded by both his drunk-clumsy grip and the tantalizing images already filling his head. Pausing only to piss, he carried everything back to the campsite and put it hastily away.
Then he simply sat and enjoyed watching for a bit as Cemal pressed up against a kneeling Binhadi and kissed him like their lives depended on it being a good one. Sule pressed up behind Binhadi, and Dragon, Mahzan could feel all three of them just like the last time. It made him dizzy, the alcohol making it better and worse all at once.
Binhadi tasted like brandy and roasted meat, and he was warm to the touch like always, Cemal thought.
No, Sule replied, his skin was cool to the touch, r
efreshing against his own overheated skin, tasting faintly of sweat but mostly just earthy and male.
Mahzan groaned and discarded his clothes, in no mood to dither over what they were obviously bound for. He dragged Cemal away and to his feet, started working on all the cumbersome layers of his clothes. "Why do you and Sule dress in so many confounded layers?"
"It's called armor. Not all of us have your unique skillset."
Grunting, Mahzan threw one piece of stupid armor aside, absently noting it was blue-dyed leather, nothing Cemal had owned before. The memories came easily, but he dismissed them in favor of kissing Cemal, shuddering at the combined taste of him and Binhadi in his mouth. His hands stuttered, forgot their task in favor of clinging to Cemal as Mahzan ate hungrily at his mouth, took the kiss deeper, sucking Cemal's tongue and tasting every crevice of his mouth.
Binhadi moaned, and it was one of the sweetest sounds Sule had ever heard. He still could not really believe it was Binhadi, distant and untouchable, who was moaning for him, clinging to him.
Tearing away from Sule's delectable mouth, Binhadi pulled away enough to start working on his own clothes, shuddering at the images in his head, Sule's wet, well-kissed mouth and gleaming skin. "Get undressed."
Sule obeyed with fumbling fingers, heart pounding with anticipation and an anxiety he doubted he'd ever lose entirely, after too many years of people getting angry or disappointed or uncomfortable even after swearing they wouldn't.
Mahzan pulled away from Cemal to go to Sule and tear away his clothes. I'm impatient, stop being irritating. When Sule was naked, Mahzan dragged him in and kissed him hard, stopping only when someone pressed up behind him and put teeth to that spot low on his neck. He moaned and shuddered, and that was all Sule needed to lean in and torment the front of his throat. The only thing better than being pinned between Binhadi and Sule was watching Cemal do his own tormenting from behind Sule, his hands reaching around to cup Sule's chest while he sucked and licked and nipped at Sule's throat.
Sule groaned and pressed back against Cemal. He wasn't as cool as Binhadi, but still not as warm as Sule, refreshing and frustrating all at once. One of the hands cupping his chest slid down to touch lower, teasing and rubbing with expert knowledge. Sule freed one hand from Mahzan to reach back to hold Cemal, cried out as one of Mahzan's hands joined Cemal's, a finger pushing inside his slick heat to torment further.