I never believed in miracles. I didn’t care for hope. It was a brutal thing, blinding you so well you didn’t see the danger ahead. You followed it like a person possessed, driven mad by the belief that maybe you would find angels instead of demons.
Now hope didn’t seem so wicked. It's brutal nature tamed by a girl who fought to hold on even when she had nothing left. Miranda's faith reached out for me, wanting me to believe. I felt like a fucking fool for listening, but I couldn't stop. I drove on, my road to ruin sat next to me asleep. A single drop of treacherous hope made me believe Miranda could be my salvation instead of my destruction.
All the things running through my head made the drive go by faster than I expected. I pulled into the drive and punched in the security code. I had never brought anyone here. This had always been my private getaway for when I needed to be alone. I wondered what Miranda would think of it. I parked and lifted her out, making my way to the door. The movement snapped her eyes open.
“We’re here.”
I woke to the feeling of warm arms carrying me. I felt the familiar rush of fear until I heard his voice. I relaxed and turned my head expecting to see the club. Instead, a house rested a few feet ahead of me. Surprise rolled through me, and I waited for Val to say something but he stayed silent, so I took the time to study the house. Black towering gates stood upright like Watchmen. They went all the way around dipping back behind the house and back out again. The house itself seemed plain and ordinary, and all that security would seem like overkill except for the fact that this was Val. He would guard a cardboard box with an electric fence. He had serious trust issues, not that I could blame him.
The door opened and what I saw caused my mouth drop open. My eyes did a double take as I stared wide-eyed at an inside that dripped money. Val set me down and my feet sunk into plush carpeting. I turned my head to peer at Val.
"Looks can be deceiving," I said giving Val a smile.
He returned the smile and shrugged. The gesture left me speechless, transforming him from killer to boy in a matter of seconds. All too quickly it fled, and I wondered what I could do to get it back. It was a part him I hadn't seen. A part of him not haunted by what chased him into his ever present darkness. I wanted to get to know that side of him. I wanted to know everything about him.
My eyes scanned the room. The whole room was beautiful, but the best part was seeing traces of Val everywhere I looked.
"It's wonderful," I said as awe lit up my voice.
Val lost a little bit of the edge to his voice when he said, “Thank you.”
I took a step forward. My legs, not quite used to walking yet, sent me stumbling, but I caught myself.
Suddenly I realized I was still naked and dirty. I halted my steps. I felt out of place. His house like a museum, perfect and pristine and I felt contaminated. I hugged the blanket closer to my body.
“What’s the matter?” Val to noticed my hesitation and the room seemed to swallow me whole. I struggled with what to say. I knew he would want the truth, but I didn’t want to tell him. So I offered only the first part of what I was thinking.
“I am still naked and dirty. I don’t want to mess anything up.”
Val met my eyes. “I don’t give a fuck about the fact you are dirty or naked. If you want to run around here touching everything you see, it wouldn’t matter to me.”
I still didn't move. Val stepped in front of me, and his eyes searched my face. I dropped my eyes, wishing he would let it go, but I knew he wouldn't.
"There's something else. Tell me, Miranda." His fingers lifted my chin, so I had to face him. My eyes blurred with tears, the drops gathering in the corners threatening to fall. I closed my eyes hoping to contain them. I kept them closed as I revealed the truth.
“I feel wrong, contaminated. I can’t shake the feeling. I couldn't stand his hands on me, not after you. I tried to drift away, to forget what he was doing, what he was making me do but I couldn't, Val. I don't know how you can stand me anymore. I can't stand myself." My eyes opened as I shrunk, trying to make myself even smaller. The truth spilled out, and I hated every word. I longed to be the girl I had been when we spent our last night together, but the broken pieces had cut too deep. I would not lie to him either. I needed him to understand.
I stepped closer catching Miranda’s shoulders. Her breath retracted at the touch, but I wouldn’t take any more of her retreat. I dropped the vest I wore, next came the shirt as I pulled it up and over my head. I took her fingers and placed them on my chest, right over my heartbeat. The rested like feathers, soft and still as I offered her a confession of my own.
“I remember the night I let you see this; I had been sure you wouldn’t be able to stand the sight. I believed you would hate what you saw. I do. Every single day, I hate it. In the beginning, it was others that hurt me and after I had destroyed them all I found it didn't release from the need to keep hurting."
I invaded her space with determination. I could feel her breath crisscross my scars, a flutter of wings when I wanted fists. I wanted her rage. I wanted her fire, to help me fight for her.
"I hated when they touched me. I can still feel their hands. The brutal way they used and hurt me. I thought I could be free. Then I realized I had inherited their sickness, and I knew I would never be clean. I retreated into a world of control. Rules, order, consequences, all designed to calm the chaos, but none of it was ever enough. So I used to pain, a dark, sick, thing I needed to quiet my head. I built an empire I could never use. I was too far gone, and I didn't dare let it out, but then a tiny blonde walked in and changed everything. She wanted to see me, the real me. The one darkened by shadows and hated who he saw when he looked in the mirror. I became captivated, falling under her spell like
I had opened a vein, and I couldn't stop the flow. Spilling out I let the truth collect at Miranda's feet, hoping to strike a spark. "I want your shadows. I want the things that haunt you. I want every piece. Do you still want mine?"
Val waited. The question hung between us like a waiting guillotine, and it wasn't our heads resting the block it was our very souls. I started at the scars. I felt my beat under the surface. I took a breath and let the blade drop.
“Yes.”
Chapter Forty-Two
I reached out and wrapped my arms around Val's waist; he was mere inches away, but it felt like miles. His scars pressed into my cheek, and I realized I was home. I had thought I loved him. I had left my heart with him, but this went beyond that. It went beyond my heart, my body, my soul. It was inside the very cells that made up who I was. They reached out recognizing we were now the same. He twisted around my DNA, filling in the spaces with the things I didn’t know I carried.
I smiled against his chest. The heaviness of the moment replaced by something far lighter. I slipped from his hold and smiled. His eyes widened at the sight as he cocked his head, surprised to see that I now wore a smile.
"I thought of something critical," I said.
“What?”
“I need a shower. You haven’t said anything, but I stink.”
“I wasn’t going to mention it.” Val matched my smile, and I felt something other than pain.
"Do you have a bathroom in this place?" Such a silly question, but I wasn't willing to let this lighter feeling fade. I held on strong, willing it to give me a few more seconds of peace.
“I have six. This way." He stepped back and reached his hand out. My fingers curled around his, ready to follow him.
*
Miranda’s small fingers curled into my palm. I loved the feeling on Miranda’s hand resting on mine. This was terrifying madness, but I didn’t stop it. I led Miranda through the living room and down the first hallway.
Pushing open the door, I stepped aside. "It's not the best one, but it's the closest."
*
I let go of Val’s hand and stepped inside. Like everything else I had seen, it was perfect—nothing but the best. I had to wonder what the others looked like.
>
"I think it will do," I said as I shrugged.
Val arched his eyebrows and laughed, the sound becoming my new favorite song. I loved hearing it, and I desperately wanted more.
Without warning, he lifted me up and took me to the large tub in the middle of the room and set me down inside the tub. "A bath would probably work better without the blanket."
I let the blanket drop, knowing he had already seen me, but in the bright lights of the bathroom, I knew what had been done to me would be even worse. I didn't dare look; I had lived every second of torment, and I couldn't stand to see the truth upon my skin.
Val remained calm as he pulled the blanket from the tub and started to the water. The control I had hated on was now my saving grace. I knew deadly things boiled under the surface, but he kept them beyond reach. I sat down, letting the water rise around me. The warm water hits my skin, and it felt like a baptism. My old self-washed away as I became remade into a collection of nightmares, frightening things living under my skin.
“There are towels in the cabinet. Take your time. I’ll be waiting when you are done.”
He went to walk out the door, but I said, "Wait." The word stopped him in his tracks. He turned to me and waited. Case's face came to my mind, and I had to know. Part of me knew I should wait until I wasn't so cracked open and raw, but I had handed myself over to a monster to save her, to save all of them. I couldn't let Val leave without knowing what happened to them.
"There was a girl. Her name was Case. My father kept her at the same warehouse he took me too. Did you know anything about what happened to her, what happened to all of them?" My voice fell to a whisper. I prayed for Val to give me the answer I longed to hear.
"She is alive Miranda. She was the one who helped me find you. I got information on your father's warehouse, and I paid it a visit. We weren't in time to save all of them, but because of you we got to most of them in time. The case was one of them."
I let out the breath I didn’t know I had been holding. Relief washed through me.
“Thank you.” My voice broke, overcome with the fact I had been able to keep my promise to them. They were no longer forgotten.
"Don't thank me Miranda. It was you that gave her the hope to keep fighting if you had never walked into my club I would have never gone looking in the first place. You saved them Miranda, not me."
I nodded unable to answer due to the lump in my throat. Val walked back over and placed a kiss on top of my head before he left me, giving me space to absorb everything that had happened.
I slipped further into the water. I was a mess of thoughts. I wanted the space, but I needed for Val to hold me and not let go. I wanted time, but I dreaded the tick of the clock. I had so many questions, but I couldn’t ask them. I knew Val now knew me better than I knew myself.
Chapter Forty-Three
I left Miranda and walked out of the bathroom. I wanted to throw myself into the water with her, rid her of everything taking over, but I knew I couldn’t. Some demons you couldn’t destroy. Some demons become a part of who you are. I could only show her how to live with them. She amazed me with the way she had held on as long as she had. That reason was why she had stood out the day she walked into my club. I had been fascinated by the way she wanted my hands on her. The way she longed to see me. I knew even if she didn't believe it now, she would have one day dance with her demons. She would be better than I ever could be. I envied it. I was awed by it and most importantly I wanted to protect it.
I pulled out my phone making the call I hoped would make sure I had kept my promise.
“Do you have her?” Selena’s voice betrayed the calm she wanted me to believe.
“Yes.”
“Is she?” She didn’t finish the question. I don’t think she could.
"She's going through hell, but she's alive."
The relief I heard on the other end of the line was tangible, mirroring my own. “And Eddie?”
“Not a problem anymore.”
“Good.” Selena couldn’t hide the satisfaction in her voice.
“Where are we with her sisters?”
"The plans in motion, but it will take a few days."
“Get it done, Selena.”
“I always do. Tell Miranda I can’t wait to see her.”
“I will.”
The line went dead. All I had been left to wait. Time a necessary evil, but that didn't stop me from hating it. Walking to my bedroom, I could only think about how my life had changed. My calculated control had reduced to ashes. My life in chaos and I didn't know the end game. The thought should have scared me, but it didn't. Grabbing clothes from my dresser I made my way back to the bathroom. I hesitated, I felt like a fucking school boy. Awkward and unsure.
I opened the door, and Miranda seemed so small in the large tub. The water had turned into a sick shade of reddish brown.
“I’m ready to get out now.” Miranda’s voice barely registered.
“You don’t have to. I just brought you some clothes. I’ll go.”
“Don’t.”
One word became my undoing. My feet refused to walk away. I had wanted to give her space, time to settle into the person that had a whole new set of nightmares to learn to live with. I had been afraid to touch her too much, worried she wasn’t ready to have me so close to the fragile pieces of herself she now had to put back together, but I could never deny her. I did the only thing I could think of, dropping the clothes I held, kicking off my shoes and climbing into the tub. I pulled her close, holding on for the both of us.
I heard her gasp of surprise. “What you are doing?”
“I thought a bath might be nice.”
Miranda shook her head. “Your clothes.”
I looked down and shrugged. “They don’t matter.”
“You are insane.”
I cocked an eyebrow. “You are just figuring that out?”
Miranda laughed. A real laugh. The sound was cutting through all the darkness and carving a permeant spot in my soul. I wanted to hear her laugh every day, and I wanted to be the one to make her laugh. She settled against me, her cool skin melting into my t-shirt. I didn't know where she ended, and I began. My arms were wrapped around her, careful not to hurt her.
“What are we doing?” she asked.
“Surviving.”
Miranda turned in my arms and looked at me like she had never seen me before. Her fingertips ran over my chest, down my arms and up to my face. “I want to remember you.”
Chapter Forty-Four
I stared at Val. His clothes stuck to him as a brighter shade of red mixed in the water around us. I knew where it had come from. Val was the man who had killed for me, the man who carried me like I was something fragile. The man who climbed into the bath with all his clothes just to give me something to hold on to. I always knew that we were never going to be a fairy tale. We could never be a perfect picture, only shattered glass trying to stay together.
Val was like smoke. Something I could never catch. I had tried in my dreams, but he had always slipped through my fingers. I didn't want to lose him again. I wanted a reminder of what we had been. I set my lips a breath apart from his, and I was sure we looked like madness at that moment, and I wanted more.
I put my lips to his. He didn't move beneath me except for his lips meeting mine like the brush of wings. Soft and gentle, reminding me of the day he had held me so unsure of what to do. He pressed harder, and I could taste the night I found myself under him. I could feel his hands. I knew his scent.
I pulled away, letting my head drop to his shoulder. The madness faded as I realized the water around us had grown cold. I shivered. The cold rushed through me, stealing the moment. Val was the only thing keeping me together as he got out and carried me from the tub. I let him dry me off and slip the shirt over my head.
"I'm going to need some dry clothes. I hadn't planned on a bath. I will be right back."
I smiled, but inside I didn't want him to leave my sight. I ha
ted this needy thing inside me, it stripped me raw and left me vulnerable. I hadn't wanted to see myself, but now alone, it was all I could think of. I faced the mirror and the girl I saw reflected back was a complete stranger. A broken doll that had been used and thrown away. I stepped closer to the glass and lifted the shirt Val had put on me. I wanted to see every mark, every bruise. Here. Now. I needed to crack completely; I didn't have anything left to keep the pieces together anymore. They would only cut me deeper the longer I held them. I could rebuild. I knew something waited inside me, something I would use to remake me into someone stronger. Someone who wouldn't be afraid of the dark anymore. I would strike out instead of living in fear.
I ripped the shirt over my head, the final thread snapping with brutal precision as it broke me. My hands were touching every mark, every violent thing that had been done to me. When my fingers reached the vicious red line around my throat, I let the tears take me. Sobs racked my body as I cried for the girl I no longer recognized. Every moment crashed through my head, his hands, his voice, the pain. It suffocated me. I let the girl in the mirror take her last breath, and I let go My legs gave out, and I slid to the floor.
*
I scooped Miranda up. Salty warm tears soaked through the fabric of my shirt. They hit my skin like knives. I took each one, direct hits I hoped would let Miranda find her way back. I couldn't remember the act of crying. I had abandoned it long ago, the crying had only made things worse for me in the end, but somehow I knew she needed this moment. I let her come undone, unraveling in my arms like a paper thin thread. I held on as she wound every piece around me, spinning a web of pain and despair until I knew every inch.
*
Val held me as I fell, like the, I mourned the girl I had been and tried to find a piece of who I could be to hold on to. When the tears had stopped, and I had nothing left, he carried me to his bedroom. I don't remember falling asleep, but I remember him. He became the only thing worth remembering.
Unbound (Bound and Bared Book 1) Page 14