by Bobby Akart
As he peeled off his clothes and piled them in a heap on his bathroom floor, he recalled the events of the past week. He debated whether to tell his folks how close he’d come to dying. Waterspouts. Polar bears. Gas station explosions. Escaped convicts. He studied himself in the mirror and wondered if he was a weatherman or that Mission Impossible guy, whatever his name was.
His mom had poured a pitcher of water into his bathroom sink and laid out a couple of washcloths. The best he’d be able to do was sponge off the grime from the road and douse his underarms with deodorant.
Lipstick on a pig, he thought to himself with a chuckle. He rooted through his vanity and found a bottle of Old Spice cologne he’d received for Christmas from his niece and nephew a couple of years back. Chapman was becoming his old self as he doused his chest and neck with the musky fragrance. He chuckled again as he remembered the advertising tagline used by Old Spice decades ago.
If your grandfather hadn’t worn it, you wouldn’t exist.
Chapman smiled as he recalled the hilarious conversation around the fire that Christmas morning when everyone laughed at the absurdity of the statement. The Boones were pioneers, explorers and hunter-gatherers dating back to the founding of America. His dad had quipped that if his grandfather had worn Old Spice, he would’ve been shot in the back or mauled by a bear.
A light tap on the door interrupted his reminiscing, and the sweet, gentle voice of his new love immediately created a huge smile.
“Chapman,” began Isabella, “may I come in?” Only wearing jeans, he reached into his closet to grab a shirt, but Isabella was next to him before he could put it on. She rubbed his chest and whispered to him, “J’adore.”
They embraced and he replied, “I love you, too.” He smelled her neck, closing his eyes to enjoy her scent.
“We both smell better, oui?”
Chapman laughed. “I never want us to stink again.”
She laughed with him. She playfully lifted up one of his arms and sniffed his pits. “Yes, much better. You are still manly, but not as bad.”
“Did everything go okay with my mom and Carly?”
“Oh, yes. Your mother is the nicest woman I have ever met. She is genuine and caring. Carly, um …” Her voice trailed off.
“Isabella, what is it? Was she rude?”
“No!” Then she quickly lowered her voice. “No, she was very gracious. But, um, there is a sadness about her. She misses her husband and is worried about him.”
Chapman nodded and pulled the long-sleeve rugby shirt over his head. He sat on the corner of the bed to put on his socks. He patted the bed so that she would join him. “I have to tell you something. Neither my mom nor Carly know this.”
“I understand.”
Chapman sighed and glanced through the door into the hallway. The wood floor outside his room had squeaked for half a century, so he would be warned if anyone approached his room. “Dad told me that Kristi is missing.”
“Oh?”
He nodded and continued. “And he saw a news report that the zoo where she works was attacked. Isabella, several zoo employees were killed, and the animals were released into the city.”
“God, no, Chapman. Was she—?”
“He doesn’t know, and therefore, he hasn’t said anything to Mom.”
“What about your brother?” she asked.
“They haven’t heard from him since he left for his hunting trip. Dad can’t get through to the camp where he was supposed to stay, and he just learned that a freak blizzard hit that region of Northern Ontario.”
He lowered his head and closed his eyes.
As his shoulders drooped, Isabella sensed his emotional pain and immediately wrapped her arms around him. “Chapman, I have not known them, but I know you and the rest of your family. You are among the strongest people I have ever known. Your sister and brother are alive, and they are survivors. Do not lose hope.”
They both heard the floor squeaking as someone approached his room. Like a teen boy and his girlfriend being caught in a young’s man room alone without authorization, they both hopped off the bed to avoid the appearance of impropriety.
“Honey, did you find the water in the sink?” asked Sarah, and then she put her nose in the air and sniffed. Laughing, she added, “It seems you have, and you’ve been rustling through your cabinet looking for the Old Spice. I could smell that stuff a mile away. I thought you said you didn’t need cologne to woo the ladies.”
“Mom!”
“Woo the ladies? Really, Monsieur Boone?” Isabella stood back from Chapman and thrust her hands on her hips. “Do tell us a story about how you woo the ladies.”
Chapman was on the defensive. “There’s been no wooing of any ladies, and Mom knows that.”
“I don’t know,” Sarah began, slightly closing her left eye as if deep in thought. She tapped the right side of her face with her index finger. “I seem to remember that time when—”
“No, you don’t, Mom. There was no time.” Chapman’s face turned red out of embarrassment.
Sarah looked to Isabella and winked. The two women immediately began laughing, as they’d bonded so well during the evening that they knew exactly how to push Chapman’s buttons. Sarah reached out for Isabella’s hand, and the two headed for the door.
“Come on, Isabella. Let me fix you dinner, and I’ll tell you about the time that Chapman—”
Isabella giggled as Chapman protested again. “Mom, we’re not gonna tell any old stories, okay? Um, I’m sure Isabella is too tired from our trip to listen to the Boone family tales.”
“No, actually, I am quite refreshed,” said Isabella, who ran her arm through Sarah’s. “Please, Sarah, tell me everything.”
Chapman closed his eyes and sighed. I’m doomed.
Chapter 6
Riverfront Farms
Southeast Indiana
The atmosphere around the table in Sarah Boone’s kitchen was jovial as everyone got to know Isabella and took great pleasure in teasing Chapman in the process. However, the angst suffered by Squire as he wrestled with how to tell his wife about her other two children consumed him. Meanwhile, Carly’s despair over missing Levi was beginning to overwhelm her.
“Well, that’s a lot of conversation for one night, and I’m sure our weary travelers would like to get some rest,” Sarah began as she cleared the table. “Plus, these grandkids of mine are well past their bedtime.”
“Aw, come on,” protested young Jesse. “We haven’t seen Uncle Chapman for weeks and weeks.”
Chapman stood and walked behind his niece and nephew. He mussed Jesse’s hair and gave Rachel a gentle hug. He leaned down between them. “You guys are gonna be stuck with me for a while.” A hollow promise he wasn’t sure he’d be able to keep, with Kristi and Levi missing. “Tomorrow is gonna be a new kind of day for all of us. For a while, we get to live like the Boones did in the old days.”
“It’ll be fun, Uncle Chapman,” said Jesse. “Grandpa is gonna take us fishin’.”
“Yeah, and Grandma said we could make apple butter the old-fashioned way. Plus, no school anymore, right?”
Carly managed a chuckle. “Oh, no, missy. Your homeschoolin’ ain’t gonna stop because of this mess. We’re gonna keep a normal routine with you two, although I suspect your grandma may add a few more chores to your day.”
“That’s right,” said Sarah. “You both are gonna spend some time with me in the vegetable garden and tendin’ to the chickens. Plus, there will be chores we haven’t thought of.”
“And,” interjected Carly, “I think, if Miss Isabella is willin’, it might be good for you to learn a little bit about other parts of the world. Isabella, would you mind spendin’ some time with them to teach them about France and maybe even Europe?”
“Oui. Absolutely. It will be my pleasure.”
“Gawd, I love the way she talks,” said Squire.
“Zip it, Grandpa,” said Sarah as she gave her husband a playful slug. “Why don’t you and
Chapman make sure the barn is secured and his motorcycle is put away. I’ll help Isabella get settled in her room while Carly puts the kids to bed.”
The family gathering broke up, and the guys made their way outside, where they were greeted by a crystal-clear night sky. It was near eleven, way past the family’s normal bedtime.
Squire walked slowly with his hands in his pockets while Chapman slowly pushed the motorcycle alone. It was very low on fuel, and he didn’t want to take the risk of running it dry. Like any fuel-injected vehicle, the fuel system needed to repressurize after being completely emptied, and Chapman knew nothing about motorcycles. He saw the bike, and its excellent fuel mileage, as an asset, considering what was ahead of them.
“Dad, you were pretty quiet in there,” Chapman observed.
“Yeah, I know, son. I’m havin’ a hard time hiding my feelings.”
“Mom’s gonna see right through it. You’ve gotta tell her.”
Squire stopped. “Tell her what? Everything I say is gonna be followed up by questions. The answers will be the same—I don’t know.”
They reached the barn and Squire unlatched the large red doors to allow Chapman to continue pushing the motorcycle. When it was secured inside, he caught his breath and gestured for his dad to exit the barn first.
“Okay, I get it. Here’s the thing. I don’t like the thought of lying to Mom, and like I said, she’ll see right through it. Then you and I will both be gettin’ an ass-whoopin’.”
Squire laughed at Chapman using a phrase that had been passed down from one generation of Boones to the next. “No doubt about it, son. What if, um, I tell her part of it, but not the whole thing?”
“Like?” asked Chapman.
“I’ll tell her about the zoo incident, but there’s no reason to concern her with the fact that zoo personnel were killed. We have no idea if they were referring to guards, maintenance folks, or, well, you know.”
“Okay, I agree with that. What about Levi? Carly was as quiet as you were in the kitchen. She’s worried for my little brother and is trying not to concern the kids.”
“I noticed. Um, I hate to drag you into the mess I created, but if I hit them with two things at once, you know, that I’ve withheld, they’re gonna be mad.”
Chapman thought for a moment. “Okay, I’m the weather guy in the family. Mom wants to have a family meeting in the morning after breakfast. I’ll bring up the reports of the snowstorm in Northern Canada and use it as an explanation for the phone lines being down. There’s no reason why anyone should presume harm came to Levi. Besides, truthfully, Dad, and with all due respect, of all the people in this family, I’d put my money on Levi to survive in the damn wilderness.”
Squire laughed and patted his son on the back. “I agree totally. You’re right. Why should I look at this as something bad has happened to him, or Kristi, for that matter? If there’s been one thing that has been reinforced through all of this, it’s the fact that Sarah has an intuition like no other. If something horrible happened to any of you kids, she’d know it. Deep inside, you know what I mean?”
“I do, Dad,” said Chapman, and the two men wrapped their arms around each other’s waists and squeezed as they approached the front door. Chapman glanced upstairs and saw Isabella standing at the window of the guest room, nose pressed against the window and cupping her face with her hands in an attempt to look outside.
Squire noticed it as well. “She’s a beautiful young woman, Chapman.”
“Yes, she is, Dad. Can I be honest? It was her brain and feistiness that attracted me to her.”
Squire laughed, covered his mouth, and feigned a sneeze that sounded more like the word bullshit than an actual sneeze.
Chapman immediately picked up on his dig. “No, seriously. It’s true. When I saw her go toe-to-toe with a world-recognized climatologist in front of a huge crowd of her peers, I was genuinely impressed with her staying true to her principles. When they booed her out of the place, I just had to meet her.”
Squire stopped and waved to Isabella, who waved back. “Then you met her.”
“Yes, I followed her into the conference mezzanine.”
“Then you discovered she was beautiful,” Squire persisted.
“Well, yeah.”
“And then you fell in love?” he asked his son.
Chapman blushed and ran his fingers through his hair. He glanced up at the guest bedroom, but Isabella was no longer standing there. He laughed. “Yeah, pretty much. Every minute I’ve been with her since then has confirmed what I knew that first moment. I really do love her, Dad. And I think she loves me, too.”
“She does, son. I can tell.”
They walked up the steps onto the porch, and Squire reached for the door latch.
Just as he was about to open up, Chapman stopped him. “Dad, um, you know, uh, Isabella and I have grown really close. You know, like reeaally close.”
“I’m no prude, son. I get it.”
“Well, I was wonderin’. This whole thing about my room and, um, the guest bedroom. Don’t you think—?”
Squire raised his hand and stopped Chapman from continuing. “Do you remember that conversation we had about ass-whoopin’s a little while ago? Do not even think about inviting that young lady to your room or vice versa. There’s no way I could hold your mother back from chasing you around this house with a broom. Do you understand me?”
“Yessir.”
End of discussion.
Chapter 7
Tommy Bannon’s Residence
North Michigan Avenue
Chicago, Illinois
The setting sun cast an orange glow on the skyscrapers lining Chicago’s waterfront as Tommy slowly opened the door and gently shut it behind him. He was keenly aware of the problems he’d be facing if Housley and her henchmen became aware of the chimpanzee in his home. He locked the bolt lock and instantly wished he had one of those chain-lock things that prevented the door from being opened even with a key.
He smiled as Kristi approached him with a much-needed glass of bourbon. Her intuition was incredible.
“How’d it go?” she asked as she handed him his drink.
He took it and downed half the glass, grimacing as the bourbon burned his throat somewhat on the way down.
Kristi laughed. “Um, that seems to say it all.”
“Yeah, I guess it does,” he said as he bent over and kissed her on the cheek. He gestured for her to join him by the wall of windows overlooking Lake Michigan. She kept the doors shut so Brooke wouldn’t inadvertently find her way to the balcony and try to reenact a scene from King Kong.
“Spill,” said Kristi as she rubbed his shoulders. The tension was still there, but eased immediately at her touch. Tommy glanced past her toward the sofa.
“Where’s the little one?” he asked.
“Snoozin’ in the guest bedroom. She said she wanted her own space in case, you know, Mommy and Daddy needed a little special quality time.”
Tommy stopped and looked at Kristi. He reached his hands up to her cheeks and felt the warm glow. She was a couple of drinks ahead of him. Her statement, more of an invitation, really, represented a tremendous leap in their relationship. He liked it and didn’t want recounting the association meeting to be a buzzkill.
“They’re doing what they think is fair, but honestly, it’s pretty heavy-handed. I slipped out the back during the uproar at the end.”
“Uproar?” she asked.
“Yeah, here’s the thing,” Tommy explained in his answer. “They want everyone to turn over their food to be divided up equally between all of the residents in the building. The way I understand it, you and I represent a single person because you are a guest.”
“Huh?” Kristi folded her arms in front of her and clutched her glass against her chest.
“They’ve created some type of communal pantry. Each unit owner and their immediate family is entitled to three meals a day. If you have a guest, you have to share your meal with the guest.
”
The buzz was officially killed.
“Well, that’s stupid. But who cares? They don’t know I’m here, and if they did, for all they know, we’re married. Two Bannons. Two meals.”
Tommy shook his head and finished his bourbon. He wandered over to the coffee table and retrieved the bottle. He poured himself another and offered to top off Kristi’s glass, but she declined.
“That won’t work. Technically—and this woman Housley, the president of the association, made it very clear they’d be following the bylaws, rules, and regulations to the letter—I obviously never updated my resident form with a wife or live-in girlfriend, much less a baby chimp.”
Kristi finished her drink and slammed the glass on the table. “This is bullshit! Just tell them no. You aren’t the healthiest eater, but you have a lot of food in your pantry. Heck, we could live off the protein powder for weeks.”
Tommy had to tell her the entire truth. “They plan on entering all the units to get a head count of the people in the building, and while they’re here, I suspect they’ll check my cabinets to confirm I turned over all my food by eight in the morning.”
“Jesus!” Kristi was incredulous. “How can they do this? We’ll just refuse. Screw ’em. They can’t make us do any of this crap.”
“That was my first thought, until I saw what happened at the end of the meeting.”
Kristi turned to him. He couldn’t hide the distressed look on his face. “Tommy, tell me everything.”
Tommy swallowed hard and began. “There was a woman who reacted very much like you and I are now. She made the mistake of telling Housley her name. Within seconds, without saying a word, Housley gave a signal to the men who banged on my door earlier. One of them left, and by the end of the meeting, he’d gone to the woman’s condo and dragged her sister and three young kids into the hallway. When they were pushed into the lobby by the thugs, the woman broke down in tears and began to beg Housley’s forgiveness.”