“I don’t think so,” I scoff. “But I will take a ride.”
“Sure thing,” he smiles, laying on the charm that still has no effect on my nether region.
He leads me over to his car and helps me in. “I’m Byron, by the way,” he offers.
“Brianna,” I reply.
He gets in the driver’s seat and I direct him to the apartment building next to mine, because, well… you never know. “Thanks,” I say as I open the door and try to hurry out of the car. The ride was pleasant, but he really doesn’t offer much in the way of interesting conversation.
“Hey, Brianna,” he says, stopping me from my hasty escape. I turn around with a questioning look. “Here,” he says, reaching a little card towards me. “Just in case you change your mind.”
I reach in and take the card to see it’s a business card with his number on it. Great. That will be going straight in the bin.
The second I step back from his car, he takes off, finally leaving me be.
I walk to the next building and pull my phone out. I dial Cassie’s number and wait while it rings. “Hey,” she finally answers in a way too chirpy voice for the kind of day I’m having.
“Hey,” I mumble. “Can you come over with a few bottles of wine?”
“Aww, hun. What’s going on?” she asks. “You having a bad day?”
“The worst,” I tell her. “I was in a car accident.”
“What?” she shrieks. “Are you ok? What happened?”
“What? Is that Bri?’ I hear from a familiar voice in the background that makes my heart hurt. “Is she ok?” he demands and from the tone in his voice, he’s truly concerned about my wellbeing.
“Shut up,” Cassie demands of her brother. Since the day she got back from her honeymoon, her relationship with Carter has been strained, and I can’t help but feel to blame for it. “You forfeited any right to know about her.”
“Fuck, Cass,” Carter snaps at his sister. “Just ask if she’s ok.”
“Clearly she is if she is asking me to come over with alcohol,” Cass says before the background noise fades away.
“Shit, Cass. I didn’t realize you were with him tonight.”
“Don’t stress,” she tells me. “He’s a total twat.”
“He’s not a twat,” I sulk. He’s still the man my heart belongs to and who I crave to touch and be with. His only fault was wanting to give me the life I deserve, one he couldn’t give me. Fuck, thinking about it only hurts that much more.
“He is, Bri, and the sooner you accept that the better,” she tells me. “Now, what the hell happened?”
“It’s a long story that starts from seven o’clock this morning,” I tell her.
“Right… so, two bottles or three?” she asks.
“Four or five would be good,” I say.
“I’ll be there in half an hour,” she promises.
True to her word, half an hour later, there’s a rap on my door. I jump up from the couch and make my way towards the door, doing my best to keep my head looking forward as to not jostle my neck.
“Hi,” I sigh as I open the door.
Cass takes one look at me, puts the shopping bags down on the floor and throws her arms around me. She holds onto me tight and I soak it all in. Cass may be my best friend, but she’s also the closest link I have to Carter and there’s just something soothing about being held by someone who shares the exact same eyes and hair. It may be odd, but when she’s around, I feel that connection to Carter.
“Start from the beginning,” she orders as she picks up the bags and lets herself into my apartment. She pulls one bottle of wine out of the bag and puts two in the fridge while I search out my wine glasses.
We get comfortable on the couch and I do as I’m told and start from the beginning.
Cassie has been everything to me over the last five months without Carter. After her and Jax suffered through their own horrible time apart, I feel like Cassie truly understands me at the moment. The only difference is, Cassie got her happy ending with Jax, whereas, there isn’t going to be one for me and Carter.
“You know what?” she says when I finish my recap of my day from hell. “I think you need to take Byron up on his offer to go on a date.”
“No, thanks,” I scoff.
“You need to,” she tells me. “Byron isn’t going to be the next great love of your life, but you need to find a rebound before you can find him.”
“I don’t know,” I say. “I’m not ready for that.”
“Tough shit,” she says as she gets up and swipes his card off my kitchen bench.
“Don’t you dare,” I demand as I fly off the couch and wrestle the card out of her hands, knowing exactly what she intends to do with it. “I’m not dating Byron. He was too much of a presumptuous ass.”
“Fine,” she says as she pulls her own phone out. “Then it’s time to reactivate your Tinder account.”
I let out a sigh. “Fine,”
After way too many drinks, a shit load of laughing and a whole lot of swiping, Cass managed to talk me into a date for tomorrow night… well, really, I agreed knowing I had at least twenty four hours to cancel once she leaves. We then raided my wardrobe to pick out the perfect outfit and as it all came together, I finally decided she was right.
I’m never going to get over Carter. That’s just a fact. He is tattooed on my heart for all of eternity, but that doesn’t mean that I can’t try to find the next best thing. To start, I need to get over that fear of actually being with someone else.
It’s going to hurt, but I need to try for my own good. I can’t sit up in my apartment sulking about missing the guy who doesn’t want to marry me for the rest of my life.
I throw back the rest of my drink and collapse in my bed next to an already passed out Cass.
Tomorrow is going to be interesting.
Chapter 6
Carter
The second I overheard Cassie’s phone call yesterday, my whole fucking night was ruined.
She ran out the door without telling me a fucking word, and I was a mess. I swear she did it on purpose. She still hasn’t forgiven me for breaking up with Bri. In fact, I haven’t forgiven myself either, but that’s no excuse for running out and not letting me know that she was alright.
I didn’t get a wink of sleep and after a massive day of dealing with a dickhead client, it was the last thing I needed.
I called her over and over again. All I needed was to know that Brianna was ok. All she had to do was answer her phone and tell me what the fuck had happened. I mean, she ran out of here after saying there was an accident.
What the fuck was I supposed to think?
I was close to getting in my truck and heading over there. I just needed to see her, but I know that wouldn’t have gone down well. Just as Cassie had said to me last night. I forfeited all right I had to know what’s going on with Bri. I broke her heart and let her go.
It doesn’t matter that I’m madly in love with her. It doesn’t matter that she’s all I’ve thought about since the moment I met her. I let her go and that’s on me.
I talked myself out of calling Bobby as he wouldn’t have given me any information. He would have told me to get fucked and with my mood last night, I would have let him have it.
It’s just past five in the afternoon when Cassie comes strutting into my place with a look on her face that I can’t quite read. It looks kind of guilty and kind of smug at the same time.
“Where’s your phone?” I question before she has a chance to say anything.
She pulls it straight out of her pocket and holds it up. “Right here,” she says with attitude.
“Oh, that’s interesting,” I tell her. “You see, I thought you must have lost it.”
“Nope.”
“Then why the fuck didn’t you answer it?” I yell at her.
“Calm down,” she says. “What’s your problem?”
“My problem is that something happened to my woman yesterday and
you didn’t have the fucking decency to let me know that she was ok.”
“Your woman?” she scoffs. “She’s not your woman, Carter. You broke her heart and left me to pick up the pieces. You have no right to know what’s going on in her life anymore.”
“Cass,” I say with a sigh. “I know, but please, just tell me she’s ok.”
She lets out a frustrated sigh and crosses her arms over her chest. “She’s fine. She had a shit day and then got into an accident. Her car is completely totaled.”
“What?” I cut in with anger. How the fuck could she have not told me that.
“Let me finish, dickhead” she demands. “She has whiplash and a sore chest. Apart from that, she’s absolutely fine. She was too pissed off with the other guy that she didn’t have a chance to get shook up about it.”
I let out a breath, but the overwhelming need to go to her pumps through my veins. I have to force myself to sit down so I don’t run out of my house and drive to her. I look up at Cass. “She’s really ok?” I ask.
“Yeah,” she tells me with sadness in her eyes. Relief instantly takes over me. I don’t know what I would have done if something had happened to her.
“I’m sorry,” Cass says as she takes a seat next to me. “I should have told you as soon as I knew. That wasn’t fair, but I’m just so pissed off with you.”
“I know you are,” I tell her putting my arm around her. “You have every right to be. I hurt your best friend.”
“You did, but I forget that you’re hurting too.”
“Don’t worry about me,” I tell her. “I knew it would hurt and I still went through with it. She was blindsided.”
“You got that right,” she grunts “But I understand why you did it.”
We sit in silence lost in our own thoughts when I finally get the courage to ask the most basic question that has been bothering me since the day I ended it. “Is she doing ok?” I ask. I’ve avoided asking how she is as I’ve been afraid to hear that she was still hurting, but it’s been five months now, so she’s got time on her side.
“Do you want an honest answer or the one that’s going to make you feel better about yourself?” she questions.
Shit. I suddenly don’t know if I want to hear this. “Don’t hold back, Cass.”
“She’s miserable, Carter. You broke her to pieces and she hasn’t been able to put herself back together,” she tells me. “She misses you.”
I hate hearing that she isn’t doing so great, but also knowing that she misses me makes me feel alive for the first time in five months as that might mean her heart is still mine. I shouldn’t feel that way, but I can’t help it.
“I convinced her to go on a date tonight.”
Woah. What? I am not ready for that shit.
“What the hell, Cass?” I demand as thoughts of random guys being with my girl start clouding my mind. This is what I asked for and yet it feels completely fucked up. What if this guy doesn’t have her best interests at heart? What if he hurts her?
“What do you mean ‘what the hell’? she needs to move on and she won’t do that while she’s sitting at home every night thinking about you,” she says. “Isn’t that what you wanted?”
“Yes… no. I don’t know. I want her to find someone that can give her the world,” I tell her, but I’m not convinced by my own words. Maybe I don’t want her to find someone. I know it’s what’s best for her, but despite what we want for our futures, she’s still my girl, still the woman I love. Always will be.
“She can’t find that if she doesn’t start dating, Carter.”
“I know,” I sigh, hating myself that much more.
“You still wish you could give her that?”
“Every moment of every day,” I tell her. “I wish I could be like you and Sean and see myself being married with kids, but I just can’t.”
“I know. You don’t need to apologize for who you are.”
“I do,” I insist. “I hurt the woman I love because of who I am.”
“I don’t know how to help you, Carter,” she admits while throwing her arms around me. “I want you two to be together so bad. I know it’s what you both want and I keep wishing you could be that guy for her. The one who takes her on crazy adventures and marries her in a fucking hot air balloon, but I know it’s not going to happen.”
“I know,” I say as I hold her tight. “Maybe one day I might be that guy.”
“That could take forever,” she says.
“And then it would be too late.”
----------
It’s nine o’clock at night and I stand in the corner of the bar, nursing my drink as I keep my eyes locked on the door. There are at least four men in this place sitting alone at tables, all who look like the kind of guys Bri might date and I want to go and knock out all of them.
I can’t believe I’m here right now. I’m a fucking crazy stalker but I need to make sure she’s alright. I don’t know anything about the guy she’s meeting tonight, but if he turns out to be some fucked up dude with bad intentions, I’d never forgive myself.
I haven’t seen her since that day, so I’m a mess of nerves. I never get like this, but there’s just something about her that drives me crazy.
This is probably going to be the hardest night of my life. I must be fucking crazy to put myself through this type of torture. I can just see it now, she’s going to walk through that door looking like a fucking goddess and it’s going to bring me to my knees. She’ll smile at the dude and if he’s any kind of gentleman, he’ll stand and kiss her on the cheek, which is probably when I’ll fuck him up.
Shit. I have to get a hold of myself or better yet, I should probably get the fuck out of here, but we all know that isn’t going to happen.
I remain seated in the dark corner, kind of pleased that the bar is pretty full as it will keep me concealed, but then, that goes two ways and people will constantly be getting in my line of sight.
The door opens and my eyes instantly fly towards it.
Fuck. There she is.
My breath catches in my throat and I have to remind myself to inhale. Just as I thought, she looks fucking stunning, especially with the black high heels, the little fuck me dress, which I’ve never seen before, and the long brunette hair blowing with the outside breeze.
The door closes behind her and she starts looking around the bar. I turn my back, not wanting her to see me when movement to my right catches my eye. A dude who looks and dresses way too much like me stands and smiles at her.
She smiles back but after two years of receiving that very smile, I can tell she’s nervous and really doesn’t want to be here, but she’s determined and going to go through with it anyway. She approaches the guy and as she gets nearer, I notice her perfect body is a lot smaller than it used to be. She’s fucking skin and bone and it does nothing but pisses me off.
I don’t have time to dwell on it as she reaches the guy and just as I had thought, he leans in and places a soft kiss on her nearly hollowed out cheek before they do their introductions.
My hand squeezes down on my glass and I fear it might shatter under the pressure. I manage to keep my ass firmly seated and my heart practically dies in my chest. This fucking sucks.
I shouldn’t be here.
I get up to leave but her eye catches my movement. She turns towards me and her face drops like she’s seen a ghost.
Longing instantly appears in her eyes as she looks at me. I stand still, physically unable to move with her eyes locked on mine. She looks away with pain written all over her and I take my chance to escape.
I beeline straight for the door and push my way out. I’m halfway back to my truck when I hear her broken voice calling out. “Carter,” she says.
I don’t want to turn around. I know I shouldn’t as it would make it that much harder, but the tone in her broken voice has me turning and walking straight to her. She meets me in the middle and we stand before each other, not touching and not saying a word.
> “What are you doing here?” she finally asks.
“What do you think I’m doing here?”
She shakes her head with tears in her eyes. “That’s not fair. You can’t do this.”
“I know,” I tell her. “I’m leaving. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have…”
She nods but doesn’t respond. Just stands there as we both wait, not wanting this stolen moment with each other to come to an end. “Don’t go back in there,” I tell her. “Let me take you home. You don’t want to be here.”
She looks up at me with those beautiful eyes that I love so much and I reach out, wanting to touch her, but I pull back. The touch would be like heaven and I’ll be sucked in. I can’t risk it. “Have you changed your mind?” she questions.
“No,” I sigh, looking down.
“Then I’m going back in,” she says with a tight smile before turning around and disappearing back inside the bar, taking my heart with her once again.
Chapter 7
Brianna
What the hell was he thinking showing up here like that?
All I want is to try and move on. To forget about the constant pain inside my chest. Is that too much to ask?
Instead, he shows up and what little progress I’ve made over the past few months was instantly wiped away. The way he looked at me, the way he smelled. It all came rushing straight back. I wanted nothing more than to fall into his arms and let him hold me.
Watching his hand reach towards me and not touch me was absolute agony. In that very moment I would have died just to feel his skin on mine just one more time.
I could tell by the look in his eyes that he still deeply loves me and seeing me tonight was nothing short of hard for him, but he shouldn’t have come. He had no right to do that. He ended it with me. He doesn’t want a future with me.
Heading back into that bar, pretending like everything was ok was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to endure. My heart shattered all over again.
Carter Page 4