“No,” he says. “They’re my babies in there, too. I want to make this work. I want to be here.”
I let out a sigh. “Look, Carter. I’m more than happy for you to be in these babies’ lives. They need to grow up knowing who their daddy is, but they’re not born yet and I can’t handle this,” I say indicating to the space between us. “You and I are not a thing anymore and you made sure of that. So, until they’re born, you don’t need to be here.”
“Please, Brianna. The second I saw that ultrasound it all became clear.”
“What?” I scoff, “You had an epiphany? Eight months ago, you said you didn’t see marriage and babies in your future and I’m supposed to suddenly believe that you want that now?”
“Yes,” he demands. “I just… let me take you to dinner.”
“No, Carter. You saw the picture and you’re letting your emotions run the show. Come tomorrow, you’ll realize that you’re still the same person. You can’t just all of a sudden change your mind about something so huge.”
“Brianna,” he says. “Let me take you to dinner.”
“No,” I demand.
“Let me try this again,” he says with anger behind his eyes. “Go get your ass dressed. I’m taking you to dinner.”
I let out a huff, but I realize he isn’t going to cave. “Fine,” I huff. “But only because I’m hungry and too tired to cook.”
“Noted,” he smirks.
“Jackass,” I grumble as I disappear up the hallway.
I throw on some clothes, hating that I’m in this situation, but what am I supposed to do? He’s right, these children are his and I would never keep them from him. Since the second I fell pregnant, our lives became intertwined.
I grab my phone off my bedside table and see a text from Cass.
Cassie – Everything ok?
I type out a quick reply.
Bri – Your brother is an ass.
Cassie – Yeah… he is. Love you xx.
I grab my purse and head up the hallway. I bypass the kitchen table, collect my keys and storm right past him. He follows behind and I can feel his eyes on my ass. I turn around and shoot him a glare.
He holds his hands up in surrender as he walks out of my apartment.
I lock up and ignore him as we head out of the building. He places his hand on my lower back as we walk, and I want to rip it off. I grab his hand and return it to his side. “Don’t” I warn him.
He reluctantly keeps his hands to himself as we walk out to his truck, he opens up the passenger door and holds out his hand, “At least let me help you up?”
I ignore him like the child I am and struggle as I hoist myself up.
“This is so fucking wrong,” he mutters to himself before closing the door and heading around to the driver’s side. He gets in and closes his door. The truck smells just like him and I want nothing more than to burst out into tears. Why am I doing this? I should have kicked him out.
He starts up the truck and pulls out into the traffic. “What do you feel like?” he asks, referring to dinner.
I shrug my shoulders which makes him roll his eyes. We drive in silence and I sit, looking down at his hand on the gear stick. I want to reach out and hold it like we used to. In fact, I want to throw myself across the console and ride him like a fucking cowgirl, but that seems a little inappropriate.
He finally pulls into a restaurant and I can’t keep the snide comment from flying out. “Are you sure this is where you want to eat? You wouldn’t want to go in and change your mind. I know you struggle with such big commitments.”
He narrows his eyes at me. “Yes, I’m sure,” he says, clearly not very impressed with my cheap comments.
He jumps down from the truck and walks around the front, knowing better than to come and help me. I open my door and turn my body to get out, but I find myself unable to move. Carter walks around and comes to stand in the open door. “What’s wrong?” he asks.
“This isn’t a good idea,” I tell him.
“I think you’re wrong,” he says, stepping closer into the open door and pushing himself between my legs. I gently push him back, but he catches my hand in his. “I want to make this work. We’re going to be a family.”
I shake my head. “I can’t Carter. You broke me. I don’t trust you anymore.”
He pushes my hand aside so he can move back in and I see the devastation in his eyes after taking that in. His fingers come up and run down the side of my face, the same way he used to. My face falls into his hand and he presses his lips to my forehead, “Please, Brianna. I’ve lived the last eight months without you and it’s been the hardest time of my life. I love you and I can see it in your eyes that you still love me, too. Just give me a chance to prove to you that I truly do want this. I want us to be a family. We can make this work.”
The words are like music to my ears. It’s everything I’ve been needing to hear from him, but it comes too late. The trust is gone. “You’re going to hurt me again,” I accuse.
“I won’t,” he says, looking deep into my eyes. A tear falls but he catches it with his thumb and wipes it away.
“I don’t know,” I murmur.
“I know I’ve fucked up Bri, but you’re it for me. You and these babies,” he says as he moves his hands to my stomach and cradles our children. “Can I make you a deal?” he asks with a sparkle in his eyes.
“Depends…”
“If I can earn back your trust, then you need to consider a future between us.”
I look at him as I think it over. I can see he really means what he says and it confuses the shit out of me. “You won’t change your mind?”
Emotion shines strong in his eyes and I have to resist reaching out to him. “No. I’m certain. I fell in love with those babies the second I saw the ultrasound and I’ve been in love with you since the day I met you. I’m going to be their daddy and not a damn thing is going to keep me from them. I pushed you away because I was scared of making those commitments, but I’m not anymore. I was a fool and I don’t want you to do it alone. I want to be a family. I want to earn your trust back. I want to raise these babies together, hell, I’m even looking forward to the sleepless night and dirty nappies.”
I search his eyes again as I think it over. How could I ever say no to him? He’s the father of my children and the love of my life. It would be criminal not to try. “You really were a fool,” I tell him. “I’ll give you a chance to earn my trust, but if you fuck up, I’m done.”
“I won’t be fucking up,” he promises as his eyes light up in relief. “I know what it’s like to live without you and I won’t do that again, especially when my kids are involved.”
I nod my head as I come to terms with the fact that there might still be a chance for my happy ending. “You earn my trust back first, then maybe I’ll give us a shot.”
He presses a kiss to my cheek. “Thank you,” he murmurs before stepping back and looking like a whole new man. “Can I take you to dinner now?”
I nod my head as a smile finally comes over me. He takes my hand and helps me out of the truck before leading me inside. He wraps his arm around my waist and this time, I let him.
Things are finally looking up and my heart is going to get a proper chance to heal and hopefully find love again.
I really do hope he can earn my trust back because I desperately want to make this work, not just for my sake, but for our babies.
Chapter 19
Carter
I walk around the shop, feeling completely overwhelmed. I mean, fuck. There are rows upon rows of baby shit. Bassinets, bottles, breast pumps, bedding, and prams. I am way out of my element here, but I just couldn’t help but come in.
I was supposed to be going to the Wilder mansion to check off a few of the most recent changes that were made, but when I drove past this store, I found myself parking my truck and heading on in.
It’s been a few months since I convinced Brianna to give me a chance and so far, it’s been going pr
etty good. She has pretty much slotted straight back into my life minus anything intimate. It’s driving me crazy, but that’s the deal I made. She needs to trust me, but not knowing how long that’s going to take is honestly sending me up the fucking wall.
Seeing her every day, having her come over to my place, cooking in my kitchen, spending time with my family, smiling that beautiful smile. Fuck. I’d do just about anything to be able to touch her and let her know just how much I love her, but I respect that she needs her space and if that’s what she needs to help us move on, then that’s what I’m going to do.
And I have to admit, I’ve been using this time to trust her again. After knowing she was pregnant with my children for three months and not telling me, it’s left a scar. I know she was scared and I hadn’t left her with many options, but I can’t help but feel that betrayal right down to the core. Though, the more time we’re spending together, the quicker that scar heals.
Watching her belly grow with our babies inside is something I never thought I’d enjoy but seeing her that way has never made me feel so good. She’s nothing short of stunning. I swear, every time she feels those little people move within her, her whole face lights up like Christmas morning.
I honestly find it kind of creepy. I don’t know how I’d feel if there were little alien looking things inside my guts, swimming around and growing. I mean… do they poop in there?
The more I have her around, the more I become startlingly aware of how badly I fucked up. There’s no doubt about it that she’s my life, she’s my world and I’d do anything to prove to her that I’m in it for the long haul. Just the thought of us growing old together and raising our babies is enough to get me off. I swear, my heart aches for her every time I see her. When she walks past, I have to resist reaching out to her. When she laughs, I have to force myself not to stare. When she sings to our children, I can’t help but fall in love with her more.
Fuck. If only she could see that. I never knew just how hard it was to earn someone’s trust back but as it’s not a physical thing that I can actually see, it makes it a nearly impossible task. I never know where I stand. I mean, it would be pretty damn helpful if she could get a container or something like that and fill it up a little each time I earn a bit of her trust back and when it’s full… BAM, I’m back in the game.
On my imaginary scale, I think I’m doing pretty well. Each day, she allows me to touch her for just a little longer. Yesterday, she let me hold her hand in the car while I was dropping her back to her apartment after having dinner with the family at Sean’s place. It was only for a moment and she refused to make eye contact with me while it was happening, but it’s a step in the right direction and fuck, it felt good having her soft hand in mine again. Apart from that, she allows me to basically live with my hands on her stomach, feeling our babies as they grow and wiggle. It’s so fucking amazing to feel.
But what I wouldn’t give to kiss her and take her to bed.
How could I have been such a fool to not want this? I just wish I hadn’t wasted all that time and hurt her. Our future could have been a reality a long time ago if it wasn’t for me.
“Excuse me, Sir,” a voice asks from beside me. I’m ripped out of my longing thoughts for Bri as I turn to the tiny, little sales woman beside me. “Do you need help with anything?”
I look back to the massive range of bassinets before me and then back to the woman. “Yeah, actually, that would be great. My…ahh,” shit. What do I call her? My girlfriend, my friend, my partner, my baby mumma? Fucked if I know, but I should at least enjoy the moment. “My wife is seven months pregnant and we haven’t got a thing, so I thought I’d surprise her and get it all.”
The woman’s face lights up as she gives me a beaming smile, though, I’m sure she’s just worked out that I’m about to drop of shit load of money in her store. “Excellent,” she beams. “Do you know the sex of the baby?
“No, but my wife believes they’re boys,” I explain.
“Boys? Twins?” she questions.
“Indeed.”
“Oh, beautiful,” she coos, but I can practically see the dollar signs in her eyes as she realizes everything I buy is going to be doubled. “Where would you like to start?”
“Ah… I don’t know, I’ve never really done this before,” I tell her as my eyes scan the store again.
“Ok, sure, well, when you said you haven’t got anything, how literal were you being?” she asks.
“Extremely,” I grunt.
“Right,” she says. “Well, how about we start with furniture and then we can move onto the smaller things?”
“Sounds like a plan.”
Before I know it, we both get carried away. We pick out a bedroom suite with cribs, a changing table, a set of drawers and shelves for all their toys; which is when she convinces me that a rug would look great on the floor, so I pick out one of them, too.
We move onto the next section and add two mattresses to the list and a shit load of neutral colored bedding. I would have liked to pick out a blue or pink bedding set, but that’s just something I’ll have to learn to get over.
Oh, what the hell? I grab two sets of the blue bedding off the shelf and throw them into the very full cart.
Next up, a bath and bassinets.
Wow, this shit is exciting. I think I’m finally understanding why chicks enjoy shopping so much. I honestly thought this shit was going to be daunting, but knowing I’m setting my kids up with a good start at life makes me feel like I’m going to be the best goddamn daddy on the planet.
We pick out a shit load of toys, towels and blankets when she asks me a question that completely stumps me. “Is your wife going to be breastfeeding or bottle feeding?”
Fucked if I know. I’m way too caught up on the way the word ‘wife’ sounded. “Ahhh….., I’m going to assume breast feeding,” I tell her. But honestly, I never really thought about it. I’m going to have to share her body with these babies. Damn.
The woman goes about getting everything Bri could possibly need and then throws in a packet of bottles, just in case.
“Wow, thank you so much for this,” I tell the woman as I stand at the cash register. “My wife is going to be thrilled.”
“Good, I’m glad I could help. Now, when would you like all this delivered?”
“Hmm… is it all in stock?”
She quickly flicks through her computer. “Sure is,” she tells me.
“Is it too much to ask to get it all sorted and sent out now?”
“No problem at all,” she says, probably not wanting to let down the guy who just bought nearly everything in her store.
I give her the address and she tells me it will be there in an hour. I hand over my credit card and get it all fixed up before ducking out of the store. I look down at my watch and realize I should have just enough time to approve the changes on the Wilder mansion before getting back for the delivery to arrive.
An hour later, I pull up at Brianna’s apartment just in time for the delivery truck to pull in behind me.
I hop out of my truck and thank the delivery guys for showing up right when they said they would. They follow me into the building and right up to Brianna’s door. I try the handle, but of course, it’s locked, so I start searching around for the spare key.
I find it hidden in the light fixture above her door and smile to myself, wondering how the hell she was able to reach it in the first place. I open up her door and head inside with the delivery guys following behind. I head down the hallway to the bedroom which is when I realize, she only has a one bedroom apartment.
“What the fuck?” I mutter to myself. How the hell did she expect to have twins living in this place and how the fuck did I not realize this earlier?
An idea shoots through my mind and the second it’s there, it won’t be leaving.
I pull my wallet out of my back pocket and turn to the delivery guys. I pull five hundred dollars out of my wallet and hold it up to the guys. “What’s i
t going to take to convince you guys to take the rest of the day off work and help me move all this shit into my place?”
Grins spread wide over each of their faces as the guy closest to me reaches out and gingerly plucks the money out of my hand. “No problem at all,” he says. “What do you need?”
Two hours later, Brianna’s apartment is packed up. I know she’s going to kill me, but it’s for the best. She can’t raise twins in this tiny apartment. They need space to run, to grow and I have that at my place. It just makes sense. I want them with me anyway, so as much as I say it’s for their own good and benefit, it’s honestly me just being selfish.
I leave a note on her table so she doesn’t think she’s been robbed and get on my way.
Fifteen minutes later, I turn down my long ass driveway and indicate to the delivery driver to pull up right out the front. I check my watch and realize we have just over three hours to get all this shit inside and set up before Brianna comes knocking down my door and cursing me out.
She’s going to be majorly pissed but it will be so worth it to have her living under my roof, where we can truly be a family.
Most of her stuff gets put downstairs so she can decide where she’d like to put it, but all her clothes and precious things get taken right up to my room as I wouldn’t want her anywhere but my bed.
I can’t believe it’s taken me this long to do this. What a fucking brilliant idea. I deserve a medal for this shit.
A few hours later, and an extra hundred dollars, the delivery guys have helped me to completely set up the nursery.
I stand in the room that’s going to hold their dreams and look around at our handy work. The room is perfect, I swear, it looks like a baby bedroom designer has come in and decked this place out. I can’t wait for Bri to see this. She is going to be blown away.
Two little cribs, a toy shelf stacked with toys for our babies to enjoy, two little rocking horses, a wardrobe filled with tiny little boy clothes that the lady told me to keep the tags on, you know, just in case they’re not actually boys, and the woman even threw in a few boxes of nappies and wipes to get us started.
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