“Should I check with the nurse about the wine first?”
“No. I haven’t had my meds, and I only want to taste it one last time. It should be fine. This may be my only chance with Liam gone.”
“I don’t know. One small glass, promise that’s all you’ll drink, Cass?”
“If you’re worried about it, just set the bottle on the dresser — it isn’t like I can get out of bed and get myself more.”
“Touché.” Felicity chuckled. “I’ll run down to the corner market. Be back in a few.”
“Perfect.”
As soon as she was gone, I sent out an S.O.S to the boys. Liam needed them, and I knew he wasn’t going to tell them so. I sent each of the brothers a separate text requesting their help. I knew they’d each arrive in no time if they thought I needed them. Of course, I was manipulating and using my circumstance, but at this point, I didn’t give two shits. I was sort of entitled.
Just as expected, I had all four brothers lined up at my bedside within minutes, each confused to see the others.
“Take a seat,” I said.
“Is everything okay? What happened? Where’s Liam?” Luke questioned, full of concern.
The others seemed to share his worry, and for that, I felt bad.
“I’m just fine. I didn’t mean to frighten you. I just need your help with Liam.”
“Liam? What’s going on?” Wylie asked.
“Well, it’s been a rough day. Several, really, and he met his breaking point I believe.” I stopped and looked at my hands, not sure what the right or wrong thing to say was anymore. “He’s going to need you.”
“We’re all here. For anything you guys need,” Declan chimed.
“We’ve actually cleared the schedule for…quite some time. This isn’t going to be…easy. For anyone,” Dace admitted, sounding a bit choked up.
“I so appreciate that.” I sniffled. “It makes my part in this a little easier, ya know? Knowing you’re all together and have each other.”
“Aw, sis, you know we’re here for you too, right?” Wylie was the gentle giant of the bunch, and the most emotional. “We wouldn’t be anywhere else, Sassy Cassy.”
I smiled at my nickname. “Good, because I need you guys. More than you know. I’m having trouble keeping up and being strong.” A sob escaped me, followed by tears I’d been holding in for days. “I really need you guys to be strong for me. Can you do that? Can you do it for Liam and Reagan? I need to know it’s okay. You know, to leave them. That they’re okay because you guys are holding them up through the hard days and getting them to the easier ones.”
“Aw, Jesus.” Luke swiped a rogue tear from his cheek. “This isn’t goodbye, Cass. It can’t be. Not yet.”
I nodded my head with a quick shake. “It sort of is, in a way. Part of it, anyway. I think this is how these things work. But I need you guys to know you’ve meant everything to me, and I’ve valued my relationship with each of you. And I need you to all promise, through thick and thin, you’ll always find your way back here. That when you can’t count on anyone else in the world, you can count on each other and you’ll take care of each other.”
The brothers each replied,
“Always.”
“Yeah.”
“You’ve got it.”
“Can’t imagine it any other way.”
“Now, I know being in bed with a bunch of O’Reilly brothers should make me the giddiest girl around, but really, it’s a little weird,” I teased, breaking the somber mood. “I think the missing brother needs you guys right now. He went out to buy milk, of all things, but I know that means he’s really at the Pub drinking away his feelings.”
“Ma and Da don’t sell milk at the pub…” Dace added.
The guys laughed, and Declan said, “That’s why you’re the pretty one, Dace.”
“Did I miss something?” Dace questioned.
“Let’s head to the pub and drink ourselves stupid,” Luke said. “We’ll deliver your other half safe and sound a little later.”
“I trust that you will.”
“Are you going to be okay? Should we call the nurse in to sit with you?” Dace asked.
“Nope,” Felicity said, leaning in the doorway. “You boys go, I’ve got this. Cass and I are having a girls night in.”
“Yes!” I added. “I’ll just be here watching movies and drinking wine with City.”
“Should you be drinking wine?” Wylie asked
“Does it really matter at this point?” I shrugged.
“Touché,” he said.
I giggled. “You’re the second person to say that tonight.”
With a quick kiss to the forehead from each of them, they were off to do just as they promised. And I felt better knowing Liam wasn’t alone. None of us were.
A letter from Cass…
Dear Declan…
What I’ve always admired most about you is how seriously you take your role as the oldest. You’re a protector, a mentor, and a friend. It’s your strength and determination that leads this family and keeps it grounded.
It’s impossible not to look up to you, trust you, and admire you. I’ve always thought of you as a brother, but more so as my dear friend. I have no doubt it will be you who sees this family through the hardest of times and sets the pace as everyone learns to move forward.
Your dedication is admirable, but don’t forget to put yourself first sometimes. Remember your hopes and dreams are just as important as anyone else’s. Chase them, Declan. Chase your dreams with the same determination you lean on for everything and everyone else.
Just don’t forget to live, brother. Live your best, most fulfilled life. No regrets…
It’s been my pleasure and joy to have known you and loved you. We are so lucky to call you ours.
Until we meet again, sweet brother…
Love, Cass
A letter from Cass…
Dear Luke…
Where do I begin? You’re the other half of my other half and I feel lucky to have you in my life. The secret bond you have with Liam is so special, and I’m lucky to have witnessed such a treasure. I feel like I was in on some sort of secret you two share.
Promise me that you’ll step out of the shadows, Luke. Come out from behind the shadow of your brothers, your military career, your job with the boys. Show the world who you really are, because they deserve to see just how spectacular you are. Behind that brooding mask is one of the kindest men I know. I’ll always be your biggest fan.
You are thoughtful, generous, and ruthless. You love big, and you love hard. Don’t waste that on half a life, Luke. Spend it on your best life. Live it just as big and hard as you love, brother.
The coming days aren’t going to be easy, but I know I can trust you’ll be the rock Liam needs. Please don’t let him sink to the shadows. Show him how to live again too.
Thank you for being a best friend and brother. I’ll cherish you always.
Forever your champion…
Love, Cass
A letter from Cass…
Dear Wylie…
You may be the baby of the bunch, but you’re never to be underestimated. The size of your heart and depth of your soul are beyond measure. Your character is your signature, and I admire that. I’ve truly enjoyed watching you find your place in the world, and it’s definitely not last in a long line of O’Reillys. You’re one of the greats — a true leader who attracts all the right things in life.
Your size may be intimidating to some, but your kind and gentle nature is even bigger. You’re truly magnificent, and I have no doubt you’ll change the world one day. You may follow your brothers today, but I hope you see how much they look up to you. You’re just as big and brawny, more so really, but you have something none of them do.
Your compassion for others is awe inspiring, and your passion for life rejuvenating. I can’t wait to see the lives you change just for being in them. Don’t be surprised when the family looks to you for strength and guida
nce because you’re the best, and biggest, little brother.
I know this change will be hardest on you — take your time to grieve, but don’t stay there too long. Promise me? Your laughter and zest for life will be desperately needed.
I will always treasure you and our relationship. It’s been pure joy to know you and love you, brother…
You know where to find me if you miss me…all our favorite places.
Love, Cass
16
Let it snow…
Christmas eve and my birthday were on a Sunday, which meant family dinner. It was kind of perfect to wrap three occasions into one. The family hosted festivities at our house, to make it easy, and didn’t hold back.
I expected a tearful, gloomy day, given the circumstance, but it was anything but sorrowful. Traditions are important in our family, and they rolled out every single one. Liam carried me out to my pillow-padded chair where I could watch everything unfold. After the cookies were cooled and decorated, and the third or fourth classic Christmas movie was underway, I sat back and took in every laugh, every bad joke, and accepted every passing hug or kiss.
I had fallen more ill, just as I had each day for the past weeks. Without warning, I’d fall asleep, for a random period, only to wake up and see the festivities still underway. Each time I’d open my eyes, I’d catch a glimpse of peering eyes, watching to make sure I was going to wake this time, relieved when I did. I didn’t let that hinder the pure joy this day brought me.
It was a gift to see them all together this way, one last time. To sit and hear the stories they’d each told a hundred times like it was the first time was everything to me. They played the same games they did each year. Cooked the same meal. Everything was perfect, and I was at peace.
“Look, Cassy,” Liam said, crouched at my side. He pointed to the large wall length window that overlooked the city.
“Snow,” I whispered.
“Happy birthday, baby,” he said, followed by a kiss.
Before anyone could catch up with what was going on outside, Reagan had on a hat and boots. “Can I build Mama’s snowman now?”
I smiled, too weak to laugh. “It’ll be a while yet, honey.”
“Says you,” Liam said. “Get your jackets on gang, hit the rooftop.”
Liam sat me up, wrapped a heavy blanket around me, and placed an extra one on top of me before he scooped me up. We followed the large crowd that was our family to the elevators and met on the rooftop as instructed.
I assumed we were going to get a better view of the snow and catch the flakes on our tongues, but much to my surprise, there was something so much more. Piles of snow.
“How?” I whispered.
“The guys did it this morning. They had a truckload brought over from McKenzie Ridge, but half of it blew out or melted on the trip over, so they found a machine and had it here by this morning, so you could see Reagan build her snowman and dance in the snow.”
I just sighed. There wasn’t anything to say. I was so moved by the gesture. That they would provide my final wish, the only thing I wanted for my birthday so I could move on with one last memory, the only one I was lacking...it was beautiful.
“Let’s get you inside,” Liam said.
But I stopped him. “No. I’m okay.”
He sat in my chair, surrounded by the outdoor heaters, with me cradled in his arms where I was always meant to be.
I’d had the best life, lived my best life, and loved beyond measure. I was the luckiest girl in the world to have had everything I could have ever wanted. My time was shorter than I imagined, but it was time I wouldn’t trade even if it had meant twenty more years.
I lived the life I was supposed to, and even though it seemed unfair at times, it was the journey I had been destined to travel. A life carved in the world, especially for me, with people that were mine, and I theirs. Nothing could top that. It was all anyone ever wanted, right?
So, the fairytale wasn’t exactly as we were taught…it was better.
Epilogue
Felicity…
“Cassidy O’Reilly was my best friend. The once in a lifetime kind, ya know? And I’m going to miss her dearly,” I said, standing on the rooftop, her favorite place, just as Cass had asked. “When I tried to find the words to describe her, they evaded me. There was only one: good. And it fit her. She was all the good things in life. A good mother, a good wife, a good daughter, a good friend, just…good. She was good at everything, for everything, and made everything better.”
I held up an envelope with my name on it and showed it to those seated in front of me. “I gave you all one of these. She spent her last months fighting just so she could get them all done. She even wrote one to me. Hmph. I had no idea. It was important to her that you all knew who you were to her, just as she knew who she was to us. Good. I helped her day in and day out make a special gift for Liam and Reagan…scrapbooks that hold dozens and dozens of letters, each with a series of pictures perfect for whatever she was talking about at the time. It was important to her that if we knew nothing else, it was how deeply she loved us, how present she was, even now, and that we’re never without her. That’s what’s in those letters.
“I guess another word to describe her would be thoughtful. She was definitely that. But most of all, selfless. She hid so much from all of us, to spare us anymore grief than we were already going through. So much so, she even wrote a letter to herself at some point. It was a no-nonsense pep talk to get herself out a rut when she was feeling sorry for herself, which she was entitled to, or feeling defeated, which she never, ever was.” I couldn’t hold it together at that point. There wasn’t a dry eye on the rooftop because the pain we felt was deep, but it was accompanied by a sense of comfort only Cass could provide, even after she was gone.
“I accidentally came across the letter she wrote for herself when it fell to the floor after she’d fallen asleep. She’d had a rough day and had been reading it. I didn’t mean to read something so private, but I’m glad I did, because it changed my life. Another word for Cass…she was strong, and let’s add brave. No matter how hard her battle was, she fought it with grace and dignity. She sheltered us from the worst of it, enduring it silently. I learned from her that no matter how hard life gets, no matter how big the circumstance you face, there’s no obstacle big enough to prevent you from living your best life. That’s what she did.”
I opened the second envelope that remained unmarked and shared what was inside. “She wanted us to gather, here, in her favorite place, to celebrate her life and share our favorite memories. She didn’t want to burden anyone with the duty of saying final words, so in true Cass fashion, she even wrote her own eulogy of sorts.”
Everyone chuckled, because that was exactly who she was. Cass had thought of everything.
“I agreed to read it, and it’s my honor to do so. I’ll do my best to get through it, so bear with me…”
I took a deep breath as I pictured my friend sitting in her chair just beyond where we sat, penning this last letter. It was a letter for all of us — her final farewell.
“My dearest family…” I began, hearing her voice as I read the words. “If any of you are wearing black, you didn’t know me well at all.”
The small crowd of just family chuckled. “I’m only kidding, wear black, if you must, take your time to grieve, but please don’t stay in that place long. Life is too short, as we all know, and I know, without a doubt, you all have grand things ahead, and I don’t want to be the cause of delay. We all have a purpose, and I’ve lived mine without a single regret. Now, I get my true forever — forever in your hearts, never far from your mind, and always a smile away. Just like all of you are a small piece of a whole, I’m in a little piece of everything you hold special. I want the tears you shed for me to be those of joy and laughter as you gather on Sundays or during holidays. The memories we share are worth only the best tears, don’t waste them on sadness. If you miss me, that’s where you’ll find me, in the mem
ories and traditions we all hold so close. I’m never far, just one memory away. When you feel me, feel my love for you. Let the hard times bring you comfort; it’s just a testament of our love. If we didn’t share that, it wouldn’t hurt at all…and that’s the greatest thing I’ve learned these final months. The greater the love, the harder it hurts, but that’s the blessing, to have been loved that big. I’ll leave you with that, my dear family. I love you all forever…Love, Cass.”
I folded up the letter and tucked it back in its envelope while I got myself together.
“There’s one last word for Cassidy: incredible. I envy the lifetime of memories you all have, but will cherish the short time I had with her. I promised her to…” I choked on my words. “Wow, I thought I could do this. I promised her I’d be sure to ask…”
I turned my back to Cass’s family, my new family-like friends, and let out a sob. My time with Cassidy may have been the shortest, but it wasn’t any less hard losing her. She’d become my best friend, like a sister to me. I’d made her a promise, and I wouldn’t fail her, so I took a deep breath, swiped my hands across my face to rid it of tears, and finished my promise to Cass.
“Phew. Sorry. I promised her I would be sure to ask questions about her, to ask you all to tell me your stories of her, and that I’d do it often, for a lifetime if I had to. So, I guess her greatest gift to you is a reminder to smile, love, and remember her favorite word: joy. Her gift to me is the lifetime of memories I didn’t get to live with her, but get to now know through all of you, and I, for one, am so grateful for that gift.”
We had a buffet set up with all her favorite things and spent the afternoon eating and sharing stories. There were still plenty of tears shed, but enough laughter to make Cass proud.
I noticed, every so often, someone would wander off and read their letter alone, each ending in a smile. It would be hard, but they’d all come out the other side better for having known Cass and feeling the love she had for all of us.
Brother's Keeper V: Wylie (the complete series BOX SET): NEW RELEASE + Series Box SET included! Page 66