“Why are you so sure something is wrong? Maybe she lost her phone. Or the computer she was using died. Or they’re camping in a remote part of the state with no cell service.”
He shook his head. “If Cheryl was a normal person, maybe. But she’s been diagnosed with clinical depression. As long as she takes her pills, she can function pretty normally. But I checked with her doctor. Her prescription hasn’t been filled for two months. Yes, she might have gotten another scrip, but what if she isn’t taking her meds?
“Or, what if someone has convinced her to stop taking them? There’s no way of predicting what might happen. When she’s gone off her meds in the past, Cheryl usually landed on her feet—or, at least, under psychiatric care. But this time she has Birdie with her. Who’s going to protect my daughter?”
Remy chewed on her bottom lip. “Would Birdie know to call you?”
“If she had access to a phone, yes. Absolutely. I made her memorize my number before I left for Iraq. And every day that passes that I don’t hear from her makes me that much more worried.”
She seemed concerned, but not completely convinced that he wasn’t overreacting to the situation—exactly the way the FBI had treated him. “As a father, I know something’s wrong. I feel it in here,” he said, tapping the middle of his chest. “I can’t explain how or why. I honestly thought you’d be the one person who would understand.” He looked her straight in the eyes. “Remember when I asked you how you found me in the well? What did you say?”
“I don’t remember.”
“I do. You said you closed your eyes and dreamed me.”
“I don’t remember.”
A lie. He could see the truth in her eyes.
“You described the black roots that looked like witches’ hands trying to keep me down at the bottom. You said the walls were greasy and cold. And you said if they didn’t find me soon, I’d give up hope and die. And you were right. I was ready to give up.”
Her hands were folded in her lap, her knuckles white from gripping the material of her skirt.
“You found me when I was lost. Now I need your help again. Couldn’t you at least try?”
She jumped to her feet and thrust Birdie’s picture at him. “I don’t know.” She glanced around like a cornered animal, fearful and ready to bolt. “This morning I woke up, positive my life was going to be different from this point on. This is so not what I meant by different.”
She threw up her hands and stalked toward the staircase. “I have to think. You can wait. Or leave your number. Or talk to Jessie… I don’t know.”
Then she was gone.
Jonas ran a finger along his daughter’s photo. He felt drained and defeated, not yet to the point where he could chart a new course. Getting here had taken nearly all the energy he had.
He’d go to Shadybrook, he guessed. See his mother. Mom still had lucid moments. The last time they’d talked, she’d mentioned her good friend Marlene Bouchard as if the two had recently had lunch.
He knew Charlotte had remained close to Marlene over the years, apparently accepting the reason Jonas had given her for breaking up with Remy. “We’re too different,” he’d said on the plane to Paris.
His heart had been broken into a million pieces and he wasn’t sure he’d ever be whole again, but he’d played the part of the loving son for his mother’s sake. None of what his father did was her fault. Jonas had sworn to keep the truth about Dad and Marlene a secret. He’d never told another living soul, not even his wife.
Obviously, Remy had shared the information with Jessie. However, given the fact Marlene’s revelation affected Jessie, too, he could understand. Technically, both twins were his half sisters.
“You’re still here,” Jessie said from the doorway.
Jonas hadn’t heard her come in. He stood. “Just leaving.”
“Where’s Remy?”
He threw out his hands in the universal sign of “Who knows?”
“You upset her, didn’t you? Man, I knew this was going to happen. Do you have any idea how long she carried a torch for you, Jonas? She was mad at me for telling you that earlier, but it’s the truth. Every guy she’s ever dated has been a pathetic half-ass clone of you. It’s creepy and sad and she deserves more. I once bought a voodoo doll in Jackson Square and put your name on it. I did. I was desperate to do something to end her obsession with you.”
He laughed. He couldn’t help himself. “Frank as ever. I always liked that about you, Jessie.”
She limped to the chair he’d been sitting in. “I liked you, too, Jonas. And, honestly, I wouldn’t have even cared about the whole incest thing if you hadn’t been such a prick after Mom dropped the I-bomb on you and Rem. You disa-freaking-peared without so much as a by-your-leave, only to surface in the south of France. Do you have any idea how much that hurt my sister?”
“Hey, what happened was no picnic for me.”
She made a skeptical sound. “Rem and I went to the library. We saw pictures of where you were. Topless beaches. Beautiful women. Just the thing to appease a pissed-off teenage boy.”
And he’d done exactly what Jessie was accusing him of. He’d gotten drunk every night. Lost his virginity to some nameless older woman at a party where practically nobody spoke English. The perfect balm to finding out he’d come a heartbeat away from screwing his sister. Too bad he’d wound up hating himself almost as much as he hated his dead father.
“Ancient history. I have to go.”
She let him get two steps away before she said, “I agree. It is old news. And there’s no changing the past unless…”
He looked over his shoulder. “Unless what?”
“Unless the past was a lie.”
She’d hinted at this earlier.
“You still want me to take a DNA test.”
“Yes, I do. I would volunteer to do it, but I’m leaving as soon as that truck gets loaded. Cade and Shiloh are part of the reason I want to know. If we have another child, I think I’d like to know with absolute certainty who my father is. Was. You know what I mean.”
He did. “Why would your mother lie?”
She shrugged. “Because it was Tuesday. Or the sky was blue. Who knows?” She looked toward the stairs and lowered her voice. “Remy still has feelings for you, Jonas. I saw it in her face the moment she spotted you. Can you tell me you’ve never thought about her over the years?”
Jonas felt his face heat up. He wished he could deny the charge, but he wasn’t a liar. He’d made love with Remy a million times…in his dreams. He wanted to forget her, but he’d never been successful in completely exorcising her memory from his mind. Or his love for her from his heart.
“This isn’t about me, Jessie. It’s not about Remy, either. I need to find my daughter.”
Jessie sighed. “I don’t know if Remy can help you, but I do know she’ll want to try. And that probably means you two will wind up spending some time together.”
He got what she was saying.
“I think it’s a simple test.” She put her finger inside her cheek and made a popping sound. “Fast.”
She was right. The truth was important, not only to him and Remy and Jessie but to future generations. Like Birdie. “Okay. I’ll do it.”
She pulled a cell phone out of her pocket. “I spotted a sign across from the rental place yesterday. I’ll find the number and see if they’re open on Saturday.”
She was busy poking away at her phone when Jonas sensed another presence in the room. Remy stood at the foot of the stairs. She had a bemused smile on her face. “Jessie got her way, huh?”
“No surprise there, right?” Jonas said lightly, recalling how shocked he’d been when he returned from Europe and learned that Jessie and Remy had moved to Nashville. He’d known that was Jessie’s dream, but Remy had adamantly refused to join her sister. He and Remy had their whole future mapped out. They’d planned to move into the city, attend Tulane and share an apartment when they could afford it. But, of course, that didn�
��t happen. Couldn’t happen.
Or could it have been a choice they were robbed of? “I’ve agreed to get tested. Will you do it, too?”
“Yes. Science. I trust science.”
An odd response, but he was pretty sure he understood what she meant. She was tired of taking someone else’s word for anything and relying on information that couldn’t be proved.
He walked to her. “Jessie told me how upset you were because I went to Europe with Mom.”
She shrugged. “My feelings were hurt. After Mama told us about having an affair with your daddy, I cried for a couple of days and called your house a million times. Finally, Jessie went over and knocked on the door. A cleaning lady told her you and your mother were traveling around the world.”
“Not the whole world. We flew to Paris. Took a train to Italy. Rented a little dinky place on the Mediterranean. Mom called it her last-ditch effort to have me all to herself before I went off to college. She’d been planning it for a year. A surprise graduation gift. After what your mother told us, I would have gone to the moon if someone had handed me a free ticket.”
“All Jessie and I could afford was Nashville.”
Yeah, he’d been irked when he returned from Europe and found the twins had moved. Although it wasn’t fair necessarily, he’d always assumed Jessie coerced Remy into moving with her and was pissed with her for that. He’d worried about Remy—a small-town girl in the big city. He’d even made a couple of trips north to watch the sisters perform in the smoky gloom of the trashy, downscale bars they worked. He’d had to stop because he started to feel like a degenerate stalker. After all, she was hot, sexy and desirable, and he was her half brother.
Although the sadness in her tone now was unmistakable, he got the impression she wasn’t still mad at him, so he told her the rest. “In hindsight, I think the trip was as much for her mental health as my life experience.”
Remy looked thoughtful. “You’re lucky to have those memories. Especially now.”
Now that his mother was almost as lost to him as Birdie was. “Remy, I apologize for coming on so strong before. I had no right to demand your help. I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay. You’re under a lot of stress.”
She didn’t know the half of it. The feeling of hopelessness, of turning into the same kind of failure as a father as his dad had been. Never there when his son needed him.
“I wish I could tell you that knowing you saw a girl with red hair in one of your dreams didn’t give me hope, but I can’t. It’s the closest thing to a lead I’ve had in weeks.” He took a chance. “Do you think you might pick up on something—subconsciously—if I told you about Birdie?”
She didn’t look thrilled by the idea. “I have no idea, but I am curious about your daughter. We’re old friends—I’d like to know about your life, if you want to tell me.”
Her smile was so Remy. The Remy he’d loved forever.
“Would you like a cup of coffee?” she asked.
“No,” he said. “Not here. No offense, but I have bad memories of this house—lack of furniture or not. Let’s go get tested then I’ll buy you a cup of coffee and tell you all about my amazing, highly gifted daughter.”
Remy smiled. “You’ve got a deal.”
“WHY YOU LITTLE SHIT,” the man hollered, grabbing Birdie’s elbow so hard she dropped the match, causing it to fall into the folds of her ugly dress. “What the hell do you think you’re doing, Miss Firebug? Where’d you get those matches?”
He pulled her to her feet violently and started hitting at her lap to put out the tiny flame that had started. The material of the ugly dress was cheap and old—a hand-me-up. Or down. Birdie could never remember which.
“I—I—found ’em, mister.” He was one of the drivers. Not a father. Or even a brother, like Brother Thom. He hung around, watching the GoodFriends. Birdie had seen him before. He was the one who stared too much at her mom.
“And what you think you’re gonna do here? Start a bonfire? Send some kind of smoke signals to somebody?”
Birdie felt her face turn hot. She was a terrible liar. Her skin always gave her away, but maybe he’d think she was red in the face because of the smoke. She’d gotten a few sticks to burn, for a minute or two. Not enough to send a signal to her dad, though.
He cuffed the side of her head, making her stumble toward the fire. She’d stolen the matches from the cook tent where her mother was mixing corn bread. Or trying to. Mostly, she was crying. The sadness in her head was getting worse, but nobody seemed to care except for Birdie. That was why it was so important to get word to her father. He’d know what to do. He’d rescue them.
“You’re a homely little thing, aren’t you? And not too bright, either. Thom ain’t gonna be happy when I tell him about this fire. You’re gonna be in deep shit, missy.”
“I just wanted to practice, mister. Survivin’ skills. We all gotta know ’em, right? I was just practicing.”
“Survival skills,” he repeated. His mean-looking eyes got smaller and his lip curled back so she could see a few of his brown teeth. “Well, you aren’t gonna survive long if you start your clothes on fire.” He laughed at his joke then gave her a shove. “Get lost, kid. And don’t ever try this again or I will tell Thom. And your ass will be grass.”
Birdie had no idea what that meant but she didn’t stop to think about it. She ran as fast as she could toward the cooking tent, straight for her mother. She wrapped her arms tightly around Mommy’s legs and cried, her fear and hopelessness soaking the material of her mother’s equally ugly dress.
CHAPTER FIVE
“I’LL GRAB MY PURSE from the kitchen. Excuse me.”
Remy felt strange around Jonas—too formal for everything they’d shared in the past. Awkward and out of step, too. He was a stranger—even though he still looked the same. Well, no. That wasn’t true. He looked older. And desperate. But still too handsome for words.
“Damn,” she muttered softly, as she entered the kitchen where Jessie, Cade and Shiloh were standing together talking. Talking about me. You didn’t need to be a mind reader to know that.
“Is the testing place open?” she asked her sister.
“Yes. Do you want Cade to drive you?”
Remy rolled her eyes. “Stop it, Jessie. Just plain stop. A person who crashes cars for a living has no business—nada, zip, none—questioning my decision to ride in a car with an old friend. Across town. In broad daylight.” She looked at Shiloh. “Am I right?”
The twelve-year-old nodded. “Sorry, Jessie, but she’s got you there. And he’s got a real sweet ride. Huh, Dad?”
“Oh, no, I’m not getting pulled into this one.” Cade gave Remy a quick hug then headed toward the door. “We are going to be on the road by noon, agreed?”
Jessie heaved a vast sigh of capitulation. “Yes.”
“Perfect. Remy, if you’re not back before we take off, I’ll see you in South Dakota for an official barn warming. If not before.”
Remy waved. “Sounds great. Thanks for everything, Cade. Take good care of my sister.”
He touched the brim of the cowboy hat he’d donned as soon as he stepped outside. “Come on, Shiloh. We’ve got work to do.”
Remy hugged the young girl she’d grown to love. “I’ll miss you, kiddo. Maybe they’ll let you come to spend a week this summer.”
“Cool,” Shiloh said. “I like it here.”
Jessie and Remy faced each other. “The test only takes a few seconds. You’ll be back before we leave.”
Remy motioned her closer. “In case we’re not, let’s hug goodbye now.”
Jessie muttered a low curse. “I hate goodbyes. You know that.”
Remy did. Beneath her sister’s rough-and-tough exterior beat the heart of a real softy. Cade knew and respected that, too, which was the only reason Remy felt comfortable letting her sister return to the north without her.
“Then, how ’bout we call each other at a set time every day?”
Jessie laughed. “Yeah, like what you did when I spent all that time in the hospital. Did I ever tell you how much that meant? It was lonely and boring between treatments and your daily calls made it better. I didn’t feel so cut off from the family.” She squeezed Remy so hard she let out a peep. “I love you, Rem. And tell Jonas I hope he finds his daughter ASAP. I mean that. But,” she said, a mischievous glint in her eyes, “if he hurts you again, I will track him down and fry one or both of his balls in hot oil.”
She boasted the threat in a voice loud enough anyone in the house could hear.
Remy laughed. She couldn’t help it. “You are such a big talker.”
“I could do it. I know I could.”
They looked at each and grinned because they both knew differently. But Remy was willing to let the threat stand because what the underlying message said was “I love you, and I want you to be as happy as I am.”
“I’ll call you soon. Bye.”
Remy was still smiling when she rejoined Jonas in the entry.
“Do you find it amusing that your twin is plotting my demise?”
“Eavesdropping?”
“She practically shouted it.”
“Yeah, well, if this test turns out positive, then she’s your sister, too. Are you prepared for that reality?”
He didn’t move.
“What?”
“I—I’m suddenly paralyzed with fear.”
She couldn’t tell if he was kidding or not, so she grabbed his arm and tugged him along. “Oh, she’s not so bad. Really. She grows on you. I’ve known her for almost thirty-three years and—”
He leaned around her to open the door—still the gentleman his mother raised him to be, she noticed. “I wasn’t talking about Jessie. I’ve been in limbo—no, purgatory—since I got back from Iraq. You are the first positive step forward I’ve taken in three months. What if…?”
The part of her that loved him as only a girl with her first crush can ached—yearned—to comfort him. The woman who was determined to change her life and stop being everybody’s caregiver squeezed his upper arm. His massive, muscular, manly biceps.
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