“How long has she been in therapy?”
“Since the end of June, when I saw how difficult everything was becoming for Jana. I think she tried to hold it together and did for a while. In my confusion and the mess I was dealing with, I didn’t see how bad her struggle was. But finally she couldn’t keep up her front, and she went rapidly downhill. I’m having a hard time forgiving myself for that.”
Although she couldn’t see his expression well in the dim lighting, frustration, pain and a touch of bewilderment marked his voice. All she wanted to do was comfort. She reached out and laid her hand on his arm. He peered down at her fingers on him then up into her face. The bond between them, as though they both understood what it was like to be abandoned by a loved one, strengthened.
“Knowing how much you care for Jana, I’m sure you were doing the best you could.”
He pulled his arm away, breaking the bond. “No, I wasn’t. I was licking my wounds. But I’ve learned one valuable lesson from what happened with Tracy. I won’t let something like that happen to me or to my daughter again. I will protect my daughter at all costs. Good night, Alexa.” He turned away and began striding toward the porch. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Not only would he protect Jana at all costs, but she was sure he wanted to protect himself, too. Although she didn’t see his shoulders slump, she sensed he’d felt weighted down. He was struggling with his emotions concerning his ex-wife’s abandonment of Jana, but also of himself. Anger bound him up in impotency as if he were running as fast as he could and not going anywhere.
His expression reminded her of how she’d felt when her father had told her if she walked out of his house never to come back. After that their relationship had never been the same. She wouldn’t follow in her father’s footsteps, and he wouldn’t accept that from her. The memory threatened her composure, prodding her anger forward.
How can someone turn away from his family? Is this the way Ian felt concerning his wife leaving him and Jana? Is the reason I’m here to help him through the pain of his loss? To help him forgive his wife? I’m not sure I can, Lord. I don’t know if I can ever forgive my father, so how can I show someone else how? God would reveal his reasons in time. For once she would have to practice patience and wait.
Alexa slid into her front seat and backed out of the driveway. Her first day on the job had wiped her out emotionally and physically. And yet she would go back tomorrow and put everything she had into her work because the Lord had placed the Ferguson family in her life for a reason.
As she pulled into the driveway to her duplex, she noted a car parked on the street in front of her place. When she climbed from her vehicle, someone got out of the one by the curb. A tall woman. She pivoted toward Alexa, the streetlight catching her face in its brilliance. Alexa gasped.
“Mom! What are you doing here? You aren’t suppose to visit me until spring break.” Every year her mother came to Tallgrass for a week to see her. Her father never accompanied her, and Alexa didn’t want to strain what little relationship her father and she had by going home.
“Your dad and I had a fight. I’ve left him.”
Chapter Four
Half an hour later, after letting Charlie out into the yard and getting herself settled, Alexa sat with her mother at the kitchen table, cradling a cup of herbal tea between her hands. She hoped for its soothing effects to work quickly. She couldn’t believe what her mom had said to her out in the street.
“What happened?” Alexa took a long sip of her warm drink. “You two have been married for twenty-five years.”
“I told him I wanted to go back to work.” Gloria’s voice quavered with each word she uttered.
“As a nurse?”
“Yes. After he went through medical school and internship, your father didn’t want me to work. Ever since you graduated from high school, I’ve needed more.” As her mother lifted her mug to her lips, her hand trembled. “I’ve sat by for years letting him run my life. I think it’s about time I do it myself. I told him I was coming to visit you and staying until he came to his senses.”
“So you’re not really leaving him?”
“It depends on him. This has been brewing for years. I need some breathing room. I need to decide what I want to do—not what your father wants me to do.”
Alexa swept her arm to indicate her small kitchen off her small living room. “This isn’t a large place.”
“It’s a cute duplex and you have two bedrooms. I don’t need a lot of space. I have some money and can help you with expenses. I can get a job here. Nurses are in demand.”
Mixed feelings swamped Alexa. She was happy her mother was here visiting, but not the way it had occurred. She understood what her mother was feeling. Finally, her mom had stood up to her dad. But she hated to see their marriage come apart. Alexa had rebelled against her father’s wishes, and now they barely spoke. She would talk to her mother while she was staying with her and see if she could help. If Alexa had to, she’d try calling her father and talking to him, even though she doubted he would listen to her.
“Mom, I work all day, and starting next week, I’ll be going to school Tuesday and Thursday evenings. You might get lonely being by yourself so much.”
“While I was waiting for you, I met your neighbor in the other duplex. She’s a lovely woman. I can also get involved at your church and start looking for that job. And don’t forget, my cousins live here. You don’t need to worry about me.” Gloria patted Alexa’s arm. “Tell me about your new job.”
Her mom had always been good at diverting her attention from the problem at hand, and this was no different. “I’m tutoring a young girl who’s ten. She is homeschooled by her father, except this is tax season and he’s a CPA. He needed help for the next four months.”
“Where’s his wife?”
“He’s divorced. She isn’t in the picture. I’m not even sure he knows where she is.”
“Why doesn’t the little girl go to school?”
“Her mother leaving them has been especially hard on her. Ian says she’s doing so much better this year than last, when she was at school.”
“You know, when you were in elementary school I thought about homeschooling you, but I decided it wasn’t for me, and your father was against it. It’s much more accepted now than it was back then.”
Alexa tried to remember any incident where her mother had done what she’d felt she should rather than following her husband’s dictates. She couldn’t. Why now? Midlife crisis? “How did Dad feel about you coming to see me every spring break? Why didn’t he ever come?”
“You know how stubborn he can be.”
“You mean he’s really still upset over me not doing what he wanted—becoming a doctor?”
“Yeah, he thinks you are wasting your life, but I wasn’t going to let his attitude stop me from seeing you.” She rose, skirted the table and drew Alexa up. “Hon, nothing should come between a mother and her child. Nothing.” She gave Alexa a hug that she cherished because over the past five years she’d had so few of them.
“Then how could Ian’s wife leave Jana and not have contact with her?” Alexa asked when she pulled back. Did the woman know the damage she had caused?
“I can’t answer that. Only she can.” Her mother cupped her face. “Maybe you’ll be able to help Jana.”
“Mom, thanks for bringing Charlie.” On Ian’s front porch Thursday, Alexa stooped to pat her dog. “Let me get Jana. She’s so excited to meet Charlie.”
Alexa hurried back into the foyer and ran right into Ian coming out of his office.
He steadied her. “I thought I heard the doorbell.”
His hands still on her arms, Alexa scrambled to come up with a reply. His nearness threw her equilibrium off. When he released her and stepped back, she breathed again and said, “You did. My mother’s here with my dog. Jana wanted to see him. We were researching different dog breeds, and Jana thought it would be fun to try to figure out what breeds Charlie has
in him. Jana is trying to decide what kind of dog she wants.”
“Your mom’s in Tallgrass? Didn’t you say something to my daughter about your parents living in Kentucky?”
“Yeah. Mom’s been here since Monday. She’s on the porch.”
Ian started toward the front door. “I’ll invite—”
“Don’t.” She reached to stop him and realized what she was doing. She kept her arm at her side. “Remember, Charlie’s a handful, especially in a strange place. I think it’ll be best if Jana goes outside to see him.”
Chuckling, he swung around. “It’s a few days since we talked about getting a pet from the pound, but she keeps changing her mind about what she wants. Maybe this will help her. I’m hoping she’ll just go to the pound with me and pick one out.”
Alexa stepped back a few paces, needing some more space between them. “I’ll encourage her to, if that’s okay with you.”
“Better yet. I can take a break in a while, and we can all go together to the pound. That might spur her decision.”
“That would be great.” She backed away several more steps and nearly collided with a table along one wall of the foyer. “Give us a few minutes, and Mom and I will be on the patio with Charlie.”
“I’ll get Jana and meet you out back, then.”
As she made her way to her mother, she thought of the past four days working for Ian and teaching Jana. He’d been so busy she’d hardly seen him, which had been fine by her. When she was around him, she found it hard to concentrate on what she should be doing. His presence flustered her, especially if he stopped by where Jana and she were working.
Out on the porch Alexa took Charlie’s leash from her mother and started for the side of the house. “Ian and Jana are coming out on the patio.”
“You haven’t said too much about the man you’re working for.”
“There isn’t much to say, Mom.” She hoped her mother would drop the subject. Gloria Michaels could be a pit bull when she set her mind on something, and frankly Alexa was trying to sort out the mixed feelings Ian generated in her.
“Your dad called me this morning after you left for work.”
Alexa slowed her step and glanced at her mother. “And?”
“He asked me one question. Have I come to my senses yet? I told him no, and that was the end of the conversation.”
Alexa clenched her teeth, trying her best not to say anything to her mother. Once she’d wanted to get married, until her boyfriend had been suddenly taken from her. Now she couldn’t see herself marrying. Her parents’ marriage hadn’t been a great model for her. If wedded bliss was like that, she wanted no part of it. “I’m sorry,” she said finally.
Her mother slipped her arm around Alexa’s shoulder. “Don’t worry. I’m enjoying myself here. Your neighbor and I are going to lunch today. I told you not to be concerned about me.”
“I won’t,” she murmured, but knew she would. Although she and her father didn’t see eye to eye on a lot of things, she didn’t want to see her parents’ marriage dissolve.
Charlie picked up speed, practically dragging Alexa around the corner to the backyard. He saw Jana on the patio and made a beeline for her, his tail wagging and hitting Alexa in the leg. She tightened her grip on the leash.
“Jana and Ian, this is Charlie, and this—” Alexa pointed to her mother “—is Gloria Michaels, my mom. She’s visiting me for a while.”
Ian shook Gloria’s hand while Jana said hi, then turned her smile on the dog.
The young girl knelt and threw her arms around Charlie, letting him lick her face. Jana’s giggles reverberated through the warm January morning. “He’s great, Alexa.” When the child stood, she asked, “Can I take him for a walk by the lake?”
“Sure.” Alexa gave her the leash. “Hold him tight or he might go after the geese or ducks. If he gets too hard to handle, drop the leash and let me know.”
“I will.”
“When you said he was big, you meant it. Maybe I should walk with her.” Ian took a step toward his daughter.
“Charlie loves people. She’ll be all right. If he gets away, he’ll come to my whistle.”
Gloria stepped in to the conversation. “My daughter tells me you are a CPA working from your home. How do you like having a home office?”
Ian shifted toward her mother, his glance straying toward Jana occasionally. “I didn’t think I would, but I’m actually enjoying it.”
Gloria Michaels’s gaze roamed down his length. “Yeah, you don’t have to worry about wearing a business suit. You can work in sweats. Be casual. Are you going out to a meeting?”
Ian peered down at his dark navy pants and light blue long-sleeved, button-down shirt. “No.”
“Oh, I just thought…” Her mother’s voice faded into the silence, a flush to her cheeks. She swept around to watch Jana coming back from the edge of the lake.
Alexa pressed her lips together to keep from smiling at the discomfort crossing Ian’s face. He dressed up more to go to his office in his home than she did to go to church.
Jana stopped a few feet away, kneeling next to Charlie. “I think he’s part German shepherd, part collie, maybe some Great Dane. What do ya think?”
Ian circled the large dog, rubbing his chin. “I definitely think part Great Dane. Now I understand why Alexa doesn’t want to bring him inside.”
“I’ve decided I want a big dog—like Charlie.”
Frowning, Ian faced his daughter. “No. We agreed upon a small one.”
Alexa could see the horror that flitted across Ian’s expression, as though he’d just pictured Charlie running wild through his house, crashing into one thing after another. Which was definitely possible with a dog like Charlie.
“But, Dad—”
“We’ve never had a pet. Let’s start small and see how things go.”
“But Alexa lives in a duplex and Charlie does fine.” Jana’s pout descended.
Alexa started to tell Jana that she didn’t have that much furniture in her place and not much of value to destroy, as well as a fenced backyard, but her mother stepped toward the young girl.
“I can bring Charlie back another day for a visit if you all want, but I have a lunch date and need to get Charlie home.” Her mom took the leash from the child. “It was nice meeting you two.”
Before Gloria left, Jana bent over and hugged the dog, burying her face against the side of his neck. “Bye, boy. Maybe you can come back again for a longer visit.”
Alexa sidled next to Ian and whispered, “She may fall in love with a small dog at the pound.”
“Let’s hope.”
After her mother and Charlie left, Jana swiveled toward her father. “Let’s go to the pound now.”
Ian checked his watch. “Fine. Then we can grab something to eat on the way home.”
“In a restaurant?” A tinge of panic laced Jana’s voice.
“We can use the drive-through or go inside the burger place. It’ll be your call, Jana.”
“We can’t leave a dog in the car. We’ll have to use the drive-through.”
“You’re right. I hadn’t thought of that.” Ian started for the house. “I’m going to have to adjust my thinking with a dog around.”
“Actually—” Alexa glanced back at the young girl still standing at the edge of the patio “—Jana, you won’t be able to bring your dog home until tomorrow. A vet will need to check it over first.”
“I have to wait.” The corners of Jana’s mouth inched down.
“That’ll give you time to get everything you need, like food, bedding, maybe a few toys.” Alexa paused walking when Ian did.
“Yeah,” Jana’s expression brightened. “After we eat, we can go to the pet store and buy what we need.”
Surprise flashed into Ian’s eyes. “You want to go to the store?”
“The deal we had was I had to take care of my pet, so I should pick out its bedding and toys.” Jana raced toward the back door.
“Are yo
u ready for this?” Alexa hung back with Ian.
“Sure, how hard can it be? We’ll get a little dog. How much damage can a little one do?”
She wasn’t going to tell him about the first dog she got when she was a teenager that her father gave away because it chewed everything it could get hold of, including his favorite pair of dress shoes.
Jana stood at one end of the rows of cages at the pound, her forehead creased, her mouth twisted in a perplexed expression. “How can I pick just one?”
“Because you have to.” The thought of more than one pet running around his house caused Ian’s gut to roil.
His daughter trudged down the middle of the long narrow room, surveying each animal as she passed. Pausing in front of one, she pointed at the dog. “He’s cute. He kinda looks like Charlie, Alexa. Whatcha think?”
Alexa came to view the huge dog with its nose pressed against the cage.
Ian heard “looks like Charlie” and his stomach churned even more. He should have insisted on picking out the pet and bringing it home for Jana. Knowing Jana’s love for animals, he was sure she would have fallen in love with any dog he’d brought home. “You can pick any dog fifteen inches or shorter.”
“Any one?” Jana moved on to the next potential pet. “Can I get a dog a little bigger?”
Ian released a long breath. “Maybe an inch or so.”
At the end of the row, Jana knelt in front of a cage and tilted her head from one side to the other as she studied the animal inside. “Mmm, Alexa, what breeds do you think this one has in him?”
“Maybe we should eliminate what breeds he doesn’t have.”
“Well, he’s not a Great Dane or German shepherd,” Jana replied, ticking off large breeds.
His kind of dog. Small. Easier to handle. Ian covered the distance between Jana and him and peered inside at the animal. The ugliest dog he’d ever seen stood, wagging its tail, panting. Well, at least it fit his height requirement.
Love Lessons Page 5