“Oh. Dad’s great at that game. I should have warned you, Alexa. Will you stay for the scary story? We’re gonna turn the lights off and everything.”
“I’d better pass.” She made a production out of checking her new watch. “Mom will worry. I told her I’d be home a little after twelve.” And if I don’t leave soon, I’ll want another kiss. And another.
Jana crossed the room to Alexa and hugged her. “Thanks for making my birthday so special. I’ll see you tomorrow morning for breakfast.”
“I’ll be here. I love making pancakes with all the fixings.” The feel of the child’s arms around her where her father’s had been moments before underscored how important this family had become to her. The thought, along with the effect Ian’s kiss had on her, terrified her. She didn’t want to care and lose them.
After Jana left the office, Alexa started for the door without looking at Ian. She didn’t know what to feel, but she was falling for a man who was still struggling with his past, who hadn’t made his peace with God. She needed to get her life back on track and let him work through his past. He’d never be able to really move on until he did. And she wouldn’t settle for second best. Her father had at least taught her that.
“You’re so good for my daughter,” Ian murmured, but instead of a smile, his eyebrows scrunched together as though that statement had forced him to face something he didn’t like.
Alexa hurried toward the hallway and opened the coat closet near the foyer. After grabbing her jacket and purse, she crossed the entryway, aware Ian’s gaze was on her. At the front door she glanced back.
He strode to her. “Don’t forget to call and let me know you made it home okay.”
With her heart swelling into her throat and making any words difficult, she nodded and left. Ian stood on the porch and watched her until she pulled out of the driveway. Fifteen minutes later she parked at her duplex, all her doubts about Ian and her ever having any kind of relationship nibbling at her composure.
Before she let herself into her house, she took her cell phone out and placed a call to Ian. “I arrived safe and sound. How’s it going? Did you manage to scare the girls?”
“They ran from the den screaming.”
Noise, some screams, filtered through the connection. “Really?”
He chuckled. “No. They thought I did a lousy job and booted me from the room. Now they’re taking turns scaring each other.”
“It’s sounding like they’ll doing a great job.”
“That’s Jana. I’m in the kitchen listening, and I’m getting scared. She’s got quite an imagination.”
“Yeah, that’s your daughter.”
“You’ve brought that out in her. You know that’s one of your talents, bringing out the best in people.”
His voice, a deep baritone, washed over her like a heavy fog rolling in. Alexa sank back against the door, the energy siphoning from her legs. “Thanks.”
“Good night, Alexa. I’ll see you in less than seven hours.”
Seven hours when she didn’t think she was going to sleep a wink. She clicked off her cell and stuffed it back into her purse. She started to turn to unlock the front door, when it opened and she nearly fell through the entrance.
Her mother steadied Alexa then shut the door and locked it. “I saw you pull up. I was getting worried when you didn’t come in.”
“Ian just wanted me to let him know I made it home all right.” Alexa stooped down to greet Charlie and rubbed him behind the ears.
“How was the birthday party?”
“Jana’s having a great time.” Alexa set her bag on the table in the small foyer. “Why are you up so late?”
“Because I wanted to tell you that I’m going to Tulsa early tomorrow to pick up your father. He’s flying in. I’m going home with him, and he’ll drive my car.” Her mom headed into the living room. “He told me tonight he’s set up our first counseling session next Thursday.”
“Great. I’m thrilled you two are gonna work things out.”
Her mother faced her. “You and your dad have really mended your fences?”
“We’re working on it.” Alexa turned to leave. “I need to get some sleep. Good—”
“A registered letter came for you today. I signed for it. It’s from the foundation you applied to for the scholarship. I started to call you, but I didn’t want to mess up Jana’s birthday. I even thought about opening it to see if you’re a finalist. I can’t wait any longer.” Her mom snatched an envelope from the coffee table and thrust it into Alexa’s hands.
She stared at her typed address, her hands beginning to tremble.
“What are you waiting for?”
Alexa tore into the envelope and unfolded the letter. The word congratulations jumped off the paper. “‘Congratulations. You are one of four finalists for the Christian Teachers International Scholarship. The competition was tough this year, but your application stood out from a total of over five hundred.’”
Her mother hugged her. “You’re a shoo-in. I know it.”
But all Alexa could think about was how this would affect her relationship with Ian and Jana.
Chapter Ten
The next morning after all the girls filled their plates with buttermilk pancakes and fruit and settled in the den, Alexa sank into a chair across from Ian at the kitchen table with her own plate. She poured maple syrup over her pancakes.
“These are delicious,” Ian said after taking a bite of his breakfast.
“It’s my grandma’s recipe. I have to admit I’m hungry.”
He glanced toward the den. “It’s awfully quiet in there. That’s different. They were talking all night long. I didn’t know kids had that much to talk about.”
“They wind down after a while. I imagine they’re exhausted. Talking takes a lot of energy.”
“I’m beginning to believe listening does, too. I lost count of how many boys they discussed. My daughter went on and on about Randy. Did you know he has dreamy eyes according to Jana?” His mouth hitched up at one corner. “I can’t emphasize enough I’m not ready for my daughter to be interested in boys.”
“I don’t think it matters if you are or not. She is.”
“Has she ever talked to you about—boys?”
His hesitation at the word boys sparked a chuckle from Alexa. “She’s asked me what I think about Randy.”
“And?” Ian forked another bite of pancakes into his mouth.
“I think he’s a nice kid. He’s polite, interacts with the others when he’s here for your class. He and Jana had fun together at the Valentine’s Day party.”
Washing his food down with a swallow of coffee, Ian gave her a thoughtful look. “Mmm. Maybe Randy ought to graduate to the next level of math.”
“It won’t stop them from talking. He’s often out at the ranch riding. And she told me he was at the HHH meeting she went to with you.”
“I guess I should be thankful for him. It’s motivated her to go to the weekly meetings and to the ranch. Him and Ashley.” His gaze locked with hers. “And you.”
The intensity in his eyes brought back all the feelings his kiss had created last night. She wanted to experience that again, and yet she knew the danger in it. Each day she was with him she surrendered another piece of her heart to him.
“This is when Jana needs a woman’s touch. I’m concerned when she gets older she’s going to have questions for me I can’t answer,” Ian continued.
“Probably, but you’ll do the best you can.”
“Does she ever talk about her mother?” Ian took another sip of his coffee.
“A couple of times. She wonders where she is. I think the therapist she’s been seeing is helping her a lot concerning her mother.”
“She hasn’t said anything about the fact she hasn’t received a present from her yet?”
“Yeah, but her birthday isn’t technically until Monday. I think she expects something that day.”
“What if Tracy doesn’t send an
ything this time? She did last year and at Christmas, but I can’t control if she does or doesn’t.”
“And that aggravates you.”
“Not being able to control it?”
“Yes.”
Ian shoved his chair back and pushed to his feet. “This is my daughter we’re talking about. Wouldn’t it bother you?”
His question, although spoken quietly, held intensity in it that conveyed his conflicting emotions—frustration, anger and perhaps even love—concerning his wife. “Yes. All I can say is be here for her if that happens.” Did he still love her? Was this what it was really about? Tracy had left him, not the other way around. Ian kissing her might not mean much to him, not like it did to her.
“I’ve even thought about buying something and wrapping it and pretending it was from Tracy.”
“You can’t protect Jana forever.”
Ian snatched up his mug and strode to the stove to refill his coffee. With a glance toward the den, he said, “I know.” When he sat back in his chair and leaned close to Alexa, he added, “But she’s doing so well lately. I’d hate to see her backslide because of Tracy.”
Was Ian talking just about Jana or also himself? Alexa studied his suddenly neutral expression and couldn’t tell. “Talking about mothers, mine is returning home with my father in the next few days. She’s gone to Tulsa to pick him up at the airport.”
“That’s good news.”
“Yeah, and I’m looking forward to seeing my dad again. I’m liking that feeling.”
“So you’ve totally forgiven him?”
“Yes, once I made up my mind to. Each day it gets easier and easier.”
Alexa dropped her gaze to her mug of tea. She needed to tell Ian about the scholarship. He’d wanted to know when she heard, and yet she hated to end the conversation. Every time she’d brought up the subject before with Ian, the atmosphere had chilled afterward. She wanted to do what she and Daniel had planned to do five years ago. This scholarship would allow her to and pay off her student loans. On the other hand, her feelings about Ian were growing every time she was around him, and being away from him would doom any relationship that was developing between them. As much as she wished differently, she didn’t think their timing was good. He wasn’t in the same place as she was.
“When I went home last night, I got some other news besides my mother and father’s getting back together.” She paused and inhaled a soothing breath while Ian lifted his mug toward his mouth. “I was notified I am one of the four finalists for the scholarship I applied for last month.”
His drink halted in midair. He stared at her. For a few seconds his jaw set in a firm line, then as though he shook himself, his expression eased into a bland one. His hand completed its trek, and he sipped his coffee. “They would have been foolish if they hadn’t pick you. Congratulations.”
She blushed, the warmth fanning out from her cheeks to cover her face. “Thank you, but it doesn’t mean I’ll get the scholarship. There are three others competing for it.”
“What happens next?”
“I go for an interview in Oklahoma City in two weeks on a Friday. I’ll need to take the day off.”
“I’ve got a better suggestion. Jana and I will go with you. We’ll make it an outing. When you aren’t interviewing, we can go to the zoo or the Science Museum of Oklahoma right next door to the zoo. Both places are great educational tools for Jana.”
“You’re just afraid my car won’t make it,” Alexa said with a laugh.
“True. I don’t trust your car outside the city limits of Tallgrass.” He rapped the side of his chin. “Come to think of it, I don’t trust your car at all. I’ve known you two months and it has broken down three times that I know of. Not what I call reliable.”
“I know. I keep hearing that from you and Dad. But it takes money to get a new one. It will have to do for now.” She rose and gathered up their empty plates. “But since I want to make my interview, I’m gonna take you up on your offer, and in exchange I’ll come over on the following Saturday and entertain your daughter while you work to make up the time you’ll miss on that Friday. Deal?”
“Deal.”
Barking erupted from the den. Both Ian and Alexa turned toward the sound, then looked at each other.
“Sugar’s begging again.” Alexa placed the dirty dishes in the sink and started for the room.
“You mean my daughter isn’t feeding her fast enough. If she eats too much extra food, I’ll have to take her jogging with me.”
“Exercise is good for dogs.” Alexa stopped in the entrance and zoomed in on Jana and Ashley slipping Sugar some bacon. “Did everyone get enough?”
The girls swiveled their attention to Alexa. Several piped in saying yes while Jana and Ashley said no.
“Maybe if you would stop feeding Sugar so much, you’d have some for yourselves.” Ian stepped around Alexa and covered the distance to the dog, sitting practically on top of his daughter’s plate of half-eaten pancakes.
“That’s okay, Dad. I’ll just finish off the chips and dip we didn’t eat last night.”
“Not for breakfast.” Ian scooped up Jana’s pet. Sugar began wiggling, wanting down. “Parents will be here in half an hour. Time to clean up.”
A few groans accompanied that suggestion. Alexa turned back into the kitchen and went to the sink to do her own cleaning up. While filling the dishwasher, she thought about the trip in two weeks to Oklahoma City with Ian and Jana. Like a family. That thought threw her off balance. The plate in her hand nearly slipped from her fingers. Quickly she tightened her grip, but the idea of being a family with Ian and Jana wouldn’t leave her mind.
Monday afternoon Alexa returned to Ian’s after having lunch with her parents. The meal had been at a little café, and she’d enjoyed herself. For the first time she really felt free of the burden from her past. The Lord knew what He was doing when He said to forgive others.
Ian pulled the door open, and the smile that Alexa had on her face disappeared. Worry wrinkled his forehead.
“What’s wrong?” Alexa entered the house.
“The mail came and no present from Tracy for Jana. I tried talking to her, but she took Sugar and is out back on the bench. She told me she didn’t want to talk about it when I went out there fifteen minutes ago to take her a sweater.” He combed his fingers through his hair. “Will you see if she’ll talk to you? Maybe a woman’s touch will help.”
“Of course.” Alexa made her way out back. She knew a little of what Jana was going through because so much of her life she hadn’t thought her father loved her. Please, Lord, help me to connect with Jana.
When Alexa slipped onto the bench next to the child, hugging Sugar to her chest, Jana glanced at Alexa. “Did Dad send ya out here?”
“I came because I thought you might want to talk.”
“I don’t want to talk about Mom.”
“Then let’s talk about something else. Did your dad tell you about the trip to Oklahoma City at the end of next week?”
“Yeah, at lunch. You have some kind of interview with some people for a scholarship.”
“If I get the scholarship, I’ll get to become a teacher faster and graduate in December.”
“You’re a teacher already. You’re mine.”
Alexa smiled at Jana. “Thanks. I love teaching you, but I’m only here until tax season is over with.” She needed to remind Jana, but also herself. Her job would soon end, and she would no longer see them as much. A heaviness in her heart emphasized how much she had come to care for both Jana and Ian. Who was she kidding? It was more than caring. And again she knew her heart would be broken, as when Daniel died.
“But I don’t want ya to leave.”
“We’ll still see each other. Do you think when I stop working here I won’t see you anymore?”
Jana nodded then buried her face against Sugar.
“No way. You can’t get rid of me that easily. When I care about someone, they’re part of my life al
ways.”
“Does that mean my mom doesn’t care about me?” The child kept her head down.
The question hovered in the air between them. The tightness in Alexa’s chest swelled, threatening her next breath. “I can’t answer for your mom. I can answer for me. You’re such a special young lady. I’ll always care about you. And when I’m no longer your teacher, I hope we’ll still be friends even if we are apart sometimes.”
Jana lifted her tear-streaked face. “I can come visit ya at your house?”
“Anytime, and you can call when you need to talk. My feelings for you won’t change. In fact, if anything, they’ll grow the more we get to know each other.”
“Then what’s wrong with me that my mother doesn’t want to see me or talk to me?”
Nothing, baby. It’s your mom’s problem. But Alexa refrained from saying that and instead said, “I never told you about my relationship with my father while I was growing up. I thought for years he didn’t love me because his way of showing love was by telling me what I needed to do. He thought he was showing his love because he cared enough to try to get me to do what he thought was best. All I thought was he didn’t love me. He never hugged me or told me he did. I needed the words. He didn’t know how to express them. Some people are like that. It doesn’t mean they don’t feel it. They may, in fact, think they are showing it to their loved one. But I know now he does love me. I may not hear the words often, but he still feels that way.”
“So ya think my mom loves me?”
“Frankly, I can’t see her not loving you. You’re one of a kind. Unique.” Alexa peered at the house and spied Ian standing in the bay window in the den. “And you have a father who loves you so much. He’s concerned about you.”
“I know.” Jana scrubbed the tears from her cheeks. “I need to let him know I’m okay.”
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah. I just thought of a girl in my Sunday-school class who doesn’t even have a mother alive. She told me her dad is too busy working, and she stays at her grandmother’s a lot. My dad moved his business to our house for me. He gives me his time even when I know he’s extra busy right now.”
Love Lessons Page 14