by S. L. Jayne
“Baby, I won’t get bored of you. I will show you I have changed, I will- I’ll prove it every damned day. Give me a chance, please. I have wanted you for so long I just had to get my head out of my ass first, and the thought of losing you forever did that for me. I’m not who I used to be, I promise I don’t only want you for one night, beautiful, you’re my forever. I love you,” he whispered, his breath was warm and his voice was low and deep sending a shiver through my whole body.
My whole body relaxed and being in his arms felt right. Part of me wants to say screw it and I’ll never trust him, but the other part is telling me I can’t be a hypocrite; I can’t help Rylee learn to trust people if I’m not even willing to put an ounce of trust in the guy that is so willing to prove he has changed.
I lifted my head to look at him. “I want to believe you, I want to believe I’m your forever- I’ll give you a chance, Ryan, but please understand my reservations and worries,” I said as I pursed my lips.
He moved his hands to rest them on my hips and gave me his full on megawatt smile. “You have just made me the happiest man alive, baby. You better get used to me being around because you’re not getting rid of me easily. I understand you have reservations and doubts and I’m going to help you forget those, beautiful. You won’t regret giving us a chance, I promise you that.”
A smile spread across my face and I looked down at his lips, I’m pretty sure he saw my eyes move because a second later he licked his lips slowly. His hands move up my back and his fingers slide into my hair, he pushes gently to urge me closer to him again but this time to his mouth- he lightly touches his lips with mine. My heart beat picks up as a shiver runs through me, I’m so out of control around him, I bring my hand up and rest it behind his neck pulling him into me, deepening the kiss. He fists his hand in my hair and I moan into his mouth as I feel his tongue trace my lips giving him access, the kiss gets deeper and more passionate as he pulls me in closer to him. Feeling him move his arm around the bottom on my back and grip slightly, I lean into him and in one quick moment he flips me onto my back and he’s leaning over me.
“I need to take you on a date, beautiful,” he says against my lips.
I let out a chuckle as I felt the smirk grow on his face causing me to smile against his mouth, I pull my head back slightly to break the kiss. “You do indeed, Mr. Sanders, maybe I shouldn’t have even kissed you already?” I bit my lip to stop myself bursting out laughing.
He shakes his head and laughs loudly. “There is no way I was waiting to kiss you. I’ll wait for everything else, but kissing you? Not happening, baby, you’re my girl now and I can’t not kiss you. I’ve waited too long already,” he said as he lowered his head to kiss to me again.
Chapter Sixteen
I rolled onto my side reaching over to my side table for my cell, the alarm was going off and I needed to shut it up. I picked up my phone and shut off the alarm before noticing the red bubble next to messages notifying me I had a text message waiting, I opened my messages and saw Ryan’s name.
Ryan: Good morning, my girl. I woke up with a smile on my face again. I can’t wait to see you, baby. One more night until I get to hold you again ;) I love you xxxx
He has been obsessed with calling me his girl since that night and every time I get a text from him or I see him that is how he greets me. I feel like a teenager again sometimes when the butterflies kick in just seeing his name flash up on my phone or hear his voice, especially hearing him call me his girl. I feel the smile grow on my face as I type a message back to him.
Me: Good morning to you too handsome. I love your smile, and the cute little dimple! ;) I’m so ready to see you, one more night babe ;) xxxx
I couldn’t resist mentioning the dimple, he hated it by college because he always said “it made me look cute enough to wrap teachers about my little finger but now I need to wrap girls around my waist, and cute isn’t gonna cut it” - that was one of the many things I had heard. I remind myself that that was immature college Ryan and now he is grown up Ryan. I also haven’t said “I love you too” to him yet, I do love him though- I always have, I’m just waiting for the right moment.
Sitting in my office waiting for emails to come through I think back over the past three weeks, it seems surreal. Ryan and has stuck to his word and hasn’t made me think twice about giving him a chance.
The night we had talked I had had a couple glasses of wine with Rylee after Ryan left as we chatted and I had told her everything that Ryan and I had talked about earlier in the evening, she said she understood that I would be nervous about putting my all into it straight away but was proud of me for trying to take my own advice. We attended Matt’s Halloween night at the bar, he decorated it out to mirror a spooky fun house with crazy mirrors, clowns and mummies walking around, zombies slumped in corners and vampires lying low in coffins. There wasn’t an inch of the place left bare. It looked awesome. Ryan and I dressed as the couple from The Nightmare before Christmas. Rylee dressed as a dead Cinderella, her logic behind it was that fairy tales are dead. Matt and the rest of the bar staff were dressed as Dracula.
Ryan had taken me out a few times and had stopped by my apartment almost every evening to see me after work before he headed home. Each time we had been out I had classed it as a date, but he insisted that none of those were the kind of date he had really wanted to take me on and that we would go on that date as soon as he returned from Boston; he had needed to return there to sort out a few things with the business but he will be back tomorrow night.
Yesterday I thought Rylee was going to pass out on me when her car got delivered, I didn’t give her any idea which car I chose for her because I knew she would probably hit me for spending so much on her and plus I wanted to see her reaction. She opened the door and screamed at me “AVA! You got me Edward Cullen’s freaking car?!” I cried laughing at her jumping up and down with excitement. She was spot on, I had gotten her a Volvo C30 in silver. She had fallen in love with that car as soon as she saw it in Twilight.
I have missed Ryan a lot this past week, not having him stop by has been strange but he calls every night to say good night and to tell me he misses me. Having him away from me has made me realise how much I want him near me, I find myself smiling for no reason sometimes and then I laugh at myself for being so wrapped up in him so quickly but I can’t help it, he has always been my weakness and I should have known that it wouldn’t have taken long for me to fall in love with him.
A knock on my office door pulls me from my thoughts of Ryan and I look at the time wondering who it could be, as I have already been on my lunch break so it won’t be Rylee.
“Come in,” I called out silently hoping it wasn’t Mr Ashby for an update on the account he had asked me to handle, as I’m still waiting for the email to come through. I don’t normally do this but he had asked me to as one of the other girls had called in sick.
I saw Aimee’s head pop around the side of the door.
“Hey, sweetie. I have another delivery for you!” She said with a smile on her face.
“What is it? He already had you give me chocolate covered pretzels yesterday,” I asked with a laugh as I remembered her giving me those.
She had walked in with a confused look on her face and said, “I have no clue what this means but I have had a message from Walker telling me to check my bag and to give you the pretzels at lunch time.” I had no idea why either, I’m not complaining because I love them, but I am still none the wiser too because when I asked Ryan about the note attached saying ‘You don’t have to share these, baby. They are all for my girl,’ he just said, “It will all make sense soon”.
I stood up and started walking over to her when she opened the door wider walking into my office, I stop in my tracks and my mouth drops open at the sight of the bouquet of flowers she is holding. It is made up of white daisies and trumpet lilies, they look stunning together. A huge smile spreads across my face as I reach out to take them from her to put them on my desk.
“Wow, these are beautiful,” I said as I dig for the card that will be tucked inside. I pull it out and read it.
My girl.
These remind me of you, baby.
The lilies have pure beauty like you do,
I got you bigger daises because you have grown.
I love you.
Ryan xxx
Aimee stands beside me and sighs. “You’re so lucky, Ava. He really is the sweetest guy ever, I think it is so cool that these and the pretzels have a meaning you don’t even know yet.”
Still smiling I shook my head. “I have no idea, but I’m hoping he tells me tomorrow.”
“Well I would love to know too, so as soon as you know you have to text me and tell me!” She said smiling and nodding enthusiastically.
“Okay, I will,” I said as I walk over to my purse to get my phone to text Ryan and say thank you.
Me: You. Are. Amazing. I have just gotten my flowers, I love them!! Thank you. P.S I still have no clue what you’re trying to tell me! Xxxxx
He must have been waiting for my text because a reply comes through seconds later.
Ryan: You my girl are more than amazing, I’m happy you love them. I can’t wait to see you, baby, this week has killed me. Looking forward to hearing your voice! P.S it will all make sense soon ;) xxxxx
I see another text message come through, showing me at the top of the screen that it is Rylee. I pull my eye brows in as I click on her message.
Rylee: We haven’t had girly time in forever! How about tonight, I want to tell you about Matt and I talking. You up for it? X
My eye brows shot up in shock that she is ready to talk. I quickly type a reply- whatever Matt is doing to Rylee he had better not stop.
Friend or lover, whichever they end up, I knew he was perfect for her!
Me: Of course!!! I’m ready to hear it x
***
We got home from work thirty minutes ago and Ryan had already called while I was getting changed ready to relax and talk to Ry; he said he didn’t want to wait until bedtime because today had been stressful for him at work and he wanted to hear my voice because apparently it’s soothing- his voice makes me melt, it’s funny how our voices effect each other so differently.
I sit on the couch and pat my hand on the cushion next to me, indicating for Rylee to sit down when she walks into the living room.
“Come, sit, drink, talk!” I said with a huge smile. I know this is a big moment for her and I want her to feel comfortable and not feel like it is a therapy session, I don’t want any weird atmosphere or bad vibes around us.
“Okay, alcohol pusher, I’m sitting!” She said with a chuckle as she sat down next to me in the corner of the couch and stretched her legs out.
I don’t want to go in for the kill and blurt out questions because I don’t know what she and Matt have touched on subject wise, so I tread carefully.
“How’s Matt?” I asked.
She turned to face me and raised one eye brow. “Really, Ava… You’re going to ask how Matt is when you’re dying to know what I have to tell you,” she said with a knowing look on her face.
She knows me too well!
I take in a deep breath and smile at her. “Okay, I just didn’t want to start with questions about you talking and make you feel like this is more of an interrogation or a therapy session. I just want you to tell me what you’re ready to tell me and in your own time.”
I see her hand lift up to grab her pendant, I think she fiddles with it subconsciously like it is her connection to me whenever she feels nervous or worried even if I am around her at the time.
“I am ready, Ava, I need to tell you because I’m going to need you so I can get through it,” she said as she let out a long sigh.
I instantly wonder what she wants to do, my mind is spinning trying to remember what she had told me when she mentioned talking to Matt. Did she mention Connor? Did she want to see him? Or did she mention closure? Maybe she wants to go back to Boston to get the closure she needs? I don’t know if she will handle going back there, she’s been so strong here and I don’t want her ending up back to square one.
“Get through what, Ry? You know I’m here for you, whenever you need me for whatever you need me for. No questions asked,” I said as I took her hand in mine.
She closed her eyes and opened them. “The night I freaked out in front of Matt at the gym he had made a really good point, Ava. I didn’t tell him what exactly my issues were but when he said “Imagine if your mom was gone tomorrow and you hadn’t gotten the chance to ask her questions or get the closure you need. You would feel regret, wouldn’t you?” She stopped to take a deep breath before continuing.
I could see the look of hesitation and worry build in her eyes.
“And he was right, I would regret it and I would never get chance to apologize for ruining her life.” Her mouth fell open and her eyes went wide. “I meant I wouldn’t get to say sorry for driving her crazy wanting her attention so much,” she said as she swallowed hard.
I could see her eyes filling up with tears, she hadn’t meant that at all- she meant what she said the first time and I’ll bet my last dollar those were the words that came from Nate fucking Roberts and the same words that made Rylee, at eight years old want to move as far away from him as possible!
Trying to stop my heart from beating out of my chest as my anger rose I look at Rylee and nod slightly, letting her know I caught onto what she really meant.
“That’s what he said that night wasn’t it, Ry? The night of my party, the night of our promise.” I said as I gently squeezed her hand to let her know I’m not letting go of her. My mouth feels dry and I can feel her hand getting sweaty in mine as I wait for her to respond.
She shook her head and I closed my eyes as I felt a small amount of relief wash over me.
“No, Ava, that wasn’t all he said that night. He said more.” I looked up at her and saw a tear fall from her eye making a lump grow in my throat. I need to stay strong for her, if she’s going to break down on me I need to be able to help her.
“He told me that my mom was happier without me, which I knew because he had always told me that… But that night he got nastier he said that I should fuck off and find my dad-“
She stopped again and bit her bottom lip to stop the tears from falling but it didn’t work, I saw her eyes fill up more.
“He said if I hadn’t been born then my dad wouldn’t have left my mom and my mom’s life wouldn’t have been ruined by me,” she threw herself towards me with her head landing on my shoulder and her arms around my neck as she burst out crying, her whole body is shaking with each sob.
Hugging her back as I stroke her hair with one hand I feel tears start to fall from my eyes, closing them tight as I take a deep breath in I tell myself to get it together for Rylee.
“Shh, sweetie. It’s okay I’m here, you don’t have to do anything on your own, Ry, but I wish you had told me that he had said that to you,” I stop to take another breath and feel her shaking her head telling me no, “but I understand why you wouldn’t have wanted to repeat it. I feel so bad that you have kept it in for so long, Ry,” I say as I shake my head trying to wrap my brain around how she must be feeling right now but I can’t, I can’t even begin to imagine how that must feel.
Rylee pulls away from me and brushes the tears from her eyes, looking back towards me she tries to give me a smile.
“Don’t feel bad, Ava. I kept it from you and being the amazing person you are you didn’t question it or force me to talk, you have kept me strong through everything and made me believe in myself and have faith- I’ll never be able to thank you enough for that. I want you to be there when I talk to my mom, I need you for that,” she said as she tries to muster up a smile.
“You are amazing too, Rylee, of course I’ll be with you. I’m so happy you’re ready to talk about it with your mom, I’m so proud of how far you have come since we have been here,” I said with a smile.
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I still felt awful for what that bastard had said to her and deep down I wish she’d told me sooner, but I can’t change that now, all I can do is hope she doesn’t keep anything from me again.
Chapter Seventeen
I don’t remember much after my head hitting the pillow last night, it was at least two am before we headed to bed but that didn’t matter because even if it had taken all night I wasn’t budging until I knew for certain Rylee was okay. I am still slightly in shock over what she told me and I can only imagine how she must be feeling having said it out loud for the first time in over fifteen years, she’s so much stronger now and I know talking to her mom will be the best thing for her, but I’m worried it is going to send her back into herself. I swallow hard and shake my head trying to shake the thought away, I won’t let her fall, I’ll remind her of her own strength and I’ll be there for her whatever the outcome may be.
After the long work day I have had I am ready and waiting for Ryan, I’ve missed him so much this week and I’m positive time drags when you have something waiting for you and my something is being wrapped in Ryan’s arms. His plane landed three hours ago and he came straight to my office to see me because apparently he couldn’t wait another minute to hold me, he was so sweet earlier when he was hugging me and whispered in my ear, “get ready for tonight, my girl, I’m taking you on the date I have planned since the moment I knew I was coming here to make you mine”.
My doubts are slowly fading away, I have spoken with Rylee and even Matt a couple times over the past week about my insecurities and when I said things out loud it made me think that maybe I don’t have anything to worry about and maybe it was just my defences going up because I had not long dealt with Reece. Ryan and I were never together as a couple and although he did things that upset me he had never cheated on me or played me, which made me realize I needed to have that faith in him and believe that he wouldn’t hurt me intentionally.