by Gregg Stutts
Max turned onto his street and saw Michelle’s car wasn’t in their driveway. It was almost 11:00 p.m. She hadn’t come to the game, but he’d expected her to be at home. He really wanted to see her. More than he had in a long time. Michelle always knew what to say to encourage him.
The house was dark and quiet. Max flipped some on several lights and called for Michelle just in case. There was no reply.
He tried calling Michelle’s phone, but she didn’t answer. It just wasn’t like her to not show up at the game and to not answer her phone. Especially when he didn’t know where she was. He tried calling again, but it went right to voice mail.
He went to the refrigerator to get a beer and saw the note…
Max, I’m taking next week off from school. I’m going to New Jersey to see my parents. I would have talked to you about it, but we really don’t talk any more, do we? I hope your game went well. —Michelle
Max tried calling again with the same result. He didn’t leave a message. She was ignoring him or had her phone in her purse. Or both. He really didn’t like the idea of her driving 1200 miles by herself, especially at night. He had no idea what time she’d left, if she was driving straight through or stopping somewhere.
He could feel his chest getting tight again. He started to sweat. And it was difficult to take a deep breath. He sat down on the kitchen floor and tried to calm down.
A few minutes passed and he felt a little better, but wasn’t ready to stand up yet. So he sat on the floor and waited. And thought about Michelle. And Sarah. And how much he missed them. And how he’d give anything to have back the life they had before Sarah got sick. The disappointment of losing so badly to Fayetteville was nothing compared with the pain of losing Sarah, and possibly now, Michelle.
How had he gotten to this place? Things that used to be good, were now bad. Things that used to be hard, were now impossible. Things he had figured out, now made no sense. His once strong marriage was now teetering at the edge of a cliff. Maybe it had already slid of the edge. And he knew there was no one else to blame. He’d let things get so bad his wife needed time away from him.
He didn’t even have the energy to sit there any longer, so he lay down on the kitchen floor. “You do suck, Max,” he told himself.
CHAPTER 12
Michelle left town the minute school got out Friday afternoon. By the time Max realized she was gone, she was already east of St. Louis. She’d planned to stop for the night in Ohio, but thanks to three cups of coffee and an energy drink, she’d made it all the way to Seaside Park, New Jersey.
She arrived at her parents’ home right at dinnertime on Saturday evening, on the third anniversary of Sarah’s death. She’d visited the grave before leaving the day before, but felt bad for not being at the cemetery on the actual anniversary. The thought of going alone again was too much though.
She’d purposely left her phone off during the drive so she wouldn’t hear Max endlessly trying to call her, which he had done. When she finally turned her phone on, she saw eleven missed calls from him, but no voice mails. She wondered what that said about someone who’d try calling eleven times, but not leave one message.
Her parents lived on Island Avenue just a block from the beach. They’d moved there after her dad had retired after almost thirty years working in the public schools. Hurricane Sandy was devastating to the area, but many homes had already been rebuilt. It took her parents a year to get the house back in shape, but it looked better than ever.
She hadn’t told her parents she was coming, so they were shocked to see her standing at the front door. She had protected them from much of the past few years. She didn’t want them worrying about her. They were perceptive enough to know things weren’t great with Max, but they didn’t know how bad it actually was.
That first evening, they let her share what she was ready to share. They asked questions, but didn’t press when they could see she wasn’t ready to discuss certain topics.
On Sunday morning, she went to church with them. It felt good to have someone to sit with. Max had quit going with her after Sarah’s death. There were some awkward moments when people asked about Max, but it wasn’t terrible. After church they went for a walk on the boardwalk and ate lunch at the Sawmill, their favorite pizza place.
As they ate, her dad said, “Shelly, you know your mom and I are here for you. We’ll do whatever we can to help.”
“Thanks, Dad,” she said. “I know.”
“Can I ask you what your plans are?” he said. “I mean, as far as you and Max are concerned.”
She was about to tell them about the note she’d left for Max and what she’d been processing on the way to see them when her mom’s phone started buzzing. She picked it up and said, “It’s Max, baby.”
“Should I answer it?” her mom asked.
Michelle was caught completely off guard. She hadn’t answered his calls or texts, so now he was calling her parents. “I’m not ready to talk to him, mom,” she said.
“Does he know you’re safe, Shelly?” her dad asked.
“I haven’t had any contact with him since Thursday night,” she said.
“Martha, answer the call,” her dad said. “Tell him Shelly is with us and that she’s okay. She’ll call him when she’s ready.”
“Thanks, dad,” she whispered as her mom answered the call and put the phone to her ear.
Her mom was polite, but firm. Michelle couldn’t hear Max’s side of the call, but her mom was clear in letting him know Michelle wasn’t ready to talk. Her mom ended the call by telling Max she loved him.
After the call, they finished eating and then started the walk back to the house. It always felt good to be back at the beach. Michelle loved Northwest Arkansas, but really missed the ocean. She also loved being a teacher, but it was nice to know she didn’t have to wake-up at 6:00 the next morning. After explaining the situation to her principal, he was gracious in letting her take a week off right at the start of school.
When they got back to the house, Michelle excused herself to take a nap. She hadn’t quite recovered from the long drive. She thanked her mom and dad for being so supportive, then went to her room. She closed the door and took her phone out of her purse. She looked at three more missed calls from Max that had come in right before her mom got the call.
Michelle thought about calling him back, but didn’t even know what she’d say. She thought for a moment, and then scrolled through her contact list until she found the number she wanted. She looked at the name, and then touched the screen to make the call.
After several rings, the call was answered. “Hey Chris…it’s Michelle.”
CHAPTER 13
When Max got to the field house on Monday morning, he made a pot of coffee and checked his email, which he’d avoided over the weekend. After a brief talk with Michelle’s mother, he spent the rest of the weekend watching the film from the Fayetteville game and preparing the game plan for Siloam Springs.
The first email Max opened was from his boss, Bill Jackson, the athletic director. Bill wanted to see him at 8:00 a.m. He dreaded the meeting from the moment he read the email. There was little chance of it being encouraging. He knew Bill couldn’t have been happy about the game Friday night, but all Max could do now was focus on the next one.
At 7:55, Max left his office for the four-minute walk across the parking lot to his meeting in the main school building. As he approached Bill’s office, he saw Jack Murphy get into his Escalade and drive off. That only made him dread the meeting more.
Bill’s assistant greeted Max and told him to go right in. He entered the office as Bill was finishing up a phone call. He pointed to a chair for Max to sit down.
Bill’s assistant poked her head in and asked if either man wanted coffee. Bill did, but Max declined. He’d already had two cups. He’d been wondering if too much caffeine had been playing into the panicky feelings he’d been experiencing lately.
Bill ended the call and set his cell phone on his
desk. “How are you, Max?” Bill asked.
“I’ve been better,” Max said. “Friday night was ugly.”
“Yeah, it was,” Bill said. “What happened?”
“They whipped us in every phase. Coaching included.”
“Uh huh,” Bill said while just staring at Max.
“I can’t change what happened,” Max said. “We especially need to get better on defense. After watching the film, I’m not sure how we held them to 50.”
Bill’s assistant brought his coffee and offered a bottle of water to Max, which he accepted. Bill took a sip and looked out the window. Across the parking lot was the field house and the stadium. “That’s a nice stadium, Max, isn’t it?” Bill said.
“It’s a great stadium,” Max said while thinking Bill was sounding a lot like Jack.
“And it would be a shame to not see it filled with people on Friday nights, wouldn’t it?” Bill asked.
The question seemed more rhetorical, so Max didn’t answer. He could see where Bill was heading. And it wasn’t looking good for Max.
“I know we’re just a small town, Max, but when we put a good product on that field, folks will show up,” Bill said. “But when we don’t, well, they just stay away. And so do their dollars. Dollars we need to run this athletic program.”
Max nodded and said nothing. It would be best to let Bill say what he needed to without trying to defend himself. Most likely whatever Bill had to say was what he’d heard from Jack five minutes ago.
“Max, let me just be honest with you. I’m starting to feel some heat,” Bill said. “Jack Murphy came to see me. As you can imagine, he wasn’t too happy about that performance Friday night. That stadium was his baby and he expected a better effort than what he saw from us.”
Max nodded his head while biting his tongue. He was afraid if he said something, it would be an explosion of four-letter words that would be heard down the hall. He’d love to tell Bill to grow a pair and not allow someone in the booster club to be telling him how to run his athletic department, but the reality was Jack Murphy had influence and could throw his weight around if he wanted to.
“We can’t have another 3-7 season, Max,” Bill said. “We can’t. We just can’t.”
“Mmm, hmm,” Max mumbled.
“I never told you this, but I went out on a limb for you, Max,” Bill said. “Jack pushed real hard for Dave Turner to get your job. That’s why I asked you to keep Dave on as your defensive coordinator.”
“I see,” Max said, afraid that saying anything else might cost him his job, which might be hanging by a thread anyway.
“Look, Max,” Bill said. “Let’s get this thing turned around. I believe you’ve got a good team. And you’re a good coach. Let’s beat Siloam Springs and get moving in the right direction.”
“I’d like nothing more,” Max said.
Bill stood up, put his hand out to shake Max’s hand and said, “Well, good, then we understand each other,” Bill said. He held onto Max’s hand an extra couple of seconds and said, “Mid-season coaching changes are a real mess, Max. We don’t want that.” He released Max’s hand and opened the door.
Max thanked Bill’s assistant for the water and left the office. As he walked across the parking lot, the sun was shining brightly, but his soul felt dark. The one thing that had always gone well for him was starting to slip away. Despite his failings at home, he at least had success on the field to hold onto, but now even that was in jeopardy.
Alone in the parking lot on a beautiful September morning to no one but himself, Max said, “No wonder my wife left me.”
CHAPTER 14
Max felt very positive about practice that afternoon. They installed a great offensive game plan and a few new wrinkles on defense. Siloam Springs was a good team, but it wasn’t going to be like playing Fayetteville or Bentonville.
The senior captains pulled the team together after practice and talked about how they did not want to be the first class in school history to suffer three losing seasons. Their goal was to win the rest of their games and make the playoffs. Max was proud of them for stepping up.
It was 6:25 p.m. by the time he left the field house. It had only been a few days, but he hated the thought of going home to an empty house. He stopped at Feltner Brothers’ newest location in Lakeside and ordered his favorite—a double cheeseburger with everything except mustard, an order of onion rings and an unsweetened iced tea. A little caffeine wouldn’t hurt.
At home, he took a bite of his burger and realized he was starving. He’d hardly eaten anything all day. As he ate by himself, he looked out the window into their backyard. A deer and her two fawns were nibbling at the grass along the tree line. He thought of the times, not that long ago, that he and Michelle and Sarah would sit at the table eating dinner while watching the deer eat theirs.
A lump formed in his throat, which made it hard to swallow. He set his burger down, picked up a napkin and wiped the tears from his eyes. At that moment, he would have given anything, anything in the world, to have Sarah back. He’d have given any amount of money. He’d trade any number of wins. There was nothing he wouldn’t do to have her back.
But Sarah was gone. She wasn’t coming back. And Michelle was gone, but at least she’d be back at the end of the week. Their marriage wasn’t much right now, but at least he wouldn’t be alone.
CHAPTER 15
Michelle had only been in New Jersey for a couple days, but was already feeling rested. She hadn’t realized how much the past few years had depleted her—emotionally, physically and spiritually. Sarah’s death had crushed her. Dealing with it alone made it a thousand times worse.
As she walked the beach and thought about the past few years, she couldn’t help feeling angry and hurt. She had needed Max desperately, but he had abandoned her. When she’d needed him most, he hadn’t been there for her.
Max had dealt with Sarah’s death by shutting down and shutting her out. She tried to help him through it, but he wouldn’t let her. The more she tried, the more he pushed her away. He retreated from her, from God, from everyone and everything, except football.
She tried everything she knew to do. She prayed. She supported him by going to his games. When the losses kept mounting, she tried to be even more encouraging. She read books on dealing with the loss of a child, saw a counselor, joined a support group and sought out other women for advice. She followed through on everything she’d been advised to do.
She tried to get Max to talk, to share what he was feeling, to let things out rather than bottling them up. When that didn’t work, she backed off and gave him space to figure things out on his own. There was nothing she didn’t try to reconnect with him, but nothing had worked.
She looked at her phone. 6:18 p.m. No calls or texts from Max. He hadn’t tried to reach out since Sunday when he’d called her mother. Apparently, he’d gotten the message she wasn’t ready to talk. Still though, she would have liked to see a call or a text from him. Something.
She turned to head back to the house. She was meeting Chris at 7:30 at the Beachcomber Bar and Grill, which was a short walk up the boardwalk. They had great food and a great view of the ocean.
Back at the house, she put on her favorite jeans and a white tank top. After freshening up her make-up and putting her hair in a ponytail, she slipped into her sandals and went to the living room to tell her parents goodnight.
“Who are you meeting?” her mother asked.
“Just an old friend,” she said. “Don’t wait up.”
“Just be careful,” her dad said.
“I will be, dad,” she said. “Don’t worry about me.” She gave her mom and dad each a kiss before leaving.
It wasn’t until she reached the boardwalk that she felt the butterflies in her stomach. She hadn’t seen Chris since her wedding day fourteen years ago.
CHAPTER 16
Michelle arrived at the Beachcomber and checked her phone. 7:34 p.m. Still nothing from Max. She opened the door and went
inside. Springsteen’s “Born to Run” was playing while the Monday Night Football pre-game show was on the screen over the bar.
She looked around and saw Chris sitting at the end of the bar. He immediately got up and came to greet her.
After a long embrace, Chris said, “You look incredible, Shelle.”
She smiled and said, “Thank you. You too.”
“Let’s go upstairs and sit on the deck,” he said.
The moon was beautiful as it rose over the ocean. The lights from a number of boats were visible just off shore. In the distance, a large freighter seemed to be barely moving as it headed down the coast from north to south. Michelle loved the smell of the sea and the sounds of the waves crashing on the beach.