* * * *
I boarded the South Station train bound for Penn Station, and from there, the Long Island Railroad to Sayville. My father was relieved when I walked in, but I dropped my suitcase next to the door and grabbed my keys, phoning Liz as I warmed up my car. The sky had grayed, and temperatures dropped drastically. Snow seemed imminent.
I met Liz in the coffee shop on the lower level of the hospital. Despite the dark circles of worry under her eyes, she was still amazingly in control.
“Thanks so much for coming by. It’s good to see a familiar face.” Knowing what I liked, she ordered us chai tea lattes. We sat at a tiny bistro table with a view of the week’s bestselling paperbacks. “I had a bad feeling and pushed Kel to get checked out. They caught the stroke early. He won’t experience any permanent disability.”
I reached out to grip her hand. “That’s great news.”
Her phone buzzed, and after a quick peek at the screen, she rolled her eyes.
“Sorry,” she said. “It's another Little League parent declining the coaching position. My husband picked the worse time of year to get laid up. I’ve been trying to find someone to cover his T-ball team while he’s on the mend. I’ve asked all the parents, but every one of them claims they’re too busy.”
“He coaches Little League on top of the high school team?” I asked, incredulously.
“Yes, Kellen McCaffrey is crazy like that. As well as organizing the league, he coaches our daughter Jess’s U8, a girl’s eight and under team. With Little League, teaching, and the school team, he’s usually busy 24/7 this time of year. I become the proverbial baseball widow, riding solo with the kids for a few months.” By her expression, I could see she adored him anyway. “Toby’s a baseball guy. Do you think he would be interested? He only needs to agree to a background check.”
“He’s really great with kids, but I don’t think he’d do it.”
“Can’t hurt to ask. Those little girls are so adorable. If I can get him out on the field, he’ll be hooked. Kel absolutely loves it.”
I smiled. “Kel sounds like a really great guy, Superman, in fact.”
“A Superman who seriously needs to take better care of his health.” Liz shook her head. “Oh, he puts on a good show for the public, but he’s not the easiest man to live with. Frankly, he can be maddening as all get out. He’s terribly stubborn and downright temperamental at times. When we first married, we used to have these huge blowouts. The house actually rattled.” She raised her eyes to me. “But he is also the most kind, gregarious, steadfast, and passionate man I’ve ever known. Despite the bumpy roads we’ve been down, I wouldn’t change a thing.”
“You’re brave,” I told her.
“Brave?” She asked and shook her head. “No, more like I got smart about what I wanted. I could have given up on Kel when things got tough, but if I let those undesirable parts of his personality outweigh the better ones, I would have passed up the greatest love of my life.”
My heart softened at her words. “How did you know he was ‘the one’?”
“When I took him home to meet my family, he sat down and talked to my crazy Aunt Ida for over an hour.” Liz leaned back in her chair and traced the top of her coffee cup with her finger. “Oh, Aunt Ida, she was a rascal that one. Ornery as all hell, but Kel sat there so patient and doting on her every word.” She leaned in, her eyes dancing. “Later he even said he found her fascinating! He liked hearing her stories of growing up. And that was it. I was completely and totally smitten with him. He has this wonderful ability to see something where most people wouldn’t bother taking the time to look.”
“Your marriage sounds like a match made in heaven.”
She laughed. “It might be, but it doesn’t always feel like that. Don’t let anyone ever tell you marriage is easy. To me, the secret to a happy life and marriage is practicing gratitude everyday—being grateful for the big-hearted person Kel is, for the health of our kids, for our house, albeit the mess. Sometimes just a peaceful dinner together. Things get hectic. We fight, but when you’re grateful, you’re not so quick to throw out the ninety percent good because of the ten percent not-so-good.”
Tears immediately sprung to my eyes.
Liz’s hand shot out to cover mine. “What is it?”
“I threw out the ninety percent good. I pushed Toby away all because I was scared—scared he’d leave me if I had what I really wanted.”
“And what do you want?”
“All the things I said I didn’t—to get married, to build a home, and to have a baby.” A few tears rolled down my cheek, and I haphazardly wiped them away. “Around Thanksgiving I found out I was pregnant. I didn’t tell anyone. It’s why Toby and I got engaged, but then… then I miscarried. The baby, the engagement, it was all a mistake. Nothing I’d planned, but now—” I let out a terse breath. “But now it’s all I really want.”
“I’m so sorry, Claudia. I sensed something had happened, but I didn’t want to pry.” She squeezed my hand and smiled motherly at me. “I don’t tell people this often because most think it’s mumbo jumbo. Kel tells everyone I’m psychic, but I get these intuitive feelings. And the one I get from you is that one day, you’ll have that baby.”
It might’ve been mumbo jumbo, but it made me smile.
“Liz, I have something to confess.” I sat up and met her gaze. “When you called me earlier, I was in Boston, considering a job.”
* * * *
I got home from coffee with Liz just before the large, fast-moving weather system snuck in. The snow started into the wee hours of the night like the forecasters had predicted, and I opened my eyes to the gray-lit morning. There was a peaceful quality to snow unlike anything else. It snowed a lot during the winter months, December through February, even as late as March, but snow the second week of April was unexpected. It was too warm to last, but for a few hours, everything would be blanketed in a pristine layer of white.
I lay in my bed listening to the serene quietness of a snow-muffled world, coming to terms with wanting marriage and family and accepting it as my truth. My father’s traditions ran stronger in my veins than I ever allowed myself to believe. I was finally okay with that—and more so, grateful to be at peace with it.
And last night, I’d come clean to Liz about Boston.
“The health wellness position might not be available straight away, but I’ll talk to Bill,” she said. “I’m sure he’ll do whatever it takes to keep you at Sterling.”
For the first time in a long while, I felt like some of the weight I’d been carrying had been lifted from my shoulders. Staying on Long Island wasn’t going to miraculously fix my life, but thanks to April, I’d stepped up to the plate and focused on the things I needed to face in order to move forward without regret.
My one last obstacle to tackle was Toby. After our miss at Easter, I didn’t know how to approach him. Did I invite him to dinner? A walk on the beach?
Out front the rasping sound of a snowplow at work curtailed my thoughts.
Stretching and yawning, I made my way to the window and lifted the shade. Tufts of thick, fluffy cotton clung to every branch and twig making all the trees and bushes bow and dip under its frozen crystalized weight. The bleak blackness of rooftops and the neighborhood road disappeared, the flat surfaces, the street, grass and sidewalks, a plush white carpet as far as the corner of my world extended. The winter wonderland I’d anticipated.
There was a white pickup truck with a large metal plow attached to the front end clearing the snow on our street, but as I watched, it dawned on me that the truck appeared to be focusing on the snow in front of our house, and not the whole street as town plows usually did.
In a sleepy daze, I watched as, like a determined soldier, the truck crept forward and reversed, pushing drifts of snow aside and clearing the driveway behind my father’s car and mine. The pickup, I recognized was the one I’d seen in Toby’s driveway, the one with the faded Delfino Construction logo on the doors. And sure en
ough, when the truck angled with the driver’s window towards the house, I caught a brief glimpse of Toby’s profile, his hands competently steering the vehicle. At Sterling, Toby had made a comment about snow being good business. I didn’t know what he’d meant, but now I understood. He was working overtime doing snow removal.
The truck came to a standstill, and when its door swung open, the tempo of my heart accelerated. The familiar booted form emerged, bundled in a tan canvas, work-style jacket and a black knit hat. Toby went around the bed of the truck and pulled out a snow shovel. I knelt down, nose pressed to the glass, in the hopes I might see his face.
He lowered his shovel to the area behind my car, stopping to look up at my window. I froze, but his expression didn’t register my presence. I suspected the glare on the window kept him from seeing me. Angling down, he went at the snowdrift that held my car captive.
I stayed tucked in my spot like a princess up in a tower while he toiled below, agile and powerful, as he wielded shovelfuls of snow as if they were almost weightless.
Though love had brought us together, the differences between us were many. We didn’t share the same upbringing, and our views of the world were from different windows. I had thought he should’ve intuitively understood how much I hurt over Bella. The fault lay in that expectation. How could I expect him to know the sadness I felt, especially when I’d kept it close to my heart and hadn’t shared it with him?
I could forgive him for not understanding.
Toby shouted at someone. Below my window, two other guys were already at work clearing the brick walkway. I recognized Eddie straight away. He wasn’t wearing a hat, and you could tell he was freezing. His mouth was moving, a frown curled across his lips like he was complaining. Ray was bundled in a fashion almost identical to Toby’s. With his head low, he breezed through the inches of snow like a man on a mission.
It was true that Eddie was definitely the better looking brother and the more affable one, but I suspected very few would work harder for Toby than Ray. For as much as Toby had Ray’s back, Ray also had Toby’s, and I was glad for that. A loyal friendship sustained a person. My long friendship with April proved that over and over again.
The thought occurred to me that I should show my appreciation and thank the guys. I’d invite them in for hot coffee. Maybe offer breakfast, too. Passing my dresser mirror, I stopped in my tracks. Looking frumpy in my faded puppy-dog thermal pajamas and my hair in sleep-mussed tangles, I was sure to leave an impression, but not exactly the one I wanted.
I flew into the bathroom, brushed my hair, and flossed and brushed my teeth before trying on and discarding three different sweater choices. I wiggled into my favorite denims, but as to not look too primped, left my slippers on before I finally made it downstairs. I blew out, smiled, and pulled the door open.
The brothers were at the end of the driveway, pushing aside the last piles of snow. Toby had returned to his truck. With his back to me, he appeared to be getting ready to leave. I shouted, but the wind carried my voice away. No one heard me.
The window of opportunity was closing. I shut the door and ran to the hallway closet for a pair of boots. The first pair I saw was my father’s. They were clunky, Big Foot-sized, but I pulled them on anyway. Grabbing a red scarf, I dashed back to the door.
When I yanked it open, Toby was there—right on my doorstep—sprinkling the front porch with granular ice melt. He glanced up, and noticing me, stopped. Before I said a word, a flutter of white flashed in the sky, stealing both of our attentions. Seagulls, at least a hundred of them, maybe more, floated down the street. In a bizarre, but innately ordered cacophony, they swooped down and circled around each other and around the front of the house, their little white-grey bodies flashing subtly against the snowy backdrop. It was as if they were putting on a show for us. Their flapping wings stirred a mist of snow crystals that the wind carried to our faces. As we watched, the group of gulls soared higher, disappearing into the horizon and ending the aerial show as quickly as it started.
It felt magical, like the whale in the bay, a private show for us. I wouldn’t have wanted to share that moment with anyone else. My eyes shifted to Toby. With his head turned, I was able to look freely, greedily. He looked good, strong, and handsome, and his proximity suddenly made my body go all warm and soft. Without conscious thought, my jaw went slack, and a short, audible breath popped out.
He turned to me, his blue-grey eyes flashing bright, and the corners of his mouth lifted in a grin. “That was a cool little show.”
I nodded, mute in my flustered state.
“Thought you’d still be in Boston. I didn’t wake you, did I?” His breath turned to vapor in the frosty morning air.
“No, I was awake. I got home last night.” I said, finding my voice but was unable to stop gawking at him. I swallowed hard, trying to regulate the runaway beating of my heart. Disregarding the icy breeze that swept into the house, I took a step closer. “I didn’t know we were supposed to get so much snow. Thank you for clearing our driveway. You did an amazing job. Without my father’s help, it would’ve taken me, like, forever.”
I felt fevered and stupid. I’d gone from speechless to sounding like a babbling moron.
“Sure, no problem. I bought the truck and the plow a few months ago.” He picked up a shovel he’d had laying nearby and pointed over his shoulder. “Eddie and Ray are the first official employees of TF Snow Removal LLC.”
“TF as in Toby Faye… Snow Removal?” My brows crept up in surprise.
“Yeah. Abe Bernbaum helped me with the legal and financial details. It’s not much to brag about, but it’s mine. And it feels good.”
Toby had his own business.
“I’ll bet it does.” I smiled, seeing him through eyes anew with appreciation. I was proud of him but not as much as I was proud for him. I curled my toes inside the large boots and tried to keep from fidgeting. “I was about to make… to make… um…”
The word for the hot morning beverage eluded my brain.
“Coffee?” He leaned on the handle of his shovel, one brow arched.
“Yeah.” My head bounced up and down in affirmation several times before I forced myself to be still. That was harder than I imagined as every nerve fiber in my body was on high alert. “Want some? It’s cold out here. Come inside and, um, warm up.”
He shook his head. “I’m all wet. I wouldn’t want to drag snow all over your floors. Besides, I got Ray and Eddie with me.”
“They can come in, too. I can throw down some towels. It’s no bother, really.”
He eyed me strangely as if I were playing some kind of trick. It was no wonder considering the way we left off.
“Thanks, but I got a lot of work to do today. I figured I’d do your house first before I do my other rounds. If I stop now, I’ll lose momentum.” He removed a final clump of snow from the steps, grabbed the bag of ice melt, and dropped down onto the walkway.
“Oh, sure.” Disappointment flooded over me. I rolled the hem of my sweater, worrying it between my restless fingers, grasping for something to further impede his departure.
He edged a few feet further, readying to leave. “Listen, I really have to go. If you have to go out today, be careful on the roads. They’re really slippery.”
“I will,” I said, knowing I had to let him go. “Thanks again.”
He raised a hand in salutation and turned away. I waved to Ray and Eddie. Eddie stuck his hand out the pickup window and returned the greeting.
I went back inside and shut the door. My knees gave way, and I slid down against the door until my butt hit the floor. I’d acted like such a girl, like a lovesick teen, twisting and tittering awkwardly.
Toby Faye was the only one who could turn me upside down and inside out.
I rested my head against the door and let out a ragged sighed. Like the girls who’d gone before me, the ones I’d been jealous of, I’d become one of Toby Faye’s ex-girlfriends. His refusal to come in for coffee was a
reality check. His interest in me was dwindling. If it weren’t already completely depleted, it’d soon be.
I’d almost slept with Andrew to take me out of my head and make me forget… to forget Toby. But that would never happen—no matter what I did or how many men I fell into bed with. If I were completely honest, I didn’t want to forget—the love, the pain, or any of it. My heart ignited with the truth.
I wanted Toby back.
* * * *
The snow stuck around for two days, but the day of April’s shower, the weather shifted. Every last trace of the white stuff disappeared with the warmer temperatures.
I exiled my father to a day at Aunt Giana and Uncle Vinny’s and had the party at my house. The party went well, and afterwards, April, the bridal party, and I sat among the amassed piles of amazing gifts for the newlyweds.
“Bridal shower, check. Bachelorette party, next,” June said.
“I have an idea for that.” I finished loading the dishwasher and wiped my hands on a towel. All eyes were on me. “Toby mentioned that his last play date with his band is an Eighties night at the Mad Monkey. I thought—”
“Love it!” June shouted. The others echoed her sentiment.
Toby had asked me not to come to his last play night with Young Cranky Old Guys, but I couldn’t pass up. It was an opportunity to make my intentions clear.
“I already know what April is going to wear.” June’s smile was devilish. “There’s a cheap bridal dress at the thrift shop. We’ll shorten it and turn it into a vampy Madonna-like outfit, complete with studded bracelet and lace gloves.”
“Yes, we’ll do a ‘Like a Virgin’ theme. That’s perfect,” I said, clapping my hands.
April laughed good-naturedly. “Fine. I don’t mind looking ridiculous for one night, but I’m not going to look like a freak all by myself. You ladies have to look just as ridiculous.”
The next day, we piled into June’s SUV and drove to a church thrift shop in Bayport. While the others attacked the racks of used clothing looking for era-appropriate party outfits for themselves, April, June, and I went to task scoping for April’s outfit. June found the wedding dress, which April gave the thumbs up to. The sisters had an aunt who was handy with a sewing machine and could alter it for the occasion.
Keeping Claudia (Toby & Claudia Book 2) Page 33