“Wow. You’re full of surprises. The house, this ring.” Like she’d done over and over the last few hours, she lifted her left hand and admired the sparkling adornment. “Toby, I don’t want you to think I’m complaining because I really, really love the ring, but...”
“But what?”
“It’s not your mother’s. Don’t you want me to have it anymore? Do you think it has bad mojo or something?”
“Bad mojo?” I took hold of her chin, making her look me in the eye. “Don’t be silly, Claude. You’ll get it.” I kissed the tip of her nose. “On our wedding day.”
“Oh,” she sighed with relief. “I’m glad you didn’t change your mind. Having your mother’s ring means a lot to me.”
“I want you to have it as much as I’m sure Julia would want you to have it.” I ran a thumb along her jaw, my fiancé’s jaw. “I need something to entice you up the aisle.”
“That sounds a bit like a bribe.”
I shrugged. “Whatever it takes.”
She tightened her arms around my neck. “You know what?”
“What?”
She pressed her chin into my chest and smiled up at me. “I like you. I really, really like you.”
A warm little tickle wiggled its way up my throat and I chuckled. “I kinda really like you, too.”
She rose up on my tippy toes, kissed me once, and then whispered against my lips. “You know, I don’t need to know everything about you, but there are some things I really, really want to know.”
“Yeah? Like what?” I pulled back, holding her gaze with mine.
“Like how you’ll look on our wedding day when we pledge ourselves to each other forever,” she whispered, finger-combing the hair at the back of my neck. “And how you’ll look the first time you hold one of our children.”
The thought of those moments sent an incredible adrenaline rush surging through my body. We’d been through a lot, and yet, there was still a world of firsts for Claudia and me to experience. I felt steady, confident, and ready enough to take them on.
I leaned down and brushed my lips to hers. “You will, baby. You will. That I promise.”
About the Author
Hey all!
Thank you for reading Keeping Claudia. As some of you know, this story was a long time in coming. Almost 4 years! It took a tremendous effort for me mentally and emotionally to finish. For a while, I lost my faith in my ability to tell the story and didn’t think I’d ever finish writing it. But in the end, this was as much a journey for Claudia and Toby as it was a journey for me. I hope you felt the love, emotion, and inspiration that went into it.
If you enjoyed Keeping Claudia, please take a moment to leave a review at Amazon.com. And by all means, tell your family and friends about it. Share your thoughts on Facebook and Goodreads, too! Word of mouth via reviews and recommendations are tremendously important for an independent author such as myself.
I greatly appreciate it.
~ Suzanne
A little about me: I was born, raised and continue to live on Long Island, a densely populated island off the southeastern tip of New York State. Since 2007, I’ve been employed as a page layout artist and freelance reporter for a family of local newspapers that cover happenings on the southern shore. I have lots more stories ready to be told.
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Craving more Claudia and Toby? Want to know what happens after the last scene in the book? I can’t leave you hanging! Read on for …
The Epilogue
Epilogue • 1 Toby
I sat in the white rocker in her room, staring at her tiny, sleeping form, and found it hard to believe Julianne had only been a part of our lives for fourteen months. Everyday since she’d been born, I’d stretched and grown to what she needed me to be. She gobbled up the life that existed before without apology, demanding every moment of every day, every heartbeat and every smile. In such a short time, she’d become our world. With Claudia and Julianne, I had everything I never thought I’d wanted. And though we’d only been a family for such a short while, it felt like we were always meant to be like this.
I thought about the first time I’d held her, the way she felt in my arms, how her skin smelled, how my heart sped up, and how for a moment, I’d forgotten how to breath, or that anything in life other than holding her was necessary. In only a matter of moments, her essence had coursed through my blood and chased away any doubt of my ability to love and provide for her. Everyone kept telling me that after she was born, everything would be different. That I would be different. But it doesn't matter how eloquently anyone describes it or how many times they tell you; no one can truly prepare you for that depth of emotion.
Over the years, I’d taken on more responsibility and dealt with some tough shit, lived through some extreme lows, now thankfully, countered by extreme highs. But as much as I’d seen and done, until Julianne came along, I hadn’t understood what becoming a father would do for me. I had stepped into an entirely new world where there was so much more to learn about, to understand, to love. And mostly, so much more to be grateful for.
Motion caught my eye through the rails of the crib and my lips rounded in an automatic smile. Julianne rose to stand in her crib and extended her chubby toddler arms over the rail.
“Da-da.” She aimed her sweet, sleepy smile at me, her baby fine, curly brown hair tangled from her nap.
I felt the immediate tug of that angelic little face.
This little bundle, along with her mother, owned my heart, absolutely all of it.
I picked her up and immediately got a whiff of her dirty diaper.
“Oooh, baby, smells like someone needs a diaper change, STAT.” I scooped her up and laid her on the changing table.
Julianne giggled and squirmed. I tickled her belly and sang a few verses of a cow that jumped over the moon—until I opened her diaper and coughed, accosted by the stench.
“Whoa, baby girl, that’s a champion stinker! You did your papa proud.” I wiped her little butt cheeks clean and wrestled her into a new diaper.
Claudia laughed from the doorway and came forward to kiss me hello. “Only you would think your daughter’s dirty diaper was something to boast about.”
“Hey, baby.” I nuzzled Claudia’s cheek a little to long and Julianne flipped over. With Mommy in her sight, my little bullet was on the move, escalating the difficulty of getting her outfit snapped closed.
Claudia, dressed in her work clothes, lifted our daughter, hugging and kissing her, at the same time miraculously finishing the task of dressing her.
I leaned against the changing table, once again amazed at how easily Claudia took to motherhood. She had transformed before my eyes, and I all I could think was how lucky I was to be married to such a warm, beautiful woman, to be her partner in the hardest, most challenging job I ever loved.
I couldn’t imagine where I’d have been now if had I not come home from work that fateful day six years ago to find my childhood crush sitting at my kitchen table ready to take a job assisting my mother through her illness. I shuttered to think how different my life could be without her. Without the two of them—my two girls. My family.
My life was perfect and I didn’t want a single thing to change.
I put my arms around the two of them and kissed the top of Claudia’s head. “You’re home early. When I picked up Julianne from April’s, she said you weren’t feeling good. No better?”
It was our good fortune that when Claudia went back to work after Julianne was born, April decided to be a stay-at-home mom. Her and Dario’s daughter, Alexa, was only six months older than Julianne.
April had boasted at their wedding that she was going to get knocked up on their honeymoon, and though Dario assured me he’d given it his best effort, it’d ta
ken our friends nearly two years to conceive their first born. It gave Claudia and I time to catch up and gave Alexa a perfect playmate in Julianne.
“I’m okay, but you mind if I call over to my Dad’s and see if he’ll take Julianne for a little while tonight?”
Pops would take Julianne in a heartbeat. My father-in-law had changed his tune since becoming a grandfather—I’d never seen him behave so gentle and smile as often as he did when he was with his granddaughter—but things had drastically changed now that he had a woman in his life. His girlfriend Yolanda regularly used Julianne to get her grandmotherly fix. Claudia and I liked her. It was amusing to see the staunch El Capitán in love, softening and bending to the whims of a woman.
“Sure. I’m up for dinner out,” I said. “Been wanting to try that new restaurant—”
“I thought we could take the boat out, watch the sunset over the bay.” She pulled her hair out of the bun she kept in during work and her shiny dark tresses fell about her shoulders, thick and gorgeous.
I didn’t have to be persuaded to spend a couple of hours on the water alone with my beautiful wife. “You take Julianne to your father’s. I’ll pick up sandwiches and head down to the dock and get the boat ready.”
Epilogue • 2 Claudia
I parked and got out of my car. It was an early summer evening, the kind I loved, sunny and with a light breeze cooling the day’s heat. I grabbed my sweater just in case the air turned a little chilly out on the water.
I inhaled and looked over the dock area. The sound of small engine watercraft could be heard up and down the harbor. I spied Toby prepping our open-decked boat, tied off in one of the dozens of slips along Brown’s Creek.
Though a bit extravagant, the purchase of the 18-foot recreational boat made sense. We traveled to Fire Island often, for vacation and business. Toby’s rental property was rarely empty and having a boat at our disposal made traveling back and forth easier. It also gave us more activities to enjoy: clamming, water skiing and tubing. And best of all, there was nothing quite like sitting out in the bay, watching the sun set over the horizon. It never got old for me.
Toby had become surprisingly sure atop the water for someone who’d only been boating for a few years. Like fish to water, I guess. I watched him move around the craft as he readied our boat for us, admiring his arms, ropey with muscle. Looking at him never got old for me either.
Ten minutes out into the Great South Bay, Toby cut the engine and hauled the anchor overboard. I handed him his sandwich and he dug in.
With the first scent of mayonnaise and pastrami, my stomach rolled, the same nauseated feeling I’d had that morning. I kept it to myself, and just sat back and let him eat. It has been three years since we’d said ‘I do’ and everything was going so well. We had so much to be thankful for, and now, another blessing on its way.
“This is a good idea, wife,” he said, chewing thoughtfully.
“I thought being out here would be a nice place to tell you something,” I started and then waited for his complete attention.
He put his sandwich down and eyed me. “You know, a guy might start to worry when his wife takes him out into the middle of the bay to tell him something. You aren’t about to pull a gun out, shoot me and throw my body overboard?”
I laughed. “No, nothing so surreptitious. I need you onboard for this.”
The expression on his face turned to one of concern. “You’re beginning to freak me out here. Are you okay?”
I took his hand and smiled. “I’m better than okay. I’m pregnant.”
Epilogue • 3 Toby
I could tell from the look on her face that she was happy, but warning bells blared in my head.
“But how? You’re still on the pill aren’t you?” I asked, running a hand through my hair.
“Remember I was sick that time? The doctor said the medication could’ve made the contraceptive less effective.” Her smile faded. “I thought you’d be happy about it. We agreed we’d have two kids.”
Ass, I cursed at myself and pulled her into my arms.
“I’m happy, just … I don’t know, shocked? I didn’t expect number two to come along so fast, but I’m happy,” I said, and kissed her. She put a hand over her belly, and I pressed mine over hers. “You’re having morning sickness again, aren’t you?”
“All-day-long sickness is more like it, just like with Julianne … and Bella. I know I suggested coming out here, but could we go back in now?” she asked, looking a little green around the gills.
I drove the boat back in as gently as the short, choppy waves would allow, and secured the slip lines, the stirrings of worry growing in my gut.
After Claude and I got married, I’d taken my family’s home off the market. As newlyweds struggling to make ends meet, we had decided together that it made more financial sense for us to hold onto the house, at least until my business investments gained a sure footing, and Claudia finished school and secured a full-time position at Sterling.
I’d spent the first two years of our marriage ripping down walls and replacing everything that had been sad and old, with new and better. I didn’t plan on us staying there forever, but the new walls and happy memories had replaced the old hurtful ones.
But the house; it wasn’t where I envisioned my family living. It was too small. With the news of our growing family, it was time to think bigger.
It was finally time to find a home Claudia and I could truly make our own. I wasn’t nervous about that step. It’d been the plan since we’d gotten engaged—I’d always known I’d make happen.
Something else made me come up short of being genuinely happy about the idea of becoming a father for the second time, but I couldn’t grasp exactly what it was.
Together Claudia and I went to her father’s house to get Julianne, and as our little girl screeched happily for me, my heart fold over with joy.
It hit me then—if I loved Julianne with all of my heart, what was left to share with another baby? My heart didn’t feel like it had the capacity to love another kid. A cruel injustice, but at the same time, love wasn’t something that could be coerced.
Everything had changed when Julianne was born, maybe it would be the same this time around. I trusted Claudia and instead of letting myself get bogged down in anticipation of the unknown, I set my mind on a something I knew I could handle—finding the perfect house for our growing family.
Epilogue • 4 Claudia
It was already dark when I pulled up behind Toby’s Jeep parked out front of Liz and Kellan McCaffrey’s house. As much as I tried to revel in the idea that we would soon be parents of two, work and life seemed to be coming at us at an ever-increasing speed. Between my obstetrician appointments and Julianne’s pediatrician wellness visits, and prepping my office for my maternity leave, the last five months had flown by. A dinner with friends was a welcomed break. I’d even left work early so I could pick up Julianne and save Toby the trek back across town.
I opened the backseat door and undid Julianne’s car seat harness. She raised her arms at me, and though Toby often told me to let her walk, that she was old enough, at nearly two years old, she was still my baby. I lifted her into my arms, and her little legs curled around my pregnancy-thickened waist. Six-months pregnant and my belly was big, much bigger this go-round than it’d been with Julianne. Thankfully, the queasiness had ended after about a month, and I found, as I had before, I quite liked being pregnant. It was miraculous the way my body grew and changed to accommodate a baby.
I hadn’t stepped two feet away from the car, when thirteen-year old Jess came flying out the front door.
“Yay! Julianne’s here!” The young teen bellowed, her fair, freckled face alight with enthusiasm as she rushed to me, arms already extended for my daughter.
Julianne leaned away from me, going to the girl without hesitation. Relieved of my daughter’s weight, I tugged playfully on Jess’ strawberry-blonde braid and smiled, confident that over next several years, Liz’s
daughter was going to be my go-to babysitter. She was already the best mother’s-helper.
Over the last few years, Liz and I had become very good friends. She lived so close, in Bayport, the town just one over from Sayville. It was easy for the two of us to stop by, pop in for coffee and quick chats. And we often did. We also shopped together, exchanged recipes, and even though I worked in another office at Sterling, my own healthcare wellness office, we talked and commiserated about the daily on-goings at the residence.
Her husband, Kellan, had made a full recovery after his stroke, and as Liz had described him, he was bigger than life—a well-loved high school teacher, affable and gregarious. He and Toby had hit if off, too. The two of them had been playing men’s baseball together for the last few years. Occasionally, when Toby wasn’t too busy with work, he liked to help Kel down at the Little League fields, coaching Jess’ softball team.
“So, what’s for dinner?” I asked Jess.
“We already ate. Meatloaf.” She scrunched her nose. “We saved some for Julianne, but you’re having something much better, over there.”
My gaze followed where she pointed, to the house two doors over, one of the four houses on the quiet cul-de-sac where the McCaffrey’s lived.
“We’re having dinner with your neighbors?” I asked, confused. Over the past few years, Toby and I had never exchanged more than a neighborly hello with the couple that owned the home.
With an adorable grin, the girl shook her head. “I was told I’m not to answer any questions. Just to take Julianne and send you over there.”
“Okay,” I said with a shrug and kissed the top of Julianne’s head. “You go play with Jess. Mommy will see you in a little while.”
Keeping Claudia (Toby & Claudia Book 2) Page 42