by Karen Ball
“Prays for you. Every night.”
Confusion creased the edges of his eyes. “She doesn’t even know me.”
“Doesn’t matter. She’s heard me talk about you, and she’s decided she likes you. So she’s praying for you.”
Dan had seen Jayce silent before but never speechless. The boy opened his mouth, closed it, opened it again, then just shook his head. Dan held the camera up, eyebrows raised, and Jayce shrugged.
“Go for it.”
So Dan did. When he printed out the pictures, he left them on the kitchen table with a note for Shannon to take a look and pick one out. He came into the kitchen a little later and found not Shannon but Aaron sitting there, the pictures spread out in front of him.
“This is Jayce?”
“This is Jayce.” He looked over his son’s shoulder at the shots. Jayce was photogenic, no denying that. If he could just get the kid to smile.
Aaron picked up one of the pictures, studying it, then laid it back down. He pushed his chair back and looked up at his dad. “I thought he was my age.”
“He’s close. You’ll be fifteen in a week or so. Jayce will be fourteen next July. So you’re about nine months older than he is.”
Lines puckered Aaron’s forehead, as though his thoughts were especially weighty. “He looks … old. Sad.”
Dan’s heart warmed at the concern on his son’s face. “He is, Aaron. His spirit is old and worn out because of all he’s been through. And his heart is sad. He tries not to let it show, of course—”
“But you can see it. In his face. His eyes.”
Dan looked at the pictures. “Yes, you can.”
Aaron stood and started out of the kitchen then hesitated. He turned back to Dan. “I’m glad you’re spending time with him.”
His heart swelled with pride in his son. “You sure?”
“Yeah. I mean, I’ve been thinking about it. If it’s hard not having you around once in a while, it’s gotta be the pits not having a dad around at all.” He went to pull the fridge open, and his voice came to Dan from behind the door. “So I think you should do it.” He shut the door, as though to add emphasis to his words, and popped open the soda he’d found. “Okay?”
“More than okay. Thanks, Aaron.”
He lifted the can. “You bet, Dad.”
That night, Aaron joined Shannon in her prayers for Jayce. And from that time on, they lifted the boy to heaven every night, asking God to love him and take care of him. During the past eight months, they asked more questions about Jayce.
One question in particular, though, kept showing up as Dan worked with Jayce. It was this question that led Dan to the conclusion that, even when he didn’t know it, young Mr. Dalton caused trouble.
“When do we get to meet Jayce?”
Dan wasn’t sure why he was so hesitant to bring Jayce and his kids together—it made sense; they’d all get along—but something held him back. Some desire to keep his personal life separate from everything else. To protect it.
Protect them.
If Jayce didn’t know Shannon and Aaron, then Marlin Murphy didn’t know them, either. But if Jayce started spending time with Dan’s kids …
Just the thought of that jerk even looking at his children made Dan’s jaw tense.
He figured the intensity of his feelings had something to do with losing Sarah, but he didn’t really understand it. And until he did, he couldn’t give in to the kids’ request.
A few days ago, Shannon had been looking at the calendar in the kitchen where Dan wrote down all their activities. The calendar had come with a bunch of stickers to mark special occasions, and she loved to go through and look at the stickers. She frowned when she spotted a birthday cake sticker on an upcoming Saturday.
“Dad? Whose birthday is this?”
He looked where she was pointing. July 17. “Oh, that’s Jayce’s birthday.”
“It is?” She clapped her hands, eyes sparkling. “That’s so great!”
Dan mussed her hair. “I’m glad you’re so excited for him. Too bad we won’t be here.” He went back to finish pulling the dishes from the dishwasher. “That’s the week we’re going camping up by Diamond Lake.”
“I know! It’s perfect!”
Aaron just entered the kitchen. “What’s perfect?”
Shannon poked her finger on the calendar. “This is! It’s Jayce’s birthday. And this is the perfect birthday present for him.”
Dan knew where this was going and tried to stop it, but he wasn’t fast enough. Aaron caught his sister’s vision.
“You mean take him camping with us? Cool!”
From that moment the two of them were at Dan, pleading. And he resisted. This was family time, just the three of them. Yes, he liked Jayce. A lot. But take him with them? Dan didn’t even know if Jayce’s grandmother would agree.
Of course, he didn’t know she wouldn’t, either.
Then just this morning, Shannon went into turbo-plead. She knew they only had a few days before they left, so she followed Dan around the house, eyes and tone equally imploring. “Please, Daddy.”
It wasn’t easy to resist those big brown eyes looking up at him with just the faintest shimmer of tears. But he forced himself to be strong.
“Daaaaddy …”
“Shannon, that’s enough. I said no, and I meant it.” For a moment he thought she’d given up, but he should have known better. Shannon was like her mother: tenacious.
“He doesn’t have anybody else.”
“He has his grandmother.”
“To take him camping?”
Score one for the imp.
“Come on, Daddy. You keep saying how you like spending time with Jayce.”
“Yes, but—”
“And how he needs to learn what a loving family is like.”
“I know, but—”
“So won’t he get both if he goes camping with us?”
Dan eyed his youngest child. “Shannon, this is family time.”
Her smile bloomed. “And if Jayce comes with us and learns about Jesus, he’ll be family, too, right? Don’t you want that?”
His daughter’s question rolled around in his mind, a pinball of guilt bouncing from one objection to another. Did he want Jayce to be a part of their spiritual family?
The answer surprised him. No, he didn’t.
Okay, why not?
That answer wasn’t so surprising. It clawed at him every day, crawling through his gut, reaching bony fingers up into his chest and squeezing.
Fear.
Okay again. Of what?
Of letting someone else in, because … because …
He closed his eyes. Because caring meant taking the chance that one terrible day, you just might lose the person. And he’d had his fill of loss. More than his fill.
More than twenty people’s fill.
Do not be afraid.
How could he avoid it?
I will protect you.
Dan longed to believe that, to rest in it. But it was so hard, especially when he kept seeing Sarah’s white face, feeling her still chest beneath his fingers …
I am with you.
Dan swallowed. I know, Lord. I know. But what if—?
I am with you.
Dan drew in a slow breath. It was true. More than that, it was enough. And it was time to start acting as though he really believed it.
“Daddy?”
He opened his eyes and saw the concern on Shannon’s sweet face. He gathered her in his arms. “It’s okay, honey.”
Her arms slid around his waist. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”
“You didn’t. You just helped me understand something that’s been bothering me.”
“I did?”
“You did. What was that question you’ve been asking me all day?”
“Daaaddy!”
“What was it?”
She looked to the ceiling, then with a heavy sigh repeated, “Can Jayce please go camping with us?”
Shannon pulled back as though to see him more clearly, to make sure she’d heard what she thought she had. “Okay?”
Dan stroked her soft cheek. “Okay, Jayce can go camping with us.”
With a squeal that would do Flipper proud, Shannon threw her arms around Dan’s neck. “Thank you, Daddy! You won’t be sorry!”
If only he could be as certain of that as she was.
FOURTEEN
“Take the first step in faith.
You don’t have to see the whole staircase,
just take the first step.”
DR. MARTIN LUTHER KING JR.
“You will show me the way of life,
granting me the joy of your presence.”
PSALM 16:11
TENT PEGS WERE NO HELP AT ALL WHEN ONE WANTED to take a picture.
Dan stood in the woods, pegs in one hand, digital camera in the other. Oh, sure, he could take the shot with one hand. But his one-handed shots were getting more and more blurry lately.
He slid the offending pegs into his back jeans pocket, then snapped pictures of Aaron and Jayce laughing together as they helped Shannon set up her tent. Why had he been so worried?
The two boys hit it off the minute they met. Though their life experiences couldn’t have been more different, they were teenagers. They spoke the same language: fluent sarcasm.
Shannon, now, that was a different story. One look at her and Jayce stared at his feet, red seeping into his features. Of course, that made perfect sense to Dan. Sure, most girls his daughter’s age were pretty. But Shannon? Well, she had an indefinable sort of beauty. Dan thought it was her smile.
Sarah said it was her spirit.
Either way, people always said she looked like an angel.
What amazed Dan, though, was that she acted like one so often. Sure, she had her moments. What kid didn’t? But when it really mattered—as it did in that awkward moment with Jayce—Shannon simply shone. Before Dan had a chance to think of a way to ease Jayce’s discomfort, Shannon walked up and threw her arms around him, hugging the stuffing out of him.
Dan waited for Jayce to jerk free. He still remembered Jayce’s reaction when he touched the kid’s shoulder at the center. But the boy stood there, enduring the hug for a full beat before he eased free, his face beet red.
His face split with a broad grin.
The kids’ nonstop chatter punctuated the drive up the mountain. Shannon rode in the front seat with Dan, the two boys in the back. But Dan hardly saw his daughter’s face the entire hour’s drive. She turned as far around as her seat belt would allow, joining her brother in firing question after question at Jayce about his likes and dislikes, his life. They weren’t intrusive, just eager to get to know him. And much to Dan’s amazement, Jayce was equally eager to share.
By the time they reached their lakeshore campsite at Broken Arrow, the kids seemed fast friends.
Their first task had been putting the canoe in the lake and securing it with a chain and padlock so no one could mistake it for a rental. Then it was back to the campsite to set everything up. Dan told the kids they could take the canoe out as soon as camp was ready, then he sat back and watched his two fly into action, snagging Jayce in their current. Aaron and Shannon never stopped talking.
“Remember the time we …?”
“Oh, yeah! And how about that time Mom …”
“That was so great!”
On and on they went. Dan listened, laughter mixing with tears as they regaled Jayce with family history. It was so good—and so hard—to hear them talk about their mother this way.
“Is it hard to do?” Jayce looked at Aaron from where he was pounding tent stakes into the ground. “You know, drive a canoe?”
Dan was proud of the fact that Aaron didn’t laugh at Jayce’s question. “Nah. You’ll be steering like a pro in no time.”
“We can even take the fishing gear with us.” Shannon was so excited she was talking almost double time. “Right, Dad?”
“Don’t see why not. As long as you’re careful.”
Dan finished setting up his tent, then went to where he’d laid out the fishing gear. He double-checked the kids’ tackle box then picked up the new rod he’d bought just the day before. It was a beauty—a Penn trolling rod combo. Dan fingered the slick graphite frame. So it was a bit pricey. It was for a good cause.
He turned and carried the rod toward the kids, who were just finishing up with their tents. “All set?”
“You bet!” Aaron’s gaze rested on the rod, and excitement sparkled in his blue eyes. He and Shannon had gone with Dan to the sporting goods store, but it was Aaron who lifted the rod and handed it to Dan. “This one.”
Eyeing the price tag, Dan drew a breath. “You sure?”
“Absolutely. It’s the one I’d want.”
“Ohh!” Shannon practically danced beside them. “I can’t wait! He’s gonna love it!”
Dan had no doubt she was right. He caught his children’s attention, and they looked from the rod to him then exchanged smiles.
Dan held the rod out to Jayce. “Happy birthday, Jayce.”
The boy went still. His gaze traveled from the rod, to Aaron’s and Shannon’s smiling faces, then up to Dan. “This … this is for me?” He frowned. “Why?”
Dan had expected the shock he heard in Jayce’s voice. But he was stunned at the emotions battling in the boy’s features: suspicion, resistance, pride … and a stark longing that ripped at Dan’s heart.
It just wasn’t right for a kid to be so beat down he couldn’t even believe someone would give him a birthday gift.
Lord, help me get through—
He glanced at Aaron and Shannon, standing just behind Jayce, and saw the mixture of excitement and apprehension on their faces. They were as invested in this as Dan.
No, Lord, help us get through to Jayce.
Without thinking, he put his hand on the boy’s shoulder. Jayce tensed beneath his touch but didn’t pull back. Dan was grateful for the change. “Because it’s your birthday, Jayce, and because we wanted to.”
Shannon slipped her arm around her dad’s waist. “We picked it out, just for you. It’s a great pole.”
“Rod, dummy.” Aaron was at Jayce’s side, nudging him with an elbow. “She tries, but she’s a girl, you know?”
Shannon stuck her tongue out at her brother, and Dan thought he saw the hint of a smile tug at Jayce’s mouth.
Aaron took the rod from Dan and held it out for Jayce to inspect. “This thing is übersweet, man. And check out the reel. It’s got a heavy-duty line clicker.”
Jayce eyed Aaron. “Clicker?”
He threw an arm around Jayce’s shoulders, shaking his head. “Man … we got a lot to teach you.” Aaron handed the rod to Jayce. “So we’d better get started, huh?”
Jayce hesitated, then his hands closed over the rod and he gave a slow nod. “Yeah.” His sigh was part surrender, part delight. “Yeah, let’s get started.”
Within a half hour they were down at the lakefront. Dan ran through the dos and don’ts of canoeing, then watched the three of them settle into the canoe—Aaron in the stern, Jayce in the bow, and Shannon in the middle.
Dan relaxed into the lawn chair he’d set up on the shore, propped his feet up on the cooler, and flipped open the novel he’d brought along—a supernatural thriller about a submarine that went missing in WWII and suddenly showed up fifty years later. “You guys make sure you stay in my sight, okay? And life jackets go on the bodies, not under the seats.”
Aaron gave him a thumbs-up as they paddled away. Dan kept looking up from time to time, but it seemed everything was going great. The kids were tossing their lines into the water, and their laughter drifted to him, a beautiful sound on the warm summer breeze.
Only one thing would have made it all perfect. But that one thing was gone. Forever.
Suddenly the words on the page in front of him blurred. Dan closed the book, leaning back and turning his
face to the sky. God, will the hurting ever stop? The piercing loss when I hear the kids laugh—but not Sarah? He rubbed a hand over his eyes. Sarah, I miss you so much …
A yelp jerked his eyes open, and he looked at the canoe just in time to see Jayce jerking on his pole.
“I got one! I got one!”
Dan jumped up, almost as excited as Jayce sounded. “Keep tension on the line, son!”
Aaron waved at Dan to show they’d heard, and Dan could hear him guiding Jayce as the fish went first one way then the other.
“Watch it!” Aaron leaned forward. “He’s heading under the canoe.”
Shannon joined in. “Don’t let your line go slack. You’ll lose him!”
“Whoa! I think I got a whale here!” Jayce jumped up from his seat, and though Dan couldn’t see his kids’ faces, he heard the alarm in their voices.
“No!”
“Sit down!”
Too late. Jayce threw his weight to the side, trying to keep tension on the line. The canoe tipped one way, then the other—and over it went.
A chorus of cries split the air as the kids flew into the lake. Dan ran out into the water, ready to plunge in to save whomever needed saving, but the oddest sound stopped him.
Laughter. Hilarious, sputtering laughter.
All three of the kids popped up next to the capsized canoe. Aaron and Shannon splashed at each other. Dan surveyed the situation, making sure everyone was okay—and his eyes widened.
Jayce’s flotation vest kept him afloat, which was a good thing. Because he held both his hands high. In one, he clutched his rod.
In the other he held a squirming fish.
“Oh, man!” Aaron swam over to Jayce. “How’d you do that?”
“I have no idea!” At Jayce’s stunned words, all three exploded into laughter.
“Aaron!”
He turned at his dad’s voice, looking back at the shore.
“Can you and Shannon right the canoe?”
“Sure!”
Dan hoped his son’s confidence was deserved. Happily, it was. “Well, hon,” Dan spoke to the silence around him, “looks like the training we gave them actually paid off.” Dan couldn’t be sure, but he thought he felt a gentle touch on his cheek. It was just the breeze, of course, but it made him smile all the same.