It’s a ten hour flight, so I catch up with Max by email to finalize things for me on his end. I think I will stay in Paris for as long as I can, asking Max to see about a visa for Ashlee too.
He knows people.
Max always makes things happen. Good things.
Once business is taken care of, and I can’t stand being so far away from her a minute longer, I invite Ashlee into my seat with me. Huge, leather things, more like sofas than airline seats.
She feels so much better with each mile between us and the states.
A new life, that’s what I’m thinking, but not too soon I hope?
“You haven’t changed things just for me, have you?” Ashlee asks, looking up at me with clear eyes, finding a mat of my chest hair through my shirt and teasing her fingers into it.
“I’ve changed everything for you… for us.” I tell her flatly, then smile.
“My life started yesterday, Ashlee… when you walked into it. The only changes are to keep it that way.”
I see her eyes misting up, clutching at me, but it’s the truth.
“It’s only been one day so far, and I know it’s been a hell of a ride but I want this everyday. With you Ashlee,” I tell her.
She looks thoughtful, then nervous.
“Are you going to work in Paris?” she asks me quickly, changing the subject.
“No.” I tell her quickly, rubbing her arm with mine around her shoulder.
“I want the next few days to be just all about us. I do have plans, maybe… for work I mean, but not right now.”
I’ve always wanted to start my own production company, direct my own movies. God knows I’ve spent enough time in front of the camera as well as behind the scenes. It’s not what you know in this business but who you know.
I think it can work, and I already have a leading lady in mind.
The thought of her on the big screen, her smooth skin and huge blue eyes… those hips.
I shiver a breath in, then think, who would play her leading man?
Fuck!
I’d have to act in the films too, no way am I letting any other punk near my woman.
“Tony?”
“Tony?” she’s snapping her fingers in front of my eyes. I focus on her again, creasing a smile.
“Miles away,” I exhale, drawing her closer, feeling her shiver a little too and wondering if it’s just the cabin temperature, or what I think she must sense coming on this trip.
With me, us.
Our life together from now on.
“As long as I don’t have to tear you away from autograph hungry secretaries,” she muses, teasing me but I can still see the thought of it in her eyes as she bites her lip.
How can I show her, how can I make her understand?
“That’s what I’m getting at Ashlee. I don’t want us to have to tear each other away from anything, I want it to be us… all the time. Every day,”
Dammit!
I’m a trained actor. I can laugh, cry or be deadpan on command… but I can’t stop the emotion from showing in my voice, the goosebumps from swarming my body when I feel what I have to ask her, what I have to know now.
I hear her take a sharp breath in, flushing red and both her hands reaching for mine, the silver line of her own tears; the tremble in her sweet lips urging me forward.
“Say yes,” is all I can manage at first. Taking another breath and her hands in mine before kissing them both and asking her properly.
“Say you’ll be my wife, Ashlee, that I can have and hold you like this every day for the rest of our lives. Say yes and I can rest easy, never having to wonder if this angel can’t be mine forever.”
She’s speechless, but it doesn’t matter. I know her answer.
Like everything with Ashlee, it’s perfect and I only want to make it even more so.
“Marry me, Ashlee. Be the mother to our children. My wife I can worship. Let me be the father I never had to the lives I know we’ll share together… just. Please… say yes.”
She can only mouth the word at first, but once she kisses me, and I feel that incredible charge circulating between us, she finds her voice.
“Yes,” she whispers, kissing my hands and I her head as tears run down both our faces.
It’s the best word I’ve heard my whole life and cements us together, forever.
Paris awaits, the city of love.
We spend the rest of the flight in each other’s arms, talking about our future and little of the past.
Paris speeds towards us, everything else further behind with every second.
“I love you, Tony Fontana,” she tells me.
“And I love you more,” I tell her, our heads pressed together, relieved and finally able to make our way home.
Together.
Forever.
EPILOGUE
SIX MONTHS LATER
Ashlee
Lots of people speak French in France, lucky for me most of them speak English too.
Tony wanted me to be in the movies. I was like, excuse me? Ah, no thanks honey, I’ve seen what the press does to actors. First hand, remember?
But I didn’t want to stop him from setting up his own production company either.
And he’s been instrumental in me setting up my own thing, stage shows that give up and coming actors a chance to strut their stuff. Especially slightly curvy girls and boys who might have been turned down in the past because they don’t look like something they’re not.
It’s been a whirlwind ride alright, and we open our first show in three weeks.
“You okay, Ashlee? You look like crap.”
I’ve been hearing it all morning and it’s not helping, because I know it’s true.
I have so much to feel good about, so why do I feel like I’m dying every time I come to work or look at food?
During our first dress rehearsal I have to run to the bathroom three times, then again once we break for something to eat.
My god, what if I’m really sick? There’s so many things going around right now. I can’t afford to be sick… oh god, no!
Every great and even beginner stage directors have an assistant director, someone whose job is to help out, even take charge when the shit hits the fan.
Chloe’s been a rock so far and she doesn’t look surprised when I finally get up the strength to tell her.
“I have to go home. I feel like crap,” I announce, feeling the saliva rushing into my mouth again as I swallow hard, trying not to dry heave as I make my way out.
Everybody is so understanding, maybe it’s a French thing. But cheering me as I leave?
I shoot Chloe a look, but she only shrugs. Smiling.
Like she knows something I don’t.
Like they all do.
The taxi ride back to the apartment is a blur.
What is wrong with me? And why is everyone grinning at me when I tell them I feel so ill?
Home again, I feel instantly more relaxed and safe. I breathe in the scent of Tony which I have no problem permeating everything we own, every space we occupy.
It’s like having him with me when he’s not home. He’s directing his own movie on set today, just outside of Paris but not due back for another day or two.
He video calls me every chance he gets and we spend half the time he’s away on the phone, which rings as soon as I walk in the door.
I know it’s him.
“What’s wrong, baby?” he asks, filled with concern.
“How’d you know?” I ask, touched by his connection even when he’s not around.
“Chloe called when you left, she said you were sick.”
“Oh.”
“Plus, you’ve been sick for weeks honey, every morning. Don’t think I don’t know. I know my girl and something’s up,” he says, distracted by some background noise. Lights and cameras being moved around.
“I’m coming home,” he announces, and I hear myself groaning in the negative, but secretly glad he’s coming home.
“Tony? I’m scared,” I tell him, surprising myself but at least feeling honest.
“Ashlee, I’m leaving now. I’ll be there in a couple of hours, no arguments. I’m calling a local doctor, and they’ll be there as soon as possible. I’ll see you soon.”
He hangs up, but only because he really is leaving to come home straight away.
I love it when Tony takes charge. I should’ve gone to a doctor sooner but I always thought…
I don’t know what I thought.
I feel dizzy again. Maybe if I ate-
Ugh! Nope. The thought of food, liquid… anything…
I lay on the couch until the door buzzes, all those grinning faces are swimming in time with my nausea. I struggle to get up.
Swear these pants are shrinking.
A female doctor, of course. She practically catches me as I open the door, pitching forward, I'm so dizzy.
Helping me back to the couch we play twenty questions in my pretty good broken French before she opts for English.
There it is again, that look. What is it with these people?
“And when was the last time you bled?” she asks point blank, making me do a double take.
“Bled? I haven’t cut myself.”
Oh… that bled?
I do the math in my head, not hard. I know it’s been forever.
“But…” I start to say, the good doctor is already packing her bag up, checking her pager which is buzzing.
“I have another patient, here is a test. If it’s negative, call me on this number and I will come back,” she says abruptly, but with a knowing smile.
That damned smile.
And in a moment, she’s gone.
I’ve never felt happier, more relieved or more stupid in my whole life.
The white tiles of the bathroom are a blur and I feel the hot tears dropping down onto my legs as I sit here, still on the toilet, the solid blue line on the pregnancy test telling me what everyone else has been smiling about all along.
I hear the door, Tony calls out, and then again with urgency once he hears my tear-stained croak.
“My god, Jesus Ashlee what is it!” he calls out, skidding into the bathroom, scooping me up into his arms, wiping away my tears.
“I’ll call an ambulance! Don’t panic, we’ll…” he says, brushing my hair back as I lift the test in between both our faces.
It takes a moment, but I sniff my tears back and wipe my eyes, focusing on Tony then the little blue line with a smile, which turns into sobbing laughter.
“I’m gonna be a mommy, Tony… and you’re gonna be a daddy!”
EXTENDED EPILOGUE
OVER ONE YEAR LATER
Tony
“You look more beautiful than ever, Ashlee,” I tell her.
Because it’s true. She does look beautiful.
More every day, especially with our second child growing inside her.
“I look like one of those provincial hogs we saw back in that village,” she protests, making a face before lifting Emily and sniffing her behind, then turning green.
“I got it,” I tell her, calmly. “You come take the wheel and I’ll…” I motion with my hand for the baby and peck her cheek, letting Ashlee take the helm of our ride.
A canal barge. Our canal barge.
We’ve been traveling around France via canal, looking for a home out of the city to raise the kids in. I can work remotely, I don’t need to be on set every damned day.
And Ashlee?
“My greatest role, my biggest achievement so far is meeting you and having Emily. How can we go wrong if we just keep doing what feels so right?” she told me after Emily was born.
Her play is still going, showing on Broadway next week and tipped to be nominated for a Tony award… but my girl’s focus is on her family for now and I kind of have to agree with her.
It’s the greatest feeling in the world.
“Pew! Baby, what have you been eating?” I ask little Emily, who gurgles and smiles a gummy grin, letting more of the same fill her diaper.
“Only what her mother feeds her,” Ashlee calls out, popping a length of straw in her mouth, tilting her hat sideways and looking like a pirate as she manages the wheel.
“I thought you felt sick?” I ask, teasing her, going below deck just far enough to the changing table.
“Sick of changing diapers,” she murmurs, and I laugh along with Emily.
“Mommy’s such a grouch when she’s pregnant, isn’t she?” I ask Emily, feeling my breath catch, not from her diaper smell, but from her hand grabbing my finger.
“da,da!” she squeals, and laughs before trying to say it again.
“Tony?” Ashlee calls out once Emily or I don’t make a sound for a while. I’m struck silent by my daughter… her first words. The feeling I get, it makes me tear up… makes me the proudest, happiest man alive.
“Tonyyyy?” Ashlee calls again, an edge in her voice, reminding me not to worry her.
I finish changing Emily and we both head back to mommy.
“Hey you two, why so quiet? Not planning a mutiny… Tony? What’s wrong,” she asks but I shake my head, kissing Emily’s and then my wife’s forehead.
“Nothing my babies, nothing’s wrong. Everything’s just perfect. I love you,” I tell her, and she takes Emily, looking down at her starting to fidget, wanting another feed.
I take the wheel from Ashlee and she takes a seat next to me, the soft benches that are more like day beds, readying herself to feed Emily.
“Uh… eyes front, Captain!” she warns me. “I know what you're like, you’ll have us shipwrecked if you don’t keep us steady,” she teases.
Seeing her, with our baby and another on the way, feeding her with such love and adoration. The sun shining down on us, the eternal spring and summer of our life together.
It doesn’t get any better than-
Then I see it.
“Tony, you sure you’re okay?” Ashlee asks, and I feel my head nodding like a puppet’s.
I spot a mooring up ahead, and ready the barge to stop, hooking us up once I shut the motors off.
It’s the house from my dream, the scenery, the light, Ashlee and Emily… everything.
It’s like I’ve stepped into the dream I had all those months ago.
Ashlee comes to my side, putting her free arm around my waist, the other cradling Emily to her chest.
“You just saw it, yeah?” she asks, a hint of mischief in her voice.
“How’d you…?” I start to ask, but some things are best left unspoken. Some dreams just have to come to pass.
Even from this distance, I can see it needs a lot of work. A two story ancient farmhouse with a grove of even more ancient trees on either side of a white clay road leading up to it.
But I’ve never felt more peace, more fulfillment than this moment. I don’t even have to see it up close to know we belong here, to settle down and make it our own. Ashlee, my family and me.
“ah-ah!” Emily shreaks, “ah-ah,ah-ah!” waving her chubby little arm as her mommy points it out to her, smiling and whispering something to her, producing an old brass key and pressing it onto my hand, kissing me on the lips.
“Happy anniversary darling, and thank you for bringing us home.”
“But how did you?” is all I can say, all I can wonder.
“A girl just knows, Tony. When she’s with the one who makes her whole, she just knows.”
“I love you Ashlee,” I stammer, still amazed.
“I love you more, Tony. More than you’ll ever really know.”
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A MAN WHO KNOWS WHAT HE WANTS
Book 1: Baby Lust
Book 2: Veteran
Book 3: Built
Book 4: Bambino
Book 5: Rescued
Book 6: Leader
Bo
ok 7: Professor
Book 8: Burned
Book 9: Worldly
Book 10: Pistol
Book 11: Policed
Book 12: Driven
Book 13: Lucky 13
Book 14: Lumberjacked
Book 15: Protector
Book 16: Carpenter
Book 17: Italian Stallion
Book 18: Gardener
Book 19: Budapest Billionaire’s Virgin
Book 20: Billionaire’s Babysitter
Book 21: Cocky CFO
Book 22: Fireman’s Filthy 4th
Book 23: Mechanic
Book 24: SEAL’s Secret
Book 25: Police, Pooch, and Smooch
Book 26: Fireman’s Fake Fiancée
Book 27: Billionaire’s Virgin Ballerina
Book 28: Bitcoin Billionaire’s Babysitter
Book 29: Veterans Day Daddy
Book 30: Cowboy’s Christmas Carol
Book 31: Police Officer’s Princess
Book 32: Statham
Book 33: Bodyguard
Book 34: Greek God
Book 35: Billionaire Single Dad's Babysitter
Book 36: Mountain Man
Book 37: SEAL’s Justice
Book 38: Royal Romance
Book 39: Doctor Mountain Man’s Special Delivery
Book 40: Crocodile Dan D
Book 41: Mountain Man’s Secret Baby
Book 42: Doctor Bad Boy’s Secret Baby
Book 43: Cop’s Babysitter
Book 44: Nanny for the Cop Next Door
Book 45: Small Town SEAL’s Saving Grace
Book 46: Cop’s Fake Fiancée
Book 47: Billionaire’s Nanny
Book 48: Cowboy’s Babysitter
Book 49: Steamy
Book 50: Brother’s Best Friend
Book 51: Possessive Professor
Book 52: Firefighter’s Babysitter
Book 53: Soldier’s Secret Baby
Book 54: Ward’s Independence Day
Book 55: Doctor Next Door
Book 56: Possessive Policeman
Book 57: Coached by the MMA Fighter
Book 58: Boss’s Babysitter
Book 59: Virgin in New York
Book 60: Rock Star’s Baby
Book 61: Possessive Protector
Maid For The Hollywood Heartthrob: An Instalove Possessive Age Gap Romance (A Man Who Knows What He Wants Book 200) Page 8