‘What happened to Peter? How did he die, I mean?’
‘Peter was five and in the yards with his father when he somehow got caught up in the crush with a bull. Marjorie blamed Colin and Ivy-May’s remote location equally. Help was too far away. It took too long. She told me how she’d sat in the yard for hours, just her and, in each arm, a son. One was squirming and screaming, the other still and silent.’
The sadness of the story, the image of a young mother mourning, made Ava’s heart pound. She didn’t want to listen to Katie talking about Marjorie Tate and making her care. She didn’t want to think kindly towards the woman who’d thought nothing of putting her own selfishness before her family and crushing Ava’s heart.
‘Peter’s death destroyed their marriage,’ Katie was saying, ‘but she and Colin stayed together because that’s the type of woman Marjorie was. She went on to fight for the town’s infrastructure and services, and she encouraged me to run for the council. She wanted Ivy-May to grow so her family would have a secure future. To do that Candlebark Creek needed to thrive. She tried to do the right thing by everyone.’
‘The right thing?’ Ava huffed. ‘I don’t care what she did or didn’t do for the town. I’ll never believe Marjorie Tate was a good person or a good mother. Never. Her determination that John would marry you tied her son to a lie – so many lies. I knew that morning in the paddock you weren’t telling the truth, yet I still asked John. I wish I hadn’t.’
Panic lit Katie’s face. ‘You asked him what?’
‘I was never convinced he hadn’t found you to apologise after everyone else had left the party. I asked him to swear he’d never slept with you. He stood in the hotel room in Brisbane, looked me in the eye and said, “Cross my heart and hope to die.”’ Ava fought back tears at the contrast between his sweet smile and, an hour later, the prone and bloody body in the bathroom.
She wiped her eyes. Had she never asked that question of John, their last words would not have been angry ones, and she would not have gone out to jog away her bad mood. Instead, she would have been there when he collapsed. She might have got him help faster. She might have saved him.
‘He almost died that day, Katie. I know I felt like I’d died both times Marjorie marched me off the property.’
‘I remember that last morning when you came to Ivy-May, Ava. Marjorie told me she paid you to go away and you did. I wondered how much you could love him.’
‘Somehow I managed to stop thinking about John and started my life over. I’ve grown older and wiser, Katie, and when I think back to that morning in the paddock…’ Ava was standing in front of the family photo gallery, straightening the crooked picture of the twins on their first day at school, ‘… you were so distraught. I should have realised something wasn’t right. Where was the glow of a woman who’d just made love with the man she hoped to marry? Where was the girl with the smirk who’d got her man? But, Katie, you were so upset. Had I been thinking clearly I would have known John’s answer without ever having to ask the question.’
‘I grew up that day too, Ava, and at times I hated myself and had to distance myself from everyone at Ivy-May, including my son. I hated Colin and that house, so I made myself busy elsewhere.’ Katie blotted fresh tears with a new tissue. ‘At least when Colin died I no longer had to look at him. Finally, I could sleep again and only Marjorie and I knew the truth. By then Blair was grown, and while people in town would say he looked like John, all I ever saw was…’
‘You saw Colin,’ Ava finished.
‘I tried to make it up to Blair, to be a good mother. One day he came to me and asked why Grandma cuddled him so hard and called him Peter all the time. Marjorie had even insisted I christen him Peter but… I stood up to her.’
Too little too late, Ava wanted to say. ‘How did Marjorie die?’
‘Angry, senile, and always muttering under her breath, which helped me explain away the Peter thing to Blair.’
‘And you said Colin died?’
‘Years earlier, drunk and behind the wheel of a car. Good riddance!’
‘So you buried them both along with the truth, Katie.’
‘I had to,’ she replied. ‘I couldn’t let myself believe anything different. I was so ashamed. I’d wanted it to be John’s child so I convinced myself, and Marjorie helped me believe it, all the while pushing me to have another baby.’ Katie’s sigh shuddered a little. ‘We tried for years, until John came back from a medical check-up and told me he was sterile. I could see how upset he was at the news. I prayed the doctor had said his condition was caused by something to do with his head injury, or the meds, or post-traumatic stress. Something. Anything.’
‘You didn’t ask him?’
‘I couldn’t. I didn’t want to have to confront the possibility that he’d always been that way.’
‘Because he’d know Blair couldn’t be his?’
Katie nodded. ‘They were so close, Ava. They still are.’
‘I think John would choose to believe a miracle happened that one time.’
With Katie sobbing uncontrollably, Ava went to fetch more tissues from her bedroom. Why she rushed, she didn’t know. Surely she should take her time. She could do with a few minutes to come to terms with Katie-from-next-door confessing to such a shocking secret.
The shrill whistle of a boiling kettle got her moving again. She returned to the kitchen and made tea. She plunked the plastic milk bottle and the sugar canister onto a tray with the mugs and the tissue box, then slid it onto the coffee table in front of the sofa.
Katie’s words were muffled by tears. ‘Because he couldn’t remember, John would joke about missing out on the joy of losing his virginity. Of course I laughed with him, unable to tell him his father had robbed me of the same.’
‘Colin was not a good man, Katie. Raping you when you were so vulnerable was unforgivable.’
‘If throwing yourself at a man can be called rape,’ she said. ‘I was eighteen and drunk out of my mind. I’d learned that the boy I loved was kissing the cook on the very night I’d been told to expect an engagement ring, so I took a bottle of champagne into the office and hid.’
‘Katie, Colin took advantage of you in the worst possible way. You did nothing wrong. You have to believe that, like I believed it wasn’t John you’d slept with that night. And I did.’
‘I knew you knew, too.’ Katie shook her head. ‘Then John had his accident, and when Marjorie sent you away I thought that was that. My secret was safe. Having you back in our lives after thirty years – not only you, but your daughter – I don’t know what to do.’
‘Katie, if you’re to learn anything from Marjorie’s scheming, surely it’s that we can’t do anything. Parents can only guide. They shouldn’t interfere.’
‘The moment I saw Nina looking so like you and sitting at the table in Ivy-May’s sunroom, I was terrified history would somehow repeat itself.’
‘I see.’
‘Do you, Ava? Please understand, I won’t have Blair’s heart broken by another girl who can’t take to country life, or whose only interest is leading my son on or ruining my relationship with him.’
Both women stood, heads high, like a couple of scrub pythons protecting their nest.
‘Nina is a woman, not a girl,’ Ava said. ‘And I do my best not to interfere, but I will tell you this, Katie. Any man would be lucky to have my daughter.’ Did she want Nina any more involved in the Tates’ lives? Did she have a choice? As much as she might’ve wanted Conrad to be the one, she knew better. She’d known that day in the café, seeing Nina’s discomfort with that ring. Her daughter was not ready to settle with the man, no matter how impressive the diamond.
‘If your daughter staying at my son’s retreat is a happy coincidence, that’s one thing, but she’s there now, delving into the past and involving herself in things that are none of her business. What you tell your children about your past is up to you, Ava, but keep her away from my son and from John. They can never know – nev
er.’
‘Is adding more lies to keep a secret really the best thing, Katie?’
‘You don’t know what’s best for me, Ava.’
‘Granted, but I do know you were a young girl taken advantage of by a man you’d trusted. Those who love you will understand. It might hurt for a while, but the hurt fades eventually and you find the strength. I know this to be true. To move on, I told my daughter things from my family’s past that I’m not proud of, but I felt I had to while I had the chance. Admittedly the portrait John did of me forced my hand to some degree so I chose to use the painting as a portal to the truth while I’m still on this earth to tell it.’
‘Nina said you were unwell.’
‘Unwell? That’s one word. I have an inoperable condition that means my heart will one day stop without warning. Think about what it means to be gone at any moment, Katie. What goes with you is the opportunity to right a wrong or tell a truth.’
‘Why is your daughter at Candlebark Creek?’
‘Nina’s restless. She’s trying to discover who she is and what she wants out of life. In doing so she’s decided to see the place where I worked and, if I know Nina, the man I loved.’
‘You told your daughter everything about John?’
‘Nina is struggling with her own life choices, a proposal of marriage from a lovely man, so I wanted to tell her I’ve known love and been loved deeply in return and to trust her own heart. Our past is what makes us the people we are today. Candlebark Creek and John are part of my history. And that, Katie, happens to be important to my daughter. I did leave out the things I considered not worth repeating, but our children are usually smarter than we think. If she was to ask me anything, whatever it is, there’ll be no more lies.’
‘So, you’d tell her what you know about Blair?’
Katie’s question hung in the air.
‘Blair is your son, there’s no taking that away, but you need to make things right for his sake and for the sake of your grandchildren.’
‘But, Ava, how do I admit to such a thing after all these years?’
‘You have to know the kind of man John is. The news won’t change how he loves Blair. He’s his father in every way. I saw that when I was at Ivy-May. Some kinds of love won’t change for anything. Wishing things were different doesn’t work either. I discovered that when my doctor broke the bad news about my dodgy heart.’
*
Katie had felt like screaming until she heard Ava’s news about her health.
Then came silence.
No talking.
No drinking tea.
The pair of them just stood opposite each other, Katie avoiding eye contact for fear she’d start crying again. She hadn’t sought Ava out to confess. Now Ava knew her deepest secret.
‘You have to understand this cannot get out, Ava. I hold public office. I’m Basmorra’s mayor, for God’s sake. The truth will ruin everything I’ve achieved, everything that’s important to me.’
‘You and your career are the furthest things from my thoughts, Katie. In case I haven’t made it clear, I’m the one with the shortened life expectancy.’
‘But I’ll never be able to show my face in town again. Blair will hate me and the truth will kill John.’
Ava could barely contain herself. ‘You don’t die from a secret and the truth can’t kill. What can hurt is the lifetime of lies you leave behind, and Fate has a way of conspiring against us to reveal our secrets whether we want them out or not.’
‘Fate, Ava?’
‘While Fate can alter our lives in ways that make us question our existence and our endurance, it can also unite us, Katie. Nina is the perfect example.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘All it took to unravel your world was a complete stranger, my daughter.’
‘But, Ava, if you hadn’t approached John for a portrait in the first place…’
‘Maybe so, Katie, and we can play the blame game until the cows come home. Look, I didn’t tell John anything during the sitting. I went there because I wanted to see him. I wanted to know he’d been happy and lived a good life. And as much as I might want to, I’ve decided I’m not going to see him again.’
‘You’re not?’
‘Maybe it was wrong of me to return to Ivy-May last month, but no more wrong than Marjorie sending me away. I’m glad I went back. I had no expectations – I’m very different from the woman he knew – but I’m certain I saw shades of memory buried deep inside him.’
‘He might not remember you but he still sees you, Ava.’
‘What does that mean?’
‘I saw it in his face when he looked at your daughter, as clearly as I saw the way he looked at you thirty years ago. He could fall in love with you all over again.’
‘If what you say is true, I have even more reason not to go back to Ivy-May. I’m also certain that once my daughter’s curiosity is satisfied she’ll be happy to move forward, accept Conrad’s proposal and settle down.’
‘Is that so?’
‘What is it, Katie? Your face just now… You look like the weekly chook-raffle winner at the club.’
Katie closed her mouth and adjusted her expression. ‘Of course I won’t pretend to be anything other than glad to hear that we won’t see you in Candlebark Creek again, Ava, but I remain curious.’ Katie stared hard, as if she might find the real answer to her question in Ava’s eyes. ‘Why not go back?’
‘John doesn’t need any more uncertainty in his life and that’s all my heart can offer. That’s not to say I’ll disappear from your family for ever.’
Katie heard the veiled threat and she braced herself, prepared to argue her case. ‘After all these years and no contact I really don’t see how my family can be your concern.’
‘Unlike Marjorie Tate, I don’t meddle in the affairs of my children or presume to know what will make them happy,’ Ava said. ‘But if what you say is correct and Nina is spending time with Blair, she will not be leading him on and that significant detail makes your family very much my business. Now, I think we’re all done here.’
*
‘Ava, dear, are you and your friend all right in there?’
‘My friend is just leaving, Mrs Hense,’ Ava said. ‘She has important mayoral things to do. Goodbye, Katie.’
Mrs Hense almost had her nose knocked off when the screen door flew open. At the same time as it slammed closed behind Katie, Ava shut the front door and fell back against it, hearing her neigbour’s voice. ‘Oh, my, you look like you need an ear, dear. Can I make you a cuppa? I’m right next door.’
‘Oh, bugger off!’ Katie snapped.
Ava did a little fist pump like her grandkids had taught her. ‘Yesssss!’ But any elation over the small victory faded, her heart beating erratically as she picked up the to dial her daughter. She didn’t want to lay down the law, but she saw no good coming from Nina’s involvement with Blair Tate. Oh, Nina darling, what’s happening? What are you up to? And what am I going to do about it?
Chapter 49
Hearts
‘Darling, where are you?’
The tone of her mother’s voice put Nina on high alert. ‘In the car, heading to the office.’ Not a total lie. She was, after all, sitting in her car, and as soon as she pulled away from Iron Pot Hill Farmstay Retreat she would indeed be on her way back to Noosa. ‘Is something wrong, Mum?’
‘Might I have achieved more information had I asked where you’ve been? I’ve had a visitor from Candlebark Creek.’
‘Oh?’
‘It was Katie.’
‘Blair’s mother Katie?’ The clarification slipped out before she could stop it. Damn! ‘And, ah, how did that go?’
‘Nina, I’m afraid I may have told you too much about the past without thinking. The last thing I considered was that you’d—’
‘Oh, no, Mum, I’m so glad we talked. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about my trip to Candlebark Creek.’
‘Darling, I understand you might have
been curious after hearing what I had to say, but please, my time there was complicated and John needs to stay in the past.’
‘Complicated? You either want the man in your life or you don’t. I believe those were your words to me about Conrad not long ago.’
‘If this situation didn’t involve other people it might be that simple, Nina. Besides, I’m not calling about me. I can look after myself. I worry about you, I always do. I want you to think carefully, take things slowly and know you can talk to me.’
‘I know and love that about us, Mum, unlike when Miriam’s mother calls her and they end up screaming at each other. Speaking of Miriam, I’m going to talk to Tony about her sharing my role. I’m making some decisions about my life. I’ve already talked to Conrad.’
‘I see.’
‘You don’t sound surprised.’
‘I’m all out of surprise at this point, darling. Yes, I hoped you’d settle into the business like your brother, even more that you’d settle down. You’re looking for something special and you need to make your own way. I completely get that. I just worry. At the very least you might’ve told me where you were going.’
‘Can you blame me for wanting to meet the amazing man you told me about?’
‘John Tate and Ivy-May are nothing to do with you. I told you already, Nina, my stay there was well before you were born and I was over John by then.’
‘You never got over him, Mum.’
‘Nina, please don’t make me regret being honest with you. I wish—’
‘And I wish for once you’d let me live my life. I’m working out who I am and I’m sick of everyone pushing me this way and that. If it’s not Tony bossing me around, or Conrad prodding me to make decisions, it’s you sounding disappointed when I don’t. I’m all grown-up, Mum, and while I didn’t expect John Tate to have an equally amazing son, he does. Blair and I really hit it off.’
‘If we can get together and talk, Nina… There are some things—’
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