‘Enough about my hair! How about you just brush, like the old days?’
Hair-brushing had been a nightly mother-daughter ritual when Nina was young. She would sit cross-legged on the floor between Ava’s knees, her wild red mane fighting back with each stroke. When it was her turn to brush, she’d perch on the back of the sofa. The first time Nina had asked about the bare patch on the back of Ava’s scalp was the first time she’d lied to her daughter. The truth about Lenore dragging her along the hallway by her hair was too awful. That had changed a few weeks ago, in a hospital room like this one, when Ava had had to explain the portrait. She had finally told long-held truths about Lenore. She didn’t want to leave her children wondering about their heritage, as Lenore had her, but now she had to wonder if every time Nina looked at her own red hair and freckled complexion she, too, might wonder who Donald McNally was.
‘Where have you hidden them, Mum?’ Nina had stopped brushing, but remained at Ava’s bedside holding her mother’s hair in one hand, her spare hand ferreting in the bedside drawer. ‘Your hair clips, where are they? If you want your hair up I’ll need them.’
‘Perhaps leave it for a bit, Nina. That was so lovely, you might give it another brush.’
‘Of course I will. I also want us to start having Sunday lunch together.’
‘Do you? That would be fabulous. You look tired, darling.’
‘Road restoration works south of Rocky slowed the trip.’
‘You drove down from Candlebark Creek overnight?’ Ava tutted. ‘I told Tony not to worry you. The last thing I wanted was you travelling that highway at night.’ Ava let her daughter fuss and drag the sheet higher to make a neat fold where it lay on her chest. She itched to get up and sit in a chair but the nurse had insisted she should wait.
‘Don’t blame Tony. I did stop to rest when all those headlights got too much, but I wanted to be here first thing. I stopped for a nano-nap. Besides, I’m getting pretty familiar with that road.’
‘Familiarity breeds complacency. Over-confidence behind the wheel is never a good thing.’ Ava cast a glance out of her window. ‘And the rising sun is as blinding as headlights. You might’ve run into something. What if you’d broken down in the dark?’
‘We weren’t too far behind her.’ A man’s voice silenced them, and as Ava turned towards the door she tried to blink away the sunspots that floated in front of her eyes. ‘I hope you don’t mind more early visitors.’
‘Blair!’ Nina raced over to him and wrapped her arms around his neck. ‘I’m so glad to see you, but you didn’t have to come.’
‘Try telling that to the old man.’
John Tate stepped through the doorway and stopped beside his son. ‘Hello, Ava. I did insist on accompanying Blair, who seemed determined to follow Nina once I told him about her visit and about the phone call.’
‘And here we all are!’ She sounded a little sharp and ungracious, but this situation made her feel vulnerable, not something Ava was used to.
‘I brought flowers.’
‘Yes, John, I see that.’ She smiled at the spray of colourful carnations he held. ‘They’re lovely, thank you.’
‘Let me find a vase.’ Nina relieved him of the flowers, despite his stranglehold on the stems. ‘You can help me, Blair, come on.’
‘Do you mind?’ John asked Ava, pointing at the leftover breakfast tray. He picked up the unopened packet of juice. ‘Apple. My favourite. If you’re not planning on drinking it…’
‘Help yourself.’
He was already peeling off the foil lid. ‘You know what they say about an apple a day?’
Ava knew the answer. If only she could think straight. Keeping her cool was taking every scrap of concentration.
He drank it quickly. ‘Much better. Too many hours driving that appallingly narrow national highway has left me quite rattled, although the officious nurse at the desk was the most challenging part of my journey. I do hope you won’t send me away and make me face her again without a rest. I’ll sit for a bit, if you don’t mind.’
‘Oh, so that part of my first visit you do remember.’
‘Ava, I’ve remembered every second of our time together since you knocked on my door. I’m hoping you’ll help me with everything else.’ John pulled a visitor’s seat close and perched on the edge.
She met his gaze and saw the familiar glint in his eyes. ‘I gather you’re finding something about this situation amusing?’
‘I’m trying to.’ He rested a hand on hers. ‘Seeing you sitting up and still alive makes me happy, but I suspect you’ve always made me smile.’
‘You do?’
The grin wavered. ‘Thanks to your daughter I’m beginning to understand some of the crazy thoughts I’ve been having since you turned up on my doorstep.’ He shifted onto one hip to dig something from a back trouser pocket. ‘I wonder if you can explain this note.’ Without looking at the writing, Ava recognised the paper bordered with tiny pastel cupcakes. She saw the torn edge, remembered ripping the page from her notebook, the one she always carried to scribble recipe ideas or shopping lists. ‘I only know it is not written by my wife,’ he added.
‘How do you know that?’
‘I read it. My wife never loved me like this.’
‘John, your timing is not ideal. Could this not have waited until I was at home?’
‘We’ve waited long enough, don’t you think? I’m here and not going anywhere until we’ve talked. Unless that officious nurse discovers that my son and I slipped the net.’ He chuckled. ‘One thing I do remember about hospitals all those years ago was waking up and not seeing anything familiar. I wanted to be here when you woke up. I wanted you to see a familiar face. Mine.’ John’s hand squeezed hers. ‘So, no more waiting. You and I need to talk.’
‘Seems my son isn’t the only child struggling with the simple concept of don’t tell.’
‘I’m glad Nina came to me. There’ve been enough secrets. Time to unlock the truth and I believe you hold the key to the years I lost.’
The one thing Ava had dreamed of and dreaded in equal measure was happening in front of her. ‘It was all so long ago, too long, John, too late.’
‘I knew as soon as I saw you standing on Ivy-May’s doorstep. You looked at me in a way that… Well, I put what I felt down to déjà vu. Then, inside the house, you talked about miracles and Fate. So, if you won’t talk about us, let’s talk about Fate. You’d be doing me a favour by spending time with me.’
‘How, John?’
‘While my past is a bit of a blur, what’s clear to me is that I’m remembering. I’m recalling things from the past that make no sense because there’s no Katie in any of them – only you. I’m seeing glimpses of my life, but I need help interpreting them and putting things into context. If there’s any chance of me recovering my lost years I need you, Ava. Will you help me remember? Can you do that for me?’
‘If you do something for me first, John.’
‘Anything,’ he said.
Ava reached for the nurse’s buzzer. She had to get out of this place. Hospitals reminded her that she was sick. ‘How long does it take to arrange discharge papers? Get me out of here, John.’
*
Nina fell into a chair as she and Blair passed through the waiting room.
He dropped next to her and draped a comforting arm across her back as she bent to put her head between her knees. ‘Hey, are you okay? What do you need? I’ll get it for you.’
‘A bucket.’
‘You mean for the flowers?’ He tugged the bunch of carnations currently being crushed on her lap. ‘These are beyond water.’
‘I think I’m going to be sick, Blair.’
‘Oh, ah, that sort of bucket. Right, hold tight.’
He was back quickly, shoving the plastic hospital-issue sick bag under Nina’s nose. ‘Do you want to tell me what’s going on?’
‘What did your dad say on the trip down?’
‘Bugger-all, except for a who
le lot of muttering. He’d managed to put away a few glasses of wine on top of a whisky or two before we left, which meant several stops along the way. Then he fell asleep. I gather he and Mum had a set-to, but aside from that, not much else he said made sense – not to me at any rate. I gather it will to you. I didn’t even know you were at Ivy-May last night.’
‘I’m so sorry, Blair, I was going to come to you first. I wanted to clear up this Conrad business. I never lied to you.’
‘That was one thing Dad did say on the way down and it made sense. He filled me on the Conrad situation, the one I’d been too stubborn to hear from you after the cyclone, when you’d wanted to explain. Then we talked about my ex-wife.’
‘Oh?’
‘He knew I was thinking about asking Veronica for a DNA test to find out if Tyson’s really mine.’
‘And what did he say about that?’
‘He asked me why I needed to know and if the result of the DNA test would make any difference to the way I feel about Tyson. At the time I’d thought his response a bit odd, but he’s been acting a bit weird since Ava’s arrival in town. Then he said, “DNA doesn’t make a man a father. Love does. Even when a son is all grown up, he’s still a son.”’
‘I really like your dad. Wish he was mine.’
‘Ah, well, I’m kind of glad he’s not.’ Blair nudged her. ‘So, are you going to fill in the blanks for me?’
‘You do have some catching up to do, but this isn’t the right time.’
‘Of course, Nina, I’m sorry. You have your mum to worry about. I’m being selfish.’
‘No, Blair. Mum gave Tony and me a scare, all right, but she’s back to her old self, in case you didn’t notice.’ Nina was so busy trying to imagine her mother and John right now that she could hardly figure out where to start the story. Instead she showed Blair the photograph of the portrait on her phone. ‘I’ll give the summary version. Your dad will have to do the rest. Deal?’
‘Any information is better than none. I hate secrets, and lies are worse.’
‘I get that, but it’s not my secret. I can tell you it was your dad’s portrait of Mum that started all this…’ She told the story quickly, concluding, ‘So, right now, Mum is probably telling John it’s too late for them and that she’ll never allow herself to be a burden to anyone. John will no doubt argue back, but he won’t win.’
‘You don’t know my dad.’
‘You don’t know Ava.’
Chapter 62
Ava and John
To Ava’s horror, the officious nurse had cited hospital policy and insisted on a wheelchair to transfer her into the garden while they waited for the discharge paperwork.
‘I told that woman what you told me at Ivy-May that first day. Something along the lines of you not being feeble in mind or body.’
‘You remember me saying that?’
‘My general recall isn’t too bad, Ava, and if you asked Katie she’d tell you any memory failure these days is selective.’ John stopped the wheelchair in the shade of a massive poinciana tree and brushed the dropped foliage from the wrought-iron seat before he sat down. ‘What I don’t understand is why you’d come all the way out to see me and not tell me who you were and the real reason for the visit.’
‘I didn’t know the real reason, John.’
‘It wasn’t for a portrait. I worked that out for myself. And just as well because that’s the worst bloody piece I’ve ever painted. Although I did warn you portraits aren’t my thing.’
‘Yes, you did, and you’re right, my visit wasn’t about the portrait. Being retired prematurely and having too much time on one’s hands does things to a person. Boredom was turning me old before my time. I still can’t tell you why I felt compelled to see you, or why I wasn’t upfront from day one about having worked at Ivy-May. I can only guess I was afraid.’
‘Ava Marchette afraid? That’s not how the couple of online articles I came across read. Yes, I checked you out, too. Unstoppable came up numerous times in one piece.’
‘Hmm, yes, I remember that particular interview and it was a very long time ago. I’m not the young romantic I used to be, my health is not the best, as you can tell from my surroundings, and I have to be honest, John…’
‘I want you to be, Ava. My ex-wife is not being so accommodating.’
‘You’ve talked to Katie?’
‘Talked?’ John’s eyebrows lifted. ‘I wouldn’t describe our last interaction as talking. She arrived as Nina was reading your son’s text message. After she left I gave Katie ample opportunity to discredit what Nina had told me. Her silence conveyed all I needed to know. Then she stormed home to be another man’s problem, which is fine by me because I’ve got Blair’s questions to answer. He’s my priority, always has been. But I would’ve liked you in my life, Ava, I know that much.’
‘You’ve been through more than most, John, and I so wish Fate had dealt us a different hand, but we weren’t meant to be. I knew that the minute I held my babies. I also knew when you opened the door to me last month. But the one thing that hadn’t changed was your expression. The lack of recognition was the same. The only difference is, we’re both older.’
‘Speak for yourself.’
John’s infectious grin had her smiling with him. ‘I’m glad you’re well, John.’
‘And I’m sad you’re not, Ava, but as Mum used to say, “You’re alive until you’re dead.”’
‘All of a sudden that age difference your mother was so worried about has new meaning now my heart is seven years older than yours, not to mention a little worse for wear.’
John scoffed. ‘The heart is nothing more than a circulatory muscle, which starts the day we’re born and keeps going non-stop until the day we die. Admittedly some are less reliable than others, but what matters more is the mind and the memories it holds. That’s the most treasured part of a person, not their heart. And you’re not the only victim of circumstance. My brain snapped one night in a hotel room, the details of which came from my mother and my wife. Your daughter told a very different story and last night Katie admitted to the lie.’
‘Nina was wrong to do that. It wasn’t her secret to tell.’
‘Until Nina, no one else was telling it, not even you, Ava, and more than anything I want to remember those details for myself. You can help, and before you reject me and use your condition as a reason, I know your heart’s going to kill you one day. For all I know another aneurysm might burst in my brain and maybe next time I won’t be so lucky. For now, though, let’s both live. Let your heart love for as long as you can, say what needs to be said, and help me recall those lost years so, at the very least, I can go on remembering you when you’re no longer here.’
‘Is there anything left to tell you that my daughter hasn’t?’
‘Don’t be mad. Nina’s done this out of love. What she’s told me is already making sense.’
‘She won’t have told you everything, John.’
‘I know, Ava, but you can.’
‘Telling a secret can be dangerous. You get the truth, but it’s often not what you really want.’ Ava looked down at her hands for a while, then stared hard at John’s face. ‘Katie, or your mother, should have told you everything years ago.’
‘And I’ll be asking my ex-wife more soon enough. First I need you to tell me the real truth. I can’t trust Katie to do that.’
‘What I said before about some secrets not being Nina’s to tell, they’re not mine to tell either, John. They’re Katie’s, and she’s worried about what my presence might mean.’
‘It means stripping back the portrait of my life that until now has been a very convincing forgery. On the surface the colours and shapes might be the same, but I need to see the original. I need to know what’s underneath. The other is just a lie.’
‘I’ll help you, John, but there are some details that only Katie can tell. And don’t be too hard on her when she does. Your father and your mother manipulated a confused young woman when s
he was at her most vulnerable. Although I see she’s changed.’
‘You’ve seen Katie?’
‘She came to my house in Noosa.’
‘Oh, yes, the conference. She dropped by Ivy-May on her way to the airport. Nina was there at the time and I’ll admit what I witnessed confused me. The always-in-control Katie seemed unusually flustered. Even more so when she returned from the conference. Now I know why.’
‘It’s Katie you need to be talking to about this.’
‘I’m not sure my ex-wife and I ever truly talked the truth throughout twenty years of marriage, most of them challenging. Mum didn’t help.’ His head shook. ‘Poor old Marjorie… By the end, she and Katie weren’t talking either.’
‘Decades of deception can do that, John. But if it helps, I believe Katie wanted to tell you and Marjorie stopped her.’
‘Mum’s been dead a long time. Katie’s had ample opportunity.’
‘Yes, but a lie has a point of no return, which means what follows every untruth is a small window of opportunity to come clean and beg for forgiveness. If a person chooses to not tell, or can’t, that window closes and they have to deal with a lifetime of lies to make sure that secret stays a secret. Katie was young. She missed her opportunity. If she chooses to tell you after all this time she’ll need to know you’ll forgive her, no matter what. Maybe you’ll even need to forgive me.’
‘Why you?’
‘John, I’m a long way from the twenty-seven-year-old girl you fell in love with. She isn’t who I am now. I’m different.’
‘Ava, even when Mum and Katie had Ivy-May operating at one hundred per cent occupancy, and we had wall-to-wall people, many of them regulars who came back year after year, they were all still strangers to me. When you arrived on my doorstep, I felt I knew you.’ John took Ava’s hands in his. ‘I’m not falling in love with a memory, Ava, I’m falling in love with you, with the woman who refused to take no for an answer, who reignited my love of something other than myself and my art, and whose commitment to her family has made me see missed opportunities with my own son.’
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