“When will he wake up?”
“The doctor says that’s up to him,” my mother said with a forced smile. “That’s when we’ll know if he has spinal damage.”
I nodded and turned towards his legs. “Will he be able to walk?” I asked.
“As long as his spine is ok,” she said. “Both legs are broken, but his hip was just bruised. He will heal, but it will take a while before he is able to walk again.”
I stared at his bandaged hand. “He lost a finger?”
“Two,” my brother said from his seat. “They were able to find the middle finger. The doctor has reattached it, but we’ll have to wait to see how it heals.”
Waiting. I had always been conscious of time, detesting how fleeting it could be but now I wanted it to speed away. To speed past this ball of pain that was threatening to choke me. To see him walk again. I turned to my mom with a smile on my face and my eyes dry. “He’ll be fine,” I said. “It could have been worse.”
“It could have been much, much worse,” she said. “What of if he had lost his whole hand or even his legs? All he lost was a finger and his legs have a chance of recovering. We are the lucky ones.”
“We are,” I smiled back at her and then turned to my father. “He is alive that is all that matters.
“Gregory, take Carson home,” she said to my brother, “so she can have something to eat and rest properly. How did you get here so quickly by the way?”
There was a knock on the door then and Ida and Brittany came in. My mom instantly brightened as she saw Brittany, and pulled her into her arms. “You came along with her too? I am so sorry for the trouble.”
“It was nothing,” Brittany replied and quickly introduced Ida to her.
“Gregory, take them all home so that they can rest,” my mother said.
“We have to head back to New York now,” Bethany said. “It was quite sudden and we both have obligations at work tomorrow.”
My mom my brother seemed confused at how they would be returning so quickly. Ida quickly explained, “My friend has a private plane that he let us borrow for the emergency. We will take that back home.”
“Wow that sounds fancy, I’d like to meet him,” my mother teased, and I found a smile coming to my face. “I’m still pretty aren't I?” she asked and my friends sang her praises. My brother was amused also and as I looked around the room I felt strength and true hope for the first time. Perhaps we would all be alright, and perhaps we would all get through this.
Gregory and I left my mom with my father and, after dropping Bethany and Ida back at the airport, headed for his home.
His wife and two-year-old daughter Grace welcomed me with kind smiles and laughter. I settled in and was eventually left alone in the guest room to lay my head to rest.
The past few hours had felt like a nightmare, and now that it was over, I was exhausted. I shut my eyes and began to run through my memories of my dad starting with the time I had last seen him just a few weeks ago. A sigh as heavy as the world escaped my lips at the contrast of how agile and upset with me he had been then, to the quiet and fragile man I had seen today. “It could have been worse,” I repeated to myself, and shut my eyes, wondering if those were truly consoling words.
Why had it even happened at all… why him?
What had he done wrong?
What had he done that was so wrong?
I refused to cry because it would be alright. Because as heartbroken as I felt, the truth was still that he could have been gone. How would I have been able to survive that? His absence from my heart?
I turned around to close my eyes, and for the first time in my life found myself four hours later still unable to go to sleep. The sun was just beginning to rise as I turned for the hundredth time in the bed and just then the beep that announced the receipt of a phone message came to me. I took the phone and read the simple message from an unsaved number.
Are you alright?
I suspected who it was, so I put the phone back on the nightstand and turned away. There were other messages of goodwill and concern from Bethany and Ida, but I found myself not wanting to share any of what I was feeling with them. I wanted to speak to the stranger that was Xander. The others were too connected to me.
So I picked the phone back up and typed.
I never thought that the day would come where I would want to sleep but still find my eyes wide open.
I wanted to explain the statement more but couldn't find the zeal to. I didn’t want him to understand, I just needed someone to hear me.
I’ve had many days like that, he responded.
A few minutes later, I sent another message.
I haven't cried.
His response came a few minutes later. You will, when you least expect it.
♡
CARSON
He was right.
Later that day, Gregory’s wife’s parents came to the hospital to visit my father. They were both about five years older than my father, strong and perfectly hearty. They had both lived as hard and difficult a life as my father had, but they had made it through. They were thriving in their later years. I turned from them unto my poor father lying on the bed and wondered what he had done wrong?”
Why was he lying there broken and forever incomplete? All because he had decided to take a walk. I knew that many from his little town in Brazil did not make it to their age, therefore I should at least be grateful that he had come this far. That, however, was not a consolation. I felt a ball swelling in my chest and instantly lowered my head to pick up my phone. Xander’s name was still saved as unknown so I sent a text.
Perhaps it would have been better if he had died.
I was furious, at life at people and at the world. How cruel… how merciless. My father was in such pain, disheveled and battered. My very own, my very heart. I wished that it was me lying there instead of them.
Brian’s wife’s father came over to me, his fingers complete and his legs perfectly fine and tapped me gently on the shoulder. “Be strong,’ he said, and I gave the most painful smile that I ever had in my life as I stared into his eyes, the skin around them as wrinkled as my father's. I didn't want strength, I wanted fairness.
I rose then and excused myself and the moment I closed the door behind me, the tears fell from my eyes, and they didn't stop. I walked into the waiting room and sat down amidst other families, there to visit their injured ones. I wiped my eyes dry of tears and looked straight ahead. My phone beeped a response from Xander.
Perhaps, he responded. It’s going to be a bit harder with him alive and so injured. But one day, you all will realize that all the trouble and hard work and pain you will go through is better than his absence from your heart.
Tears began rolling down my cheeks again at his words and I picked up the phone, typing angrily at the keys.
How is he going to handle all of this when he wakes up? He already has diabetes. What has he done to deserve any of this?
Nothing. Came the response. Absolutely nothing.
I flung the phone away and brought my knees to my forehead. I remained there for an hour as the tears fell down my face. I had never cried so much in my entire life or known that it was possible to shed that many tears.
Every time there was a pause, I willed myself to lift my head higher and not to shed another tear, but then I would turn my head for a moment, see a little girl kissing her mother on the cheek and the dam of heartbreak would split open once more, sending quiet rivulets down my cheeks.
I picked up my phone and sent him a text.
You were right, not bothering to explain any further.
Have you been able to sleep? came the response. I ignored it.
I thought I was okay. Why can't I stop?
You won’t be able to for a while. Walk out of the hospital, and find something heavy to eat Walk all the way home if you can, and you will drop from exhaustion the moment you arrive.
It would be nice if I were run down by a car also fo
r just taking a walk, I typed. Maybe this time the world will decide to be fair and make it a clean exit.
That would make things much harder for your mom, was all he wrote, and in an instant, my anger faded. The tears rolled down my eyes as I thought of the woman who was probably the most affected by it all still trying her best to smile and not shed a tear before any of us.
After washing my face in the bathroom, I returned back to the room to see my mother alone with my father. She was sitting by his side and tracing the lines on his face, her finger barely an inch from his skin.
She smiled brightly when she saw me come in. “Have you had lunch?” she asked.
I just stared at her. “How are you able to still smile?” I asked her, the tears filling my eyes again. “Where is your strength coming from? All of this too painful.”
She turned away from me to hide the tears that she didn't want me to see. “He taught me how to be strong,” she said. “All I want is to hear him call me Franny again, so ‘till he does, I will keep smiling.”
Chapter 9
Seven Weeks Later
XANDER
“Ida’s friend is getting married.”
I looked up from the stack of reports that we were powering through in my office and stared blankly at David. It was past midnight and we had been hard at work all day with the team in the adjoining office. Perhaps I had heard him wrong. “Who?”
“Ida’s friend—I can’t remember her name. The one whose dad got in an accident last month. You lent them your plane, remember?”
I did remember. I also remembered that I hadn't heard from her since her father had regained consciousness a few weeks later and had been taken home.
“How did you find out?” I asked.
He lowered his head then, caught off guard by the sudden question.
“You’ve reconnected with Ida?”
“We had dinner last week.”
I rose up then and flung the papers back unto the table. “I’m going home,” I said.
He shot his gaze to mine. “What? We still have to compare the analytics and review the advertising revenue.”
“I’ll do that at home and send you a summary before the meeting tomorrow. I’m exhausted.”
“You’re usually the one working us to the ground? What suddenly came over you?”
I didn't respond. I focused on gathering my things and a few minutes later, I was on my way home.
In the back seat of my car I took out my phone and began to go through the texts that Carson and I had sent to each other.
How are you doing? was the last I had sent to her and she had never responded. I searched the phone for Ida’s number and dialed it.
She picked up her voice, groggy from sleep. “Why, Xander?” she growled.
“I’m sorry for calling this late.”
“It’s fine. What’s going on?”
“Carson is getting married?”
She was silent for a few moments. “Yes, she is.”
“Why?”
“Her father insists on it so that his mind will be at peace as to her well-being.”
“Is that the only reason?”
“That’s what she told us.”
“When is it?”
“We’re not sure yet. Sometime in the next month or so. It will be a small ceremony, nothing fancy.”
“When next are you going to see her?” I asked.
“Perhaps this weekend. If Bethany and I can’t get tickets, we’ll go next week. We’ll spend a day or so.”
“Take my plane,” I said.
She was silent for a few moments. “Are you coming with us?”
“Yes, I am,” I replied.
“Good,” was all she said. “I’ll ask David to come along too, just in case you need the company.”
♡
XANDER
Ida had asked me what I planned to do when I saw Carson and my response was, “I need to confirm to myself that she actually loves this person before I can let her go.”
It did not mean that I was in love with her, or cared particularly for her welfare, but she was still a woman that stoked my desire like no other. If the terms of her proposed union were merely security, I could provide that and more. My only hope was that I still felt as on fire for her as I had before she had left, and if not, it was a short plane ride back to New York.
Carson’s mother, who I remembered clearly from our first meeting due to her kind smile, was the first to welcome us. I introduced David we were led into the living room.
“Carson just ran out for some fruit, she wants to have it with her dinner.”
“She can’t eat without it, Franny,” Bethany said. “Our apartment was always full of fruit.”
Her mom’s face dropped then. “That’s true. She hasn't been there with you for quite a while. I hope you haven't been too lonely?”
“Never, Franny. Carson and I have been hanging out together for almost fifteen years. I was getting tired of her.”
Her mother burst out laughing and I thought it sounded so much like Carson’s. Light, and free. I couldn't believe this was a woman whose husband was recently paralyzed.
“I do miss her though,” Bethany sulked.
“I know you do, and she misses you too. I had wanted her to go back but she insisted on staying here. I hope you both will be able to talk.” She gave Bethany a small wink, and Bethany nodded in response.
Then she turned our attention to me. “I remember you,” she said. “Carson introduced you to us as her boyfriend.”
The entire room turned toward me, but I ignored them and rose up to shake her hand. “That is correct. It’s nice to meet you again, Mrs. Oliveira.”
“The pleasure is all mine,” she responded, and we were ushered to the table for lunch.
“Why isn't she back yet?” her mother worried. “She always goes out and just loses track of time these days.”
“I’ll call her,” Bethany said and dialed her number.
“Hey! We’re at your place. Hurry home, I’m starving.” She laughed at something Carson said and told us that she would return soon. I wiped my suddenly sweaty palms down my trousers.
David nudged me then and I turned towards him. “You were introduced as Carson’s boyfriend?”
Carson’s mother left the room then and Ida spoke up. “When were you introduced as Carson’s boyfriend?”
I turned to Bethany and also saw a demand for a response.
I calmly picked up a glass of iced tea that had been placed on the table at each setting. “That was why we met. Didn’t she tell you?”
“I’m confused,” Bethany said.
“When she comes you can ask her yourself.”
There were groans across the table and a very long look from David, but I ignored them all and waited for Carson’s arrival.
Soon the front door clicked open and voices came through. I took one more sip from the glass before me and turned around at the shrieks of excitement from both Ida and Bethany. They both jumped up to embrace Carson, while I and David quietly watched. He with a smile on his face, I with a neutral gaze towards the man that she had come in with. He was about a head taller than her with a light beard, and curly hair held back in a man-bun. I felt nothing at the sight of him.
David rose then and headed over to Carson with his hand out. “We finally meet. I have heard so much about you from Ida. I’m David.”
She could barely control her amusement as she accepted David’s handshake. “And I have heard quite a lot about you too. Thank you for coming all this way.” She turned around to her friends. “Why are you all here again?” and then her eyes landed on me.
For the first few seconds she didn’t move and then she smiled lightly.
“Xander.”
♡
CARSON
Seeing him pulled my heart into my stomach.
I had thought I never would again and was glad about it. However today, he was seated in the dining room of the house that I grew up
in and was staring at me. I felt like I had just been caught red-handed for a crime. I quickly turned away from him, from all of them, and began to head towards the kitchen.
“You didn’t introduce your friend.” Xander’s voice stopped me in my tracks. Tucking my hair behind my ears, I turned around and offered an apologetic smile. I hurried up to Benjamin and slid my arm through his. “This is Benjamin,” I said. “We’re engaged.”
My friends were all so busy trying to read into my expressions that no one remembered to say what was expected, except David. “Congratulations,” he said, and thereafter followed the barrage of likewise messages from the others.
“Nice to meet you all,” Benjamin said, and I made sure to smile lovingly up at him.
“This is Bethany,” I introduced. “She grew up here, so I’ve known her since high school. Ida, I met through Bethany three years ago and we have been friends ever since.
“Davis is um, Ida’s ex-husband, and…” In the moment I stared at him, I forgot what I had intended to say.
“Xander—” Ida reminded me.
“Right,” I said, smiling brightly. Too brightly. “Xander.”
“He’s David’s business partner,” Bethany said.
At first, I didn't realize what she had said but when it clicked in my head, I turned to her. “What do you mean ‘He is David’s business partner?’”
Ida spoke up. “Xander and David have known each other for a long time so they’re quite close. They are in talks of how to start something together.”
I narrowed my eyes at the both of them and turned to Xander. “You don't work at the coffee shop anymore?”
He shook his head.
David looked confused and turned to Xander. “When did you work at the coffee shop? Oh, you’re referring to when we first met? Xander and I met at a coffee shop he used to work in,” he said to Benjamin.
“Not then,” I said. “He worked with me at my coffee shop a few weeks ago.”
David looked at Xander, but then before I could hear his response, Bethany pulled me into the kitchen to help my mom.
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