Damaged Love

by Sarah J. Brooks

  “There’s no need,” I said to him. “I’ll just wait until he is done.”

  “I’ll take you to the meeting room then,” he said, and we went down the hallway until we arrived at a huge glass-walled conference room.

  Through the transparent walls, I watched Xander sit at the head of the massive oak table surrounded by his employees, as he listened quietly to a presentation that was being given. He was attentive and rarely spoke. When they all sat down, he straightened and said a few words while ticking off some notes on the pad before him. When he was done, he shut it and everyone in the room rose with him. The door opened and they all began to file out, with some of them who somehow knew me stopping by to shake my hand in greeting. Eventually, I walked in and David came in behind me.

  “Guess who’s here.”

  Xander lifted his head and seemed to freeze the moment he saw me. He definitely had not been expecting my visit.

  “I’ll let you two speak,” David said and shut the door behind us.

  “What are you doing here?” he asked as he recovered, and returned to gathering his notes and files before him.

  “You haven't been home in a week,” I said.

  He straightened then and held my gaze. “That shouldn't bother you.”

  “Well, it does since our contract stated that we would be living together and not apart. You’re not the only one who has needs.”

  He watched me quietly, and I did the same, not daring to falter underneath his gaze. “I can stand your absence for only one more night,” I said to him. “After that, I will move out.”

  I turned around then and made my way out of the office.

  ♡

  XANDER

  I didn’t realize how tightly I was holding onto the edge of the desk until she walked out of the conference room. Upon her exit, I suddenly felt drained of strength and lowered myself slowly unto the seat.

  What was going on?

  My heart had jumped painfully into my chest the moment I saw her, and it was still racing. Truthfully, I had wanted her to come find me, but I hadn't realized it until she had given me an ultimatum just now. I was tempted to push her a bit further, just to see if she would truly leave, but there was no need for that. I didn’t need to conform to petty games. I wanted to go home, for one to rest my head properly, and secondly… for her. I had missed her, and it seemed as though every time I saw her, she grew more beautiful.

  There had barely been any makeup on her face but yet she had seemed to radiate beauty in the room. I had provided her with an endless shopping budget and a closet filled with clothes that were matched to her style, but yet she had appeared in nothing but a pair of jeans that hugged her full hips, and a t-shirt that somehow still couldn't hide the dip in her waist and the strain of her full breasts. She was effortless, even in the way she was beginning to handle me.

  I knew how dangerous my thoughts were, but I kept my alarm at bay. It had been a goddamn awful week, and one of the longest of my life. I suddenly couldn't wait to get home.

  I stayed a bit later at work that day than was necessary in order to retain some level of self-respect before her and myself, and then I went home.

  The house smelled like food the moment I entered, and for a few seconds, I just stood in the foyer reveling in it all—home. I had never thought of it in that way, but with her here, my mind became quite convinced that it was.

  I knew she heard me when I arrived, but I decided to just head directly to my bedroom to not give her the satisfaction of gloating over my caving in to her ultimatum. I was sure she would call me out, but time went by and soon it was past midnight, and there was no sound of her. So, I turned around in bed, blatantly ignored the hard-on that I had nursed all day, and fought to keep it from driving me insane.

  ♡

  CARSON

  I had told David before I’d left the office to inform me of when and if Xander left. Making dinner would mean that perhaps he would be tempted to stop by the kitchen, and even if we didn't say a word to each other, just having him around was more than enough to soothe my excited heart. However, he had come in and gone straight up to his room, and I was offended on every level.

  I raged at him for a while as I ate my dinner and then worked a bit at the dining table until it was about 3 am. Then I headed upstairs. I stood by his door, tempted to kick it and then scram, but I put the childishness away and listened for movement. There was none so after swallowing painfully, I pulled the door gently open and walked into the room.

  The blinds completely covered the wall-to-ceiling windows, however, the room wasn’t pitch black because he had left the lamp by his bedside on.

  I just stood there for a few moments watching him and realized how restless he was in his sleep. When awake he barely seemed ruffled by anything, but in sleep, he kept turning and sighing, and then so suddenly that my heart nearly flew out of my chest, he began to groan in pain. Then he shot up from the bed, his breathing hard and his eyes widened in fear.

  His entire forehead glistened with sweat, and only when he raised the back of his hand to wipe it off his face did he finally notice me at the door watching him. And the moment he did, I could almost feel him freeze.

  I stopped breathing as his gaze held mine, my insides twisting with worry for him. Are you alright?

  The words sounded in my head, but I couldn't bring my mouth to move so I just stared at him until I saw the anger flash through his eyes.

  “What are you…?” He put his head down and tried to control his breathing, and then he threw the covers aside and began to stomp toward me. “Leave!” he growled.

  For a brief moment I felt fear grip my heart at the ferociousness in his gaze, but then I stood my ground, feeling within my heart that he wouldn't hurt me.

  He stopped and glared at me and I could tell that it pained him that I had caught him in such a vulnerable state. “What are you doing?” he asked. “Why are you here?”

  He came so close to me that I could feel his breath on my cheeks, and see the hair glued to the perspiration on his forehead. He was trying to intimidate me, and I refused to show for even a moment that it was working. “Leave,” he said. “Right now.”

  I stared directly into his eyes. “I’m not going anywhere,” I said to him and walked to the bed. I lifted the covers on the opposite side of the bed and slipped into them.

  He stared at me in shock, but in that moment, he didn't say a thing. He turned around then and stormed out of the room while I settled in nicely and brought the covers over my face. It smelt of him, and as I hugged his pillow closer to me, it felt warm enough to chase the cold of his absence away, so I inhaled deeply and then shut my eyes to fall asleep.

  The next morning, I woke up alone, and when I went downstairs, I found him at work in the dining room. He looked quite exhausted, and I wondered why I had never noticed that about him before. I felt fear when I realized that perhaps the nightmares were what always woke him up at the same time every night, and now that I knew their source, I felt overwhelming sorrow for the haunted child and now haunted man that he was. I also knew that my pity was the last thing he wanted so I chased it out of my mind and stared boldly at him.

  When he refused to acknowledge me, I turned around, unmoved, and began to head into the kitchen. The apartment already smelt like coffee, so I knew that he wouldn't be needing that from me.

  “Don’t come into my room again,” he said, and I stopped in my tracks.

  I spared him a glance and met his cold gaze. “Are you embarrassed or just choosing to be an asshole about it?” He was taken aback by my statement. I made my announcement clear. “From now on I will be spending my nights in your bed. If you don't like that, then you can move somewhere else.

  He rose from the chair. “This is my damn house,”

  “And I’m your wife,” I said and shrugged my shoulders. Ignoring him completely, I went to the refrigerator.

  “What are you doing?” he asked. “Why are you trying to get close
to me? This was never part of our agreement.”

  “I’m not trying to get close to you,” I immediately retorted. “I just won’t be able to sleep comfortably knowing that your nightmares keep you from sleeping properly. No wonder you’re always so short fused and grumpy.” As the statement left my lips, I immediately regretted it, but when I saw that it didn’t seem to affect his cold gaze that much, I breathed easy.

  “Why should my sleeping in the same bed with you bother you one bit? It’s big enough for five, and if you are as unaware of me as you say then you should be able to ignore my presence in the room.”

  At the uncertain victory, I whipped up a quick strawberry smoothie for myself and was out of there and back to my room.

  That night I was by his door at midnight. I half-expected him to lock the door, but when I twisted the knob and found it open, I was pleasantly surprised.

  He was awake and seated upright with a document in hand. I ignored his gaze, fearing that my confidence would fail me at any moment and went over to the empty side of the bed to claim my spot. I slipped in quietly and turned my back to him.

  He didn’t say a word however, I wanted desperately to roll over to him to rest in his arms. His presence at such a close proximity to me made my insides feel as though they were melting. All I wanted was for him to make sweet love to me right there, but I knew that the circumstances currently surrounding my presence here didn't advise that so I kept to myself.

  Just before I drifted off to sleep, however, he said to me, “Do you have a pitch ready to present to the executives of Steiner Studios?

  My eyes shot open. I turned around to face him. “What do you mean?”

  “I got you a meeting,” he said, without taking his eyes off his report. “Is next week too soon?”

  I was speechless, so he turned to me and continued when he noted that shock was the reason for my silence. “If your pitch doesn't draw them in, you can work with their team in preparation for the upcoming pilot season on other shows, and then go back to make the needed changes to yours. The experience alone will be priceless to you.”

  I didn't know what to say. He put his document down and drew the covers over himself before turning off the lamp by his bedside.

  The room was cast into darkness.

  ♡

  XANDER

  Her little play didn’t amuse me at all.

  I wasn’t certain what she was up to, and it was strange to me that I had the patience and interest to want to see where it all led. I turned to glimpse at her beside me and sighed. If I were ever to allow myself to fall in love with someone I was certain that it would be her. When I saw the resiliency she showed toward the things she wanted, it made me feel both emotionally and mentally on par with her. Sexually, I would permanently remain in her body if I could. The thick duvet failed at hiding the outline of her hips as she laid on her side, and at the dip down to her tiny waist, I felt myself harden even more.

  The blinds were open, and although I was never able to sleep well with them open, I had done it for her. I could see the entire Manhattan skyline, and that always kept my mind running, so I shut my eyes and willed my nightmares away.

  Having her witness it the previous night had come as a shock that had taken me the entire day to come to terms with. I was still mighty uncomfortable, but my reaction tonight would determine this facade in the future for us.

  I didn't know when I fell asleep, but when I woke up to the sun shining on my face for the first time in as long as I could remember, I felt my entire body freeze in bed.

  It was then as I stared wide-eyed at the bright skyline, that I realized that there were arms around me. I noticed the cleared exhaustion from behind my eyes, and the lightness of my body. There was no headache and my heart was calm. What was going on? I looked down at her slender arms and then turned to face her.

  She was still deeply asleep, but with her face and body now slightly turned away from mine. Perhaps she felt my gaze because a few seconds later, she was pushing her hair out of her eyes and fluttering her lids open.

  She woke up to my stare and instantly shot up from the bed. She began to order her appearance nervously, but at that moment, how she looked was the least of my concern.

  “Why were you holding me?” I asked her.

  She started to get off the bed, but I locked her hand down, demanding she meet my gaze.

  “Because I thought you’d have a nightmare again.”

  “What?”

  “You were beginning to sweat… and you seemed to be in pain. I wanted to wake you up but when I touched you, you—"

  “I didn’t wake up?”

  “No, you calmed down.”

  I watched her for a few moments and then got off the bed, but before I could turn, she had disappeared from the room.

  Chapter 15

  XANDER

  The night before Carson’s pitch, she couldn't fall asleep.

  I had come to know the rhythm of her breathing when she was sound asleep, and when she was still awake and trying to settle her mind. Today, it was even and filled with sighs, and she was restless.

  Eventually, I spoke up. “Are you too nervous to sleep?”

  Her body stilled then. “I must be troubling you, I’m sorry. I’ll sleep in my room tonight.”

  I turned and caught her wrist before she left the bed. I’ll have nightmares were the words that I couldn't say out loud to her, but just from the look in my eyes she understood and came back into bed. I felt vulnerable but pushed the gutting feeling away.

  “Do you want to practice it with me?” I asked, and it took her a few moments before she answered.

  “That’s probably a bad idea. If you don't drop dead from how awesome my pitch is, I doubt I’ll be able to leave the house tomorrow, much less present.”

  I laughed silently at her expectations and then turned around to face her. She noted the move and turned around to face me too.

  Over the weeks our distance to each other on the bed had diminished until now I only needed to slightly extend my hand and it would have been on her face.

  “You’ll do fine,” I said to her.

  “And how do you know that?”

  “Because I know that you’ll do your best, and if it doesn't fit with what they want then it’s their expectations that are misguided, not your abilities.”

  “I’ve been rejected too many times to believe that.”

  “You've only been rejected by a group of men who are at best just guessing what the audience will like. The audience will determine your work, not them. Either way, you have a secured place on any of the teams of their pilot season. Either way, you win.”

  “I feel like I'm cheating,” she said. “I’m getting all of this just because I’m married to you.”

  “Maybe, but you’ll do well because you’ve worked hard, have talent, and are not afraid to take risks. Life is just now getting ready to repay you for its unfairness thus far.”

  She extended her hand to touch my face and for a second, I dreaded her touch because I knew how much it would affect me. How much it would soften my heart just a little bit more toward this female with the audacity to climb into my bed and demand a place there.

  I shut my eyes at the contact as it sent tingles of warmth and desire all the way down to my toes.

  “Get on top of me,” I said to her. “I’ll fuck you to sleep.”

  She bit her lip then, excitement spreading across her face and in seconds my cock was deep inside of her. She pulled her t-shirt over her head whilst giving my cock one of the most sensual rides it had had ever had.

  She would be exhausted when I was done with her, but then I would be the one wide awake, and somehow still fucking insatiable.

  ♡

  XANDER

  “Isn’t today your father’s birthday?”

  Carson looked up from the dark shoes she was strapping around her ankles. “Its October 28—Oh my god, that’s today. I completely forgot.”

  “Do g
reat on your pitch and then come over so we’ll fly out to meet him.”

  The way she stared at me made my insides begin to melt, so I looked away and focused on the piece of toast that I was buttering. “Eat something before you go,” I brought myself to say just before she ran out.

  “I’m fine I’ll just…”

  I went over to her with the toast on a plate and lifted it to her mouth. She took a few bites, amused, and giving me the most beautiful of smiles, and then she washed it down with the cup of coffee.

  “Thank you,” she started to say but I headed over to the counter to put the plate down and then drew her in for a quick kiss. It was long and deep, and through it, I tried to chase the nerves away, and give her as much confidence as she needed. When she drew away from me there were tears in her eyes. She’d felt it.

  “Don’t be nervous,” I said to her. “Just have fun. I’ve got your back.”

  She drew me in for another kiss and it went on until my phone began to buzz in my pocket.

  I drew my lips from hers, amused. “That’s Simon. The car is waiting for you. You’re going to be late.”

  She snapped back to reality then, gave me an anxious look and hurried out of the apartment. I watched her go and throughout the rest of the day kept my eye on my phone.

  David didn't miss my attentiveness. “What’s going on,” he asked as he went through budgets with me in the office. “You practically jump every time your phone rings. Are you expecting a call?”

  I ignored the question and tried to make my eagerness much less obvious. Soon, her call came in.

  “Xander,” her voice came through soft and airy. I immediately shot up from my seat and headed over to the window. “Carson,” I said.

  She was silent for a while and then she said. “What time do we fly out?”

  “In two hours,” I said to her. “Simon will pick you up from home and bring you over to the airport.”