SCARRED (Scars)

by Gress, C. R.

  1992

  “Hey, pass the fucking joint Ashley!”

  Cough…cough

  “Give me a damn minute.”

  “I paid good money for that shit.” I fuss, “So don’t smoke it all.”

  “I’m not. Here!” she huffs out as she passes me what’s left of the joint we are smoking in the bathroom of the party we are attending.

  “While I hit this, why don’t you set up those lines for me?” I tell her

  Whoooooop……Haaaaaa

  Tap, tap, tap Scrrrrrr.Tap.Scrrrrrr.Tap

  Whoooooop……Haaaaaa

  “Here!” she states as she hands me a three inch plastic straw and takes the joint back from me.

  “Thank you….took you long enough!” I snap as I put the straw up one side of my nose, pinch my other nostril closed and lean over the white powder that is lined up on the bathroom counter.

  Sniiiffffff….snf.snf

  “Gah!” I raise up and hold my head back. “Hand me my drink.”

  “Jordan. You really need to stop candy-flipping. One day you are going to wind up dead.” Ashley explains.

  “I’ve been dead a long time so quit worrying about me and give me one more hit off that joint so we can go do this.”

  Whoooooop……Haaaaaa

  “All right, lets go!” I tell her as I turn and open the bathroom door.

  We step into the master bedroom where Jackson and Jacob are waiting. Over the distance of the six foot it takes me to get to Jackson sitting on the bed, I have managed to discard all of my clothes, am completely naked and on my knees on the floor unbuckling Jacksons belt. Jackson reaches back, grabs his collar and pulls his shirt over his head before he lays back and begins to unbutton his jeans.

  Jacob moves from the window where he is standing and makes his way around behind me as he quickly sheds his clothes. He traces his fingers down my spine as I impatiently jerk Jackson’s jeans and boxers off his body. I throw Jacksons clothes across the room and grab his hard dick in my hand. Then lick up the vein from his balls to the tip before I tease the head with my tongue.

  “Jacob, quit fucking with me and get Ashley’s clothes off. When I am finished sucking his dick I want her wet and ready so I can taste her pussy while she is sucking yours.

  Jacob moves towards Ashley and I turn my head back and suck Jackson all the way to my throat, then back off so I can grab his dick with one hand while I cup his balls with the other.

  I glance sideways to see that Jacob has Ashley naked and is leaning in front of her laving her nipples with his tongue. She has her head thrown back and is holding his head against her chest. Slowly, Jacob lowers Ashley to the bed beside us.

  “Oh God Jordan, don’t stop. That feels so fucking good.” Jackson moans as he threads his fingers through my hair to grip my head and begins pistoning himself in and out of my mouth. I remove my hand around his shaft and suck him all the way to my throat. Once I have him there, I hold and swallow so that my throat closes around the sensitive glands.

  “Fuck!” He groans out.

  I swallow again and moan knowing he can feel the vibration in his balls. Since my gag reflex went out the door from the coke drainage, my throat is numb enough that I can hold him there and continue swallowing until he yells out his release as I suck and swallow every drop from him.

  I plant my hands on Jackson’s thighs and push myself to standing. I look down at Jackson lying on the bed in a lustful haze and wipe the corner of my mouth with my thumb.

  “You’re not done yet, Jackson. I’m in charge tonight and you have until I eat Ashley’s pussy to the point she screams my name in pleasure to be hard and ready to go again.”

  I step sideways, kneel between Ashley’s legs, and throw her thighs over my shoulders before I wrap my arms around her legs and use my hands to spread her pussy wide. I don’t take my time teasing her, instead I dive straight in and lick from her asshole to her clit.

  “Unnhhh” she moans.

  “Jesus Christ, that is fucking sexy.” Jacob mutters.

  I pull back and look in Jacobs’s direction. “Fuck her mouth!” I order. He immediately begins positioning himself beside her head. Jackson has rolled to his side facing her, propped up on one elbow stroking himself.

  Ashley sucks Jacob into her mouth as he leans across her head holding his weight on his arms and strokes in and out of her mouth. I reposition my hand where one hand is holding Ashley open while I snake my other hand around and insert two fingers into her wet pussy as I latch onto her clit and suck. Her hips buck up off the bed when I curl my fingers up and rub the nerve ball of her g-spot. I suck her clit through my teeth again.

  “Fuck, Jordan, I’m gonna come!” she screams around a mouthful of Jacobs dick and he plunges harder into the back of her throat.

  I raise my head to speak while I continue to massage her g-spot with now three fingers.

  “Jacob, that’s enough. You guys better suit up cause this is not going to take much longer.” I lower my head back between Ashley’s thighs as Jackson and Jacob spring off the bed to grab condoms off the bedside table.

  I suck Ashley’s clit back between my teeth and bite down softly to add pressure while I flick it with the tip of my tongue. I twist my fingers inside her before returning to apply pressure to the ball of nerves inside, I latch on one last hard time, bite her clit to the point of painful and then suck it hard when I feel her tightening, clenching my fingers and her body begins to convulse. Quickly, I remove my fingers from her pussy and replace them with my tongue as I lap up her juices.

  I stand from my kneeling position and turn to find both men stroking their now protected cocks with absolute lust blazing in their eyes.

  I reach my hand to help Ashley up from her sated position on the bed. “Ash, come here. It’s time all of us have some fun. I turn to Jared. “Lay on your back on the bed, feet on the floor.” Jared assumes the position as instructed and I crawl up and straddle him. Not wasting any time, I grip his dick, position it at my entrance before I forcefully sink down all the way to the hilt.

  Air forces its way through his teeth and I lean over and press my lips to his, plunging my tongue into his mouth before I sit back up.

  “Tastes good, doesn’t she.” I state rather than question.

  “MmmHmm” is the only response I get.

  I begin slowly rocking back and forth on Jacob.

  “Jackson lube up and get over here behind me. Ashley sit on Jacobs face so he can taste that sweet pussy of yours. Back to me, lay forward and fuck his mouth.”

  Ashley crawls over Jacobs face and leans forward. I watch as his tongue darts out and into her wet folds. Jackson moves behind me and when I feel him place his hands on my hips, I turn to look him in the eyes. “Now fuck me. Fuck me hard! Hard enough that Ashley feels you through us.” I order him before I turn back around and lean against Jacob’s chest to allow Jackson better access.

  I feel the head of Jackson’s dick penetrate that first painful barrier of my ass before I forcefully rock back against him until he is seated fully inside me. Full. My pussy is full, my ass is full and I love it.

  The guys quickly find their rhythm pounding into me opposite each other and I lower my head to assist Jacob in driving Ashley crazy. I swirl my tongue through her pussy lips and move to rim her ass.

  I stick two fingers in Ash’s pussy for lube before I ease them into her tight ass. She immediately begins to moan and writhe against our ministrations.

  Our explosions detonate almost simultaneously with Ash screaming out first causing both guys to thrust into me uncontrollably before they fall into the abyss taking me with them on a high that is ten times better than the drugs. We collapse into a pile on the bed panting erratically.

  This is what I live for. No pain. Only for the high of the drugs and the adrenaline rush of an orgasm.

  We lay there, all tangled in each other for a half an hour before I get up, put my clothes on and walk out the bedroom door calling over my shoulder; “T
hanks guys, we’ll do this again tomorrow.”

  A Ω A Ω A Ω

  I am still tweaking when I pull into the driveway at one o’clock in the morning. Normally everyone is in the bed at this hour so it catches me off guard to see two cars in the driveway that don’t belong.

  After a few minutes of mentally preparing myself of what is to come, I get out of the car and make my way through the back door by the kitchen and come face to face with my dad, step-mom and four of their friends playing cards. I freeze.

  “Tell me you did not just drive home drunk!” my dad booms.

  “No, I have not had a drop of alcohol all night.” I belt back at him.

  “You look like shit. What the hell have you been doing then?” he asks, the anger still apparent in his voice.

  “Having a fucking orgy, if you must know.” I spit out at him.

  Everyone sitting at the table stares at me with their mouths gaping open. Well, everyone except my dad. His face shows pure rage.

  “Go to fucking bed, NOW! Sleep it off and we will discuss this bright and early tomorrow.”

  “Whatever” I mumble and head for the couch in the living room.

  I sprawl out across the couch and close my eyes. Though my body feels numb, I know I am still wired to hell because I feel like every hair on every inch of my body is standing on end.

  Just breathe….Relax, it’s time to get some sleep.

  “HaHaHaHeHe!”

  “What the hell are you laughing about?” I hear booming from the kitchen.

  I open my eyes and look up to see dad standing at the kitchen counter glaring at me.

  “You! I am laughing at all of you. You just don’t realize that you are all dead. I’m gonna blow this mother fucker up and kill everyone here. Then you will all be dead, just like me.”

  “I’m calling your mother. You, go to bed.”

  “Good, call mom. It’s all her fault anyway. Then she can be dead like the rest of us.” I snap as I get off the couch and stomp towards my bedroom. I slam the door closed and my body falls face first onto my bed where I pass out. Finally.

  A Ω A Ω A Ω

  “Get your ass out of bed!”

  I roll over grumbling and crack my eyes open to take a peak at the clock.

  Seven thirty. He has got to be kidding.

  “I don’t have to work today, so leave me alone and let me sleep.” I groan and roll back over.

  The blankets are snatched off my bed and the chilly morning air assaults my body.

  “Your dad said to get up. Now!”

  “Mom, what the hell are you doing here?”

  “Your dad called this morning. Now get out of bed and take a shower. You stink.”

  “Can’t we do this after I get a few more hours of sleep?” I plead. “It’s cold. Give me my blanket back.”

  “Get up now or I am going to dump a pitcher of ice water on you.” My dad yells.

  “FINE!” I snap as I get up and stomp to the bathroom. I slam the door and lock it before I turn and catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror.

  Damn, I look like the walking dead. Well at least it fits, I’ve been dead for almost a year now.

  After I soak in a hot shower and dress, I make my way to the living room so my parents can preach at me for a while.

  “What’s up?” I ask as I sit on the couch.

  “You need to go and pack a suitcase with a few of your sentimental things and your school stuff.” Dad explains.

  “I’m not moving to moms!” I state.

  “No, you’re going to rehab.” Mom answers.

  “THE HELL I AM!” I shout.

  Rehab!

  Fuck!

  CHAPTER 3

  Rehab

  This sucks. “Voluntarily committed” – my ass. It seems like mom dropped me off and left me here with a hug and an ‘I love you’, then she was gone. Thanks mom, I love you too. She left me to make my way through this place. I don’t want to be here. I don’t need to be here.

  Day 1

  My first day of rehab consists of getting settled in, a drug test, an alcohol test, a physical, and filling out the paperwork to get my assignments for school. Yes school, I may be in rehab but I still have to do my assigned school work so that I don’t get behind.

  Ha Ha. These people are so funny.

  I am assigned to a room with another girl, I don’t know what she looks like or even what her name is. I haven’t seen her since I got here. The counselor takes me to my room and starts going through my bags. Complete invasion of privacy. She proceeds to take my razor, so apparently I will have hairy legs and armpits for my stay.

  “Some people take the blades out and try to commit suicide.”

  She also informs me that I can only use stick deodorant and cannot have mouthwash. Apparently they contain alcohol and addicts have been known to consume these items in a time of need.

  Yuck! So not going to happen here.

  They take my tennis shoes and give me flip-flops because I may be at risk of hanging myself.

  Really? I’m the one that needs help. I don’t think so. This place is crazy.

  One of the last things that I am informed of before we leave my room to go to meet my psychologist is that there is absolutely no contact with the males that are housed in another wing of the facility.

  The rest of my day here is very mundane, just going around getting the lay of the land and meeting the personnel who will be “helping me through my stay”. Then we are instructed that it is time for lights out. Of course, I finally meet my roommate ten minutes before we are to go to bed.

  This is just great, I am sharing a room in the loony bin with come crazy girl named Cigi who stares at me while I try to sleep and may or may not try to kill me.

  Day 2

  At five o’clock in the morning an alarm that sounds worse than any fire alarm I have ever heard begins blaring through our wing. I shoot straight up in the bed ready to run for the nearest exit when I realize that is how they wake us up daily. Not that I got any really good sleep as it was. I didn’t time them but I know someone kept coming into the room at specific intervals all through the night, apparently to check on us.

  Isn’t this supposed to be a place to de-stress, not line up for a nervous breakdown.

  “Come on, throw on your flip-flops and get in line, we have to go take our meds.” My new roommate informs me.

  “What meds?” I ask.

  “Whatever your doctor deems is the best for you. For most people they are strictly vitamins but there are a few here that take some heavy shit.” She responds.

  “Okay! Then what?”

  “Lets hurry and get in line, first ones through the line have more time to get ready in the morning. We have thirty minutes after meds before heading to the cafeteria for breakfast.” Cigi states.

  “What if I can’t eat this early. I am not much of a breakfast person until at least until after ten in the morning?”

  “You need to do the best you can because if you don’t eat properly they will put you on a strict diet and will also put you on suicide watch.”

  “Are you serious?” I ask in a bit of a shock.

  “As I will ever be. Have you ever been spoon fed? Well that is what will happen if they are not pleased with what, when and how you eat.”

  I slide a robe over my pajamas, which by the way has no tie either so I can’t hang myself with it, before I slip on my make shift shoes and take my place in line in the hallway for my morning meds. Once I have choked down three horse pills I head back to my room to shower and go have breakfast.

  After breakfast is over, all of the girls on this wing meet in the recreation room for a spirituality meeting then head to the classroom for “school”. There is a wide range in age so even though it is a classroom with one teacher for four hours, we are pretty much on our on to learn. If we have a question about something, we had better figure it out ourselves because the lady sitting in the room with us acts more like a hall monitor than a
teacher. We stay in the classroom until lunchtime.

  After lunch we get the privilege of spending an hour outside for “exercise” before we are corralled inside for a “group therapy session” where we “share our addictions and problems with our peers”. I am guessing this is meant to be a support group, however, there are quite a few girls in this room way more fucked up than I am.

  Note to self: My roommate is fucking crazy. Sleep with one eye open at all times.

  The rest of the afternoon is spent either in the recreation room watching television, reading, or just hanging out with the rest of the craziness while we alternate one on one therapy sessions with a counselor. I manage to find a nice corner to sit and read, alone.

  My counselor is a woman, mid thirties, named Mrs. Gosling. Today is the first day I meet with her so I am unsure of what to really do. She says she is here to let me “talk” while she “gets a feeling for me”. In teenager language she is “analyzing how crazy or fucked up I am”. I spend most of my hour sitting in a chair across from her silent.

  That therapy session went well.

  An hour before dinner we are all sent to the gym to exercise. By gym, I am not talking about the gym you find at school with a basketball court, etc. This is a real gym, with treadmills, elliptical machines, weights, bikes and more. They really expect us to work out. I guess I will spend my hour on the treadmill.

  After dinner, we have another group session which is more of a team building session. The goal is for us to get to know each other, work with each other, and help out in different situations. Personally, this is probably the most fun I have had all day. If I didn’t know half of these girls would kill without batting an eye, I would probably hang out with a few of them outside of this place.

  We get one hour after the night session for phone calls and writing letters before bedtime, which is strictly enforced to be nine o’clock. I am never going to be able to go to sleep that early. Oh well, I guess I will lay here and stare at the ceiling pondering how fucked up my short life has been.

  Day 3

  I wake up before the alarm goes off in a cold sweat and shaking uncontrollably. My head is killing me and my entire body aches.