by Gress, C. R.
“I could have done that myself.”
“Well, I took care of it for you. See, here comes everybody.”
It only takes a few minutes for the living room to fill up. There are people lounging on the couch, the loveseat, the recliner, and even chairs brought in from the kitchen table. A few of the younger generation opt to just plop down on the floor anywhere there is an empty spot. Since this is mom’s gig, she begins passing out presents.
Good Lord, my mom loves to shop. I know we have a large family but this is ridiculous. She doesn’t have to buy all this shit. There are so many presents around the tree, you can hardly tell there is actually a tree there. I think we should start drawing names; it would save all of us a lot of money.
Mostly, I get clothes since everyone knows how much I hat to shop; the downfall to that is I have to live with what other people think is style. Mom got me a set of high dollar Egyptian Cotton sheets because the one thing I am materialistic about is my bed. I am a bit partial to a nice, fluffy, soft, comfy bed. The kids all racked up. Mom loves to spoil them. Seriously, a five year old does not have any business with their own television and DVD player.
The rest of the afternoon flies by pretty fast. Most of the adults relax and talk after cleaning up enough wrapping paper to cover the Empire State Building. The kids are all about to drive me crazy running non-stop in one door, through the house, and out another playing with all their new toys.
By five o’clock I have had enough of my family without breaking out a bottle of liquor so I start packing everything in the car. My kids are going to rids with my sisters to go visit other family members, so I will have a little quiet time to sit and relax tonight, alone. Maybe a nice hot bubble bath will calm my nerves.
A Ω A Ω A Ω
It took me almost an hour to get everything in the car and get out of mom’s house, then another hour to unload and put everything away at home. My sister decided to let the kids stay the night with her so I can get some sleep. She doesn’t have any kids yet so more power to her if she wants to babysit overnight; especially with all the sugar I saw them consume today. Starting in January, I get the feeling I will forget what sleep is like since I have enrolled to take some college courses. Of course, it’s not going to be easy to be a single mom with two small kids, working full time and going to school. Sacrifices. That’s what it will take, sacrifices.
I run a nice hot bubble bath and grab the phone in case the kids call. After what happened with Renee, I am still a bit skittish anytime they are away from me. I lay back and get settled in the tub before I grab the phone to check on the kids, but before I can dial the number the tone alerts me to a voicemail. Wondering if something hasn’t already happened I dial in to listen to the message.
“Hey, it’s me. I just called to say Merry Christmas and I miss you.”
Completely shocked, I replay the message to ensure I heard it correctly. As I listen to the message again my body starts trembling and my emotions completely take over. Gavin is supposed to be out of state with his wife for Christmas, not calling me. This is not good. This will open a whole new can of worms for us. I throw the phone across the bathroom and slide down the tub until my entire body, including my head, is submerged. When I emerge, I bathe quickly and head to bed before I start flipping out. Hopefully a good night sleep will clear the confusion I am now feeling. Confusion and heart break. I swore I would never let myself feel this way again.
A Ω A Ω A Ω
There is a superstition that if you kiss someone dear to you at midnight when ringing in the New Year that it will ensure love and affection for the coming year. I myself am a very superstitious person, however, I don’t think this one pertains to me.
My original plan was to spend New Years Eve at home with the kids. A few of my friends invited me to go out and celebrate with them at a party but I declined. I don’t need to be out drinking with small children at home. Time to buckle down and take care of things on the home front.
After ordering pizza, we sat around the house watching cartoons for a while before I turned the television to watch Dick Clark take us into the New Year from Times Square in New York. By eleven o’clock both kids were zonked out so I went ahead and put them to bed. I was on my way to my bedroom for the night when I heard a knock on the door.
Who the hell would be here at this time of the night?
Cautiously I peeked through the curtain at the front window and saw the unmarked car in the driveway. My brain told me to ignore him and go to bed. Unfortunately, my heart won out. I opened the front door and stepped to the side. Without saying a word, Gavin bends and kisses me on the forehead before he makes his way into my bedroom. Closing and locking the front door, I follow him.
“Aren’t you supposed to be working?”
“I am. I am on break until one when most partiers will start heading home. I have wanted to come see you since we got back into town so I am going to take advantage of my time with you.”
“Yeah, about that. I need to talk to you about something.” I answer timidly.
Gavin wraps his arms around my body and pulls me close so that I stand nestled under his chin. “Not now. Right now I just want to hold you in my arms. This past week has not been easy for me.”
Choking back tears I answer, “It’s not been a fucking picnic for me either.”
Gavin caresses the sides of my head with both hands and uses his thumbs to tilt my face towards him. I can’t hide the tears that are trying to fall when he kisses me passionately so I close my eyes.
“Open your eyes and look at me.” Gavin orders.
On a sharp inhale, I open my eyes to show him the pain I can’t hide. Gavin kisses me again, this time a bit more forceful. I can’t stop my body from wanting him and I wrap my arms around him. He reaches for the hem of my shirt and lifts only breaking the kiss for a moment then his lips are back, this time effortlessly devouring me. I let out a low mewl when he picks me up and lays me gently on the bed.
Stepping back slightly, Gavin makes quick work of discarding all of his clothes. His gun belt lands on the dresser with a loud thump and he is suddenly hovering over me, removing my house pants and panties.
I am naked, splayed across my bed. Gavin moves over my body slowly showering butterfly kisses from my toes all the way up until he is nibbling softly on my chin. I bite on my bottom lip as I feel my body tingle in anticipation of what is to come.
Without any forewarning, Gavin reaches down and places the head of his dick at my slick entrance and thrusts into me instantly. My eyes widen when I realize he has not put on a condom but before I can get any words to travel out of my mouth, Gavin assaults my tongue with his own.
I can feel the sparks of desire light deep in my core as my body continues to betray me. This is the effect this man has on me, no foreplay needed, my body is instantly aroused and ready any time he is in the room. I cannot control my actions so I give in to the ecstasy.
One hour and four orgasms later, my body is sated as I lay snuggled into his side. My mind is racing with thoughts of what just happened. Never in all the times we have been together has it ever been like this. This is different, foreign, and I am unsure what it means. While my body seems to have taken a vacation, my mind is now into overdrive. I need to tell him.
Gavin rolls me onto my back and hovers over me again to plant a soft kiss to my lips before he pulls back and whispers, “Happy New Year baby. I love you.”
My heart stops. Suddenly I cannot breathe and my tears fall in a free for all. “Gavin, Please?”
“What’s wrong baby?”
“Please don’t say things like that. Please don’t keep making me feel like this.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean you cannot love me and I can’t love you back. It is not fair to any of us. We cannot go on like this. We have to end it, after tonight, no more. This is the last time we will be together.” I sob, hiccoughing to try and catch my breath. I move to roll away from him bu
t he tightens his grip around me.
“Don’t do this Jordan.” He pleads.
“I have to, I’m sorry. This isn’t right. I need to grow up and accept that I have two children to raise, not continue being reckless and risk hurting everyone. I need you to go.”
Gavin pulls away and stands up. He doesn’t turn to face me as he gets dressed and I don’t make any effort to get out of the bed to go after him.
“I wish you would reconsider Jordan. Tonight was different for both of us. Tonight was special and you just need to give me time.”
“I can’t do it Gavin. I’m sorry. I don’t have the guts to wait this out and wonder if what I am doing is right or wrong. I need to move on. There will never be an us. You know it as well as I do. Please go home to your wife and leave me alone.” I beg him.
Letting out a defeated sigh, he leaves the bedroom hanging his head. “I love you Jordan. Nothing you can say or do will change that.” Then I hear the front door shut. I lay in bed in a dreary haze for what seems like hours before I get up and go lock the house up.
Forget about him. It can never be….no matter how much you love him. He has moved on and there is never any future in the past.
CHAPTER 11
Spring 2000
I get up at the crack of dawn every morning and get the kids ready for the day. One goes to daycare, the other goes to kindergarten. Five days a week, I am to be in class by eight a.m. and learn. Then, I leave school my two thirty p.m. to pick up kids from school and daycare. I head home, change clothes, then take the kids to the night time babysitter before I am off to work for the next eight hours. By the time I get home it is almost midnight; I get the kids to go back to bed before I shower and settle in to complete homework. Wake up the next morning and do it all over again.
Damn, has my life changed over the last two months. I stay so busy that I actually have to carry an agenda around to make sure I keep up with all the schedules and assignments. It’s pretty rough now, I feel like I hardly get to spend any time with the kids. Hopefully all of this will pay off in the end.
I have managed to cut all ties with Gavin, not that he didn’t try his best to break me down. Even after two months I still have to fight myself and avoid his phone calls. There have been a few times when I was up late doing homework that I saw him creep by the house. My heart breaks every time he rides by but I know this is for the best.
After a month of feeling like the only conversations I have are with my children, my instructors, my boss, and my customers; I finally gave in and had my aunt give my phone number to the guy she was trying to get me hooked up with at Christmas. The only real contact we have had have been a few phone conversations here and there. I really does feel good to have someone outside this little circle I have built that I can talk to. It also helps keep me from breaking and giving in to Gavin.
Jace seems like a good guy on the phone and we have met for lunch a few times but no real dates, not for lack of trying on his part though. His birthday is next week so I finally gave in to his persistence and agreed to take him out to eat dinner for his birthday; friendly basis only though. I don’t have time for anything more than friendship at this point in my life. Hell, I am having a hard enough time getting Greg to sign the divorce papers I sent him last month.
A Ω A Ω A Ω
Since this is supposed to be a casual date to celebrate my “friends” birthday, we decide to eat at a local restaurant before meeting up with a few more people and go out to a club. I talked mom into letting the kids stay overnight at her house so I can enjoy the first night I have had out in over two months. As busy as I have been lately, this night is desperately needed.
Jace and I agree on Mexican food for dinner and drinks. San Felipe has the best menu compared to the other like restaurants in town and they also have the biggest margaritas I have ever seen. During dinner we have easy conversation about nothing in particular and laugh at each others stupid jokes. The more alcohol we consume, the funnier the jokes get. I find Jace easy to talk to and fun to be around and really begin to like him when he doesn’t get upset about the embarrassing display of “Happy Birthday” I had arranged to be sung throughout the restaurant.
After dinner we meet up with a few friends and head to a local club for more drinks and dancing. I should probably be a bit more conservative with my dancing but it has been so long since I have been out I cannot help myself. The night gets even better after Jace has enough alcohol in him to make his way out to the dance floor. This is a total surprise to me since he blatantly stated during one of our many phone conversations that he does not dance.
Thank goodness I wore a pair of comfortable jeans and a halter top tonight because now I am a sweaty mess. Jace and I have been dancing for almost an hour nonstop and I need to refresh my parched body. I lean toward him and yell over the music that I am headed for another drink and motion towards the bar. Jace nods his head and follows. At the bar, Jace orders another Bud Light and I get a bottle of water and a shot of Southern Comfort. I take a few swallows of my water and turn towards Jace to toast the shot before downing it. As I bring my head back straight I notice someone at the front door of the club.
Damn it! What the fuck is he doing here?
Gavin is standing just inside the front door with the bouncer and an ALE agent. Every hair on my body feels electrified when our eyes meet and I realize he is studying me. I quickly down the rest of my water bottle and grab Jace dragging him back out to the dance floor. Jace shrugs his shoulders and joins me when I begin to grind against his body on the floor. This is not the same dancing we were doing just a few minutes ago. This is me showing Gavin that I have moved on.
I feel like a laser is burning through me as I turn and back up against Jace on the dance floor. Closing my eyes I raise my arms and wrap my hands around Jace’s neck and he circles my waist with his. I can feel his hard on pressed to my back as he grinds into me. When Jace lowers his head and nips at the sensitive area where my neck meets my shoulders I open my eyes to meet the intense glare of Gavin. I grin at him and he turns, shaking his head before exiting the building.
Score one for Jordan.
We leave the club about a half an hour later with Jessie being the designated driver and chauffeuring us back to her apartment where we all parked our cars. Jace and I sit in his truck making out until we realize the sun is coming up. One last kiss goodbye and I am off to my mom’s house to pick up the kids. With no sleep and a slight hangover, this is going to be a long day. Hopefully she will let me take a short nap before I take the kids home.
A Ω A Ω A Ω
Mom wakes me around noon so she can go shopping and I can get home. I feel a little rested and my hangover has subsided.
“So, how did everything go last night?” Mom asks.
“Really good. I had fun and I think Jace did too. I really like him, he is fun to be around and we have a lot in common.”
“Well that is great. Maybe you will stay away from Gavin now.”
“Mom, don’t start. I have not spoken to him since New Years. I told him it was over and I meant it.”
“And how exactly is he taking it?”
“Not well. He has gotten better lately. He doesn’t call as much.”
“Is he still stalking you?”
“He is not stalking me! He has only drove by the house a few times in the last few months.” I lie, knowing good and well I am not telling her about the incident last night. “Well I am going to get going before we get into an argument over the past. Thank you for letting the kids stay the night. I really needed a break.”
“You’re welcome but you don’t need to thank me. Those are my grandbabies and I love spending time with them. Call me later.”
“I will.” I answer as I corral the kids to the car.
CHAPTER 12
2003
Jace and I have been dating since the night we celebrated his birthday three years ago. It was slow going for the first few months as I slowly adapt
ed to my life of work, kids, and school. Jace is so wonderful and he never pushed, he knew that I had my hands full and waited patiently for us to spend time together.
Over the last three years, I have managed to finish college with two degrees and now have a good job at a local manufacturing facility. I get to spend more time with the kids than I used to and the steady income allows us to have a few of the better things in life. The kids are really growing fast and there are times that I wonder if it was good for me to go back to school when they were so young. It took me forever to finally get my divorce finalized with Greg and, as of today, he is behind on child support and very rarely visits the kids. Maybe they are better off, seeing as from what I can tell, his drug use has gotten really bad.
Regardless of the bad taste my first marriage left, today is my wedding day. Jace has shown me that I really deserve to love again and he has filled the huge gap in the kids lives that was left by Greg. Today I get to start over….a new life; or at least, a better one, hopefully.
Our wedding day goes off pretty well, only a few snafus here and there. Things like “you shouldn’t have washed your hair this morning because it will not hold the curl” and rushing to check us in at the airport hotel early so we are not dragging honeymoon suitcases all over the venue. I figured I would be a spazzed out freak after the incident with my sister when I found out two weeks ago that she still hadn’t gotten her bridesmaids dress. I’m not though, I am actually in a sort of tranquil state.