by Kelly Utt
I run my fingers around the edge of the round table as I think about my family and who I should call. In general, I believe it’s best for me to remain a bit distant at this point. Keeping a separation between work and home life seems easier under the circumstances. And I don’t mean just easier for me. I imagine it’ll be easier for the boys for me to just be gone to work. If I’m calling them on the phone a lot, it may make them miss me more. Not to mention, I have no idea when I’m coming home. Hell, I can’t even tell them where I’m going or how dangerous the mission is. But I do want to check-in and find out if there’s any news about Ali. I decide to begin with Roddy. I’ll find out how things are going from him and then might talk to the boys if he thinks it’s a good idea. I select his name and push the button to make the call. He picks up on the first ring.
“George!“ my father-in-law says. “I hoped you’d call today. I have some really good news.“
“What is it?” I ask, skipping over formalities.
“It’s Ali! She’s beginning to wake up!”
“What?“ I reply excitedly. “Really?“
“Yes!“ he says. “It happened not long after you left the hospital this morning. Nicky was sitting with her when she began to star. She hasn’t opened her eyes yet. It’s not like she’s all the way awake and talking, but she’s moving around and is responding to our voices. Dr. Wong says this is huge progress.“
I leap up from my chair and pump one fist in the air while smiling up to the heavens, full of gratitude. Liam has apparently connected with Estella and is having his own conversation, but he stops talking when he sees my gesture.
“That’s amazing news!“ I say. I’m smiling from ear to ear and I can tell Roddy is, too.
“I spoke with Dr. Wong and he gave his usual warnings about not getting our hopes up too much, but this is big, George,” Roddy says. “I think our girl might end up being okay.“
“I’d like nothing more,“ I say. “I just wish I were there so she could see my face when she opens her eyes for the first time.“
“I know you do,” he says. “Hey, how about you send me a quick video I can show to Ali when she wakes up?”
“Okay, good idea,” I say. “I’ll do it as soon as we hang up. The wifi here ought to be strong enough for me to send it your way when I’m done.”
“And I’ll try to get some video of her for you to see. I won’t make it weird or stress her out, but if she’s up for it, I’ll capture some footage I can send you.”
“Thanks, man,“ I say. “That would be great.“
I give Liam a thumbs up and he can tell what I’m talking about. He smiles and puts a hand over his heart, the same way Ali does when she’s touched. It’s a gesture of solidarity. It means so much. I turn my attention back to Roddy and Liam goes back to his conversation with the Stella.
“How are the boys doing this morning?“
“They’re doing just fine,” Roddy says. “So far, better than I expected. Marjorie and I made them a pancake breakfast with bacon, eggs, and fresh strawberries on the side. We did the whole thing where we made faces with the food and they seemed to get a kick out of it. We even let them have a little whipped cream for the occasion.”
“That’s really nice,” I say. “Thank you again, from the bottom of my heart, for taking care of them.”
“Don’t mention it,” Roddy says. “I told you, this is my family, too. I’d do anything for them. Same as you. We’re all going to get through this together.”
“I hope so,” I say.
“So, have you been briefed yet on the mission?“
“I have, yeah,” I reply. “I can’t say where I’m going or even what I’m doing, you know how this goes. But I will say that it’s every bit as important as they told me it was. They weren’t exaggerating the urgency or the need for mine and Liam‘s expertise.“
Roddy can infer a lot from my concise statements. In fact, with his background in British Intelligence, he may have a better understanding of it all then I do. He was trained to operate in the field and he spent years doing so. He was much closer to the action than I’ve ever been before. The mission Liam and I are facing now is probably more in Roddy’s wheelhouse.
“Got it,“ he replies simply. “Take care of yourself out there, George. Remember what I’ve said. In the moment, when things get hairy, fall back on your training and listen to your instincts. You’ll know what to do when the time comes.“
“I pray you’re right,” I say. “I’ll need to be at my best. The stakes are high.“
“You’ll do it.“
“Roddy?“
“I’ve got them,“ he replies without even hearing my question. “Don’t worry about us. I’ve got them.“
“But, is the alarm system at the rental house armed?” I ask.
“It is.”
“Will someone be with Ali at all times? Does hospital security seem to be taking the situation seriously?”
“George, I’ve got them,” my father-in-law insists.
“But, if something happens to me out there and I don’t make it back…“ I say as tears begin to well up in my eyes.
“George, stop it,” Roddy implores. “There are times when it’s appropriate and necessary to think about that sort of thing, but now isn’t one of them. If you start going down that road in your mind, it’ll throw you off your game. Lock it away. Focus on the task at hand. I promise you, I will do everything in my power, and I do mean everything, to keep them safe and happy.“
I know he’s right. I wipe the tears from my eyes and move my head to shake it off. It’s almost go time.
I say goodbye to Roddy and hang up the phone. I don’t ask to talk to the boy. It sounds like Roddy has everything under control there. Hopefully, this mission will be a short one and I’ll be able to call with news that I’m done and on my way home very soon. I make a short video for Ali telling her how much I love her, then I send it off to my father-in-law just as Liam finishes his call with Estella.
“Is everything alright on the home front?” Liam asks as he walks to rejoin me. “Looks like you received some good news.”
“It is and I did,” I say enthusiastically. “Everyone is okay, and get this…”
“Ali, right?”
“Yes! She’s waking up!” I exclaim.
Liam lunges towards me and gives me a big hug.
“Oh, George,” he says. “That’s such good news.”
“I know,” I concur. “I can hardly believe it. Roddy says she still hasn’t opened her eyes, but that she started moving around not long after I left this morning. She’s responding to their voices.”
“Outstanding. Was it something you said?”
“Maybe,” I reply. “I told her I’d been called back to active duty. Perhaps, at some level, she heard me and found the strength to rally. She’d want to be there for our boys.”
“Well, I hope it’s nothing but more good news from here,” Liam says. “We could use it.”
“You can say that again,” I reply, sighing with relief.
We’re standing together in silence, basking in the positive energy when Senior Airman Puckett walks in. He looks tense. I wonder if he’s been on a mission this dangerous before. He won’t be going into Syria with us. He’ll stay with Colonel Becker at the operations command base at Camp Shorabak. But he’s young and new, so even that is probably a little disconcerting. To lighten the mood, I decide to toy with the guy a little bit. It’s all in good fun. It’s what us military guys do to bond with each other.
“Twenty minutes until wheels up,“ Puckett announces, doing what he’s been told.
“Roger that,“ Liam says. Liam knows what I’m thinking and I can tell he’s up for it, too.
“Say, Senior Airman Puckett, correct?“ I begin.
“Yes, sir,“ he replies.
“Young man, have you been to survival school?“ I ask, my voice stern. I can tell by his expression that he has not. His eyes open very wide and I think I see some of the color drain fr
om his face.
“Because you’re going with us into Syria, right?“ Mark Puckett looks down at his feet. I turn to Liam and wink while I wait for the young man to respond.
“No, Sir, I don’t think so,“ Mark replies. “I’m not trained to go behind enemy lines.“
“Yeah, neither are we,” I say. I’ve never been involved in a mission like this before.” I turn to Liam and ask him. “Colonel Hartmann, have you ever been involved in a mission like this?“
“Not exactly,“ Liam says, with a smirk.
The truth is, Liam and I have been on dangerous missions. Nowhere near as dangerous as this, but we have done a lot of training which has prepared us for this type of thing. We’re not complete newbies here.
“Have you been to survival school? Or prisoner of war school?“ I ask Mark Puckett. “Because both schools are required for anyone who is airborne. At least, they used to be. Maybe the Air Force decided to cut that out.“
“Um… I have not,“ Mark replies. “How long do those schools take? Is there any information I can review online?“
Liam and I laughed heartily at his question. “I guess this is where a joke about millennials would be appropriate,” I say to my uncle. Mark looks like he’s sweating and he’s beginning to stammer. Liam feels bad and decides to give him a break.
“He’s just kidding, Puckett. You can relax,” Liam says. “Major Hartmann received some good news a few minutes ago and is feeling energetic. You’ve got nothing to worry about. As far as I understand, you’ll be at Camp Shorabak with Colonel Becker the whole time.”
The young airman looks visibly relieved.
“Yeah,“ I say. “I was just trying to mess with you a little bit. All in good fun. I didn’t mean to stress you out.”
Not sure how to take it, Mark encourages us to board the plane, then turns and walks out of the room. He sort of scoots, as if he’s trying to exit as quickly as possible without letting on that he’s in a hurry.
“George, come on,“ Liam prods, smiling. “Go easy on the guy. He’s not able to take it well. You’re going to have to leave that one alone.“
“I see it,“ I say. “I was hoping for some lighthearted banter to break up all the heaviness. And you’re right that I’m feeling energetic after the news about Ali. But I’ll let Puckett be.“
My uncle and I chat together for a few minutes, joking about other young soldiers we’ve picked on over the years. It’s a lot of fun when someone is a good sport who can also dish it out as well as they take it. For now, Liam and I will have to stick to picking on each other when we want to lighten the mood. We throw our trash away, then swing by the lockers to pick up our duffel bags. We make another stop at the restrooms before heading towards the cargo plane which is idling on the tarmac, ready to go. The rental car company will pick up the car that we drove down in, so we don’t have to worry about those logistics. It’s just us and our bags. We’re about to be airborne.
I’m apprehensive about the whole thing, but at the same time, I’m looking forward to it. Stepping onto a cargo plane as a uniformed soldier It’s a very different experience than getting onto a commercial plane as a civilian. Here, I don’t have to be on the lookout for unattended bags or strange characters. While we’re in our home country, I can trust that the security teams on base have gone to extreme measures to ensure that no one with malicious intent gains access to our equipment, vehicles, or aircraft. I feel proud of our military and that I’m a part of it. It’s no secret that our American way of life and the freedoms we enjoy are a direct result of the brave men and women in uniform who are willing to risk their lives to keep it that way. I’ve always felt that and have been proud of our armed forces, but today, I feel it more acutely. The risk to my life had previously been more theoretical. Sure, I could have been harmed. But I was usually quite a distance from the action and the danger. The risk to me personally was low. Not so today. Now, I’m out heading for the front lines. Behind enemy lines, even. I’m risking my own life. I always knew I would step up if the day ever arrived when my country needed me to do so. Now that it’s here, I’m tremendously proud.
Liam and I climb the stairs and enter the side door of the cargo plane just like old times. He enters first and I follow closely behind. The smell of the engine and the hot tarmac bring back a flood of memories. Not to mention, the sounds and the sites are all familiar. It feels like a second home. I’ve always been fascinated by how the air and the physical environment change when you fly somewhere and open that door. I look forward to feeling the good old Southeastern United States humidity when we arrive in Virginia Beach.
A young loadmaster named Barney McCombs greets us when we get inside the plane. He’s all suited up and ready for the job at hand. I glance at his rank. He’s a Senior Airman, the same as Mark Puckett. Next, we step near the cockpit where the pilot and copilot are preparing for our flight. They’re both friendly and they seem to be on the ball. The pilot is a dark-haired and brown-skinned woman named Major Kalia Hale who looks like she’s from Hawaii. She reminds me a lot of Leilani, the Hawaiian woman I almost had a fling with in Las Vegas many years ago before I met Ali. Kalia is attractive. She looks capable and polished in her uniform. The sight of her and the touch of her soft hand gets my blood pumping. It’s good to feel alive again.
Our copilot is an African-American man named First Lieutenant Chester Dawson who has one of the thickest Southern accents I’ve ever heard. He says he’s from New Orleans and that he promised himself he would never lose the drawl. His eyes are bright and his handshake is firm.
I instantly like both of them. I think we’re in good hands.
Next, we meet a flight engineer named Staff Sergeant Maxwell Pickens who looks like he’s been plucked fresh from the cornfields of middle America. We can tell he’s smart though. And he looks eager. I think he’s going to be just fine as well.
“Good crew we have here,” I say to Liam as we set our bags down and sit on the jumpseat.
“I think you’re right,“ he agrees. “I don’t know who made the selections, but whoever it was put together a top-notch group of personnel. I assume our Navy SEAL friends will be just the same.”
“I hope so.”
“And, hey, buddy?” he asks.
“Yeah?” I reply.
“Have you thought about the fact that you’re going far, far away where the media can’t hound you?”
“I hadn’t, but you make an excellent point,” I reply. “The time away from all of that will be a welcome reprieve. I assume they’ll leave the family alone once they figure out I’m gone.”
“It doesn’t matter. Roddy will handle them,” Liam says.
“I agree.”
When the necessary checks and preparations are finished, we strap in and prepare for flight. Once the plane taxis to the runway and begins to take off, I turn my attention to more practical matters as I consider whether or not I should nap between here and Virginia Beach. It’s usually a good idea to sleep when you can while deployed because you never know when you’re going to get to rest again. However, in this case, we know we’re going from Oceana straight to Camp Shorabak and there ought to be plenty of time to sleep on that leg. I happen to have had a Tom Clancy novel with me in Lake Tahoe, so I brought it along on this flight to help pass the time. I settle in for our journey to Virginia and open up the book to begin reading.
Jump seats in cargo planes are hard and uncomfortable. They’re narrow, meant to squeeze in as many bodies as possible. They sit straight up with no option for reclining, so if you want to sleep you have to do it with your head leaned over on your shoulder. That is unless there are enough empty seats that you can stretch out and lay down flat. Most of the missions I’ve been involved in previously allowed for stretching out. Only once or twice did we have such a full load that wasn’t an option.
I’m thrilled that I know what to do in this situation. I know how to act. I don’t have to constantly second-guess myself or feel like I should have b
een doing something more or different. The military has taught me exactly what I’m supposed to do and I’m doing it. It feels good. Come to think of it, that’s probably the reason I’ve felt a little lost ever since retiring. Sure, there was the break-in. And then the past life memories that emerged spontaneously under hypnosis. But it was more than that. If I’m being honest with myself, I’ve been feeling like a fish out of water ever since I left the Air Force. I thought it would be easier to adjust to civilian life. I thought I was ready. I know my family needs me and I certainly want to spend more time with the boys as they grow up. But I’m just not sure I can ever be as excited and successful out there as a civilian as I am in here as a soldier. Being back in the saddle now is bringing all of that to the surface. I can’t help but wonder if I made a mistake retiring when I did.
Liam can tell what I’m thinking, as usual. “Is it bringing back memories?“ he asks.
“Sure is,“ I reply. “It’s making me think about what I’ve missed. I hate that I haven’t been here to continue working on all that we created. I hope you don’t feel like I left you hanging when you needed me.“
“Don’t be silly,” Liam says. “You had four of the best reasons possible to retire. All this time you’ve been spending at home with Ali and the boys wouldn’t have been possible if you’d stayed in. I know the business venture we’re planning will take a lot of time and effort, but I have to think that, even on the worst day there, you will be more available to your family than you would have been if you stayed in. No matter what we’re working on with the business, you can stop what you’re doing and run home if Ali or one of the boys need you. You can’t do that when you’re in Afghanistan or Syria or God knows where else around the globe on behalf of the U.S. military.
“I know,” I confirm. “And I agree. But the beauty of military life is that they make it very clear what’s expected of you. At least, it’s one of the beauties anyway.” Liam raises his eyebrows and shakes his head up and down in agreement. “When you accomplish what they want you to in the military, they give you a ribbon or a metal and they promote you up the ladder. In the civilian world, it’s like a free-for-all. You have no idea what you’re doing or how you’re supposed to do it. Maybe I’m not cut out for civilian life. More importantly, maybe I’m not cut out for leadership.“