“I’m here about a friend, a dear friend.”
“What?”
“You silly. You told me today was the day…” Bea let her words trail off.
Peg closed her eyes. “Me and my big mouth.” She plopped the pillow over her face and rolled back under the covers.
“Hush now. I’m going to the kitchen and make us something to eat. Then we’ll talk.”
“Bea, honestly, go home. I prefer to be alone.”
“I’m sure you do. It’s been twenty years, Peg. And trust me, this will be the last time you will respond this way. Today is the day you deal with the past and forgive yourself once and for all.” Bea left without waiting for a response.
How dare she come in here and assume she has the cure-all for what ails me. The nerve! Peg huffed. She threw the covers off, marched over to her robe, and put it on.
Stomping down the hallway, she made her way to the kitchen. “Just who do you think you are, Bea? You can’t come into a person’s house and tell them what they are going to do.”
“Oh, so you like living like this? Going through this anguish every year?”
“No, but…”
“Exactly. Peg, sit down. Let me get us some tea, and we can discuss it.” Bea turned and pulled open the cupboards, looking for the teacups.
“Where’s James?”
“In your sitting room. He’s fine for awhile. He ate well and fell asleep on our way over.”
“Go home, Bea. I can handle this.”
“Of course, you can. But this year you’ve got me to help you through it. You don’t need to handle this alone. Tell me about being pregnant. Personally, I couldn’t wait to give birth to James. This heat and those extra pounds were a killer.”
“Thankfully I was in cooler weather for the last months,” Peg answered without thinking.
“Did you name him? I mean, while you were expecting, did you call him anything?” Bea poured the water into the kettle.
Peg’s voice caught. “Yes. I named him John, God’s gift.”
“No wonder it hurt so much when he died.” Bea stepped up beside her. “I want you to tell me everything, Peg. Who his father was, how you fell in love. How it felt to lose your very heart and soul once he was born. Everything. We’ll get you through this, and you’ll be able to accept the past, your flaws, and God’s grace.”
“I don’t know, Bea. I pour my heart out to God every year. It’s no use.”
“Ah, but this year you have me to hear you, to sympathize with you, and to tell you where you’re missing the mark.”
Peg chuckled. “You’re rather sure of yourself.”
“Hey, I’ve been living with Cook for a couple years now. Something has had to wear off on me.” Bea grinned.
Peg tossed her head from side to side. Maybe she should try it Bea’s way. After all these years, her way wasn’t working. “I’ll try, Bea. But if I need space you have to promise me to give it to me.”
“Fair enough. So, start from the beginning. How’d you meet John’s father?”
Peg began slowly to tell Bea about her whirlwind romance with Billy. How handsome he was. How persuasive.
The day wore on. James was a perfect child, eating and sleeping while they talked.
“Billy just ran away, huh?”
“Yes. Daniel says he was in some other trouble. At the time I didn’t want to listen. I was so certain he left because I told him I was with child, that we would have to get married right away.”
“That could make a man run. On the other hand, he seemed to speak from both sides of his mouth, talking about his great love for you and then running away from you. Seems to me there might be something to what Daniel said he heard about him.”
“I think you’re right. Daniel told me yesterday that when he went home last year to settle Mother and Father’s estate after they died that word was Billy had returned a couple years later only to stir up more trouble. Seems he killed a man and hung for it.”
“Oh my,” Bea gasped.
“Isn’t a pretty image, is it? What’s worse is that Danny said he showed no remorse for anything he’d done, knowing he was about to die. He stood there, proud as a peacock.”
“Lord, have mercy. How can a man be so hard?”
“I don’t know. I don’t recall much of that Billy. He only showed me that side of himself the night I told him about John.”
Bea reached out and took Peg’s hand.
“Did your parents ever soften?”
“Eventually they saw I changed. Mother said she used to place flowers on John’s grave. They really did forgive me.”
“Then you can forgive yourself, Peg. Face it, you’re human, and we humans make mistakes. Lots of them. Some are big, and some are not so big. Some we can hide and keep in secret. Others show themselves in time. Thankfully, we have a Savior who died for those sins and covers them with His blood.”
“I know God forgives. I suppose I know I should forgive myself.”
“Of course, you know it. The question is, are you strong enough to release yourself from the guilt, to allow God’s grace to perform a miracle in your life? To accept a gift for the future?”
“What gift?”
“Oh, I don’t know. A husband, perhaps?”
“Not you too?”
“Moi? Surely you jest.” Bea feigned a hand to her chest.
Peg rolled her eyes.
“Seriously, Peg. I don’t know if there is or isn’t a man in your future. I’m just saying, being bound to the past can’t allow you to go forward. You’re limiting what God can and wants to do through you. You, more than anyone, know there are many who have gone through what you have. Those women could use a gentle hand, a kind word, to help them come to our heavenly Father. And someone who’s been through it, like yourself, can help.”
Peg thought of Julie in New York and how she was able to help Nate understand what had happened to her. Julie’s most recent letter to Nate confessed the rape, how much shame she felt, and how her family tried to help her. And yet, somehow they weren’t sure she did everything possible to prevent the rape from happening. Nate had run off to New York on the next ship heading north. Maybe Bea’s right, Lord. Maybe I can be of help to some women.
“Peg, you know Grace Perez, right?”
Peg nodded.
“Well, she’s expecting. It’s all hush-hush, but one of my husband’s employees is the father. He ran off to Cuba as soon as he found out. She’s scared, and she’s alone.”
“But…” If she started helping folks, her own shame would be known. Hadn’t she and Daniel left Savannah so they wouldn’t have to live in shame?
“I’m not telling you to do or say anything. I’m just pointing out there are people who could use the wise words of someone like you.”
“Wise? You can’t be serious. I still feel like a flounder flopping on the deck of a ship. I even have dreams that my son is alive and well.”
“Well, that’s just your mother’s heart having a hard time accepting the loss. I don’t know if you’ll ever get over that.”
“No, I suppose you’re right. I don’t think I’ll ever get over it.”
“Did you see him after he was born?”
“No. The doctor just whisked him off to another room, then came back in and told me.”
Bea closed her eyes, then opened them slowly. “That doctor deserves a good swift kick in the backside. Who did he think he was, telling you it was all your fault for having relations outside of marriage? I swear, he cursed you.”
“Cursed me?”
“I guess that’s the wrong word. But it seems to me that those words of his are the ones that have rambled around in your head for all these twenty years. The words that haven’t allowed you to forgive yourself. You know as well as I that God doesn’t kill every child that is conceived out of wedlock. In fact, He’s taken sinners and those who are the result of sin and included them in His own heritage. Look at Rahab, the harlot. Who would have thought God wou
ld have used her to be a great-great-great-grandmother to Jesus? Well, more than three greats back—many greats—but you get my meaning.”
Peg rubbed her hands over her face. Had she let the doctor’s words bind her to the past? Was that why she couldn’t forgive herself? Was it his unkind words that brought judgment and self-condemnation?
“I see I’ve got you pondering.”
Peg groaned.
“Tell me, is the word on the street true? Are you and Matthew Bower seeing each other socially?”
❧
Matt pushed down his inner thoughts today. He would not visit Peg Martin. As curious as he was to see her, and see how she was handling the past, he knew he didn’t want to see her in anguish. He didn’t want to see eyes painted red from salty tears. No, she closed the store for a reason, and that reason was alive and well and living in Savannah. How much longer could he keep the secret? Should he keep it?
“Stop it, Bower. Enough is enough,” he barked at the half-shaven face in the bathroom mirror. His straightedge razor slid down the left side of his jaw with ease. He’d tried growing a beard years ago, but found it was just as much work, if not more, to keep a beard groomed properly as it was to shave every morning. Besides, Esther always enjoyed his clean-shaven look. A slight grin made the lather rise on his cheek. He finished shaving and dressed for the day.
He had several meetings before him this morning. First, he’d need to find an architect to decide if tearing down the present building and restarting from scratch was a better option. He felt confident that tearing down the present structure was his only real choice, since sections of the dock were rotting, but he’d be prudent to examine the various possibilities.
He placed his reply letter to Micah in his pocket. Hopefully there would be a ship heading north that would be entering the Savannah River before going further. Matt thought back on Micah’s letter and a certain Miss Anna. He wondered what she was like, what his son found so compelling about her. Was she the one the good Lord had designed to be the perfect helpmate for Micah?
Matt knew he had a multitude of questions. He could hardly wait for his son’s arrival as he worked his way down the ground coral streets.
“Good morning, Mr. Hewitt, how are you this morning?” he said as he entered an office building.
“Fine, fine. I heard you bought Jefferson Scott’s place.” The balding middle-aged man extended his hand.
“You heard right. I also was told that you might be the man to help me expand the dock and possibly the building.” Matt stepped further into the man’s office.
Hewitt’s grin broadened. “I heard you got William Horton working on it.”
“True, but I’m a businessman, and I expect bids. William will give me his by the end of the week. Are you interested?”
“Does a turtle have a shell?”
Matt chuckled. “Great.” He went on to explain the specifications he had in mind for the work, then left Hewitt to his own devices.
So far, William Horton seemed to be the better man. His work spoke for itself. However, Matt knew business demanded estimates, and he’d be foolish not to look at every one.
Now to speak with Ellis Southard about shipping schedules. Matt headed toward Ellis’s dock. He found Ellis and Mo working on the new building at the landside edge of his dock. “Morning, gentlemen.”
“Morning,” Ellis called down from the slight peak of a roof.
“I was wondering if I could have a word with you about the shipping of your product.”
“Sure, give me a minute to secure this beam.” Ellis pounded the nails into the carrying beam, then climbed down the ladder. “What kinds of questions do you have?”
“I’m wondering if you have an exclusive contract with the various ships that come to port?”
“Not really. I’ve gotten to know several of the captains, and when they have extra space I’m able to place some of my wares on the vessel. Most of the time this works well, since sponges don’t take up weight and can be wedged into many nooks and crannies onboard a ship.”
“I see. Would you be interested in working out a schedule with my ships?”
“You own your own vessels?”
“Yes, Sir. I found it to be profitable in the long run. At first there wasn’t much profit. But once I paid off the debt on the vessels, they soon paid for themselves.”
“Interesting. I’d been thinking about purchasing my own ship for that very reason. We’ll have to talk more.”
Eleven
The next week Matt found himself driven to see Peg Martin. Thoughts of her and her suffering were beginning to plague him. He knew the truth; she would no longer suffer once she knew. But then again, it was always possible she’d suffer even more knowing the last twenty years had been robbed from her. Unable to determine what was best, he decided that the only course of action was to befriend her, get a feel for how she really thought. Then he could determine whether it was best to keep the secret or to tell her. Micah would be arriving in a matter of weeks. Matt had to settle this issue before his son arrived.
“Good morning, Peg.” He smiled upon entering her store. “How are you?”
“Fine. Thought I’d seen the last of you. You know I keep men at a distance, but you’re something else. All I did was place my hand upon yours at a point in which you had shared your heart about your wife. I certainly wasn’t interested in something more, as you so obviously insinuated from the touch.”
What was she talking about? The moment in the restaurant flew back into his mind. “A simple touch was not the problem. Forgive me for giving you that impression.”
“Seems to me you’ve been avoiding me.”
“I reckon there might be some truth to that, but it wasn’t because you reached out and placed your hand upon my forearm.”
“The rumors?” Peg inquired.
“In part. Heard we were engaged and planning to have a handful of children. Personally, I’m not sure I’m young enough to have more children.” He smiled.
“Children? Just how many are we supposed to have?” Peg flowed right in with the gentle teasing.
“Last count, I think we were up to three.”
“Three’s not too bad. But a woman my age…and running around after young’uns…I don’t know. We might have to curb that rumor.”
“How?”
“Oh, I don’t know. Let’s adopt some pets or something. Children take a lot of time.”
She’s not too interested in having children, Matt mused. How would she have been as the mother of Micah?
“On second thought, let’s have a baker’s dozen. I mean, if were going to have them, we might as well go all out,” she teased.
“Thirteen? Woman, you’d bury me in an early grave.”
“Ah, but just think how many wonderful memories I’d have of you by looking into the delightful faces of your children.” She winked.
Matt’s stomach fluttered. He swallowed hard. Perhaps this game of one-upping the local gossips wasn’t really such a good idea. “Have mercy, dear lady. I have only fathered one. I’m ill prepared for a house full of little ones under foot.”
Peg chuckled. “You know, I don’t know if I could handle a pack of young’uns. I love children. Don’t get me wrong. But I’m old enough now where I like things quiet and simple.”
Matt smiled. “Trust me, I understand. When my younger sister brings her children over to the house for a visit, it takes all the patience I can muster. I was spoiled having only a single child, I suspect.”
Peg looked down to the floor. Oh, that was brilliant, he chided himself. She obviously loved children. So why had she not gotten married after she had her child and had some more? She had admitted keeping men at a distance. Has she not made peace with the past? Is that why she takes the day off on Micah’s birthday?
“Seriously, I’ve been rather busy getting some bids and working out the time schedules for relocating the business. I’m thinking I might keep a smaller operation going in
Savannah. But I’m not sure I could handle the two locations. Micah’s been working hard trying to keep things running, but I’m uncertain whether he’ll want to stay in Savannah or come and work here with me.”
“Ah, you’re like my father, deciding for your son what his future should be.”
“No. Micah’s gone to the university. He’s doing what he wants.”
“Is he? Have you given him the options or have you just assumed?”
Had he given Micah the option? Had he listened to the desires of his son’s heart and not just assumed he would want to follow in his father’s footsteps with the family business? Matt sighed. “I believe I gave him the choice.”
“What does he love?”
Matt stepped up to the counter. “At the moment he seems fascinated with a young lady.” Matt chuckled.
“Oh, do tell.”
“Apparently she works at a restaurant he’s been taking his meals at. He says her father has a past the family might not be pleased with.”
“Ooh, a touch of scandal for Savannah. I like that,” Peg teased.
“I’m not so concerned about the young lady’s father as much as I am concerned about whether or not she loves Micah. But he is aware of how certain women are attracted to him because of his family wealth. Ever since he was sixteen, he’s had certain women swooning at his feet. He’s a handsome young man, which makes him a very desirable catch.”
“If he looks as fine as his father, I’m certain the ladies find him irresistable.”
Is she flirting with me?
“Now don’t read something into what I just said,” she said quickly, as though reading his thoughts. “I was merely commenting on your handsome features. A woman notices a handsome man, you know. We just aren’t like the men who hoot and holler when a fine specimen walks past.”
Matt roared. “My dear Peg, in my neighborhood a man does not hoot and holler over a woman. He simply takes an appraising glance at her fine assets.”
Peg broke out in a hearty laugh.
❧
Tears of laughter poured down Peg’s face. It was good to laugh, to enjoy life. And she had to admit it, Matthew Bower brought humor and joy back into her life.
Matt collapsed on the stool in front of the counter. Their game of tempting the gossips was really quite fun. He pulled out a white handkerchief and handed it to her.
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