“Hey, babe. I’m on my way to the house. I’m pulling up in two seconds.”
I didn’t say anything. I just hung up and ran to the door. I opened the door, and as soon as he pulled in, I ran up to the car.
“You a’ight?”
“Come with me, please.” I grabbed his hand and dragged his ass into the house.
“Destiny, what the fuck’s going on?” He grabbed his gun from his waist.
As soon as we got into the living room, he stopped right where Hassan’s dead body was.
“Who the fuck is this, and why is this nigga dead on my motherfucking living room floor?”
“That’s Hassan. He broke in here and raped me—”
“Say no more. Get your shit, get in your car, and go. Go to the city, the mall, some-fucking-where, and don’t call me. I’ll call you.”
“Say what? I’m not leaving you. We can call the police together.”
“Destiny, do as I fucking say. You want to call the police? How’re you gonna explain this nigga’s dick in his mouth?” he yelled.
I wasn’t feeling his tone, so I stood there, frozen.
“I said, go, dammit,” he yelled again.
I ran out of the living room and made my way upstairs. Once I grabbed my purse, I ran back downstairs.
I walked out of the house and got in my car. I was shaking uncontrollably as I looked at the house and then pulled off. I wanted to stay with my man, but I knew that would only anger him. I had no idea where I was going, but I had just got on the highway.
My mind ran to my baby girl. I knew that was her daddy. There was no way I would tell her the truth about what had happened. She was so young and had been through too much already, so as far as she knew, her daddy was still alive.
* * *
I decided to go to my mama’s house. The entire ride there, I felt nervous. I kept looking behind me, and every time a police car drove by, it made me panic. I tried my best to keep the car from swerving off the road. Once, I pulled over to the side of the road and started to vomit. I wasn’t feeling good. God knows, I just needed to get to my mama’s house.
I pulled into her driveway and jumped out of the car. I rang the doorbell and waited.
“It’s me, Mama. Open the door, please.”
Amaiya opened the door for me. “Hey, Mama. Grandma’s upstairs.”
“Hey, baby.” I gave her a quick hug.
I managed to make it to the bathroom and the toilet. I kept dry heaving because nothing else was left in my stomach. I lay my head on the toilet seat as I cried.
“Baby, you okay? Get your face up off the toilet,” my mama said while she helped me up.
“Mama, I killed Hassan today,” I cried and hugged her.
“Calm down, baby. Let me get you a glass of water.” She tried to walk away.
“Did you hear me, Mama? I killed Hassan. He broke into the house, and I killed him.”
She turned to face me. “I heard you the first time. What the hell do you want me to say? I wish you had done it sooner. I hope you hurt his ass as badly as he hurt you. Now, come on. Let me get you some ice-cold water. Your body is hot.” Her expression was cold.
I followed her into the kitchen.
“Sit down. Here’s a paper towel, so wipe your tears.”
I sat down, and Mama gave me the water. I didn’t want any damn water, but I knew she’d be persistent. I took a few sips so she wouldn’t fuss.
“Baby, you don’t look too good. Do you need me to take you to the ER?”
“No, I just need to take a shower. Mama, he raped me repeatedly. I feel so dirty right now.”
“Come on. The tub is clean, and there are washcloths and towels in the closet closest to the bathroom. You know my clothes are too big for you, but I have a new pair of jogging pants that I think might fit you. I have new underwear too. They’re not the ones you all be wearing, but they will cover up your behind.”
As much as I was hurting, I had to smile at my mama. The words that came out of that lady’s mouth were so damn funny.
* * *
I was sore from that nigga ripping my butt hole. I saw a speck of blood on my washcloth, and when the soap touched my skin, it burned. My pussy wasn’t feeling any better. It hurt so damn badly, and it also burned. I started bawling as I washed the smell of that nigga off me. His dead face flashed in my mind. However, I wasn’t sad. I was only crying because of the events that had transpired.
As soon as I got out of the tub, I applied some Vaseline to my ass and pussy, took some painkillers, and got dressed. Then I checked my phone to see if Spencer had called. I was disappointed to see that he hadn’t. I started to feel nervous. I couldn’t lose my man behind that bullshit.
I walked downstairs, where Mama was watching the news, and sat beside her. “Hey, baby. I was so caught up with what you told me earlier that I forgot to ask you if you called the police.”
“Mama, I don’t want to get you involved in any of this, but to answer your question, no, I did not call the police. Spencer is taking care of everything.”
She didn’t say a word. She just grabbed my hand and rubbed it. I rested my head on her shoulder. I was grown as hell, but nothing felt better right now than my mama’s touch. “He’s a good man. Take good care of him.”
Mama went to bed, and I decided to lie on the couch. Amaiya was in the room on the phone, as usual. I tried to fall asleep, but I couldn’t. I tossed and turned. I also couldn’t stop the tears from flowing. Lord knows, I wasn’t a killer, but that nigga and his bitch had turned me into one. That wasn’t a good feeling at all.
I was tired of waiting on Spencer, so I finally decided to call him.
“Hey, babe, where are you? I thought you’d be asleep by now.”
“I’m at my mom’s, and I was waiting to talk to you. You had me worried.”
“No need to worry, love. Your man has everything under control. Now, get some rest. I’ll see you first thing in the morning, and remember, you see no evil, you say no evil.” That was him telling me that no matter what, I didn’t know anything.
“A’ight, babe. I love you.”
I swear, I needed him so badly... just to hold me for the night, but I knew it wasn’t gonna happen. I got up and walked into the kitchen. I searched the cabinet and found Mama’s bottle of gin. I poured a big cup and gulped it down. I knew I wasn’t supposed to be drinking because of the medications, but I needed something strong. I walked back to the couch and lay down. I cried most of the night until I finally fell asleep.
Chapter Thirty-three
Destiny Clarke
One Week Later . . .
It had been a week since all of that shit went down. Spencer kept his word and took care of everything like he said he would. Interestingly, we, unfortunately, lost our house to a terrible fire that broke out when no one was home. I was very distraught because our furniture and all of our clothes were in there. Spencer, however, figured that they were all material things that could be replaced.
I agreed since two niggas were killed in that house. There was no way I could’ve lived there after Hassan died in there too. That nigga was dead, but I thought that every time I entered the living room, I would see his face... especially what he looked like when he was dying. He looked so desperate like he wasn’t ready to meet his maker. Oh well, that nigga’s lights were out for good.
We decided to stay at Mama’s house until after the wedding. We would go house shopping again. That would be my last time moving. It was my first time living back with my mama in a while, and I had to admit that it wasn’t that bad. She gave us our space, and she cooked every day. I sure missed my mama cooking those big meals daily. If you were around Mama, you would never be hungry.
I went clothes shopping to get some clothes for us until we moved. We could do a big wardrobe makeover later. Furthermore, the house was insured, so we were going to get a fat-ass check. I was happy because I knew that I didn’t have to worry about going to prison or that Hassan’s a
ss was going to come back. That chapter of my life was over... I hoped. I still remembered Josiah saying something about me killing his mother. I hoped he was only assuming that because I was so done with Hassan and his whore.
I was lying on the couch, watching TV, when Amaiya walked in. She sat beside me. “Hey, Mama, can I ask you a question?”
“Sure, baby. What’s up?”
“You said Daddy was out of prison. Did you ever hear from him? It’s a surprise that he hasn’t tried to see me.”
I started coughing uncontrollably.
“You all right, Mama? I didn’t mean to choke you.”
“I’m fine. Give me that water. No, I haven’t heard from him. Knowing your daddy, he might be laid up somewhere with some woman. I’m pretty sure that when he’s ready, he’ll try to see you.”
“Yeah, I know everything he did to you, but he’s still my daddy. Anyway, get some rest. Love you, Mama.”
“Love you too, baby girl.”
I felt like shit lying to my child, but I just couldn’t tell her that her mama had killed her daddy. I hoped she never brought it up again because there was no way that I was going to tell her. I would have to take that to my grave.
* * *
My big day was rapidly approaching. However, I wasn’t feeling too good. I’d been taking my medicines, but somehow, they seemed not to be working. That damn cough had gotten to the point where it kept me up at night. I was scared to go back to the hospital because they always admitted me, and God knows, I hated it there.
“Baby, you know we can put off the wedding until you feel better. I ain’t going anywhere. You ain’t going anywhere, so a piece of paper doesn’t validate shit.”
“I know, babe, but I want to be your wife. I want to wear your last name proudly,” I said in between coughs.
“Well, if this fever continues, I am calling off the wedding, and I’m taking you to the emergency room. I can’t lose you.” He looked at me with the sincerest eyes.
“Babe, I told you that I’m good. I’m just a little tired, so I’m going to call it a night.”
“Okay, great. I’m going to go down to the office, trying to get some work done because our honeymoon’s coming up, and neither of us will be doing any work. It’s just gonna be my baby and me.”
I looked at him and smiled. I wished every woman could have a man like Spencer in her life. I pulled the cover up and dozed off.
* * *
Amiya wanted to have a bachelorette party for me, but I declined. After getting raped and going through mental and physical pain, I wasn’t in the mood to see a bunch of niggas running around in their drawers and women throwing money at them. Instead, we decided to have dinner at Mama’s house. Mama was fine with it because she got to show off her cooking skills.
I finally got a chance to meet Spencer’s family. I tell you, his sister was very classy, nothing like the piece-of-shit sister that Hassan had. We clicked right away. I learned that she was also a registered nurse, so most of the night, she, Amiya, and I kept gossiping about hospitals and doctors. It was definitely a good feeling to see both families come together in the name of love.
The rest of the people danced the night away. I was tired, so I said good night to everyone and went to bed. I remembered back in the day when I could hang all the time. These days, my energy level was too low.
I got up early the next morning. Spencer was already up, and I heard Mama and everybody downstairs, laughing and having a good time. “I guess they didn’t make it to bed yet,” I mumbled to myself and laughed.
Today was my day. The day that every little girl dreamed of. I’d been down that road before, but this time was different. I could feel the love deep in my soul. I got up out of bed and got on my knees.
“Dear God, I know I don’t come to you as much as I need to, but today, I’m coming to you as a sinner. Please, forgive me for all of my sins. God, you know my heart, and you know I’m tired. I try to put out the best, but I’m tired. God, I put my baby girl into your hands, so protect her from this wicked world and lead her. Also, I pray for my mama; give her strength. Wrap your wings around her for comfort. Last, but not least... The man that makes me smile, Spencer. God, please give him strength and courage to go on. Thank you for bringing us together and for allowing me to feel what real love is. I love you, God.”
I got up and wiped my tears. As I looked in the mirror, I noticed that my eyes were sunken in, and you could see my collarbone. I looked a hot mess, but my soul was at peace.
* * *
“Baby, you look so beautiful in that gown. I know I’ve told you before, but I’m going to say it again. I love you with everything in me. Now, let’s not keep that man waiting much longer. You know these heifers might try to snatch him up.” Mama and I burst out laughing.
She walked out, and I followed close behind her. The music was blasting, and the church was packed. I could see Spencer up at the front, standing. I was ready to go to my king.
“What would I do without your smart mouth?
Drawing me in, and you kicking me out . . .”
“All of me,” John Legend’s song, blasted through the speakers. Spencer requested that song, and I concurred. It was beautiful, especially because, regardless of my flaws, he chose me to be his wife.
I’m not going to cry, I kept telling myself. I was too beautiful to smear my MAC makeup with tears.
I looked over at my mama, who walked beside me with her head held high. She was so proud, and so was I. I was almost there when my legs started buckling under me. I slowed down a little, but I realized that I could no longer see my Spencer. The music seemed like it was far way, and everything around me started spinning.
“Come on, baby girl. You can make it,” I silently coached myself. But that didn’t work. I felt my nose running, so I used my hand to touch it. Bright red blood soiled my glove. In a split second, I went down in slow motion.
“Help us!” I heard Mama scream.
“Destinyyyy,” Spencer’s voice echoed.
Spencer lifted me from the floor and started running with me.
“I can’t lose you. Hang on, baby. I’ve got you.” Those were the last words I heard before I lost total consciousness.
I tried to remain conscious, but I was slowly diminishing. My thoughts were confused, and I couldn’t understand anything that was going on anymore. A flick of light flashed in front of me. I smiled as the pain I felt left my body.
Epilogue
Destiny Monae Clarke was rushed to White Plains Hospital but was soon pronounced dead. Although she had the AIDS virus, the cause of death was determined as pneumocystis pneumonia.
She was survived by her beautiful daughter, Amaiya, her mother, and her doting boyfriend, Spencer. After her death, Amaiya, Spencer, and her mother all moved in together so they could support one another. Amaiya finally graduated from high school and was scheduled to leave for college in the fall.
Hassan Clarke’s body was never discovered, and the cause of the fire that burned the house down was considered some electrical malfunction. Spencer received a big insurance check.
Judge Morales later found out that she was HIV-positive. She was also charged with judicial misconduct and was stripped of her duties and could no longer practice law.
The bodies of Tanya and her boyfriend were later discovered, and the bullets that were used to kill them were traced back to the judge. However, she was off the hook because the gun had been reported stolen. Their murders were never solved.
After waiting on the boy’s mother to return, Hassan’s mom took him to DFACS and left him there. She eventually reported her son missing after she hadn’t heard from him for a week.
In the end, no one really won. It’s okay to have a little... as long as you are true to yourself.
hive.
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