“And remember, no matter where you go, there you are.”
The quote from Confucius that his mother had liked to parrot trailed through his mind as he walked toward the B and B. He slid his hands into the pockets of his khaki pants, considering the words of the other woman he had loved and lost. But this time to death.
Janice DeVoe had been so sweet that his father had once remarked that a body didn’t need sugar in his coffee when she was in the room. Of course, that had been long before things had turned sour. And before she’d gotten sick with an illness that she’d denied until it was too late.
She’d been fond of telling stories about her only child, the unchallenged sunshine of her life, of how he proclaimed nearly from the instant he could speak that he was going to be someone important, the richest man in the world and, if he could fit it in, president. And she’d encouraged him in whatever direction he wanted to go.
Until she lay near death, considering the son she’d loved so dearly…and the father that had initially been amused by the special mother-and-son bond, and then increasingly jealous of it.
That’s when Janice had spoken the quote one last time, calling on both of the men in her life to reconcile their differences and come together. Told them they would need each other now.
Then she was gone and he and his father had stared at each other, virtual strangers.
Shortly thereafter, Palmer had left. And aside from brief phone calls around the holidays and on birthdays, they’d barely spoken since.
Now, Palmer neared the corner of Maple and Elm streets and he stopped before crossing. Not because of traffic. There was none at this time on a Friday night. But because instead of walking straight toward the B and B he could turn right and within three blocks be on the street on which he’d grown up and had not been back to since he was nineteen.
“I’ll be in the area next week,” he’d said to his father during a recent phone call.
Thomas had made a sound. “I’ll alert the media.”
There had been no invitation to visit. No indication that he’d like to see him. Just a sarcastic remark that Palmer had left hanging in the air between them.
Before he knew that’s what he was going to do, he made that right and took the route he had taken so very many times before. Within minutes he stood in front of the house his mother had taken such pride in. A place he might not have recognized if not for the tilting, rusty mailbox at the unpaved curb that bore the family name.
The simple, one-story clapboard house had at one time been painted a brilliant white with powder-blue shutters. The flower beds had been full of color, the shrubs neatly trimmed, the grass mown. Now everything looked abandoned, as if the only owner had been his mother and no one had lived there since.
Palmer opened the gate that hung half off its hinges and stepped slowly up the weed-choked gravel path. The shrubs had grown unevenly to nearly halfway up the front windows and a newspaper sat on the cracked concrete front steps. He picked it up, verifying that it was today’s, and then leaned forward to knock. The screen door was so grimy that he hadn’t noticed the front door was actually open until he heard his old man’s gravelly voice as clearly as if he were standing next to him.
“What the hell do you want?” he called. “If you’re selling something, I ain’t buying.”
More words followed but they were said quietly and apparently not meant for whatever visitor stood outside the door.
How easy it would be just to turn away. To leave and pretend he’d never visited.
Palmer reached for the door handle only to find it was locked.
“I asked what in the hell you want.”
The old man stood directly on the other side of the screen door now, staring out at him.
Thomas DeVoe didn’t recognize him.
And Palmer wouldn’t have recognized him if not for the fact that he knew he was at the right house.
While his father had been tall, he seemed to have shrunk a few inches. Or maybe it was the way his shoulders curved forward as if unable to hold himself completely upright anymore. The three-day stubble on his face made it look even more haggard than it probably was, and his graying hair spoke of the fact that he was at least a month late for a visit to the barber’s. He wore a tank T-shirt that was more gray than white and his slacks would have fallen from his thin hips if not for the belt pulled tightly around them.
Palmer lifted the paper to wave at him. “Hi, Pops.”
Thomas squinted at him, the stench of liquor seeming to emanate from his every pore.
“I only have one son and you’re not him,” he said, and then reached to close the door.
No matter where you go, there you are…
“ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?” Barnaby asked Penelope for the third time in an hour.
Penelope slid her hand into the crook of his arm as they walked the fair paths, the scent of corn dogs and cotton candy filling the air along with the happy shrieks of children enjoying the carnival rides.
“I’m fine,” she assured him.
Which was a bald-faced lie. She wasn’t fine. Her mind was still on the scene in the backyard before her date had arrived. And her body still hummed as if Palmer had touched her with more than his gaze.
She suspected the dream she’d had before encountering him hadn’t helped. But it was more than that. Putting together the Palmer of her past with the man of the present hadn’t been nearly as difficult as she’d thought it might be.
So many people she’d attended high school with had changed dramatically. Facial features had broadened or narrowed, grown fuller or thinner, some so much so that she often didn’t recognize them. Not Palmer. She could have picked him out instantly. Even in a crowd like tonight’s, her gaze would have immediately homed in on the man who was even more attractive now than he had been then.
Damn him.
“Would you like an elephant ear?” Barnaby asked.
Penelope squinted at him. “Pardon me?”
He pointed to a nearby food booth.
She laughed quietly in understanding, then looked down at where she absently rubbed her abdomen. She already felt as if she had a real elephant ear in her stomach and it was furiously trying to flap its way out.
“Are you sure you’re all right?”
Penelope faltered. “I’m sorry,” she said with genuine affection. “But I guess I’m not. I must have eaten something earlier that didn’t agree with me…”
“The corn dog?”
“I don’t think so. This goes to before we got here.”
Began the instant she looked into Palmer’s eyes.
“I really hate to ask, but do you think you can take me home?”
He searched her face, but if there was any answer to be had there, apparently he didn’t find it. “That bad?”
She nodded. “I really hate to ruin the night, but all I can think about is going home and lying down.”
And flipping through the scrapbook of her memories.
Of course, she didn’t tell him that. Would never admit that Palmer’s appearance had had such an unexpected impact on her. Not to Barnaby. Not to anyone.
So much of what had transpired between her and Palmer had been unbearably private. There had really been no one to talk to back then. Or now.
Should she take it into her head to mention the visit to her grandmother, she could just imagine the reaction. The frowns. The head-shaking. The questions.
“Would you like one to go?” Barnaby asked.
She smiled. “Yes, yes. That would be nice. Thank you.”
PENELOPE STOOD ON THE FRONT PORCH, a wrapped elephant ear in her hands as she faced Barnaby.
“Would you like me to come in?” he asked.
She looked down. Well, that was a first. Usually Barnaby was comfortable allowing her to set the tone. She shook her head. “No. I’m afraid I wouldn’t be very good company.”
Night had fallen, day little more than a purple smear against the western sky. She’
d left the porch light on and it threw Barnaby’s handsome features into soft relief.
“Thank you for taking me to the fair. And for this.” She lifted the sweet.
“You’re welcome, Penelope.”
He moved up the last step. She knew he was preparing to kiss her and she mentally scrambled for a way to avoid the awkward meeting.
“Goodnight, Barnaby,” she said and turned. “I really must take something for this upset stomach.”
“A soda always works wonders for me,” he said.
She quickly unlocked the door and went inside. “Thanks. That may be exactly what I need.”
Before he could offer to get one for her, she closed the door with a clap and then stood for long moments, listening for sounds that he was leaving. Realizing that he might be waiting to see that she was safe inside, she leaned over to switch on a lamp, and then peered through the curtains. He still stood where she’d left him.
She gave a little wave and then closed the door curtains again.
Finally, she heard the sound of his footfalls as he walked back to his car, and then the crank of his truck engine.
Penelope let out a long sigh, unaware that she’d been holding her breath.
She stepped toward the kitchen, flipping on lights as she went. It wasn’t fair, really. On paper, Barnaby Jones was the perfect man for her. Beyond being great looking and single, they’d attended the same schools, knew all the same people, and enjoyed doing the same things.
Maybe that was the problem: they were too well matched.
She put the elephant ear down on the counter, inwardly cursing her meddling grandmother and aunt.
Of course, Barnaby was worlds better than some of the other men they’d fixed her up with. There had been the divorced car mechanic who’d liked to flex his muscles for her expected enjoyment every five minutes. And the nerdy bank vice president who pushed his glasses up constantly and rarely met her gaze, and then grabbed onto her so tightly when she’d kissed him good-night that she’d been half afraid he wouldn’t let go. She’d nearly pushed him down the stairs just to get him to disconnect.
So on the date scale, Barnaby was the best match yet.
If only kissing him wasn’t like kissing her grandmother.
She made a face at the comparison and then realized that the house was too quiet. And it wasn’t just the absence of the two old biddies who had gotten her into her current mess either.
“Thor?” she called out.
No response. Which wasn’t all that unusual. If he was curled up sleepy somewhere, he’d likely stay exactly where he was.
She opened the pantry door and took out the bag of his favorite dog treats. Still no Thor.
That was odd. By now he would be panting at her feet.
She shook the bag. “Who’s been a good boy?” she called out in a lilting tone. “Who thinks they’re deserving of a goodie?” She shook the bag again.
Nothing.
Huh.
Then it dawned on her that she might have left him out back.
She unlocked the door and pulled it open. Nothing. She flicked on the back light.
“Thor?” she called into the night.
A single bark somewhere in the yard.
She grimaced and stepped onto the back porch. Please don’t let him have cornered another badger. Or, worse, another skunk. She’d bathed him three times, once in tomato juice, another in lemon juice, but nothing but time had seemed capable of ridding him of the god-awful stench. They’d kept him locked outside for two miserable days with him whining the whole night through.
“Thor, come here,” she ordered, giving an experimental sniff. Nothing but the fragrant scent of her rosebushes.
Another quiet bark.
Penelope navigated the stairs and walked up the pathway. She heard his panting before she saw him. Or, rather, saw his tail wagging where he sat inside the gazebo.
“What are you doing there?” she asked, coming up behind him.
He turned and licked her outstretched hand, then sniffed animatedly at the bag she still held.
“I have half a mind not to give you a treat because I don’t think you’ve been a very good boy.”
His tail was now little more than a blur as he picked up wagging speed and began doing his crouch and bark and run in circles treat-dance.
She laughed. “Oh, all right. Maybe just one.”
A shadow moved in the gazebo. “How about this bad boy?” a familiar voice asked. “Do you think he’s entitled to any treats?”
3
PALMER HADN’T EXPECTED her to return so soon. Had even feared she might not be alone when she did. But here she was, and there was no suspicious sheriff in tow. Which made him much luckier than he’d been earlier in the evening when he’d paid his surprise visit to his father.
“Palmer!” she whispered. “What are you doing in there?”
He grimaced. What was he doing in there, indeed? “Sitting.” He went for the obvious.
There was a long silence as the summer night sounds penetrated the thin walls of the gazebo. The structure smelled of wood and flowers, the cushions on the bench soft and accommodating.
How many times had the two of them met secretly in this very place, concealed by the shadows? A dozen times? A dozen dozen?
“Have you been here since I left?”
“No.”
Although he wished differently. His father’s reaction had hit him hard. Harder than he would have imagined it might. What man turned his own blood away from the door? Especially considering that man didn’t appear to have anyone else.
To his surprise, Penelope came inside the gazebo and sat opposite him. She was little more than a warm blur and quiet breathing, the subtle scent of jasmine tempting his thoughts…elsewhere.
“That was a short date,” he commented.
He heard her soft laugh. “Yes. It was.”
“I hope I didn’t ruin things.”
She shifted, leaning back against the cushions. “Why is it that I doubt that?”
“Maybe because you always did know me better than I gave you credit for.”
He heard her swallow. “Not as well as I’d hoped, it appears.”
The words were said so quietly he nearly didn’t hear them.
While years separated tonight from the last time they’d shared the gazebo, it seemed as if it could have been yesterday. Not because of what he said, or she did. But because of the way he felt.
Palmer planted his forearms on his thighs and joined his hands between his knees. The movement put him within touching distance of Penelope. He waited to see if she’d move away or stay put. He knew a little thrill when she stayed put.
It was odd, the…need he felt for her. Even now. Time and space and maturity had made him believe that what he remembered was kid stuff. A major crush. A hormonally induced love.
But that theory no longer held water. Because right now he felt just as needy as he had back then. Perhaps even more so. All he wanted to do was reach over and haul her into his lap. Claim that mouth of hers with his. Lay his hand against her soft breast. Hear her sigh in his ear.
He cleared his throat. “I went to visit my father tonight.”
He swore he could feel her gaze probing his face in the dark.
“I know I should have gone before now… He’d heard I was back…”
He ran his hands through his hair and then returned to clutching them between his knees.
“He pretended not to know me and closed the door.”
She made a small sound he interpreted as surprise.
Palmer squinted in her direction although he couldn’t really see her. “Is it possible that he didn’t recognize his own blood?”
Penelope knew of his awkward at best, animosity-filled at worst, relationship with his father going way back. In fact, she was the only one who’d known outside his own mother. He’d told her all about it. Well, not everything.
“I knew who you were instantly,” she whisp
ered.
Thank God for that, he thought. He didn’t know what he would have done had he faced rejection twice in one night.
Then again, if it weren’t for Penelope’s suggestion that he see his father, he might never have gone over there.
“So why do you think he did it?” he asked.
She made another small sound, but this time not because of what he’d said, but because he’d stretched his fingers and the tips were touching her knees. The hem of her dress fell just above, leaving him free to feel her warm skin. And she was warm… And soft… And inviting…
God help him, but he wanted her so badly he hurt.
“Palmer…please…”
His hands drifted upward as if on their own accord, tunneling under the material.
Penelope gasped and trapped them with hers.
He was close enough to kiss her. Close enough to smell her skin. Close enough to feel her breath against his face.
“When I first saw you tonight,” he whispered, his voice ragged, “I thought I’d traveled back in time. Back to when we were both kids. When the world was nothing but a big question mark outside that gate. And where nothing existed but my need to kiss you.”
He was surprised by his words. It was one thing to privately acknowledge them. Another to put them out there where she might rebuff them. Might rebuff him.
“When I agreed to come back here to see to this business venture…I’d hoped I might see you.” Her hands were still on his. “But I never expected to feel this…way for you. Again.”
He closed his eyes and swallowed hard.
“I understand that you may not feel the same…”
Long heartbeats passed. Palmer didn’t speak. And neither did Penelope. They merely sat there practically forehead-to-forehead, him with his eyes closed.
Then, finally, she spoke.
“That’s the problem.” She paused. “I feel exactly the same…”
AND IT WAS A PROBLEM for Penelope. A monumental dilemma. Because whereas Palmer seemed glad to be feeling the way he had way back then, she was heartbroken to find herself in a place she never expected to be again.
Private Affairs Page 2