by Love Belvin
“She would because I made her feel I went to support her.”
“What was the real reason? To enjoy some weird ass fetish of smoking weed with my best friend while she played dress-up in my clothes?”
So Randi did take the opportunity tonight to spill the beans…
I shook my head, pulling out my phone. “No and…yes.” I tapped my way into my saved videos. “Tiff’s head of security there is a friend of Jamil’s. He’d been sending word that Randi had been showing up at both clubs asking for me.”
“For what?” she asked animatedly. “Why?”
“I don’t know. Just as I told you last spring: I don’t hang out at clubs, which is why you didn’t find me there when you went with Randi last year.” I issued her a leveling gaze. “Your friend is toxic, and apparently dumb as fuck. She doesn’t understand my world—yours, too—is bigger than fuckin’ Paterson.”
I found the video and faced the phone her way explaining, “She’d been asking for me, so when I got the call that night saying she was there and Tiffany had been begging me to come, I used it as an opportunity to capture this.”
“If it’s the pictures of you two, you can save yourself the time.” Bilan was being dismissive. “I don’t want to see them again.”
“Actually, it’s video of your ‘best friend’ showing her true colors.” I hit play, fast-forwarded to a specific point, and turned up the volume.
“She’s sweet. Bilan a good one.” Randi’s voice was moderately clear in the recording, considering the blasting music.
“Tell me something I don’t know.”
“Like about your money she be giving me?”
“You mean the money she gave you last month that was all hers? Bilan doesn’t need my money.”
Randi’s laughter was hard to pick up because she was blowing out smoke from the blunt at the same time. “Shiiiiiit. What real bitch don’t need your money.”
“Your bestie.”
“Bilan ain’t got shit. If you think she do, she fuckin’ with your head. Her mother and father ain’t have shit to leave her but debt. That’s how she lost that house.”
“She didn’t need money to capture my attention.”
“Then what the fuck did it? Not her dried up ass pussy. I love my girl, but know she a boring fuck.”
“That’s what this is about?”
Randi’s giggle was clear and then there was a period of silence between us when only the music could be heard. “Nah. What I’m saying is I’m a scavenger.”
“And what are you hunting, sweetheart?”
“You know me, Deek. You know the jungle I live in. It cost to survive. I ain’t a college-degree, nine-to-five type of bitch. I’m the type that feed the fantasies in ya head while your lil’ wife make you look good for your friends and family. I take the nightshift.” There was a break of music before she cried, “Ah, come the fuck on, Sadik. You know I’m good. You know my head game.”
There was another spell of silence on my part until finally, I returned, “You’re forgetting one thing, though.”
“What?”
“She’s your friend. Your best friend.”
Randi’s snort was clear. “Okay. First of all, my ass too old to be having a fuckin’ best friend. And I’m too smart to let friendships fuck with my money. I love my girl, Bilan, for real. A lil’ too fuckin’ naïve, but got a heart of gold, and she smart as shit. But even she did what she had to do and got with a playboy when she was fuckin’ starving. She knew the bottom was ‘bout to fall out for her. It ain’t matter that she was finishing up school. Bilan knew that degree wasn’t gone get her no real money right away. She had shit due, so she did what she had to do.”
“And that was fuck with me?”
She scoffed hard. “Fuck, yeah. You think ol’ girl ya speed? You think she fuck with niggas like that? Mad muthafuckas tried that snatch and she blocked them. Only nigga that came close was the freckled-face fuck from her school. He used to spend the night at her place, and when the lights went out, his ass was on the couch. I felt bad for the geeky-ass. I even let him eat my pussy one night. That bitch ain’t even know.”
Bilan gasped, her hand flew to her mouth in shock. My happiness for her reaction was petty of me, but I couldn’t give a single fuck. She needed to trust me on this. Jason had no good intentions for pursuing her. I’d been questioning his sanity lately.
“What? I felt sorry for that young fucker, all sniffing up Bilan’s weird ass all that time. She knew she liked him. She was just too high strung to know what to do. Shit, she probably fucked him and just ain’t say shit—”
“Twenty-five minutes up, chief!” That was when Rory appeared.
At first, I thought to not have her listening to Rory on tape with another woman pursing me, given their recent history. But Bilan needed no filters on Randi’s toxicity.
“Grown folks is talking, Rory,” Randi was heard barking at Rory. “Scram, grandma.”
“Yo, suck my ass, bitch,” Rory barked back.
“You gonna let her talk to me like that?” There was a pause after Randi asked me that question, expecting me to pull the leash on Rory.
I watched Bilan’s eyes circle in their sockets as she processed that.
“Well, this has been enlightening,” I told Randi.
“What? I thought we was making a deal!”
“Neither this life nor the next will ever yield an opportunity for you to fuck me, Randi. I’m not sure what you thought us sharing a blunt was about, but it damn sure wasn’t about the future of us fuckin’.”
“Oh, really? I ‘on’t know who you putting on for. Ain’t no naïve bitches around here. I know the game. I know what you Ellises like. You need variety pussy. I know how to keep my mouth shut to keep ya family happy. I know Bilan. She won’t find out.”
“I’m an Ellis, but not that Ellis, Randi. I wouldn’t let you close enough to my dick to sniff it.”
“You already did. Remember? I bet Bilan don’t know that, just like I bet you don’t know if she fucked freckle boy. Fuck you, Sadik!”
My laughter was clear on the recording. “You want to, huhn, sweetie? Enjoy the free bottles of top shelf. Invite a fuck boy up and trick his ass out. I only turn ‘em for Africans.”
When I pulled the phone back, my chest filled with a strong emotion of satisfaction.
“That was why I went to Pulse. To finally put this shit to bed,” I explained.
Bilan’s eyes closed to a squeeze as a fresh round of tears raced down her cheeks. She shook her head. “How do I always find myself in this predicament?”
“What predicament?”
“People holding knowledge over my head and secretly feeling superior to me.” Her shoulders trembled.
“I’m sorry to have to be the one to break the news about your frie—”
“You do it, too!” she shouted. “You just did it again. You only had that video recorded to end my relationship with a friend I had for years before you!”
“Because she’s fuckin’ toxic!”
“An attribute you had to be the one to illuminate to me…like this?”
“What was I supposed to do? Let her keep you in the dark about this shit?”
“You’ve kept me in the dark, Sadik! And at this point, you’re more at fault than she is!”
“How?”
“Because when you met me, I was her friend. When you recorded this, I was your wife. That title and bond trumps all. You kept pertinent information from me all this time. Why wouldn’t you share this before begging to be my ‘friend’? And definitely before we became lovers? Why?”
My head reared and eyes widened. “You think I was going to risk not having a chance with you over someone like Randi? Fuck that. I would’ve taken it to my grave before risking it all.”
Bilan continued to cry, but this time, she didn’t close her eyes. She didn’t hide it from me.
“You keeping significant information from me is no different from lying. Do you not u
nderstand that?” Her delivery was breathless.
“What substantial information do I keep from you? I’ve unlocked my entire world to welcome you in.”
Bilan’s frame stiffened as she peered up at me. “Why didn’t Iban get a long sentence for murder?” she whispered.
Shit…
I swallowed a gulp of air.
I snatched away from her. “I’m not going to answer shit that ain’t got nothing to do with us.”
“Then your proverbial world isn’t unlocked to me after all, is it?”
She turned and walked off dejectedly. I watched as she headed for the bathroom.
“Bilan,” I called out for her with pain replacing the pride in my chest. This woman weakened me to ruins.
“Don’t worry, Sadik.” She turned to me. “I can’t go too far with a belly pumped full of you. You have me exactly where you want me.” She nodded as if to try to soothe me. “Trusting, naïve, emotionally dependent on you, attached to your family, the employee of your mother, the mother of your children, and your wife. You have every ounce of me—saved me from a lonely world of loss and paranoia.” She continued nodding. “I’ve gained under your arm. I have a family, but apparently, I also have a place in it.”
“What are you talking about?” I begged, roughly raking my scalp with my fingers. “You’re my everything, Bilan!”
“But I’m no longer that spice I used to be before you conquered me. You no longer have to work to appease me.” Her head shook. “I’m not that spark of inspiration for you when you lay your head at night because I’m there with you. There comfortable, naïve, and pregnant.”
“That’s not true and you know it.” I couldn’t speak fast enough, my damn head was spinning so fast. “That’s bullshit, baby. You can’t even prove that.”
She scoffed. “You haven’t roped me once since I’ve given birth. I can’t even inspire an act performed on animals.”
The room had finally stopped rotating. I blinked a few times, appalled by her words.
“And after exposing you to my wilds, I can’t seem to stop you from sneaking out and engaging with other men.” It was weak, but exactly how I felt in the moment.
Weakened.
“I went out to try to convince Jason to leave me alone one time, and now I’m the male Ellis type? Really, Sadik?”
“I’m talking about Dimitri.” Her mouth closed and eyes blinked successively. “You don’t think I knew you continued to seek out his services?”
“Only because you haven’t had the time to train me anymore. You’ve been out early each morning and late every night. It’s almost like you don’t want to be here.”
“Maybe I don’t! Maybe I wanted my family away from this?”
“But I’m wrong for carrying on with my life while you do that with yours?” Then with swift speed, her deep, suspecting eyes hit me again, face tight. “Did you tell Dimi to cut me off?” You’re damn right I did. Dimitri Sokolov valued his life and that of his family over his clients. He’d made the right decision. When I didn’t respond, Bilan took in a deep breath, rolling her eyes. “Don’t worry. After he told me how he was connected to the other Russian, Popov, and how he’s connected to the friggin…Polish man, he kicked me out of the gym.” She turned for the bathroom again.
“Wait!” I called out. “What was that?”
Bilan faced me again, shrugging. I could tell she’d reached her limit. “He told me he didn’t want any trouble with you and your family or the Popov guy!” she yelped.
I shook my head. “You mentioned a Polish man.”
Bilan’s eyes bounced around then rolled. “Yeah. He said the Popov guy only feared one man; a Polish guy.”
“Do you recall his name?”
She shook her head. “No.”
“Does Kolwaski ring a bell?”
“Yes, but that wasn’t it. It had a different beginning, a J…” Her eyes danced again in concentration. “Jankowski.” Dispiritedly, Bilan turned back for the bathroom.
This time, she slammed the door behind her. Regrettably, I needed to get to my father’s office and convene my team. I felt a shredding in my chest with each step I took toward the door.
I felt my body roll over, though lost in a deep sleep. I was on my back. Relieved from the misted heat from being under the thick comforter, I felt the cool air against my torso. I tried to slip back into the subconscious, chasing the last memories of a dream. That was until I felt a slither up my inner thigh. Once it was inches away from my core, I tried to swat it with my hand until my wrist caught in the air. My head jerked and eyes swung open to the middle of the night.
He lifted, standing on his knees. Parts of his golden torso were illuminated from the exterior lights shining through the open terrace door. His face couldn’t be made out from its angle. Behind him were dozens of tea lights with glimmering flames.
Using both hands, he lifted my feet, kneading into the instep arches. So dangerous for a woman in my condition, but so good. Pleasure shot straight to my core with rapid speed. How could I be aroused that quickly by a simple maneuver?
We fought just a few hours ago. The battle was brutal. It broke my heart. My lover made nasty accusations, things I was incapable of doing simply because of how masterful he was at predicting and satisfying my needs. His tongue caressed my left thigh before moving to my right, dizzying me with shooting pleasure. He stretched my legs, spreading my thighs lewdly until they were astride my torso. My breathing quickened. Sadik plucked my clit and my body spasmed.
An enduring breath pushed from my lungs, my head hung to the left and my eyes rolled to the back of my head. I needed his mouth on me now. And as though reading my mind, his mouth nibbled its way to my sex. His tongue and lips were unrushed as they toured me. My head thrashed left and right, pelvis lifted to be closer to his hungry mouth. When he began to concentrate on my clit, my hands rushed toward his head again and were yanked back at the wrists. I was roped to the bed, rendered helpless to his ministrations.
His tongue pushed into that tender spot with heavy pressure, and licked and licked and licked. I felt my body and mind yielding with each stroke. Emotions I struggled with internally surfaced as my groin churned. I moaned, feeling myself crest until I exploded. A fierce orgasm ripped through me. Reactively, my hands reached up for the cord of the ropes and held on, as my body quaked. In between my moans, a cry broke but I quickly swallowed it, not wanting to leave eroticism.
It was the ropes. They forced me to forfeit my expectations and personal agenda and suspend my will to allow Sadik’s to pleasure me. I had to trust him while bound. I had to submit my control, and even mistrust.
My thoughts were broken when Sadik pushed one leg flat on the bed and kept the other arched in the arm. He shifted so he straddled my leg on the bed and shuffled closer until the head of his erection met my sex. He plunged into me with impatient force. His hard thrust resounded in my core. Those sparks of collision turned into bites of pleasure. As he thrust into me scissor-style, Sadik flicked my nipple and circled my clit. In under two minutes, another orgasm was rippling through me.
“Mmmmmmm!” I cried, trying to fight the puppeteer of my emotions.
Instead, I slammed my sex into him, moving against his thumb impressions and his long thrusts. I hummed and pumped into him until I tapped out and dropped down to the mattress. Sadik leaned over me, taking me with his mouth. He pulled my lip back with a deep suck then released it, rimming it with his tongue. With my hands above my head, he strummed my nipples unfairly, keeping me roused. His tongue swiped the roof of my mouth before finding my own. He swiped fluidly, seducing me. Beneath his hot frame, my body hummed with satisfaction from my last orgasm and, at the same time, brewed with need of more from him. His thick cock throbbed inside of me, still strong and with sensual promise.
His tongue made love to mine. His hands adored my needy body. I was lost to him in desire and submission. Around us was a halo of protection to guard our cohesion. How could I be enthralled
with a man I didn’t understand, one who kept things from me? Except pleasure. Sadik was never short on doling out physical bliss.
“I love you so much,” he croaked, peppering my mouth with sloppy kisses. “There is no other being above you, Nalib, not even my queen.” A wet kiss. “I’m new at this relationship thing, too.” More sloppy kisses. “Please be patient with me, Nalib. I can’t go back to life without you and Sadik.” He pushed his tongue into my mouth and my heart ruptured.
It was a mixture of his vulnerability and mine in trusting him.
Sadik withdrew from my aching core. Within seconds, I was flipped over and secured on all fours with my wrists still bound, the movement so fast and protective of my growing belly. His mouth was behind me, between my cheeks. When his tongue rimmed me, I finally cried out unrepentantly.
“Ohhhhhhhhh!”
I leaned into him with intentional perversion, recalling the first time he’d put his mouth there and I was so incredibly insecure, it took some time to release myself to the pleasure. Then he thrusted into me with blunt force, the ridge of his mushroom head swollen and reckless at my opening. My hips wobbled upon entry, my pussy swallowing him deep, my sick need for him begging his intrusion.
His angry cock rammed into my assuaged core. With each whack into me, my eyes saw stars and flashes surfaced in my mind. Times from my childhood, like when my father had to go to the hospital after being assaulted by Abshir. I worried about him until he returned home. Those times when my mother worked late and I couldn’t sleep until she came in because my father’s drug addiction had progressed to a degree that made him forget his role as a protector of the family. The time Abshir was jumped so badly by a neighborhood gang over drug turf.
Despite these terrible memories, my body trembled with pleasure each plunge he toured inside of me. Memories of the first night I spent in my bedroom after my mother’s passing. My father had been long gone and my brother was incarcerated. There was no one to provide comfort to me. I didn’t want to sound weak to Randi, and Tasche worked that night. It was tragic. I didn’t fall asleep until after five in the morning, and had only slept a solid two hours before getting up to start my day.