by J. Saman
“Later.” Luke shakes his hand firmly, and then Craig leaves Luke and I standing alone in the middle of the sidewalk. “I don’t like you eating with him in a hotel.”
I sigh, far too exhausted to do battle over this, so instead I circle my arms around his waist because he feels good. He always feels so good.
“I know, but it’s really just for work. I didn’t know he was taking me here.”
Luke folds me into his body as he buries his nose in my hair, taking a deep breath the way he always does when he hugs me. “You smell like the hospital,” he chuckles. “You still smell like you, but you also smell like that.”
“I won’t take it personally.”
“Ivy, I don’t want to leave you here with him.”
I peek up at him with a soft smile. “You and I are sleeping together,” I raise a challenging eyebrow at him, “so it’s not like I’m going to sleep with him.”
“Okay, I deserve that look. I’m sorry for saying that to him. I was taken by surprise, is all.” He leans down and presses his lips to mine. “I’ve never been jealous in my life. This is uncharted waters for me. That, and you look unfathomably hot and sexy in your scrubs.” I laugh, rubbing my chin against his chest. “No, I’m serious. You really freaking do. If I didn’t have a plane to catch, I’d try and talk you into getting a room here.”
“Such a perv.”
“I’m your perv, and I think you like me that way.”
I kiss his warm, soft lips. “I do, it’s sort of endearing in an odd way. Hey, wait,” I stand up to my full height with a look of censure. “What do you mean you have a plane to catch? I thought we were having a late lunch? You never said anything about leaving on a trip.”
“I know.” Luke’s expression turns somber and severe. “But I got a call, and I have to go on a . . . business trip. It’s just for a couple of days at most.”
“Can’t someone else go? I mean, I’m leaving soon.”
He looks miserable, and I feel bad for asking. “It has to be me.”
“Oh, okay.” I try to hide my disappointment. I only have a few days left. “Where are you going?”
He glances away from me, out into the street.
“New York.”
It almost sounds like he’s lying. That’s my first instinct, but it’s an odd one to have. Why on earth would he lie about where he’s going on business? Especially when it’s so easy to confirm with Kate, Ryan, and Claire.
I’m sure I’m just tired.
He shifts back to me.
“That’s why I wanted to come and see you this morning. I won’t be landing until late tonight, and you’ll already be at work then, so this was my only chance to talk to you.”
“It’s fine; I’ll see you when you get back.” I kiss him and he returns it, but it feels off.
He’s distant, and maybe it’s just because he has this sudden trip and he’s preoccupied about it and Craig and whatever else, but it almost feels like goodbye. Like a real goodbye, except I don’t actually think it is. Not yet anyway.
I can’t describe it.
“Yeah, I should go. I have to pack and get my stuff and head to the airport.” He envelops me in his arms again. “I’m going to miss you, baby. I wish I didn’t have to go, but I don’t have a choice.”
“Me too. Call or text me when you land, even if I can’t respond.”
“Will do.” He kisses me good, long and hard, and this kiss feels more the way it should.
More the way his other kisses have always felt.
Like a magic spark inside your chest that spreads throughout your entire body, filling you with the most delicious tingles. Like fire and heat and bewitchment. Like the best kiss you’ve ever had times ten.
And this isn’t even his A-game.
“Now go have breakfast with the douchebag and then get some sleep. I’ll call you.” He kisses me again and then walks off, leaving me alone, bereft, and empty.
How’d it get like this so fast?
It’s only been a few weeks.
I walk into the swanky black and white lobby and immediately spot the restaurant just off to the right. Sure enough, there is an abundance of people eating breakfast even though it’s a workday. Craig is in the back by the window, and when he spots me, he flags me over.
“Hey, sorry that took so long.”
“So, are you two a couple now?” he asks far too casually as he peruses the menu, never once looking in my direction.
“I don’t know what we are actually. We haven’t exactly put a label on anything.” That, and I don’t want to tell you it’s just sex. Or that I’m in love with him.
He sets the menu down on top of his place setting, leveling me with the full weight of his hazel eyes.
“Huh. But yet you’re here with me.”
“This isn’t a date, Craig. It’s breakfast to talk about a patient.” Now it’s my turn to make a show of looking over the menu, simply because I’m finding it difficult to maintain eye contact with him.
He’s not intimidating me on purpose, it’s just that I get a bizarre feeling when I look at him too long. I wouldn’t say I’m uncomfortable, but there’s just more to that look than simple friendship, and no matter how hard I protest it, we have a certain chemistry together.
“True, and we are going to discuss the surgery because I would like you there in the OR with me, so I’m just going to say this once, and then it will be out there and you can do what you want with it.”
I set my menu down, folding my hand on top of it, trying to appear unaffected though I’m anything but. His words coupled with the tone of his voice set me on edge.
“I doubt you’ve heard, because it was just finalized the other day, but I was offered a surgical fellowship at Boston Children’s.” My mouth pops open as my eyes bug out of my head.
Craig smiles at my reaction, leaning closer to me, ever so slightly crowding my personal space.
“It seems I’m coming with you. And you should know that I like you, Ivy. I know I have a bad reputation at the hospital. Some of it is deserved, and some of it isn’t, but it’s not like that with you. I think we’d make a good team together. We understand the demands of our work, and we have similar interests. I respect the hell out of you and think you’re exceedingly beautiful and brilliant and talented. When you tire of Luke the child, we can try something real.”
I think I just stopped breathing.
“Wow, Craig, I had no idea you felt that way. I, um . . .,” I laugh uncomfortably. “I don’t really know what to say.”
“You don’t have to say anything about it right now. I don’t like to share, and I definitely don’t want to share you with anyone, let alone Luke Walker. So, I’ll wait. I’m going to Boston with you, and he’s not, so when you’re ready, let me know.”
Jesus, the way he’s looking at me. It’s the kind of look you feel everywhere whether you want to or not.
Mercifully, our waiter interrupts our far too intimate and intense moment, and we order our food. Our conversation turns back to work, and all that other business is pushed aside. We talk and laugh and he tells me things and I do the same.
And worst of all, I enjoy it.
18
Ivy
* * *
It’s been two days since Luke left, and though he did ring when he landed and then again the following afternoon, I haven’t spoken to him. Either I wasn’t available when he phoned, or he wasn’t available when I did. I’ve texted a few times only to either not receive any response or get one back saying that he couldn’t chat.
I have no idea what he’s doing or if he’s really that busy, or if he’s just blowing me off.
But I think it’s strange all the same.
On a different note, I did assist Craig with that hypoplastic left heart patient and it went swimmingly. I mostly looked on while he and another resident did all the work, but it was prodigious to watch. Craig was incredible in action, and though he hasn’t brought up our little conversati
on from the other morning, it’s been looping through my mind on constant replay.
Tonight, I have Kate and Claire at my flat, and because I don’t have work tomorrow, we’re drinking copious amounts of wine and talking and laughing the way girls do. It’s wonderful. It makes me miss Sophia desperately. I can’t wait for my sister to come and visit me in Boston.
“You must think I’m a raging alcoholic,” Kate says as she pours herself a glass of red wine. “I mean, every time you’re around me and we’re not working, I feel like I’m drinking.”
I laugh, holding up my glass as evidence of my own debauchery. “Bloody oath girl!”
Claire rolls her eyes at both of us, before sitting up straight and looking at me with an expression that tells me I don’t want to hear what she has to say. We’ve been discussing Luke for the better part of the evening. For some odd reason, they wanted details, but when I casually mentioned that I haven’t spoken to him since he left, Claire started laying into me.
“I don’t know why you’re so surprised that you haven’t talked to Luke since he left,” Claire says as she swirls her pinot noir around in her glass. “I mean, it’s typical sketchy-ass Luke shit, right?” She looks to Kate for confirmation of this, but Kate just shrugs a shoulder.
“What do you mean by that?” I ask, leaning back on my couch and feigning mild curiosity, though I doubt I’m fooling them.
Claire gives out a rather unladylike snort. “Dude, Luke is the most secretive guy I know.”
“Seriously?” I ask, looking at both of them in turn. Claire is looking at me like I’m an idiot for not already knowing that, and Kate just looks sheepish. “Please explain this to me.”
“Claire–” Kate chimes in with a cautioning tone, but Claire just waves her away.
“She should know, Kate. I mean, she’s screwing him, right?”
Kate throws her hands up in the air like she tried to stop her and it’s all out of her control now. None of this is comforting me. Not even a little.
“Luke never talks about himself unless it’s in vague generalities. Like, he’ll say he grew up in Oklahoma, but never elaborates past that. He’s worked with Ryan forever, but also carries two phones and leaves on ‘business trips,’” she puts air quotes around the words, “every so often that are not work sanctioned.”
“So he’s not in New York for business?” I’m way too confused right now.
“Not for Ryan’s company, and I have no idea if he’s in New York or not,” Kate says softly, sympathetically.
“Wow, okay then.” I really don’t know how I’m supposed to respond to all of this, so instead of commenting further, I drink down the entire contents of my glass before refilling it. “Does Ryan know where he goes, or what he does? It’s not like he has a reason to lie about where he is.” Can you hear the apprehension in my voice? I sure as bloody hell can.
Kate shrugs a shoulder. “Maybe, maybe not. If Ryan knows, he hasn’t told me. And as for being in New York, if he is there, he hasn’t been in touch with Kyle, Ryan’s brother. They’re close friends. You’d think he would reach out, right?”
“What the bloody piss am I supposed to do with this information? No one thought to mention this before I took up with him? Stupid men,” I snap, unable to hide my ire. “I mean, I sort of suspected he was dodging my queries, but is he a derro wanker or what?”
“And a derro wanker would be?” Claire asks.
I roll my eyes. “You know, a loser. Someone I should toss. Tell me true blue here, am I making a mistake with him or should I just ask him straight off about what he’s up to?”
“Did you know that when you drink, your accent becomes very thick, and you use words and expressions we don’t understand? It’s not normally like that either. Normally your accent is subtler, so you’re throwing me off here,” Kate says with a smile, her eyes just as glassy as Claire’s—and probably mine too.
“I will try to speak more American, but the accent I can’t do anything about.” I slap my hand down on my thigh in frustration, nearly spilling my wine. I don’t know why their validation of Luke’s shifty behavior is upsetting me like this. Probably because I was hoping I was reading too much into it. Because I fell in love with the stupid tosser and now I have confirmation that he’s off doing god only knows what, and the people he’s closest to in his life know nothing about it.
“I don’t think you should get rid of Luke,” Kate replies softly. “He’s a great guy. He really is. I know he has some private things in his life, but I’ve never heard him speak about anyone the way he does about you. He might be a touch obsessed—in the best possible way—so just be patient with him.”
I nod, absorbing her words. The truth is, I’m not entirely sure what I’m feeling about all of this. I’m leaving in a week, and he’s not coming with me. He may have hinted at genuine affection, but has maintained his fun, no-strings banter the entire time. I’m the hopeless idiot, falling for the guy while knowing the reality of our situation.
I’m so resentful for allowing this sort of weakness in myself.
“Or you could ditch Luke’s ass and screw Craig—who I happen to think is righteously fuckable,” Claire says. I’m blushing like a tomato because I haven’t told anyone about the conversation he and I had the other day. “That whole arrogant doctor thing gets me so wet.”
“Jesus, Claire,” Kate hisses. “The last thing I want to think about is your vagina and its moisture.”
“Bullshit, you love thinking about my vag.”
Kate rolls her eyes and I do too.
“Maybe you should screw him then?”
“No can do, Ivy Pivy. He has zero interest in getting into my glorious panties. I don’t know what it is about you, but somehow you spin a spell over every guy you meet. Speaking of vaginas, yours must be made out of gold, or magic, or beer, or something, because men pine for you.”
“I really don’t know how to respond to half the rubbish you spew, Claire.”
She shrugs. “The truth is, you like Luke, so give him the benefit of the doubt and wait until he comes back and then talk with him. Or not,” she shrugs again. “I mean, you’re leaving in a week or so, right?”
“Yeah, but . . .” But what? I take another sip of my wine, unable to finish my hanging sentence. But I was foolishly hoping for more, is what I was thinking. I’ve never needed a man before and I certainly don’t need that sort of distraction before I start my new fellowship. And Luke’s the epitome of a distraction. I was hoping he’d be simple and easy, but the deeper I get, the more complicated he becomes. And it’s not the relationship part that’s convoluted or problematic. That’s actually where things are gloriously effortless. It’s Luke that’s perplexing.
No, I definitely don’t need a man.
But I still want Luke.
I take another sip of wine as I roll that around my brain. We’re already on our third bottle, and I should stop while I’m ahead.
“Did you know that Auburn is in love with Luke?” Claire asks with a knowing smirk, drawing me back to the moment.
I choke on my wine, the alcohol burning the back of my throat. Auburn is not just a color, she’s Luke’s current assistant, and she’s probably ten years his junior. “Really? Is that why she’s all cute and blushing around him?”
Kate nods laughing. “It’s so adorable. Luke is totally clueless. Every time he tries to talk to her and make her more comfortable, she just gets more flustered.”
Now we’re all in a fit of giggles because, well, we’re drunk, and that seems to be what you do when you’re pissed. You laugh over nonsense that really isn’t all that funny when you’re sober.
“Not to bring up something uncomfortable here, but how have you and Ryan only ever been friends?” I ask Claire.
She wrinkles her nose up in disgust. Her long red locks flow around her bright orange shirt that says, I like it like that. “Yes. Because neither of us is the least bit attracted to the other. He views me as a little sister, and he defin
itely plays the role of obnoxious big brother with me. He’s the ultimate cock-block.”
“He really is,” Kate agrees. “Every time she tries to hook up with someone and he’s around, he goes all, ‘what are your intentions with her,’” she says in a deep voice, mocking Ryan.
“You’re all sort of a cheeky lot, aren’t you?” They both nod, grinning. I sit back, thinking on something that randomly pops into my mind. “And Ryan was never arrested when Luke was?”
“No,” Kate says, crouching on her knees and leaning forward with the excitement of intrigue in her voice. Her platinum blonde hair is piled high on her head in a messy bun, which has partially come undone during our little drinking party. “The FBI arrested Luke like thirty seconds after he got into that bank site, but Ryan was already in and they never saw him.”
“Interesting and a little odd,” I muse.
Claire and Kate both shrug at me as they finish the last of their glasses and Kate lays down on the area rug, intrigue forgotten.
“They must have been watching him or something. How else would they have been there so fast if they weren’t?” Kate mumbles, slurring half the words.
She makes a very good point.
“I guess, but I don’t remember the FBI looming about campus, and you’d think a regular SWAT team waiting for something to happen would be a bit conspicuous. Something like that would have been the gossip of the school, and none of the other people in the ring got arrested, did they?”
Both of them bolt upright and stare at me with gaping jaws and wide eyes filled with astonishment. It really is adorable how they’re so much alike and yet so completely different.
“You went to Caltech?” Claire asks with a high-pitched squeal.
“Yeah? Didn’t you know?”
They both shake their heads, again, in unison. “No, we didn’t freaking know that,” Kate agrees, equally as stunned by the revelation.
“Didn’t know that at all,” Claire adds. “Did you know him then?”
And now I blush like a grade-school girl with a crush. I blame the wine for that one, because there is no way I could tell a passable lie right now. That, and I figured Luke had spilled the beans to Ryan who had, in turn, spilled them to Kate and so on.