by Todd, Ian
“It’s aboot bloody time somewan took the bull by the horn and made a real effort tae look efter him, so it is,” Aggie hid said accusingly, putting oan her best Joan ae Arc impression.
While she’d been genuinely delighted fur Silent, and annoyed at the inference that, as a nurse, she should’ve been daeing mair fur his care needs, there wis no way she wanted them tae hear her whispering apologies and sweet nothings tae Rory. She’d prayed fur them tae take their plotting and fags ootside, bit they’d stood their ground in the foyer. Even though it wis none ae his business, she didnae want her conversation or plans tae seep back tae Johnboy, especially seeing as she wis supposed tae be doon tae visit him. She’d reluctantly hung up the receiver, praying Rory widnae be alarmed efter coming tae the phone tae find that she wisnae there. Christ, whit the hell wis she daeing here, she cursed tae hersel wance again. Why hid she no hung oan the line and telt Rory she wis oan her way. She knew she should’ve heided back doon tae the flat in Barrington Avenue when she’d goat up that morning, insteid ae getting intae that stupid Transit wae the Springburn crowd. They’d gied her a hard time when they’d caught her emptying her can ae Special Brew oot ae the windae when they’d stoapped in the middle ae the road works oan the motorway. It wisnae as if she hid anything in common wae whit wis gaun oan noo. Why the hell hid Simon no jist nipped roond tae the flat and telt her the good news a few days earlier? It wid certainly hiv saved her a lot ae angst. By the time she’d left Carpet Capers, it hid been clear tae her that Simon Epstein appeared tae know a lot mair aboot her than whit she wid’ve classed as being healthy, aboot whit wis gaun oan in her life…where she lived…who she wis gaun oot wae…who’d rented Lizzie and her the flat. It aw felt kind ae weird.
“Ah’m sorry, Senga,” Johnboy finally said, breaking the silence.
“Fur whit?”
“Ye’re right, Ah shouldnae be prying or asking ye aboot yer personal life. It’s none ae ma business. Ah wis bang oot ae order, so Ah wis.”
That’s right, Johnboy Taylor, ye wur certainly bang oot ae order, she wanted tae scream at him. Fur years he’d played wae her and Pearl Campbell, keeping them dangling oan a string, thinking they wur jist a pair ae stupid wee puppets wae nae feelings…at least, that’s whit it hid felt like tae her maist ae the time. Not wance hid he ever seemed tae take oan board how she might’ve been feeling…the lonely nights she’d spent crying hersel tae sleep, wondering if she should’ve accepted the invite fae some nice boy who’d asked her oot, insteid ae convincing hersel that the morra wis another day. And then when an invite hid finally arrived, oot ae the blue, the basturt hid ended up in bed wae Michelle Hope the night before their first official date. My God, she couldnae believe how strong the urge wis tae lean across and slap him across the face fur the humiliation she’d suffered in front ae her pals. Take a deep breath, Senga, ye’ll only jist end up regretting being honest and telling him how ye really feel, she telt hersel.
“No, Johnboy, don’t say that, it’s me that should be apologising. Ah shouldnae hiv said whit Ah jist did. Ah realise ye wur only asking oot ae concern, although the thought ae being pregnant and hivving weans ae ma ain his never entered ma brain…ever,” she scoffed, laughing…and lying.
Ah know Ah’ve fucked up, Senga, he thought tae himsel as he worked oot an appropriate response that widnae see him getting wan in the neck again. She wis right tae be annoyed wae him. He’d clearly messed her aboot and noo he wis genuinely sorry, especially noo that she wis wae somewan else…even though aulder than her, somewan clearly decent…somewan totally different fae the likes ae him…the lucky basturt…and, as fur that fucking eejit Simon fur bringing aw this grief doon oan him?
“Right, well, noo that we’ve managed tae get that wee misunderstaunin sorted oot, maybe ye’d like tae explain why ye’re doon here, sitting in front ae me?” he asked gently, cautiously and carefully.
“Well, first of aw, Ah wanted tae say sorry fur the letter Ah sent ye…the tone ae it, Ah mean.”
“Letter? Whit letter wid that be then?” he lied.
“The wan Ah sent ye jist efter ye wur sentenced. Ah wis a bit confused at the time…”
“Senga, ye did the right thing. Furget it, Ah totally understood then, as Ah understaun noo. Christ, Ah furgoat aw aboot that. See? That’s how much it meant tae me,” he said, interrupting her wae a dismissive wave ae his haun, as he smiled across at her.
“Ah’d hid enough by that time. Ah jist felt that ye’d let me doon so much and that Ah’d lost any self-respect that Ah hid fur masel…that Ah jist hid tae close that chapter ae ma life and move oan…Ah’m sorry,” she muttered, shrugging, feeling the tears well-up, as she avoided his gaze.
“Senga, honestly, Ah fully understaun where ye’re coming fae, so there’s absolutely nae need tae explain, or apologise fur that matter. Ah wis nothing bit a selfish prick and that’s aw there is tae it. Look, whit happened, happened, and neither you nor me, or anywan else fur that matter, kin dae anything tae change that fact. There’s nae point me sitting here trying tae make up excuses oan how Ah could’ve treated ye and yer feelings wae a bit mair respect than Ah did, or other people fur that matter. Me trying tae explain tae ye this late in the day that Ah never knew ye hid the same feelings towards me that Ah hid towards you, is pointless. Ah’ll always love ye and hope that the few good times we hid thegither in the company ae oor pals ur worth a smile or two in the future. Christ, if we’re honest aboot it, it’s probably jist as well we didnae end up getting thegither efter aw. Dae ye no think so, gieing ma current position?”
Silence.
“Oh, well, oan that happy note, noo that we’ve goat aw that sorted oot, ur ye gonnae finally tell me the real reason why ye’re here?” he asked, still gaun a wee bit caw-canny, no quite sure if he’d managed tae extricate himsel oot ae Shite Street, as yet, efter that long pregnant pause and filthy look.
“Ah’m no quite sure where tae start,” she mumbled, shrugging and shaking her heid as she looked at him.
“Well, as ma auld probation officer used tae say, how aboot starting fae the beginning, eh?” he replied, a wee wary smile appearing oan that face ae his.
“I take it that’s him?” the pad asked, as Alison stood erect, looking in the direction ae Tony Gucci and his visitor.
“Yes. Are you sure that you’re feeling alright, Alison?”
“You were right, he is terribly good-looking,” Alison scribbled oan the pad, a hauf smile oan her face.
“Yes, well, you know what they say aboot looks,” Fanny replied, following Alison’s gaze.
“It’s funny, but it was that same expression that made me feel okay about being here today,” the pad replied.
“I don’t follow.”
“Senga Jackson said those exact words to me not more than twenty minutes ago.”
“And?”
“I trust her instincts. If she’s here, then there’s absolutely nothing for me to be scared of. I know it probably doesn’t make sense to you, Fanny, but that’s how I feel. You should meet Senga…she’s an amazing girl.”
“Ah hope ye gied her a telling,” Silent suddenly said.
Helen and Aggie looked at each other, big wide grins appearing oan their faces.
“Intae trouble? Ah bloody-well took the back ae a hair brush tae they bare cheeks ae hers, so Ah did,” Aggie whispered gleefully.
“Ah thought Ah wis gonnae die…wae pleasure, so Ah did,” Helen cooed, giggling.
“Although, it wis quite clear she hidnae learned her lesson, so Ah set her tae work wae aw they soapy bubbles o’er at the kitchen sink…”
“Knickerless, bare-arsed and louping, seeing as that arse ae mine wis still stinging fae the thrashing Ah’d jist deservedly goat.”
“…wearing they bright rubber marigolds,” Aggie reminded her, unfastening the tap three buttons ae her Vivian Westwood blouse.
“Aye, they’re yer favourites, that we’ve kept especially in the drawer under the bed fur the night ye get hame,” H
elen purred.
“Ooh, Ah cannae bloody wait,” Aggie beamed, quickly glancing aboot before unclipping the cups ae her bra, exposing her 38Ds at him.
“Ah’ve applied fur parole,” Pat whispered, looking aboot tae make sure nowan wis lugging in.
“Aw, Pat, that’s wonderful. When?” Paula hauf screeched back, gasping oot loud, convinced she’d jist clocked Aggie McCoy gie Silent Smith a flash ae they big mammaries ae hers.
“Whit’s wrang?”
“Er, nothing, darling. Ye wur saying?”
“Last week. Ah goat interviewed by that lassie that’s staunin o’er there, dishing up the juice. She’s the jail social worker.”
“Whit wan?”
“The hippy-looking wan who goes by the name ae Fanny, wid ye believe?”
“She dis not,” Paula exclaimed, looking across at Fanny wae a sympathetic look oan her face.
“Ah swear tae God. Her da wis some sort ae missionary or something. Kin ye imagine calling yer daughter that? If she’s goat a brother, Ah shudder tae think whit they ended up calling the poor basturt. Anyway, the interview seemed tae go fine and dandy, so it did. Ah think she likes me. She knows Ah’m intae ma jewellery and that Ah kin get a reference fur a job fae Papa.”
“Dis she know ye’ve goat a stake in the shoap?”
“Naw…Ah left that bit oot.”
“Why? She wid’ve been well impressed wae that, surely?”
“And whit wid Ah’ve said when she asked where Ah goat the dosh tae invest in a jewellery shoap fae? Naw, she wis impressed enough that Ah hid a job tae go oot tae. Tony’s telling Simon the day tae get Papa tae send in the letter, as soon as.”
“Oh, Pat, Ah’m jist so proud ae ye…apart fae the fact that ye’re a jailbird, that is.”
“Ach, well, it’ll gie yer ma justification no tae like me.”
“Don’t say that, she dis like ye, in a strange sort ae way. It’s ma da that can’t staun the sight ae ye. So, whit aboot Tony and Snappy? Hiv they applied as well?”
“They refused tae even meet wae her. That pair ur different, so they ur. They know fine well that they’ve nae chance wae the previous convictions they’ve goat stacked up. It jist means Ah’m in wae a better chance, no hivving their tainted files sitting beside mine, bogging me doon wae whit the authorities awready know aboot them. If Ah dae get a chance ae parole, it’ll only be a couple ae months, bit it’ll mean we’d be thegither sooner. Ah’ve still tae be interviewed by the governor and wan ae the senior screws, bit Ah cannae see any problem fae where Ah’m sitting, unless they know something that Ah don’t,” Pat surmised wae a shrug.
“Hiv ye met her flat mate?” Tony asked, oot ae the blue, breaking intae Angelo’s flow and bringing the situation back up aboot Senga, hivving hid a chance tae think aboot it.
“Naw, bit Ah’ve clocked her fae a distance. As ye’d expect, she’s quite tasty. Ah’d certainly gie her wan masel.”
“Whit’s the others saying?”
“Jake, Ben and Peter? Ach, wae youse four in here, they don’t gie Senga and her pal much hope ae coming oot ae this wae a pulse between them, so they don’t. Ben says he’s surprised they hivnae nipped the pair ae them before noo,” Angelo shrugged, swivelling that heid ae his roond tae hiv a wee swatch at how Johnboy wis daeing.
Silence.
“Wis it written doon?”
“Whit?”
“Whit she heard being said by Haufwit Murray.”
“Ah’m no sure. Ah never asked her. Why?”
Johnboy felt faint…although hivving never fainted before, he wis convinced the symptoms wur upon him, big style. He watched her lips move, hypnotised by the gesticulating motions ae her hauns as he struggled tae follow the trail. She wis talking too fast, no gieing him time tae join the dots, bit he didnae want tae interrupt her emotional ootpouring. The terror and abject fear dripped aff ae her. He’d come across Haufwit Murray in the passing, in the company ae Wee Eck Thomas fae Balornock, who’d taken o’er Blaster Mackay’s scrap-yard up in Lambhill. Wee Eck wis a fly wee fucker that wid take the face aff ae anywan who gied him a dirty look. Johnboy always tried tae steer him and Silent clear ae people like him. Look whit hid happened tae Deck McGuiness efter they’d bumped in tae him? Johnboy wisnae convinced that he wisnae gonnae embarrass himsel by throwing up where he wis sitting. He wanted tae wave his haun fur Senga tae take a breather, tae allow him time tae collect his thoughts…tae get that heid ae his thegither. He wis scared tae ask her a question in case he lost it. He wisnae sure whit tae dae efter she broke doon in tears, in full flow Technicolor this time and wis relieved when she quickly bent oor and snatched up a packet ae Handy-andies oot ae her bag and started dabbing they eyes ae hers wae a few ae them. He wis totally welded tae his seat and could only manage wee nods ae encouragement every noo and again, keeping his face totally neutral. He noticed The Tormentor and Dickheid Dick watching him, scowling, believing he wis gieing her a hard time. He felt a strong urge tae run across and start ladling intae the pair ae them. If he did, he knew he’d probably end up killing wan ae them, so he sat and listened, breathing easy, no wanting tae hear another word coming oot ae Senga’s beautiful, innocent mooth. He hid a strong urge tae jump up and yell at her…tae tell her tae stoap aw this fucking talking…tae get the hell back tae Glesga as fast as they legs could carry her and pack her bags pronto. He prayed tae Father Leonard’s God tae wake him up oot ae the nightmare he’d been drapped in. At wan point in Senga’s story, he’d actually convinced himsel that he wis gonnae suddenly wake up and find himsel lying oan tap ae his bed in his cell, hivving fallen asleep wae the radio oan.
“Look, Senga, will ye hing oan a wee minute, hen, and let me go and get us a drink ae juice?” he barely managed tae say calmly and evenly, staunin up and no gieing her any choice.
Oan the way past the tables, he heard cackles coming fae Aggie and Helen sitting opposite Silent, who hid a big massive grin splashed across his face. He scowled accusingly across at Tony. He knew Simon wid’ve been busy filling him in oan whit hid been gaun oan wae Senga and her flatmate. Tony sat there expressionless, following Johnboy’s path wae they eyes ae his tae the tea table.
“Two juices,” he scowled at Fanny, who stood there wae the other wummin, the baith ae them glaring at him wae accusing eyes. “Please,” he muttered, irritated, wanting tae scream at them that Senga’s tears wur fuck aw tae dae wae him…or them.
“Anything else?” the social worker asked coldly.
Aye, mind yer ain fucking business, ya pair ae stuck up basturts, who hivnae a fucking clue aboot anything that’s gaun oan ootside ae that bloody protective bubble that ye’ve manage tae surround yersels wae.
“Naw, that’s it,” he replied, picking up the plastic tumblers, before turning tae heid back the way he’d come.
Tony wis still watching him. Johnboy could feel they dark eyes ae his boring intae him, bit Johnboy avoided eye contact. He wis glad Simon hid sat doon wae his back tae him. He wisnae sure whit he might’ve done if they’d come face tae face. Why the fuck hid Simon no goat everything sorted oot, he kept asking himsel until he realised that it widnae hiv been quite as easy as that.
“Here ye go, Senga. Ur ye okay, hen?”
“Aye, Ah’m fine…sorry fur the tears. When Simon confirmed tae me fur definite that it wis jist Lizzie’s over-stretched imagination, Ah nearly passed oot wae relief, so Ah did. Ye’ve nae idea how that felt,” she said quietly, a faint apologetic smile appearing oan that lovely face ae hers.
“Well, if anywan knows whit’s gaun oan in the toon these days, Simon’s yer man, Senga,” he said encouragingly, feeling totally helpless.
“Ah know. He’s been absolutely fantastic, so he his. Ah really don’t know whit we wid’ve done withoot him,” she said gratefully, smiling across at where Simon and Tony wur anchored, before taking a sip ae the tepid juice. “That’s why Ah found it so difficult tae come doon here tae visit ye, Johnboy…the fact that, when it came doon tae it, jist when ye probably n
eeded me the maist, Ah doubted yer innocence. Ah’ll never furgive masel fur that, especially efter me hivving sent ye that letter. Ye must’ve been terribly upset,” Senga said, reaching across tae him, as a tear ran doon her cheek.
“Senga, Ah thought we’d jist agreed that yer letter wis fine by me. Honestly, Ah don’t…Ah’ve never…ever…hid a problem wae receiving it. Look, Ah know this is difficult fur ye, bit Ah hope ye don’t mind gaun back tae the beginning, jist wan mair time, jist so Ah kin digest whit ye’ve said. Kin ye try and think back tae the night yer pal Lizzie first telt ye her story? Ah need ye tae take yer time and think aboot it very carefully noo. It’s tae dae wae whit she said Haufwit wis coming oot wae and if any ae it hid been written doon?”
“Naw, at least, no by Lizzie,” Senga said, shaking her heid. “Bit, Ah believe the inspector who wis there did. Lizzie said he wis sitting oan a chair, practically hauf in the bed wae the patient, scribbling everything doon in a wee black book. Why? Is that important?”
“Right, ladies and gentlemen, yer time’s up. Kin Ah ask the prisoners jist tae sit where youse ur until the visitors hiv left the hall,” Dickheid Dick shouted, wae obvious pleasure, as the youngest ae the weans started howling, refusing tae let go ae his da…and the contagion spread and the few other weans in the hall opened up and joined in.