by Todd, Ian
“Ah knew it,” Johnboy involuntary cursed, looking away and gazing doon towards the tea table, his heart sinking.
“…bit when Ah walked through the door ae ma flat and wis confronted wae ma best friend, Lizzie, and the state that she…the baith ae us ended up in…Ah wrote tae Rory and telt him Ah needed space fur a while. Ah needed space so Ah could try and figure oot whit the implications wur fur Lizzie and me and how we wur gonnae cope wae the news aboot that poor nurse and Doctor Walsh. And before ye ask, Ah didnae tell Rory the reason behind ma letter. Oan reflection, Ah wis right tae keep Rory at a distance, despite being so close tae him. At the end ae the day, Ah realised that Rory couldnae help us, even if he tried. He wid’ve encouraged me…us…tae go straight tae the polis, withoot understaunin the implications ae that. The thought ae sitting there spilling everything oot tae somewan like The Stalker and no knowing whit wis gaun oan in that heid ae his gied me the jitters, jist thinking aboot it. Gaun oan whit Ah’ve heard since fae Simon, that wid’ve probably made things worse. Ah wis jist so glad that Ah wis able tae go and speak tae somewan like Simon, because tae be quite honest, Johnboy, we didnae hiv anywhere else tae go. The fact that everything his turned oot fine, knowing there isnae a connection between whit happened tae Doctor Walsh and that poor wee nurse, his been like being reborn again, if ye know whit Ah mean? Hivving tae come doon here tae tell ye tae yer face that Ah found oot ye wur innocent efter Ah sent ye that so-called Dear John letter, hisnae been easy fur me, tae say the least. Whit his shocked and surprised me, probably against ma better judgement…and some wid probably say…sense…is that Ah still love ye,” she confessed, shaking her heid in bewilderment, feeling the tears welling up in her eyes.
Johnboy sat watching her, no moving.
“Noo, that wisnae something Ah hid anticipated. In fact, if Ah’m honest, Ah hid been trying tae contact Rory oan the way doon here wae the lassies. Ah wanted tae apologise fur the way Ah’d treated him and because he’s in Newcastle, daeing a course, Ah thought Ah could’ve maybe gone across tae spend a bit ae time wae him. Efter the visit yesterday, Ah wis glad Ah hidnae managed tae get through tae him. Ah’m sorry fur landing this oan ye, oot ae the blue,” she whispered, wiping away a tear.
“Senga, look, despite whit Ah wis saying, yer boyfriend sounds like a lovely person…clearly everything Ah’m no,” he said bitterly, bit smiling and getting a tearful smile back. “Don’t throw yer life away oan a jailbird, who’s daeing fourteen years. Ye’ll look back someday and regret aw this. In fact, why don’t ye jist throw caution tae the wind and heid o’er there efter this visit and stay fur a month? Efter aw, life’s too short,” Johnboy said, his heid spinning, confusion and panic taking o’er.
“Look, Ah wid appreciate it if ye’d please let me finish. This is very difficult and emotional fur me,” Senga said, interrupting him. “Ah hear whit ye’re saying, bit Ah jist cannae walk away, knowing that ye’re stuck in here…innocent…while Ah’m expected tae get oan wae ma life. It’s jist no me, Ah’m afraid. Ah truly believe in yer innocence, and Ah also believe Ah’ll no be the only wan, even if it dis take a while. The truth always surfaces in the end, no matter how long it takes. Ah don’t want tae go through life looking back, wondering ‘Whit if?’ There wid only be wan condition that Ah’d ask ye fur, that wid be totally non-negotiable and Ah’m only gonnae ask ye the wance. If ye accept, fine. If ye don’t, Ah’ll take yer advice and try and contact Rory straight efter the visit.”
“Senga…”
“Right, Ah’ve spent a good deal ae time thinking aboot how Ah’m gonnae say this, Johnboy, and noo Ah’ve forgotten everything that Ah’ve rehearsed, so Ah’m jist gonnae let ma heart dae the talking noo. If ye promise tae turn yer back oan a life ae crime, which wid mean leaving Glesga behind, including yer criminal friends, Ah’ll fight wae every bit ae strength Ah kin muster in ma body tae help ye fight tae get oot ae here. Ah’ll work towards putting thegither a lovely wee nest fur us, somewhere where nowan knows us, that’ll be waiting fur the day ye’re set free. There, Ah’ve said it,” she said, her eyes steady, watching him.
Silence.
“Johnboy, yer lengthy silence is causing me tae doubt ma judgement as tae where Ah believed you…we…wur maybe at. Is that a correct assumption oan ma part?” She asked, trembling, eyes beginning tae fill up wae tears again, as Johnboy placed his elbows oan the table, gently using the fingers ae his left haun tae massage a response fae his thick skull, while looking intae her blue eyes.
“Michele Hope.”
“Whit aboot her?” Angelo asked.
“We’ll need tae get a statement fae her, so arrange a meeting wae Graham.”
“Me?”
“Aye, you. Who dae ye think Ah’m talking tae?”
“She hates ma guts, so she dis.”
“Everywan hates yer guts, especially wummin,” Tony retorted, smiling.
“Ha, fucking, ha. Ah’m serious. Efter she found oot Johnboy hid arranged tae go oot wae Senga oan the Friday night efter he goat caught shagging her by that auld man ae hers when he went up tae arrest Johnboy, Ah wis relegated tae second place in her hatred-ae-men stakes.”
“Well, get Jake or Ben tae dae it then,” Tony scowled, irritated by the negativity he wis hivving tae put up wae. “Ye’ll also need tae make sure she disnae blab tae anywan whit she’s been asked tae dae.”
“Efter Johnboy and me, it’s a toss-up between that pair ae eejits as tae who she hates the maist.”
“Aw, fur Christ’s sake, wid ye stoap aw this fucking grumping? Aw Ah need fae you is tae see yer heid nodding and yer lips saying ‘Next?’ efter agreeing tae everything Ah’m asking ye tae dae. Is that too much tae ask?”
“Ah’ll put Jake oan tae it, bit don’t fucking moan at me at the next visit if ye start getting hate-mail fae him. He cannae staun the sight ae her,” Angelo warned him.
“Which will be next month, by the way.”
“Whit will?”
“And the month efter that. Ah want ye doon here monthly, so Ah dae.”
“Ye’ve goat tae be joking? Hiv ye any idea the stress attached tae running aw that bunch doon here? Ye should’ve seen the state ae them last night. Fuck knows how Ah’m gonnae explain the mess ae the bus tae the hire firm.” Angelo whinged. “And the amount ae drink they kin shift? Fuck, Ah’ve never seen anything like it. Some poor basturt in a cravat, who wis auld enough tae be their da, hid tae be carted oot ae the boozer oan a stretcher efter they hid him downing tequila slammers like they wur gaun oot ae style. It wis bloody embarrassing, so it wis. They wur never like that when we used tae staun at the bar, while they sat up in the corner ae Jonah’s, wur they?”
“Look, ye kin dae whit the fuck ye want wae them, bit Ah want Senga Jackson doon here every month wae ye, so ye’ll need tae work oot how ye’re gonnae convince her tae come, despite her being in tow wae some auld doctor wae a grizzly name. We need tae ensure that Wan-bob and that crowd ur aware that Senga is in regular contact wae Johnboy. Ye don’t hiv tae advertise the fact as they’ll soon pick that up withoot any help fae us, if aw the lassies, including Senga, ur trooping doon here monthly. You make up yer ain mind, bit Senga Jackson is oan the visiting list fur as long she’s still ali…in contact wae Johnboy.”
“That still won’t keep Wan-bob away.”
“Fur Christ’s sake, Simon. Whit’s wrang wae ye, eh? Ah never said it will, bit he might…jist maybe…hesitate, if he knows she’s still wan ae us.”
“Dis Johnboy know he’s gonnae be seeing Florence Nightingale every month?”
“Naw, bit Ah’ll deal wae that at this end.”
“Look, it’s no whit ye think… ma silence, Ah mean,” Johnboy said hesitantly, still lost fur words.
Silence.
“Dae ye really want tae know where Ah wis the night Shaun Murphy disappeared?” he asked her, making her jump at the sound ae his voice, as she nodded her heid. “Look, this is difficult, bit there isnae an easy way tae say it. Ah wis in ma flat…wae Michele
Hope,” he murmured, avoiding mentioning the bed part, bit noting her body stiffen at the mention ae the name. “If Ah’m tae hiv any chance ae getting an appeal oot ae everything ye’ve come doon here tae tell me, Ah need tae get a signed, witnessed statement fae her, acknowledging that she wis…er…wae me that night.”
“Wis that the night ae her eighteenth birthday?”
“Aye. It couldnae hiv been me that wis involved wae Shaun Murphy’s disappearance because Ah wis in her company aw night. He wis last seen staggering alang Fountainwell Road, in tae Sighthill, efter knocking fuck oot ae some poor basturt ootside Sherry’s pub at the corner ae Auchintoshan Terrace and Springburn Road at hauf nine that night. Seemingly, witnesses said they’d then clocked him, still staggering, alang Carlisle Street, efter coming across the wee bridge fae Sighthill, oan tae Keppochhill Road. Whitever happens between you and me will become irrelevant, withoot a statement fae Michelle Hope, so whether she, or you, like it or no, she’s gonnae hiv tae be involved in ma life fur a good while yet.”
“Dae ye…did ye, love her?”
“You’re the only lassie Ah’ve ever loved.”
“So, whit wis yer relationship then?”
Silence.
“Sex,” he eventually admitted.
“Sex?”
“The thought ae, er, shagging that basturt PC Hope’s only daughter wis the main attraction.”
Silence.
“That’s so sick,” Senga eventually said, clearly disgusted.
“Ah am whit Ah am,” Johnboy murmured, shrugging they shoulders ae is.
“Naw, Johnboy, ye ur whit ye’ve become,” she snapped at him, wanting tae lean across and slap that face ae his.
Silence.
“His she ever written tae ye since ye’ve been sentenced?” Senga asked him, efter calming hersel doon.
“Naw.”
“Hiv ye ever written tae her?”
“Naw.”
Silence.
“Look, at some stage, Ah’ll hiv tae be in touch wae her…Ah mean as a witness, nothing mair.”
“Ye still hivnae answered ma question,” she finally asked tersely, eyeballing him, strained defiance showing oan that lovely face ae hers.
“Withoot an appeal and the unlikelihood ae somewan like me getting parole, ma earliest date ae liberation is the middle ae 1982. Dae ye realise whit ye’d be committing yersel tae, if this aw goes pear-shaped?”
“Johnboy, Ah’m no gonnae repeat ma offer,” she whispered quietly, looking at him.
“Ah really don’t deserve whit ye’re offering.”
“Given yer track record, Ah’m no sure ye’re the best wan tae be offering me advice or judging whit Ah should be daeing wae ma life.”
Silence.
“Senga, Ah’d never haud ye tae it…whit ye’ve jist offered me, Ah mean. Ah’d be happy jist knowing that we wur friends efter ye left here the day and that ye knew that Ah’d gie ma life fur ye. Whether ye want tae believe it or no, Ah’ve always loved ye, despite ye knocking back that good box ae expensive Maltesers Ah goat ye fur yer tenth, or wis it yer eleventh birthday?”
“Tenth,” she replied, as a tear ran doon her cheek.
“Well, despite the knockback, Ah swear oan ma mother’s grave, if Ah kin somehow get masel oot ae the mess Ah’ve goat masel intae, and if ye’re sure ye’re willing tae be patient and gie me a chance, Ah’d be extremely proud and honoured tae dae everything in ma power tae be gied another chance and show ye that ye hivnae been wasting yer time oan an eejit like me,” he said gently, surprising himsel aboot how solemn and genuine he sounded, given where he wis sitting.
“Ah’ll take that as an ‘aye’ tae ma offer then, will Ah?” Senga asked him, as her stiff defiance melted intae a tearful smile.
“His Johnboy said anything tae ye aboot him and Senga?” Frances asked Snappy.
“Like whit?”
“Anything.”
“It’s like pulling teeth wae that wan, so it is. You probably know mair aboot whit’s gaun oan wae that pair than Ah dae.”
“Senga seems tae be daeing an awful lot ae greeting,” she said, furtively glancing across at Johnboy’s table.
“Ach, he’s probably telling her no tae bother coming back doon tae visit him. He’s weird that way, is Johnboy. He’s wan ae these guys that jist wants tae dae his time withoot being distracted oan whit’s happening oot there oan Freedom Street. It’s hard tae explain, bit some guys ur like that.”
“Seemingly, she’s being gaun oot wae some sort ae auld doctor, so she his, although none ae us hiv met him,” she mused.
“Aye, Ah heard. Ye’re no gonnae believe it, bit he’s called Gory, Doctor Gory, wid ye believe?”
“She always wis intae the weird wans, wisn’t she? Ah mean, look at her infatuation wae Johnboy o’er the years, ever since she wis a wee wean…her and that Pearl wan…no that Ah’m saying there’s anything wrang wae him, mind ye, bit let’s be honest, when is he ever gonnae see the light ae day? And, as fur Dr Bloodlust? Ah cannae see the wummin aw queuing up in the clinic, wanting him tae be joogling aboot doon there wae a scalpel in wan haun and a name like that in the other, kin you?” Frances asked him, shuddering.
“Oh, in case Ah furget, Ah met somewan who knew ye last night who sends his regards and said if ye need anything, ye’ve tae gie him a shout. Some guy named Jizz…says he’s John Paul Jerome’s nephew or something and that ye helped him oot when he wis up visiting John Paul in the toon.”
“Aye, Ah remember. That fat prick, Bugle Bundy, punched him oan the mooth wan night in Dawson’s fur seemingly looking at him. It wis obvious the wee guy wis fresh fae the sticks and didnae realise that ye’re no supposed tae look at guys in the pubs. Ah never intended tae get involved, bit ended up hivving words wae Fatso fur taking a liberty and when he widnae shut the fuck up, Ah booted his baws aw o’er the bar in front ae his mates. It wisnae a big deal or anything, even though John Paul sent me a bottle ae whisky and a good tip oan some dug that wis running across in the White City, tae ma flat the next morning, efter he’d heard whit hid happened.”
“Well, he wants ye tae know that if ye want anything sent in, or he kin dae anything fur ye, ye’ve tae gie him a shout at The Lochmaben Garage.”
“Which reminds me…a good set ae locks and a phone.
“Locks and a phone?”
“Aye, get Harper Harris doon tae change the locks oan Senga’s flat, as soon as ye get back intae the toon. Tell him they’ve goat tae be top-notch quality wans. If Wan-bob supplied the lassies wae the flat, he’ll hiv access tae the factor’s set ae keys. Nae use making life easy fur the basturt when there’s nae need tae, eh?”
“How am Ah gonnae explain tae Senga that she needs a phone?”
“Ah’m sure ye’ll think ae something. And in the future, kin ye no use something else, insteid ae Angelo Dundee? The screws always think Ah’m taking the piss when Ah tell them whit the name ae ma visitor is when they’re filling oot ma visiting pass.”
“Ladies and gentlemen? It’s time tae wrap it up…that’s the visiting time o’er wae. Could Ah ask aw the prisoners tae stay at their tables,” The Tormentor shouted, as hauf the visitors looked at the YO opposite them silently, clinging oan tae the few precious seconds left until the next month, while the other hauf gathered their coats, jaickets and bags thegither and stood up.
“So?” Senga and Johnboy said in unison, smiling awkwardly, as they looked across the table at each other efter staunin up.
“Whit happens noo?” Johnboy asked her.
“Ah’ll speak tae Lizzie and Ah’ll get in touch wae Simon aboot seeing the lawyer.”
“Naw, Ah meant aboot us?”
“Well, until we kin get ye oot ae here, it looks like Ah’ll be daeing a lot ae writing in ma spare time.”
“Aw the mail is opened and read, so it is. So watch whit ye’re saying.”
“Johnboy, Ah couldnae care less who knows Ah love ye. If they want tae read that in ma letters, then let them…that’
s fine wae me, so it is,” she shrugged, as the other visitors started making their way towards the door.
“Am Ah allowed tae kiss ye?” he asked shyly.
“In a sec,” she replied smiling, as she flicked a Polo mint fae the packet wae her fingernail, and popped it intae her mooth.
Senga moved fae her side ae the table and put her erms roond his neck, as Fanny Flaw and Alison Crawford looked oan, smiling, fae the tea and juice table at the bottom end ae the hall.
“Senga?” Johnboy shouted efter her, jist before she disappeared through the gym doors.
“Aye?” she asked, wiping a tear aff ae her cheek, turning tae face him.
“Whit’s the name ae that perfume ye’re wearing?” he asked her, still wondering whit she’d meant, when she’d telt him that he wis whit he’d become and no whit he wis.
“Fidji by Guy Laroche. It’s an original bottle fae the first batch produced in 1966 that Ah goat aff ae Kim Sui as a present a while back,” she replied, smiling, before she disappeared through the door, jist two steps in front ae Simon Epstein’s shadow.
As Johnboy stood there in shock and grief, wondering if he wid ever see Senga Jackson alive again, Tony Gucci came towards him, followed by Silent Smith, Snappy Johnston and Pat McCabe and rested his haun oan his shoulder.
“Listen, don’t ye worry aboot a thing, Johnboy. If anywan back in the toon kin keep Senga and that flatmate ae hers alive, it’ll be oor Simon, Peter, Ben and Jake, so it will. You mark ma words.”