“That I might die?”
“Anyone of us might die at any time, Finn. There is nothing I can do to stop the hand of death. Nothing I can do to keep you alive if it is the will of the gods.”
“You are acting really weird.” He shook his head before dipping down into the water and wetting his hair. He slid his hand back through the tangled length of it, brushing it away from his face and drawing his hand down to clear away the water. “You don’t believe in the will of the gods. You’ve been saying your whole life that we have free will…We make our own choices.”
“Maybe I was wrong,” his brother shrugged. “Maybe we have no will of our own and we are just pawns in some game the gods play to keep themselves amused. Either way, I am done trying to figure it all out.”
“Did you hit your head on your way out of Hodon’s hall?”
Vilnjar laughed good naturedly and slapped Finn on his wet shoulder, the sting of his palm tingling just beneath the surface of Finn’s skin. “It doesn’t matter, Finn. None of it. I’m just accepting that fact. I’ve been fighting the will of the gods when it comes to your well-being my whole life. I’m getting tired of fighting, tired of walking behind you and trying to make sure you don’t step in any traps. I want to live my own life now.”
“I’ve been telling you to live your own life for years.”
“I swore an oath to our mother.” For a moment the stiffness returned to his voice, and Finn thought for sure whatever had gotten into him was about to release its hold.
“What do you mean?”
“When she was dying, she made me promise to look after you, to keep you safe. But you’re a man now, aren’t you? It’s time you take care of and look after yourself.”
He stared at his brother through the veil of rising steam. Something wasn’t right with the man, but he wasn’t about to argue. He’d spent his whole life trying to get Viln to loosen his grip, but he couldn’t deny feeling strange about his sudden change in attitude.
“You sure you didn’t hit your head today, Viln?”
Again, his brother laughed, his hand swiping a wave of water across the pool to splash him almost playfully. His brother had never been playful. Something was definitely wrong with the man, but before Finn had a chance to dwell upon it, he heard a familiar child’s voice on the other side of the door.
“That sounds like Roggi,” he changed the subject, his insides fluttering at the thought of seeing Lorelei, even if she was mad at him for reasons he still didn’t understand. “Do you think Lorelei is still here?”
“Why, are you planning to run out and give her a flash of what she can expect when she’s ready to mate with you?”
Finn’s brow furrowed at the sound of his brother’s laughter, and then he focused on the sound of Roggi’s voice dwindling as they left the bathhouse. Something was definitely going on with his brother, and while normally he made it a point to ignore the rise and fall of Viln’s emotions just to get under his skin, he had a bad feeling about the way his brother was acting.
That feeling combined with the possibility of impending doom wrenched his insides like a tightening fist and for the first time in his life, Finn was actually a little scared of things to come.
CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE
The bathhouse was a bustling hub of excitement where the women of Dunvarak gathered each morning to bathe their children and share the latest gossip. It felt strange, watching them casually linger at the deeper end of the pool sharing conversation while their children splashed and played noisily in the shallows.
Lorelei had never been permitted in the public bathhouse in Rivenn. Pahjah always insisted they were dirty places lacking in privacy, and a young woman of her stature had no business running naked through such a place while there were men just a room away. The women of Dunvarak seemed to care very little about the men, who were just a room away. They walked casually through the bathhouse, not even wrapping their naked bodies in towels, but strutting proudly, as though celebrating their own skin, rather than hiding it.
She felt self-conscious at first, almost as much as she had when Finn stood behind her while she bathed in the stream, but after a few minutes Viina’s relaxed nature put her at ease and she almost forgot she was naked in a pool with a group of strange women she’d never met before. They waded toward an empty corner, and Lorelei immediately dipped into the warm water with a soft, relaxed breath.
She swore she could feel the dirt and sweat melting from her body, the pores in her skin opening and her muscles loosening as she dipped back into the water and just listened to everything going on around her.
Keeping a close eye on Roggi, Viina sank into the pool beside her and tilted her head back to wet her hair. She dunked down into the water and rose back up, running the palm of her hand back to smooth the dripping brown tendrils away from her face and scanning to find Roggi again.
“There are times I wish I could visit the bathhouse alone, just to have a few moments to myself, but Logren has so very little time to look after Roggi just so I can have a moment of peace.”
“He is a little fireball, isn’t he?” Lorelei laughed softly and glanced across the pool just in time to see her nephew running across the wet stone before vaulting into the water with a broad splash that rippled all the way to their end of the pool.
“Roggi! No running!” his mother shouted across the bathhouse. “There are days I think that child will be the end of me,” she confessed with a playful chuckle. “I couldn’t imagine having another, but Logren talks about filling our home with half a dozen brave little pups. Perhaps if he was home with his son more often, he would think more carefully about such things.” Her hand dripped, rivulets running down her elbow as she smoothed fingers through the tangles of her hair again. “Does Finn pressure you often for sons? A great strapping wolf like that, I know you are both still so very young, but I imagine it is all he thinks about, especially since there are so few U’lfer left.”
A warm, tingling sensation tickled inside her gut and she squirmed a little beneath the water until it lapped just below her chin. “Finn and I only just met,” she admitted in a low voice. “He saved me from a potentially lethal situation and then… I don’t know, it’s all kind of escalated from there. I didn’t even know what a mate was until he told me, and he didn’t exactly tell me I was his at the time.” She didn’t know why, but she felt ashamed when she said that. As if it should have come instantly to her, her feelings for him developing at the same pace as his.
Viina cast a disbelieving look down over her shoulder at her, her lively eyes widening with intrigue. “You did not know at all?”
“No.” Lorelei shook her head. “I overheard him and his brother say a few things while we were traveling together, and after Finn explained to me what it really was to be mated to someone I had my suspicions, but I don’t think it really sunk in until last night when your seer confirmed it. Are you and my brother… mated?”
A warm smile spread across the other woman’s face. “I saw Logren when I was only twelve years old. He was fourteen, and though my father had spoken of him half a hundred times, I had never met him. He came to Hodon’s hall to report after a patrol one early morning, and when our eyes met we both knew.”
“Hodon is your father?”
“Aye.”
“And… when you say you knew, did you feel it in your heart?” she asked uncertainly.
“In my heart,” Viina nodded, “in my gut, my soul. Every part of me is alive when I am with my mate, and once you’ve actually mated…” Her voice trailed off, her attention drawn to her son splashing water in the face of another child at the other end of the pool, his shrill laughter echoing. “Roggi, you know the rules. Do I have to come over there?”
Lorelei didn’t listen to the child’s protesting argument, but instead laid her head back along the lip of the pool and let her thoughts wander. What would it be like to experience that kind of bond with another person? A part of her already felt so close to Finn,
even though she hardly knew him. How would it feel to fully bond with him, to embrace him and let her heart soar with his?
“And then you bring a child into the world together, and I swear sometimes it is that bond alone that holds you together.” Viina sat down again, her long arms dipping beneath the surface, hands stretching down her legs as she relaxed again. “Since Roggi was born and Logren has allowed your coming to consume his every waking moment, we have not had much time to enjoy one another as we once did. You should take advantage of all this time you have alone with Finn. Once there are children…”
Alone with Finn… Once again that tingling tickle circulated in her gut, her face growing hot at the mere thought of kissing him, his strong hands touching her body in places no one else had ever touched her before. Even worse, her mind brought Brendolowyn into that picture and stood her between the two them, their expectant gazes intense as they willed her to choose. Choose only one wolf to spend the rest of eternity with and leave the other one painfully longing.
No… She was being presumptuous. She didn’t even know if Brendolowyn really liked her that way, even if he had dropped enough hints to make her wonder while playfully flirting with her as they traveled to Dunvarak. She changed the subject and ignored the warmth burning her cheeks and making her heart race just a little faster.
“My coming here consumed Logren?” She was almost afraid to turn her head, worried she might see bitterness and resentment on the other woman’s face.
But instead Viina laughed. “Everyone here has been preoccupied with your arrival these last three years, but Logren most of all. You are his sister. He has been waiting to meet you since he knew he had a sister. You are the only connection he has in this world to the man who brought you both into it, and my husband loved his father more than anything.”
“I wish I had known I had a brother,” she lamented. “I wish I’d known a lot of things.”
Viina didn’t seem to know what to say in response to that, so she said nothing at all. The two of them bathed quietly for a time, her sister-in-law watching after her son before finally wading across the pool to make sure he washed before emerging. Lorelei wanted to slouch down further into the water and stay there until all of her troubles melted away.
The worst part about her troubles was that she didn’t feel even half as concerned as she should have about whatever quest Yovenna was to tell her she needed to embark upon. She was still agitated by the dream she’d had that morning, and annoyed by how quick Finn had been to tell her he and his brother didn’t need her to look after them. If the bond they shared really ran as deeply as everyone made it out to be, how could he not know it actually meant something to her to be able to give back after he and Vilnjar had done so much for her?
He was no better than a thoughtless little boy sometimes, a massive, strong, adorable little boy with full lips and a quirky smile that made her feel as giddy and boy crazy as her little sister used to get whenever they would watch Aelfric’s soldiers practicing in the yard below their bedroom window. Miri used to giggle and scream and blush while Lorelei tried to hide her squeals behind a well-placed hand, and even though the men didn’t seem to even notice them, her sister always said they were watching. It was a man’s place to watch, Miri told her, and now that Lorelei thought about it, she could clearly see both Finn and Bren watching her wherever they were, as if some spell prohibited them from removing their gazes.
How could her little sister know so much more about men than she did? It gave her a jealous twinge to even think of it, but if Mirien were in her shoes she’d have kissed both of them already and had them trailing after her every word like dogs on leashes. Lorelei was just not that kind of girl. Sure, she liked men well enough, but the prospect of choosing who she married had never been in the cards for her, so she hadn’t wasted time daydreaming the way her sister did. Now her future was wide open, she could spend the rest of her days with whomever she wished and the thought of hurting one to spare the other made her heart feel like it would shatter.
Worse was the fact that she didn’t even really know how Brendolowyn felt about her. A dream was just a dream, but she couldn’t help feeling like he had truly been there, his wolf spirit coaxing hers with the simple truth that he was more like her than Finn would ever be.
Climbing out of the pool, one of the attendants stepped forward to wrap a long, soft sheet of cloth around her body to dry her water-logged skin. The woman tucked the sheet across her bosom and stepped back to smile at her before bowing her head in reverence. Everyone in Dunvarak had been bowing to her that way all morning. Passing her by, they lowered their heads as if they dare not look into her eyes. Growing up in Aelfric’s court, such behavior should have felt commonplace, but the way the people in that city treated her went well above general respect for her station in life. They almost seemed to worship her.
Withdrawing from the attendant, she gathered her new clothing and let the dress in her hands drop open. The fabric felt so soft and light against her skin, though it felt almost as heavy and warm as the woolen outfit the Council of the Nine had given her before sending her off to her death. They stopped to see the weaver, the old man offering whatever the Light of Madra wished, and she’d picked out clothes for herself, Finn and Vilnjar, choosing a simple cream shirt and tanned elk skin breeches for the brothers.
As she drew into the soft, clean dress Viina gave her and sat down to slip new stockings over her feet, Lorelei realized all her life she had taken getting dressed for granted. She had taken a lot of things for granted, things she’d always just expected to be there, like warmth, for instance, and clean clothes, the constant availability of food to fill her stomach when she was hungry, water when she was thirsty, but most of all she’d taken the truth for granted.
She believed everything everyone told her up until she’d run away from Trystay. That, more than anything, made her feel foolish and naive.
Pahjah always stressed the importance of paying attention to the world around her, and Lorelei took great pride in her cleverness, but she felt so stupid and childish it actually made her feel a little sick to her stomach. There were so many things she’d blindly believed, things about the world and the people in it… It was going to take years for her to unlearn all those things and start thinking for herself.
“You look a true princess in that gown,” Viina said. “Finn won’t be able to keep his eyes off of you.”
When Lorelei glanced down at the flowing, layered fabric covering her legs when she stood, she kept to herself that such a gown would have been considered too common for her in Aelfric’s court and took comfort in its simplicity. At least she could breathe in it, which was more than she could say for half the gowns Pahjah had wrenched her into in order to show her off at court.
There would be no fainting in front of anyone in that dress.
“I will take you to Yovenna. She has no doubt been waiting anxiously since the sun rose for you to finally come and hear of the deeds you are meant to endure.”
“What kind of deeds?”
“I only wish I knew.”
After Viina gathered Roggi and dressed him, they emerged from the bathhouse into the brisk, mid-morning air. She found herself scanning the street for signs of Finn, but instead caught a glimpse of Brendolowyn leaving the open gates of towering hall across the cobbled road. He smiled when he saw them and began making his way across to greet them. The boy clinging tight to Lorelei’s hand jerked her forward as he raced to meet his uncle.
“Uncle, may I come with you to the Lyceum this day?”
Brendolowyn swooped down to lift him into his arms, holding the boy out to regard him. “I’m afraid not this day, little pup. I am preparing for a long journey,” he paused to look over at Lorelei, his sharp eyes softening as he took her in, “when your aunt is ready for us to depart, that is.”
“Depart? But she only just got here,” Roggi wailed, glancing back at her with wide, disbelieving eyes. “Auntie, why are you leaving
so soon?”
“The Light of Madra has many important tasks to undertake, Roggi,” his mother interjected, sidling up and tucking a damp red curl behind his ear. “But she will return, just like your da always does.”
“Is Father leaving too?” The unshed tears in his eyes made them shine like precious stones, the droplets gliding down his cheeks when he blinked and looked away from Lorelei as if the mere sight of her made him angry.
“Father is not going anywhere for a while,” his mother promised. “But all grown-ups must see to their tasks eventually. You know this.”
“I am never growing up!” he declared, wriggling out of Brendolowyn’s arms.
Viina quickly grabbing him before he could take off running in a fit of anger.
“Would that I could keep you small forever, little one,” she tried to hush him, but his temper flared too quickly, and the woman struggled to keep him in her arms. “Bren, I should take him home for his nap, would you mind showing Lorelei the way to Yovenna’s? The old seer has been waiting for her.”
“I would be honored to show her the way.”
As Viina scurried off with her wriggling, screaming little boy, Lorelei was left standing alone in the middle of the street with the half-elven mage. She felt awkward and incredibly self-conscious about everything from the way her dress fit to whether or not she’d braided her hair evenly. She never felt like that around Finn, and though that should have told her everything she needed to know, she dwelt on the discomfort and fell into step beside Brendolowyn when he urged her to follow him.
“You look refreshed,” he noticed, turning his head to look down over his shoulder at her. A playful glimmer surfaced in his intense, lavender eyes and she watched the corner of his mouth edge upward before he looked away and toward the street.
And clean, she thought, realizing that he’d never seen her clean and wondering for a fleeting moment if that was what he really meant but was just too polite to say.
Edgelanders (Serpent of Time) Page 48