The car arrived, but they held back while a new mom with her baby and the beaming daddy exited.
Swell. Just what Tanner needed to see—a not so subtle reminder of the family he would apparently never have.
Nurse Stephie rolled him inside the cramped space.
“She’ll regain her memory,” she said after pressing the button for their floor. “Give it time.”
“Sure. I’d love to give all of this more and more time. My entire life has been on hold for weeks, but let’s play this game a little longer. It’s a lot of fun.” He struck his right fist, intending to meet with a satisfying knock against the stainless-steel wall. Instead, the only thing he struck was air. The force of his motion ripped the bandages from his back, which hurt like a sonofabitch.
But honestly? What didn’t?
Physical pain. Emotional pain. His days and nights had become nothing but a steaming pile of suck.
He wanted off this ride. He’d fought for Jenny so long that he’d lost sight of what he was even fighting for. She’d already left him once on the grounds that she hated their life. She hated the brutal Alaskan climate. The close-knit community that she described as gossipy and up in her business. Toward the end, she’d most especially hated him for taking her there.
When they reached their floor, Stephie wheeled him to his room and helped him into bed.
Just what he needed—more time alone with his thoughts.
She fussed with reattaching his bandages and settling his IV bags back in their usual positions—thank God he was done with the catheter. Finished, she started to say something, but stopped.
“What?” he asked.
“Nothing. It’s not important.”
He sighed. “Just tell me. It’s not like this day could get worse.”
“I wanted to remind you that all of this is temporary. When I was in your position, I remember endless rounds of treatment and believing I’d never get off this hamster wheel. But I did and you will, too. Jenny’s your wife and carrying your child. Both of which give you an awesome advantage when it comes to wooing her back. Maybe she’ll never recall what you once shared. But does it even matter? Show her what the two of you and your baby could become…”
Chapter Five
May…
“WHY ARE YOU making me do this?” Jenny asked her mom while their charter pilot hauled luggage from the cargo hold, then fed it into the back of his SUV. They stood on the dock where they’d disembarked from the seaplane. If she’d been alone, she’d have tipped her face back, drinking in the warm May sun. The day was as spectacular as the sparkling lake ringed with snowcapped mountains. Eve told her she’d hated this place, but how was that possible when it looked like a postcard or glossy jigsaw puzzle? Not that a gasp-worthy view changed her situation. “It’s not fair. I shouldn’t be forced to live with a stranger.”
“A stranger who just happens to be your husband and father of your child. I’ve told you over and over—your divorce was never made final. Judging by the amount of times he’s flown to San Diego to visit, you should have already remembered how you first fell in love.”
About that… Jenny cupped her hands to her growing belly. All of this was still so strange. If she’d once loved this Tanner person enough that they’d made a baby, how come she couldn’t remember?
“You adored him once, and you’ll adore him again.”
“You’re acting like this is the Dark Ages. Why can’t I just live with Eve?”
“Because you’re married. Your father and I both think your place is with your husband.”
“Even though he’s a stranger?”
“All set.” The friendly pilot who’d introduced himself as Colby waved them from the dock to his ride. Judging by his sideways glances, he was another person she was supposed to know. Truthfully, more than she was afraid of spending time with the man everyone said was her husband, she was afraid of herself, of the terror stemming from having lost a massive chunk of her life. Where had it gone? Why couldn’t her doctors bring it back?
Her obstetrician was the only one who seemed comfortable with Jenny’s new situation. She constantly reassured her that her baby was healthy and strong. She’d already consulted with Jenny’s new Kodiak Gorge doctor, but even that was awkward since the doctor wasn’t new at all, but apparently a woman she’d known and considered a friend.
Colby opened the vehicle’s front door for her, but she gestured to the back.
He helped her up, leaving her to fasten her seatbelt while he offered a hand to her mom.
“You and I briefly met at Tanner and Jenny’s wedding.” Barbara smiled and thanked him.
He rounded the SUV’s front, climbing in behind the wheel.
“I remember,” her mom said, “because you were constantly chewing gum—grape.”
Laughing, he started the engine. “Guilty as charged. I’d been putting in a lot of flight time and couldn’t get my ears to pop. Guess they were more used to flying than romance.”
They shared a smile before revisiting wedding memories of the candy buffet and Tanner’s groom cake that had been in the shape of a moose.
Jenny closed her eyes, fighting rising panic.
Why were her parents doing this? Since her release from the Anchorage hospital, she’d lived with them in San Diego. Cocooned in what had been her teen bedroom, she’d surrounded herself with the familiar and healing her body. She’d had to relearn so much. Her coordination was off and sometimes her words didn’t come out the way she’d intended. Crowds scared her. Loud noises scared her. Most of all, the notion that she was married to a stranger and expecting his baby scared her.
Yes, Tanner had visited. Yes, he’d been sweet. Faultlessly polite. But where was the chemistry? The heat? Why didn’t she feel something?
Maybe because they’d never been left unsupervised? She’d never so much as brushed her fingers against his. Maybe she owed it to her baby to give their ghost of a marriage one last shot?
She probably did, but that didn’t mean that given a choice, she never would have boarded her first flight, let alone the last one that landed her in Kodiak Gorge.
Driving down the quiet streets, it seemed as if the whole world was thawing. Melting snow dripped from the edges of steep roofs and ran in rivers down the sides of the blacktop road. They passed a bank, alongside of which was a fenced playground filled with a half-dozen enthusiastic toddlers. Two women shared a bench. They cradled mugs, laughing and seemingly enjoying the day.
Envy squeezed Jenny’s already aching throat. She missed a sense of belonging. Of knowing her place in the world. Sure, she had Eve and her parents, but sometimes they didn’t feel like enough. If pressed to identify what would be enough, she wouldn’t have been able to say.
Colby said, “Tanner’s been working like a beast to get your new house ready.”
“That’s nice.” Jenny’s mom said.
Jenny met Colby’s gaze in the rearview mirror.
“You probably don’t remember,” he said, still looking, “but you used to hang out with my wife, Rose, and our friend Brody’s wife, Lilianna. They gave Tanner pointers on the nursery.”
She found a smile. “Please thank her—your wife.”
“I will. She wants to see you. In fact, she’s planning a welcome home party for Saturday night. I told her it might be too soon, but you know Rose. She jumps right in with both feet.”
“I don’t—know her,” Jenny whispered more for herself than him. Clearing her throat, she said, “Sorry. This is all a lot to take in.”
“I get it. Thankfully, you have a lot of friends. We’re all happy to help.”
He pulled onto a quieter street—not that traffic on the previous road had been bumper-to-bumper, but this road was empty and the houses were spread out or tucked amongst trees. After maybe a half-mile, Colby turned again onto a long, winding gravel drive that took them through a fairy-tale forest of white-bark trees with silver dollar leaves. Aspen or birch?
Jenny’
s heart pounded. She desperately wanted to cry out for this Colby person to stop. Turn the car around and take her back to his plane. Fly her back to Anchorage where she’d arrange for a return ticket to San Diego. She’d spend the rest of her life safely hiding in her old teenage bedroom where panic attacks wouldn’t make her heart race as if she were midway through her city’s annual Rock ‘n’ Roll marathon. She’d never run it, but Hawk had. Well—that wasn’t really his name. Just what his Navy buddies called him. He’d explained that he’d been trained as a sniper, and had hawk-like vision. She liked him—a lot. Why hadn’t he visited? If she was married to Tanner, why did she still feel as if she was dating Hawk?
“Here we are…” Colby parked the SUV in front of a cedar-sided three-story home with a blue metal roof and garage doors. The garage was on the lower level, making the place look like a three-tiered chocolate cupcake with blueberry filling and icing. The notion made her smile.
After turning off the engine, Colby helped her mom exit the vehicle, then her.
“Thank you,” Jenny said. She would have preferred the luxury of not needing anyone’s help, but her doctors and physical therapists told her full independence could be as much as a year away—if not longer, because of the baby. Pending motherhood scared her almost as much as being married to a stranger. At least her baby was a part of her.
“Finally!” Twelve feet above them, the front door opened and the man she recognized from the wedding photos her mother was constantly dragging out emerged with a smile and wave. He ambled down the steps, then jogged to hug her mother. Upon reaching Jenny, he held out his arms as if intending to hug her, but when she stepped back, folding her arms, he turned to Colby, shaking his hand. “Thanks for grabbing these two beauties. I appreciate your help.”
“No worries,” Colby said. “I was already in Anchorage, picking up freight for a few businesses in town. Barbara and Jenny didn’t add much weight.”
Jenny’s mother beamed. “Aren’t you a charmer? If you and I weren’t both happily married, I’d make a play for you.”
Colby reddened. “Thank you?”
The two men and Jenny’s mom shared a laugh.
As was her new normal, Jenny stood on the group’s periphery. The perpetual outsider.
But that was okay.
It gave her time for breathing in the rich, woodsy air.
Her therapist told her deep breathing staved off panic. In and out. Nice and slow, focusing on the awe-inspiring canyon view. The home had been nestled between two snow-capped mountains. From this elevation, the valley looked like a long green carpet just waiting to be played on with her Barbies. Another smile, this one all for herself. Point of fact—she hadn’t taken her Barbies out of her family home’s attic in at least a decade. But if she had, it might be fun to take Barbie and Ken camping.
“What’s got you so deep in thought?”
Jenny looked up with a start to find that while she’d been daydreaming. Her mother and Colby were carting luggage into the house, which left her alone with Tanner.
“You looked like you were a million miles away.”
“It was nothing.” She looked down to her clasped hands.
“I get that this must be hard for you,” Tanner said. “But for us, for our baby, this makes sense. We need to get to know each other all over again. Promise, we’ll take it slow. Think of tonight as our first date.”
She just stared at him, blinking. One of the more annoying lasting effects from her coma was a sort of brain fog. Internally, she knew what she wanted to say, but the words refused to come.
“You okay?”
She nodded, but then shook her head, fighting tears. Pregnancy hormones didn’t help.
“Let’s get you inside and settled. I’ve got your room set up—with lots of help from your friends. Even wearing guy goggles, I think it looks good. In our old house, you wanted things pretty, but I blocked you. Sorry about that. It wasn’t cool for me to interfere with your lady business.”
“I have my own room?” She sharply exhaled. Thank God.
“Sure. I thought that would be best. Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing I’d like more than for you to one day invite me to share the master with you. But that’s entirely your call.”
Hugging herself, she said, “Thank you. And decorated friends. That didn’t come out right. My words—sometimes I get them confused.”
“Don’t worry about it. And I totally get what you meant. Come on,” he gestured her to follow. “Let me show you our new home.”
Our home.
The place where Jenny’s heart must have lived now felt empty.
A home was supposed to be where she felt most secure. As adorable as the house was with its valley view and fairy-tale forest, those weren’t the elements that made it a true home. Even with her temporarily stunted brain power, she recognized that the key to transforming this house into a true family home was solely in her control.
All she had to do was learn to love her husband…
“Tanner?” she asked, his name sounding foreign on her tongue.
“Yes.” Neither had yet to move.
“Eve told me that before the baby, you and I were basically divorced. Why?”
“The condensed version?” Looking down, he ran his palm across the faint stubble on his jaw. “I was a control freak and you hated it. I can’t fault you for that, and I’m working on it. My injuries from the fire—they taught me control is an illusion. The price I’ve paid for maintaining it was losing you. I’ve more than learned my lesson, and am not too proud to beg you to give us—our child—a chance at growing up in a stable home. One issue I can’t fix is the fact that you hated this town. The state. Pretty much anything having to do with being outdoors.”
“Why couldn’t we move?”
“Honestly? We could. But…”
“My family and friends are in San Diego.”
“True on the family part, but you’ve got a bunch of friends here. You’re way more popular than I’ve ever been. You just don’t remember. But you will.”
“What if I don’t?” According to her doctors, there was a chance her memory may never return.
“How about we deal with that later? For now, see the house. Settle in.”
Sounded reasonable.
“No one’s forcing you to stay, Jen.” He met her gaze head-on. “I love you enough that I’m prepared to let you go. It would kill me, but you need to know I would.”
“Thank you.” Something about the intensity behind his impossibly blue eyes made her next breath stick in her throat.
“Come on…” He was again gesturing her toward the pretty cupcake of a house. “I’m excited for you to see our new digs.”
Jenny hesitantly followed, warring with the unknown part of herself wanting to hold Tanner’s outstretched hand.
Chapter Six
WAITING TO LEARN if Jenny approved of their new home had Tanner more nervous than his first mission to Iraq. He found himself holding his breath. Gripping the rail of the second floor reading loft that Rose and Lilianna helped stock with cozy mysteries and romance novels and the sort of decorating books they’d assured him Jenny would enjoy.
“This place is darling,” Barbara said. “Especially this master suite—though I doubt you had much to do with that sunny yellow wall color and inviting floral comforter set.”
“Guilty.” Tanner trailed his wife and mother-in-law into Jenny’s room. “Rose and Lilianna get the glory.” To the stranger who was his wife, he added, “They remembered how sad you got in the winter, when there’s so little daylight. I chose this house for the southern exposure. In here, you should be drenched in sunlight. But I added blackout shades for summer. You also didn’t like the too-long days.”
“You make me sound like a spoiled brat.” Jenny’s mood was unreadable. Her expression as pale as her skin. She trailed her fingertips along a crystal ball collection that shimmered in the late afternoon sun, casting rainbows on the ceiling and far wall. Ever
ything about the room had been designed for her pleasure. From the high thread count white sheets with lace trim he’d ordered online from Macy’s to the sumptuous white area rugs guaranteed to warm her feet on chilly winter mornings. “Was there anything from our old life I did enjoy?”
“I guess…” He found himself yet again clinging—this time to the edge of the ornate antique dresser that had to be disassembled for its flight from an Anchorage shop. Jenny held all the power. She’d reduced him to a fraction of the man he used to be. “You liked hanging out with your girlfriends. You used to love to scrapbook. I’m sad to say they all burned in the fire.”
“They were such special keepsakes,” Barbara added. “Each time you and Tanner traveled or celebrated a holiday, you’d make a new one. You had quite a collection.”
“I bought supplies for more,” Tanner said. “There’s an alcove next to the kitchen. It’s not much—enough space that I thought you might use it for a craft room. If you’d like.”
“Funny,” she said without cracking a smile. “The way all of you seem to be walking on eggshells. Did I have a temper?”
“Legendary,” Colby blurted.
“It wasn’t that bad,” Tanner covered. “Neither of us ever fully adjusted to married life, but toward the end—once you’d learned you were pregnant, we talked more. It was nice.”
She walked the room as if she were a transplanted zoo animal inspecting her new cage.
“Barbara,” Colby said, “I don’t mean to rush you, but if I’m going to get you back to Anchorage for your flight, we need to get going.”
“You’re leaving?” This news startled Jenny from her trance. “Mom, I thought you’d stay? I mean, I assumed—”
“You two newlyweds hardly need me hanging around. I’ll be back in August when the baby’s due. Until then, enjoy this beautiful new house and remembering why you first fell in love with your handsome husband.”
Tanner was overcome with emotion when Barbara ambushed him with a surprisingly strong hug.
“Take good care of her,” she whispered in his ear. “Above all, be patient.”
Be My Valentine, Baby (SEAL Team: Holiday Heroes Book 3) Page 3