by Phil Geusz
I was late delivering my parcel, though at least the woman waiting for me was understanding about the delay. “Took sixty-seven, did you?” she asked with a smile as I stepped into her office. “That was a mistake!”
“Yeah” I replied, pressing my lips together in recalled frustration. “They were still hosing things down when I came through.
She looked at me searchingly. Like all of my relatives, Cousin Megan was familiar with the nature of my little problem. “You didn’t absorb any stray mana at the accident scene, did you?”
My eyes dropped. This wasn’t a subject that I cared to discuss, not even with family. But I couldn’t exactly lie to them, either. Not when the truth was so obvious for anyone and everyone to see. “No. Or not there, at least. They were almost done washing-down when I passed through. And I was all the way in the opposite lane from the contaminated truck. Still, it was a mess.”
Megan immediately picked up on the key words I’d spoken. “What do you mean, ‘not there’”
I shuffled my feet, catching a hindclaw in the carpet. “Well… There was a security ward in the dropoff room. The thing was well-shielded, and twisted around in a way that I've never seen before. By the time I realized it was there, the damage was already done.” I set down the little briefcase I was carrying, then held up my hands for inspection. Where this morning I’d been the proud owner of two furry but otherwise human-looking hands, I now possessed a matching pair of rather pawlike mitten-thingies.
“Oh, no!” Megan whimpered, biting down on a finger.
I sighed. We didn’t see each other very often, and therefore my cousin wasn’t accustomed to dealing with the curse-thing. “It’s all right, Megan,” I reassured her, flexing my, well… Were the things at the ends of my arms still 'hands'? “I’ve retained the opposable thumbs. In fact, I drove all the way back here just fine. The car was a stickshift, too!”
“But… But…” she stuttered. Then her professional side took over. After all, like almost everyone else in my family she was a licensed thaumaturgist. “Was there any pain?”
“No,” I replied.
“How about your mind? Is it clear?”
“Crystal-clear. Do you think I’m acting funny or something?”
“You always act funny.” She paused, examining me closely. “I think you’ve lost a little height. And your eyes are wider apart than they were.”
“I think so, too,” I agreed. My muzzle also felt longer, though I didn’t choose to share that little detail.
“Let me see your paws,” she demanded, not noticing me wince at her choice of words. So, to everyone else the things at the ends of my arms weren’t hands. If other people thought of them as ‘paws’, then it’d probably be best if I went along with them. Being realistic about this sort of thing was one of the keys to sanity under very trying conditions. But still, the forepaws were another waypoint crossed on my descent down the slope towards pure animalhood. I held up my mitten-thingies for her and she kneaded first one and then the other. “It’s the same pattern of change you’ve been experiencing for years,” she observed, quite unnecessarily. “Your body is progressing towards a lapine state in a series of tiny jumps.” She sighed. “Those paws don’t feel very sensitive.”
“They’re not. The fur’s pretty thick, especially on the, er… soles. And I’m going to have to learn to be careful of the claws. Heaven knows they’re awkward enough on my feet. Or on my hindpaws, rather” I hastily corrected myself.
Megan tilted her head to one side; she was on the verge of tears. “Oh, poor Gregory! I hate watching this happen to you!”
I shrugged. She hated watching it, I hated living it. But no known power on Earth could stop it. At age seventeen I’d been kidnapped and cursed by someone; we never found out who, though it was easy enough to guess why. The honorless cheat enchanted me anyway, despite the payment of a huge magical ransom. So far, the curse had proven immune to all counterspells. Even worse, exposure to any sort of magic only made things go faster. This tended to make my fellow mages reluctant to attempt much in the way of scrying or experimenting. Where once I’d been well on my way to becoming a prestigious and powerful sorcerer in the family tradition, now I was destined with absolute certainty to become a humble rabbit. A family pet instead of a family leader. In both mind and body.
But not today, I reminded myself as Megan finally gave in and threw herself into my arms to weep. Today I wasn't yet living in a cage, nor today would I beg for attention from friends and cower away from strangers. I still had months or possibly even years of near-humanity ahead of me. Depending on how one defined ‘near’, that was. Some would already say that I was more a near-rabbit than a near-human. Everything grows blurry pretty fast once you set out to define ‘human’ in a world with magic in it.
It was too much, having her weeping in my arms that way. All the pathetic little mental defenses I’d built against the horror of my situation broke down once my cousin’s tears wet my fur, and despair came rushing in through the cracks. So I finally broke down and wept a little myself, the wails emerging from my lips in the form of an eerie lapine cry. My distress vocalizations were one of the first things to change, almost as if to deliberately add insult to injury and deny me peace even in tears. For weeks afterwards I’d tried not to cry because the sound was so embarrassing. These days, however, my wails were an accepted part of who and what I was. So now I cried freely whenever I felt it necessary. Not that crying too often was necessarily a good thing, I reminded myself. Too much weeping would mean that I was meekly accepting my fate, giving in to my creeping bunnyhood. And I’d resolved never to do that. Not ever! Make the best of things, yes. Be honest with myself and deal with matters realistically, yes. But I’d never give in! Not while I still had a human soul to fight back with!
And after that, I reckoned that it wouldn’t matter very much anymore anyway.
Finally I finished my cry and forced myself to smile up at my cousin. She towered about a foot over me these days, where once our statures had been reversed. “Well… There’s no use crying over spilt milk. What’s done is done, and I’ll deal with it somehow. So… How about we take a look at what I’ve brought you?”
She pulled away. “Yes. Of course, Gregory.” Her manner slipped back into ‘professional’ mode. “We’re going to have to do a more complete evaluation on you, of course. But that can wait a bit. What’s in the package?”
“Nothing powder,” I replied, a note of pride in my voice. “The real stuff, I think.”
“Oh!” She reached down and grabbed the briefcase. “May I?”
“But of course!” I was regaining my usual self-assurance rapidly, stepping back into the highly-artificial devil-may-care persona that my self-respect demanded.
She placed the valise on her desktop and examined the latches. “I’m going to take precautions, Greg. I hope you don't mind."
“Naturally not,” I replied. “Everyone does.”
“I’ll have to call your mother. To monitor.”
The curse had strained my relationship with Mom badly, perhaps even ruined it beyond all repair. Not only did she blame herself for what I was becoming, but because I was so magic-sensitive and she was so powerful we couldn’t even meet face-to-face anymore. Her mere physical presence was enough to induce rapid changes in me. Long ago I’d come to understand that she was the true target of what had been done to me. And the blow had struck home hard. “I understand.”
“Good.” She picked up the phone. “Get me Aunt Clara please,” she ordered. “Right away. Tell her secretary it’s important.”
I heard the administrative assistant’s reply through the earpiece- “Right away, ma’am.” There were at least a few bonuses involved in becoming a lapine, and I made it a point to actively seek them out and embrace them. It was my way of making the best of things. I’d had rabbit-ears for almost half a decade by then, and would frankly miss them if by some miracle I were ever cured. The nose too, for that matter.
My mo
ther was on the line in seconds. “What is it, Megan? Is Gregory all right?”
My cousin looked to me for guidance. I wriggled my nose for a second in thought and then nodded. There was no point in trying to hide anything when my problems were quite literally written all over my face. “He’s descended a little further, Aunt Clara. There was some unexpected mana-exposure. But basically he’s all right.”
“Oh, gods!” I heard my mother reply. “How much damage was there?”
“He’s shrunk a little…”
“Gods!”
…and his eyes are a bit further apart,” she finished quickly, clearly not wanting to lay too much on her aunt all at once. “But his mind is fine!”
“Does he seem any shyer to you?” Mom demanded. “More timid or high-strung?”
“No,” Megan replied emphatically. “Absolutely not. We’ll get him a full evaluation later. But he’s okay. Would you like to talk to him?”
I winced, but it was too late. “Yes!” my mother exclaimed eagerly. “Is he right there with you?”
“It’s all right,” I muttered. Then the phone was in my hand—er, paw. “Hello, Mom!” I forced myself to say cheerfully. “I’m just fine. Don’t worry so much!”
“Gregory!” she exploded. “When are you going to learn to stay at home and quit taking silly chances? You’re making things go even faster!”
I counted to ten, then decided to be firm. After all, we’d had this talk before. Like, a bajillion times. “Rabbits spend their whole lives sitting at home, Mom. Don’t you think I’m going to have plenty of time to do that later?”
There was a moment’s silence. Then, when Mother finally spoke again, it was if I’d thrust a spear into her bosom. “Gregory! How could you?”
If I let her take control, I reminded myself, I’d end up living out what little life I had left in a sterile, peaceful clinic where I wouldn’t be allowed to do so much as change my own sheets. In fact, it’d taken a Council order to break me out of such a place when I was nineteen. But that’d been years ago, and we understood each other’s needs and feelings better now. Or at least I hoped that we did. “I’m fine, Mom. Believe me, I’m fine. Remember how we decided that the physical changes are progressing so much faster than the mental? A little more rabbityness in the body doesn’t even show that much anymore.”
She sighed, calming herself a bit. “It’s just… This is so very hard for me. I love you.”
“I know it’s hard, Mom. And I love you too.” I swallowed a big lump in my throat. The sentiments were very real, I knew. On both sides, no matter how easy it was to forget sometimes. “I wish that I could hug you.”
“Oh, I want so much just to see you up close! To touch you, to smell you! My little boy, in my arms once again. Not through binoculars!”
I’m little again all right, a voice in the back of my head reminded me. And getting smaller all the time. “Someday we’ll beat this, Mom.” I changed the subject. “I made a buy today.”
“Oh?” she asked, her professional interest stirred. “What did you get?”
“Nothing Powder,” I replied. “Or at least I think so. That’s why Megan called. She wants you to monitor things while she opens it. And that means I’ve got to go.”
“Call me again soon?” she asked, her hope evident in her voice.
“Of course,” I replied a bit guiltily. I didn’t call home nearly often enough, even by my own standards. It was too… Complicated. “I’m gonna go wash up. Bye, Mom!”
“Bye, Gregory!” she replied. “Love you!”
With a sense of profound relief I handed the phone back to my cousin. “This dye stinks,” I said, sniffing at my chestnut-stained arm. “I’m getting sick of it. Is there someplace I can wash up before I report in?”
Megan smiled. “I can do even better than that. There’s a groomer waiting downstairs for you with a warm bath and a blow dryer. I’ve been paying him overtime for hours.”
My mouth opened to protest, then closed again. A bath and a blow dryer sounded heavenly; I’d had a very long day. “Sold.”
“Good!” she replied, eyes twinkling. “I was afraid that you’d raise a fuss.”
“No,” I sighed. “Not this time. Thanks.” And with that I waved and turned away, heading for the elevator. During the one-floor drop my mind wrestled with an old dilemma. I enjoyed being bathed and brushed by a professional. Especially the part at the end where I spent a boneless half-hour or so melted into a little puddle under the blow-dryer. In fact, the truth was that I absolutely adored it. Yet I denied myself the pleasure regardless, to the point that most of the time my fur was dull, tangled and unhealthy-looking. Should loving every second of being petted and stroked and handled be considered a form of giving in to creeping rabbithood? Especially since in this case it was a sign of changes that absolutely did affect my mind and personality? Or, I wondered, was this another case where I should simply make the best of the inevitable and chalk it up to maintaining good health? In my heart of hearts I never did decide which way was better. But there was absolutely no doubt as to what was more pleasant. And after the day I'd just had, well… This time pleasant was going to win out hands down.
II
I woke up the next morning still lying on the groomer’s table. It wasn’t unusual for me to fall asleep under the dryer, but I’d specifically left instructions to be awakened so that I could finish up my business with the Nothing Powder and fly home. I raised my head as the first step towards going to find someone to raise hell with…
…and immediately laid it back down, sighing. My Uncle Andy was sitting in a big easy chair on the other side of the room, studying a thick spellbook. Andrew was a pivotal figure in my life. Though gifted with far less inherent Power than most of my relatives, my father's brother struggled through an Apprenticeship regardless and become a fully qualified sorcerer. Then, not content to live out his life as a second-rate mage, he returned to school and earned a second doctorate in a field at which he excelled, medicine. His official specialty was researching shapeshifting phenomenon and related medical problems, but he actually served as my mother’s top advisor on dozens of matters. Some people claimed that he was the true sovereign of the Sorcerer’s Guild, mother’s lifetime title notwithstanding. This was probably a fair observation. Mom never really got over Dad’s death, and now my own little problem was wearing her down terribly. She didn’t spend nearly enough time on official business anymore—not that anyone blamed her. Andrew was the youngest sibling of my father—he was only about seven years older than me. We’d always been close, and had become much more so since the cursing. Nowadays I was his sole medical patient, and he was the only person alive that I felt I could truly trust. “Good morning, Uncle Andrew,” I greeted him. “I can’t say I’m that surprised you’re here.”
Andrew lowered his book. “Good morning, sleepyhead! I hear that you’ve run afoul of a bit of magic. A security ward, in fact.”
I sighed. “Yes. But it’s no big deal. Just more of the same.”
“Of course not,” he replied. “By the way, I’ve been asked to inform you that the Nothing Powder you purchased was genuine. Congratulations! A whole bunch of folks want to ask you questions about it. But I’ve got first dibs. Would you mind if I looked you over? I've brought some gear; it’s set it up in the office next door.”
“Sure,” I agreed listlessly. “But would you mind if I nibbled on something first? I’m hungry.”
He smiled. “I’ve brought you some carrots. I hear rabbits like those.”
From anyone else, this would’ve been a mortal insult. In fact, I’d made it a point to let my entire family know that I absolutely loathed carrots. But it was a lie. I loved them more than anything else on earth these days. Only Uncle Andrew knew this. We’d made a bargain back when my curse was first diagnosed. He always told me the unvarnished truth about my condition, and in return I held nothing back. No matter how embarrassing something was, I told him all about it. And then we both kept
our mouths shut to others about things they didn’t need to know. Our bargain and the scrupulous way in which Andrew kept it was probably why I was still sane.
The carrots were fresh and delicious. I bit off tiny bites and chewed until there was nothing left in my mouth but heavenly-tasting juice. Then I chased my meal down with a few quick gulps of water from the sink. I felt much better after eating. “All right,” I said after wiping my muzzle. “Ready to get started?”
”Let’s,” he agreed. And with that we stepped over into the office next door.
The room had been transformed overnight; there was no sign of the office furniture that’d been there yesterday, and Uncle Andy had brought in everything from a full-sized examining table to a portable x-ray machine. My family genuinely is an important one in the greater scheme of things, and quite wealthy to boot. But I’d never seen a greater testament to the value of Uncle Andy’s time. The expense was stunning, but having all the equipment he might need there and ready ensured that he wouldn’t waste a moment.
“Hop on up here,” he ordered, patting the table. I glared at his quite deliberate pun, then complied.
“All right,” he began, slipping into his professional persona. “First things first. Let’s take a closer look at those hands of yours.”
I held them up like a child proving that he’s washed properly before dinner. “Mmm-hmm,” he said thoughtfully, turning them this and way and that. “Mmm-hmm.” Then he released them and I let my arms drop to my sides. “Next I want you take one of my hands in each of your forepaws and squeeze as hard as you can. All right?”
I sighed aloud. So Andrew thought of them as paws too—it seemed to be unanimous. I did as asked and squeezed furiously, but rather to my astonishment the pressure didn’t amount to much. I still had thumbs, all right. But they were very weak.
“Mmmh-hmm,” Andy repeated, disappointment evident in his voice. “How are your eyes?”
“I can’t tell any difference,” I replied. “But remember when they changed last time? I didn’t notice anything until I got the ticket for driving without headlights.”
“Right. I’d like you to see a specialist about them sometime within the next week. If I send someone out, will you see him?”
“Of course,” I replied. I’d do almost anything for Uncle Andy.
“Good!” he agreed. “All right then. Climb down and stand up as straight and tall as you can.”
I did so. Then, because by now I knew what came next I spread my arms outward as far as I could. It was a routine test…
…but this time the results weren’t at all routine. Try though I might, they wouldn’t extend straight out. I’d lost significant range of motion. Eyes wide in distress, I looked up at my uncle.
“It’s all right, Gregory,” he said in even tones. “There’s nothing new here. We’ve been through this before.”
I sighed and nodded.
“So let’s try the legs, then. Spread your feet!”
That was where I’d first run into the range-of-motion problem. Carefully, I let my legs splay out as far as they would go. Which wasn’t all that far. So far as I could tell things hadn’t gotten any worse on that front, though in all honesty there wasn’t all that much left for me lose. Even rabbits can spread their legs out a little bit, after all.
“Good!” Andy said encouragingly. “Now, let’s check for linkage. Fore-and-aft, if you will.”
Again, with considerable care I slid one big foot forward and let the other move backwards. Rabbits tend to hold both legs at the same angle to the hip at all times. This is part of their natural bias towards hopping instead of running. While lapines can and do ‘uncouple’ their legs and move them separately, it’s clear to any observer that it feels unnatural and awkward to the rabbit concerned.
This time, I was the rabbit concerned. Almost as soon as I got past the normal spread I used every day in bipedal walking I felt discomfort. This was new, and my eyes widened again. Apparently, I was much closer to beginning my hopping career than previously appreciated.
My uncle read my expression, then tried to conceal his own by making notations in his little book. “Umm-hmm,” he said briskly. “Yes… Well. One more thing I’d like to check, if you don’t mind. Something new.”
I’d been given ‘new’ tests before. Each had marked an unwelcome new stage of descent. “All right,” I replied, forcing my tone to remain calm. “What’s your pleasure?”
Andy looked away again, then met my eyes head-on. “I’m afraid this might be pretty hard on you.”
I thrust my non-chin forward. “I understand. But it has to be done. So let’s just get it over with.”
“Right.” His face hardened. “Greg, I want you to try sitting down on all fours, bunny-style.”
My jaw dropped. “Hold on just a cotton-pickin’ minute!” I began. “How can you stand there and-"
He held up his hand before I could really get rolling. “Greg!” he interrupted. “Gregory!”
The last, spoken rather loudly, arrested me in midstream. “What?”
“How does your back feel lately?” he asked.
It ached, of course. And the discomfort was growing steadily worse. Yesterday I’d experienced even more pain than usual in the rental car. But I’d blamed it on the tilted driver’s seat... “Oh dear gods!” I whispered. This was... This was terrible!
Andy exhaled forcefully. He looked as if he wanted to slug someone—hard! Then with a determined effort he forced himself back under control. “Truth is truth,” he explained. “The end-game will be coming soon now. I’d never humiliate you on purpose, Greg. By now you ought to realize that. But the test is becoming necessary.”
I nodded, then looked down. “Of course you’re not trying to humiliate me. I know that, Uncle Andy! But… But… It’s just too soon!”
He shook his head. “You’ve already lasted considerably longer as a biped than we first projected. Remember?”
“Yes, but…” I swallowed through a throat suddenly very tight, then realized there really wasn’t a lot left for me to say. After all, I’d known for years that this day was coming. So with exaggerated care I squatted down and bent over until my brand spanking new forepaws were firmly in place on the floor. Then I lowered my hindquarters until I felt the fur on my tail brush the linoleum.
“How does it feel?” Andrew asked, his whole body tense. I think he was afraid I might totally freak out. If so, he was fully justified in his concern. My heart was beating a mile a minute, and my chest was heaving as I drew in quick, ragged breaths. I closed my eyes and tried to relax; Andrew, seeing what I was going through, waited in silence.
“It’s bad,” I finally whispered as I settled my behind the rest of the way down onto the floor. “Just awful!”
“Bad?” Andrew asked. “Where does it hurt?”
“It doesn’t hurt anywhere at all!” I complained. “That’s what’s bad. My back feels better, my neck, my chest… Andy, I ought to be getting leg cramps from being all twisted up like this. But I’m not. Sitting here like this feels good. Restful even. Why?”
“Your leg and hip structure has altered itself considerably since our last checkup,” he explained. “It’s obvious to anyone with a professional eye.” Andrew hesitated uncertainly, then came to a decision. “Try to hop for me?” he asked.
My split upper lip curled in revulsion, causing my whiskers to bristle. “Do I have to?” The question was a snarl.
“Someday you will,” my uncle replied. “So why not today?”
The logic was inescapable. I rose to my toes and took a tentative little hop, then a second. “It’s awkward,” I said after thinking it over a minute. “Less so than I would’ve expected, though. A lot less.”
“You’ll get better at it in time,” Andy replied, looking away again. Often I wondered who was suffering more over this thing, my family or me? “Practice when you’re alone. But for now, I presume you’d prefer to walk? Even though it’s uncomfortable?”
“Oh, yes!” I agreed, rising to stand in the manner I was accustomed to. Instantly my back began to ache again. “Can you adjust my brace some more, maybe?”
My doctor nodded. “I think so. I picked it up from the groomer when I got in last night. We’ll save the fitting for last. Right now, I’d like to test your mental functions. Want to hop back up into bed again?”
“Sure!” Feeling less inhibited around Andrew than others, I gracefully leapt upwards in a single bound rather than clambering up the bedrail as a fully human person my size would’ve have done. Then I laid down on my side and curled up until I was comfortable. My hindclaws were only inches from my nose. Yet I was fully relaxed. It was a bit unnerving. ”Go ahead.”
“All right.” Uncle Andrew picked up a notebook and paged through it. “Who was the first president of the United States?”
“George Washington,” I replied easily.
“Good. What automakers are commonly described as ‘The Big Three’?”
This time I smiled. Andrew knew I’d loved cars since early childhood. “Ford, Chrysler, General Motors.”
“Fine! Now, what’s ten divided by two?”
I felt my brain lock up tight as a drum. “I… I… I…”
“Come on, Gregory!” Andrew encouraged me. “You can do it!”
Mathematical skills were among my earliest losses. Trying to manipulate figures felt like staring into a black hole. It was terrifying. “I… I… I…” Soon I was in actual physical pain and writhing about on the bed. Part of my head felt empty, as if a bit of brain tissue had been snipped away. Divided by? Divided by? What was that? I’d known once, could even remember what it’d been like to know...
“Come on, Gregory! Ten divided by two! You can do it!”
My uncle’s voice grew more and more distant. Idly I found myself remembering the carrots I’d enjoyed for breakfast; they’d been so moist and tasty and.…
…WHAP! The slap to my face took me totally by surprise; instantly my head was up and ears erect, swiveling about in their search for danger. But the only possible source of the blow was Uncle Andy, who couldn’t possibly have hit me.
Could he?
My doctor sighed, looking at the floor. “Andy, I’m sorry. But you weren’t here with me anymore, were you?"
There was a sudden chill in the air. “No.”
“What happened?” he demanded.
I closed my eyes. “I… I really don’t want to talk about it.”
“I see.” My uncle sat down heavily on the bed next to me. “You went feral, didn’t you?”
“Yes. Or at least I think I did.” I looked at my toes, still lying so near my nose. “It's never happened before. Honest!”
There was a long silence. “Last time I evaluated you, you’d have solved that problem.”
“I haven’t been able to do algebra in ages!” I countered. “This is nothing new!”
Another long silence. “Which is more, a quarter tank of gas or half?” my uncle finally asked.
“Half,” I replied with a smile. “That’s almost twice as much. Maybe even three times.”
“Mmm-hmm. And which is more, a quart of milk or a half-gallon?”
My mind raced again without getting anywhere, but this time I got the skid under control before losing traction entirely. “I never did know that metric stuff very well,” I answered, glad to be able to provide an answer that was at least acceptable. My mother was notoriously bad at metrics, in fact.
“Of course,” Andrew replied. “A lot of folks get confused over metric terms.” Then he sighed and wrote in his book for a very long time. When he was done, there was a tear in his eye.
“What’s the matter?” I asked. “You look like someone just died or something. I didn’t do that badly—I know I didn’t!”
“Of course not,” he replied, looking away. Then he stopped himself. “No, damnit! I won’t patronize you. I swore that I wouldn’t.” My father’s brother stood up, then turned to face me. “Son, brace yourself.”
Ice encased my heart. “I’m braced. Get on with it.”
“Your brain damage has progressed. Badly. You’ve lost your math skills almost entirely, and there are signs that the effects are progressing into related areas as well.” He paused. “That’s the truth, Greg.”
My guts twisted. Was I really that close to the edge? “Can I stay out on my own? For at least a little while longer? I want to live, Uncle Andy. Not rot in a gilded cage.”
He looked uncertain. “Up until today… I’m not…”
“Please! “ I whispered, terrified at his uncertain tone. Long ago I’d chosen him as the one to make the decisions about stuff like this, once I was too far gone. “Just for a little bit longer? I’ll be fine—I’ve always gotten by! And I’m working on the Nothing Powder project! You can’t afford to lose me now! No one else can take my place on that.”
“We’ll let you help pick out your nurses,” he replied, voice firm and certain. “And you won’t ever be a prisoner again, even if you do have a legal guardian. I swear it!”
This wasn’t what I wanted to hear. “But… Damnit, Uncle Andrew!” I paused to collect my wits. My algebra skills might be shot, but there was a lot more involved in who I was than just that, wasn't there? I was… I’d once been… The world blurred for a moment as tears filed my eyes. Then I knew what I must say.
“Who was my father?” I asked firmly.
He blinked. It was out of character for me to speak in ritual language, though I’d once earned the right. “Gustavus Lombard,” he replied in answer to the traditional Guild question. “My beloved brother. Perhaps the most powerful mage who ever lived. And one of the noblest.”
“My mother,” I continued. “Who is she?”
“Queen of the Sorcerers,” he replied evenly. “Long may she reign.”
“And who am I?” I demanded.
He tried to look away again, but I was tiring of that. With a fuzzy forepaw I reached out and pulled his face towards mine. “Who am I?” I asked again. “Speak the truth.”
“You are Gregory Lombard,” he replied with tears pouring from his eyes. “Son of my brother and much beloved of us all. You are Gregory, whose potential was once so blinding and whose wretched fate is thus twice a tragedy.”
Anger coursed through me like fire. “My portrait hangs on the Family wall,” I observed. “Does it not? Next to those of my ancestors for a thousand years back?”
“Yes,” he whispered. “Of course it does. And it will always hang there, in a place of great honor.” He paused. “We aren’t ashamed of you, Gregory. You know that. You’ve faced this terrible thing with dignity and courage. No family could ask more of you.”
“I can ask more!” I growled in rage. “By the gods, I can ask a lot more! I don’t want to live out my life out as an object of pity, Andrew. And I’m not at all satisfied to know that for the next thousand years little Guild children are going to read about me and write sad poems about who I might’ve become. Do you hear me?”
He nodded.
“Once I stood next in line to succeed my mother. Now I’m nothing and no one. I’m going to lose my body and I’m going to lose my mind, in that order. But do you know what hurts most of all?”
He shook his head. “No. I’ve often wondered, though. Because if I did, I’d move heaven and earth to ease your pain.”
I barely heard him. “What hurts most is that I’ve been robbed of my chance to make a difference, to prove to myself and others that I’m worthy of my name and my line. Can you see that? Can you understand?”
“Yes,” he whispered. “Of course. But you’ve proven yourself already. Through your courage in the face of… of…”
I reached out and grasped him by the collar with both forepaws, pressing my face up close to his. “Then leave me be, Uncle! Allow me to work on this Nothing Powder thing. Give me the chance to be remembered a thousand years from now not as the young Lombard whose desti
ny was stolen, but rather as the once-heir who managed to contribute something useful to the Guild despite the terrible thing that was done to him!" I paused, looking deeply into my uncle’s eyes. “My future is going to be hell, Andrew. Sheer unmitigated hell. And I’ve not much time left. So please… Won’t you let me go down fighting for our Guild? And for our family?”