by Luis Negron
Aló? … Yo girl, tanto time! … Hey listen, did La Edwin call you? … The one who thinks he’s so manly … Girl, yes, the baby of the group … How weird because he’s been calling everybody …
JUNITO
Yo, Junito. What’s up? How are you, bro? … You know, still hanging in there. Tomorrow I’m leaving, you know, and this guy from La Colectora wants to buy my car and I told him I couldn’t give it to him until today, but he wanted to check it out with his brother-in-law who’s a mechanic. On foot bro, how else? I’m going over to the old lady’s house to say goodbye and pick up some things that she wants to send to my brother. It’s been years since I’ve taken one of these buses. Which is the one you take to Parada 26? Ah, okay, thanks, it’s seventy-five cents, right? So tell me, man, what’s up? Hell, it must be at least a year since we talked. You know how it is. You fool around too much, then you get married and you gotta work and all that shit and, bro, there’s no more time for anything. You better believe it, bro, that’s why I’m out of here. It’s all one big pain in the ass, and bringing up kids here, man, forget it. Yeah, two boys, the oldest is ten and the other one’s nine … No way, she had the operation. I signed the consent. You know, things are tough and you can’t keep having kids. We wanted a girl to have the little pair of ’em, you know? But instead we got another boy. It’s okay, this way they can keep each other company, and, you know, defend each other …
No, not New York, no. We’re going to Boston. I mean, it’s above Boston. See my brother, Samuel, the oldest, the darker one, works in a factory there and they need people. He talked to the boss, and so that’s where I’m going. I’m going ahead and later, once I score an apartment, I’ll send for my wife and the boys. She’s happy about it, the boys are the ones who are afraid because of English and all that, but you’ll see, they’ll learn fast … Me, I talk pollito chicken, you know, Spanglish, but I get by. If they talk to me slow I can follow, but when they start talking fast with all that guachulín, man, that’s where they lose me. But, you know, in the factory there are lots of Latinos, besides everybody there speaks Spanish. Even in the stores, Samuel says.
And how about you, bro? Going to work? That’s good. You studied and got a nice little job with the government, man, that’s cool. Today those are the steadiest and you don’t have to work yourself to death either … Yeah bro, nice and easy …
Junito, listen, sorry for saying this, but really, bro, if I was you I’d get the hell out of here. You know what I mean. People fuck with you here and they stick their nose in your business. I mean you, well educated and all, should blow this place. Man, I see things, and I know people, the ones who stand on corners and fuck with you. Junito this, Junito that. Just the day before yesterday, some jerk there at the rotary was talking shit about you and I said to him, bro, leave him alone, he hasn’t done nothing to you, and then they started fucking with me, asking am I your husband, am I a trick, and me, man, I told them to go to hell and I went home real mad. Listen, leave people alone, if that’s the way they are then fuck everybody else, as long as they treat me with respect, no problem. Besides, people got sons and you never know how they’re going to turn out. That’s why I’m telling you, Junito, leave here, man. Listen, the other day I was taking a walk around the Condado and, man, there were a lot of them there. I mean, there were some that were real built, you always notice something a little weird, but, man, there were guys who looked real good, you know. It looks like they all move to the same area and so it’s easier for them to meet each other there. Yeah, you should go there.
But for Christ’s sake, Junito, your mom made her life, you have to go out on your own. Besides, you have more brothers and they can share the work taking care of her. Don’t screw yourself out of pity, man, you’ve got to live your own life.
I’m talking to you like this, man, because I’m sure of what I am. You know I don’t like that whole scene, but I believe in live and let live. I mean, bro, things change; this is a different world. Do you get cable? They show lots of things, I mean, like, on Showtime they even kiss each other and everything.
One sec, Junito … Yo, Cristobal, hey baby, you know you’re mine. Tomorrow’s the day. No, my little brother is taking me to the airport … yeah, to Boston. No, man, to stay. Anyway, I’ll come down later to say goodbye to the boys. Ok, see you there. Take care.
Nothing to be afraid of, we always fuck around like that … So yeah, man. Ah yeah, so they kiss and everything, and they look normal. If you saw them on the street you wouldn’t think they belong to the other team. It’s just that on the outside there’s more freedom for that kinda thing … I think they even get married … and have kids and everything.
I remember, bro, when we were kids, you know, I’d fuck with you a lot. ’Cause I was ignorant, man. Repeating the same shit everyone else said, but look, you ended up better than all of us and the ones that give you a hard time nowadays it’s because they’re jealous.
You wonder why I know so much about all this shit, man … Keep this to yourself, bro, I’m gonna tell you something I never told nobody … See, my youngest boy, well, he’s just like you. I’m telling you, ever since he was real little I’d watch him and watch him and, pam! You know what I mean … At first that shit bothered me like crazy … he’s my son and I know that people like him suffer a lot … I’m telling you, Junito, I’ll kill the motherfucker who says anything to my son. One day the older kid started saying shit to him and I stopped him. This is your brother and you and him got the same blood. If I catch you calling him faggot again I’m going to break your face, you heard me? It’s not easy, you know, you can’t know for sure, but I got a hunch … His mother doesn’t say nothing about it, we don’t talk about it, but I know she knows.
One day I heard her talking with a sister of hers, the chubbiest of the three of them, who’s married to the Holsum guy. That one … well that bitch told my wife that the little one’s like that because she wanted to have a girl so bad when she was pregnant with him. That she should put him in Boy Scouts or karate and shit like that so he realizes he’s a dude. And by the way, it’s not that the kid acts like a girl or nothing like that; it’s just that he’s different. He’s, I don’t know how to put it … Well, that’s why I’m going, man. Things are bad here but not that bad, you know, I mean you can get by here. But I want the kid to grow up in a real good place, so that if he really is gonna end up that way, well, he can at least be himself … It’s not easy, Junito, but he’s my son and I fucking love that little jerk. I’m leaving all this, man, because if not, I’m gonna go to jail because the first motherfucker that fucks with him I’m gonna kill the bastard, I swear.
I watch him go off to school, and I know he’s thinking it, I just know it, man, he doesn’t say nothing, but I know. I mean, you can’t be overprotective with your children, but you gotta do what you can, know what I mean.
But maybe not … There are guys that seem that way and they aren’t necessarily like that … .
Just a sec, Junito. Hey, what’s up!? That’s it! Tomorrow’s the day. No, it’s cool, I’ll take the bus. The driver is pulling up right now. No, it’s cool. Good luck!
That motherfucker who just said hello, I can’t stand him, bro … Be careful with that one, he’s a piece of shit that motherfucker … he cheats on his wife with guys who dress up like women at Parada 15 and he robs them blind … he beats them up and leaves them there … Everybody in the hood knows about it … abusive asshole and his poor wife’s a fucking mess … And she was such a pretty girl … she even studied modeling and all that. Got involved with that shithead and fucked up her life … Me who never even tried to date her. I always said, that one, she’s gonna marry some doctor or lawyer or someone like that. And look what happened: she got involved with that creep … One of those guys who cross-dresses tried to report him when he got beat up but he was the one who got screwed … the police even spit on him and all that when they took him to the police station … but that motherfucker will get his on
e of these days. I hope he runs into the wrong guy and gets what’s coming to him, that’ll put an end to his shit. I’m sorry, but people like that just piss me off, I can’t stand the wife-beaters. I don’t deny that sometimes I just look away when it comes to that shit but man, there’s too many abusive shitheads out there.
Well, bro, here comes my bus. Take good care and go to the States or move to Condado … my wife will give you my address … if you decide to come up to Boston. And don’t worry because if anyone knows I’m all man it’s her … so get the address from her. So you can get away from all this.
BOTELLA
I told Caneca to leave the front door unlocked so when I got there I wouldn’t have to shout from the street late at night, drunk so I could face the old man, who pays good but stinks of rum no matter how much he bathes. As usual he forgot and I had no choice but to shout Paco, his name is Paco but I call him Caneca, like a bottle of rum, even though he doesn’t know. I shout Paco, Paco, and he hears me and I go in and he gives me food and a line of coke and sucks my cock and today I want him to make me come in his mouth—he makes me come like nobody else—so I wouldn’t have to fuck him because I really didn’t feel like fucking him that night, but I couldn’t come and then he said to fuck him and I fucked him and I said I was coming, but I wasn’t, and I screamed and said he was mine and the old man came and I laughed because it was funny that he was such a faggot.
I went home but the door was bolted and there was a note on the door saying this time she meant it, that I was abusive and I should leave for good. I knocked on the door and her ma opened it and handed me a bag with my things and told me I couldn’t come in, that the girl, her daughter, that is, my woman, didn’t want to see me. I went with my bag to Caneca’s house and shouted to him from the street but he didn’t open up. I checked the door and it was open, I shouted again, but not a peep out of the old man.
I went straight to the fridge and drank some water because the coke was making me thirsty, and the way home was long and that’s when I noticed it stank like shit, and I said, the old man is shitting and I went to the bathroom to tell him anybody could come in and kill you with the door open like that, and when I get there Caneca is sitting on the toilet with his tongue hanging out and a cord around his neck.
I was so scared I almost shat myself and I said fuck this, I’m outta here, and I left. But almost at the beach where I was going to see if I could find another old man or a gringo, I remember the fingerprints and go back to Caneca’s. The door was the same and I take off a sock to erase the prints from the lock and wipe them off the fridge and the glass and the whole place, and almost the whole house and I wonder if fingerprints stick to hair because I grabbed Caneca by the hair when he was blowing me, but I don’t think so and forget that and put the sock back on and go to the beach. The smell of shit stays with me and the whole way there I keep checking under my shoe to see if I stepped in a turd since the smell won’t go away.
I go to the beach and there is not a soul and I find a newspaper and start reading and I remember the DNA in the old man’s body and I go back to his house but buy bleach before I get there to pour it over Caneca and erase the DNA, which you erase with bleach.
I buy the bleach and the old lady who sells it to me looks at me like what does this guy want bleach for at this hour. I get to the old man’s house and go in. First I pour bleach on his lips: I take off the sock, put it on like a glove and open his mouth to pour it inside. Then I push him with my leg so he falls into the bathtub and I throw more bleach on his butt which is all dirty. I open him wide and pour it inside until the bottle is empty and I turn on the shower and leave him there.
When I was about to go, I remember the empty bottle and go back to get it. I go out again and there’s not a soul on the street. I go back home and apologize to her and she forgives me. She wants us to do it but between the coke and the scare I can’t get it up and she tells me I smell like bleach, that I smell like a motel, and she kicks me out again and her ma gives me the bag with my things and I go for a walk thinking where can I leave the bag because I can’t go back to the beach with the bag and I decide to go to the house of a professor I used to fuck but who doesn’t want to anymore and I ring his doorbell.
He opens the door and says I smell like bleach and I make something up about being in a pool and ask him to let me take a bath and he lets me. He goes into the bathroom with me because he says I rob him every time he leaves me alone and it’s true because I stole some CDs from him that no one wanted to buy from me because they were weird. I take a shower and he watches me but doesn’t do anything and I wash my dick so that he notices it to see if he’s up for it, but no. He gives me coffee and lets me lie down for a while but then he has to go to mass and wakes me up and tells me to leave. I pretend to forget the bag and leave it.
I go by Caneca’s house and everything looks calm from outside. No patrol cars or anything and I decide to go to the beach to see what’s going on. On the beach I run into this guy who nobody goes with because he never has money and only pays with things. Bejuco, a thin tall guy who’s eleven inches long, once got a television out of him but it was too much effort to sell it at the beach and he had to take it home, but he left it on the street halfway there because it weighed too much. The guy looked at me and offered me a cigarette and I went with him to kill a few hours.
He paid me with flip-flops and a shirt and I put them on and went to Caneca’s house. Nothing, no police.
I thought I better call and say that someone died in such and such place. And I call and talk fast and the policewoman told me I have to call another precinct, that they don’t have a patrol car and I hang up, but first I give them the address for Caneca’s house again.
I go to the Metro theater and fall asleep because I don’t like movies and the cold makes me sleepy but the movie ends and I buy another ticket and sleep again, but the movie is over and I have to leave the theater but it’s already night and I go back to the beach and now there’s more people.
They killed Paco, I’m told by Niebla, or Foggy as he’s called, another guy who hustles and knew the old man. I asked him what happened but he said he didn’t know, that someone strangled him and then threw bleach all over him and I remembered that I left the empty bottle in the bag and head back to the professor’s who was already back home.
The bag was on top of the table and he had opened it and asked me about the bleach and I said it was to clean myself afterwards, that it kills the AIDS and he tells me that they killed Paco and that they poured bleach all over him, and he asks me if I knew anything about that and I say no, I don’t, that it was a coincidence.
He looked at me funny and then I strangled him with a cable so he wouldn’t talk.
I took his wallet and it had about six hundred dollars and I said I’m buying a ticket and going to Mexico but at the airport they ask me if I have a passport and I say no, and I better buy one for Boston instead, a sister of mine lives there. But I remember that I didn’t have my voter’s ID on me and I go home and she gives it to me but forgives me, and I stay and miss the flight. In the middle of the night she wakes me up and asks me where I got those flip-flops and the shirt and she says she’s not fucking stupid and kicks me out and I go to the airport and tell them I got there late but there’s no flight until the next day, and then I go to the beach but it’s full of police and not much business. From there I go to Río Piedras and cops everywhere. I run into Rabbit and he tells me two guys were killed and the police are looking for the guy who did it and that it was a hustler for sure. I ask him if he knows anybody at all who will take me in and he says I should go over to the beauty parlor guy because the beauty parlor guy had been around and fled when he saw all the police.
I take off for the beauty parlor guy’s house and he lets me in and I fuck him. I fall asleep and he lets me sleep because he falls in love with guys and takes them in to live with him. The next day he made me a bath and made my breakfast and put out clothes for me so I’
d be comfortable. I stayed in my underwear and I made him blow me after I ate. I stayed three days, but on the third day he had me fed up with the smell of hairspray and I went to the beach and met up with Botella.
His name isn’t Botella, but I gave him that nickname because he always had a little bottle full of bleach on him to wash up after fucking and kill any weird shit. I remember Caneca who always said these marks are battle scars. Botella tells me that they’re after him or suspect him because of the bleach and I tell him I’ll give him a plane ticket so he can go to my sister’s house because she was alone. And he said that’s a good idea and we went to his house and from there to the airport and they tell us you can’t change the name on the ticket but that’s when I recognize a guy from the trade and I signal to him and he looks nervous but comes over and I explain and Botella explains that he’s going to marry my sister. The guy tells us to talk to him in private.
We get something to eat. After a while I tell Botella to follow me and we go to the room, the guy’s there and we’re so grateful that we’re already hard, but the guy says what he wants to see is us going at it and we go at it and I stick it up his ass cause that’s what the guy wanted but I came too fast and he kinda wanted more but Botella came in my mouth and the guy changed my ticket and Botella left. He cried, the motherfucker. It wasn’t me, he said, and he left.
I went off to the beach all worked up and because I’m staring off into space I step in some shit and it’s from some goddamn junkie tecato and I go down to the edge of the water and wash the flip-flop but the smell doesn’t go away and I sit down and wait for the flip-flop to air out in the sun, and I think of Caneca who had his flip-flops on when I threw him into the bathtub and I think of Botella, who’s a fugitive from justice, and my sister who lives alone, and the girl who’s always kicking me out but I know she’ll take me in again.