Chapter 5
“Get in the car. Now!” she barked.
“What's wrong? What did I do?” I asked.
“I said, get in the car. Right now. And don't argue with me.” She growled.
I got in the back seat and set my books next to me wondering what I had done wrong. Surely, she couldn't know about the clothes or anything like that. Well it was back to being the whipping boy again, my life had risen to an all-time high and now I was back on the bottom, being treated like a mushroom, being kept in the dark and fed manure.
Suddenly she lashed out at me. “Dennis I can't believe that you wanted to go out with those people. They are the very type that keep the rest of us from succeeding, giving us a little charity and believing that they own us. I don't want you to have anything to do with them anymore. Do you hear me?” she demanded. And gave me a look like if I didn't then she would beat the shit out of me. Not snot but THE SHIT. There was a big difference in the two. If I got the snot beat out of me I could get up and walk away, but with the other, it usually took a few days to get over it.
“And I don't want you to go back to school tomorrow you can stay at home and help your Uncle if it's not raining again.” she ordered.
“Yes mam.” I said. I realized that I had capitulated and that until I could do something different things were only going to get worse. I had hoped that my Mom would be a little more understanding, but she had turned out to be the one I was the most afraid of. What had happened to make her act this way. She just drove on and didn't say another word the rest of the way home.
That night I took the book about karate and went out into the washhouse again and practiced the first chapter again. Mostly to get out of the house so I wouldn't have to hear about how I was trying to hob nob with the big shots and how they were just showing pity on the poor little country boy. Ralph finally had had enough and told Mom. She quit talking about it then and started drinking. Normally, she didn't drink a lot, but tonight she had more than I had ever seen her drink.
I had just finished the routine and was sitting there reading my literature book when Ralph came out. “Hey what the heck did you do this afternoon? I have never seen Mom ever act like this before.”
“Man, I don't know. I had to go to Ms. Givens house to study because I'm falling behind in my studies and while I was there this lady invited me to go with her and some others to have dinner. Mom said no when Ms. Givens called and by the time I got to the store to catch, a ride home Mom was madder than a wet hornet. They were just celebrating Mrs. Killibrew daughter Chrissy getting to be tutored by Ms. Givens.” I answered.
“Well. You had better steer clear of her until she goes to bed tonight and try not to make her any madder. Okay?” he said and turned and walked out.
Suddenly I realized that he wasn't treated like me at all. As a matter of a fact he hadn't gotten a whooping in a long time even though he had been caught doing a lot worse than I had ever done. Feelings of persecution started to arise causing me to wonder if it was just that they didn't want me or was it that I was such an inadequate child that they were ashamed of me.
I took a blanket that was being stored in the washhouse and went out to the barn where I climbed up into the hayloft. Back in the summer, we had built a fort out of hay bales and it would be the perfect place to hide out and stay warm for the night. I found some tarps and placed them over the small room we had built in the hay and made a pallet. Instead of going to sleep, I practiced the moves for about another hour then I lay down and went to sleep.
In the night, I thought I heard my name being called so I got up and looked out the opening to the hayloft but no one was there, so I lay back down. A little while later I heard my name being called again so I got up and looked out again. Only this time I called out, “Who's there?” No one answered right away and I turned to go back to bed and met a man who seemed very bright. “Hello. Who are you.”
He stood there staring at me with a stern look on his face then he spoke, “Diane that is your new name I understand, I have a message for you from Yashua your lord. He is pleased with you and wants you to continue on the path that you started on today. But he also wants you to be warned that it will be filled with thorns and thistles and dangers of all types all along the way. You will suffer much before you have completed your journey but be comforted he will not subject you to any more than you can tolerate. You will make a beautiful woman and many will try to take advantage of you but he will send those who truly care for you and want you to succeed to help. So despair not and continue on.”
“How will I know who it is that really cares for me and will help me? Do you want me to succeed also and will you be there for me?” I asked. I was not afraid of him and that surprised me. I had always been skittish around strangers.
“You met some of them yesterday. I have been given to watch over you and to help when needed. If you need me just call for me, my name is already known to you. Now I must leave and you must sleep.” and he was gone in a flash.
The next day I awoke feeling better than I had ever felt before. I took the blanket and walked out to the front of the hayloft. Suddenly I remembered what I could only say at that time was a dream. Or was it. What was it he said I would suffer much before I reached my destination or something like that.
I climbed down and walked to the house. The air was cold and crisp and the sun was just coming up. A beautiful red orb that offered me hope in a time when I needed it. I stopped and offered thanks to the Lord for keeping me safe and asked that he would be with me always. A bird began to sing in the distance and I heard a dove cooing in the morning quiet, all was right with the world right then.
Later when Mom got up and started moving around. I decided to ask if I could go to school just on the off chance that she would change her mind. I waited until she seemed to be in a good mood and approached her. “Mom do you think I could go to school today?”
She had a saucepan in her hand and she whirled around and hit me on the side of my head, knocking me down to the floor in a single violent moment. “I said you can't go to school today and that is that!” She screamed at me and threw the pan at me and stomped away yelling for Ralph to get his coat and get in the car it was time to go.
I laid there in shock and disbelief at what had just happened. Then I started to cry harder than I had ever cried in my life. Blood was trickling down the side of my head and into my eyes making things even worse. Finally, after I was all cried out I got up and made a promise to myself and to God that I wouldn't cry for them anymore. I got cleaned up and walked outside and met Uncle Will in the tractor yard. He took one look at me and cursed.
“What the hell happened to you?” he demanded.
I didn't want to tell him since it was his sister that had done it and I didn't know if he would take it well or not.
“Boy, I asked you a question and I expect an answer.”
“Uncle Will, Mom won't let me go to school. I asked her this morning and she hit me.” I said. Hoping that would be the end of it, but no it wasn't.
“Damn. What did she hit you with a club?” He demanded.
“A sauce pan.” I answered.
“All because you wanted to go to school?” he asked.
I told him about having to stay after school and being asked to go with some people to eat supper and how she acted after that and about sleeping in the barn last night. I expected him to side with her and tell me that I deserved more than what I had gotten, but instead he put his arm around my shoulders and just shook his head. I had never heard him raise his voice once to his kids and come to think of it, I had never heard one of them say they had ever gotten a whipping from him. I knew that they respected him and loved him very much and would face anything for him. He would do the same for them if need be.
“Don't worry this will pass. Go get the grease gun and get to work I'll be back in a little while.” he said and got back into his truck and drove off.
Uncle Will came back in a li
ttle while and he had two of the hired hands in the truck with him. I could see that he was in a bad mood so I did my best to stay away from him. I hooked up one of the empty cotton trailers to the Cub Farmall and waited to see where to take it. Then Uncle will announced where to go to and we all took off with one of the hands driving the Cotton Picker and one on the tractor with a bush hog behind it. Because we had gotten such a late start that day because of the extra moisture on the cotton that morning we didn't stop for lunch. Uncle will went and got us all some sandwiches from the store and the two hands took turns eating and running the picker. I got to eat last while I was taking the trailer up to the side of the road to be picked up that afternoon. I didn't realize how hungry I was, I hadn't eaten since the day before at lunch. I didn't get to eat lunch yesterday or supper last night. That baloney sandwich sure tasted great.
I decided to avoid Mom that night and just go on out to the barn loft and do my exercises as I called them and lay down. It was late about ten o'clock before we stopped picking and I was so tired. I did the karate exercises and then I laid down and went straight to sleep. The next day was a repeat of the day before only I found the house locked up. We had never had to lock the house especially out here in the country. I had planned on getting some of my clothes out of the house so I could change but that didn't seem to be in the cards. I remembered that Ralph didn't lock the bedroom windows so I got a ladder and climbed up and got into the house that way. I took as many clothes as I could and got out as fast as I could. Then I put the ladder back and waited for Uncle will to show up. I figured that we had about two maybe three days of picking left and then he would be through for the season. I needed to decide what to do about school or finding a job to make some money so I could leave.
I really didn't want to go but it didn't take a brain surgeon to realize that I was in danger. The thought of being injured badly or worse losing my temper and hurting one of my parents wasn't what I wanted. Mom had hurt me pretty bad and scared me even worse. Not knowing why was probably the worst part of it, what had I done to deserve the treatment that I was receiving. Hating your own child must be one of the worst things in the world and that was what I was dealing with. The feeling of being alone was the worst, oh, I know I had my Uncle Will but he didn't want to intervene especially since the reading of the will had caused a serious rift in the family. The Aunts were mad because they didn't get what they thought they deserved.
Damn, what an idiot I was, thinking that I had done something wrong. I hadn't done anything wrong except to talk to my Grandfather and then finding out that he had left the farm to me instead of dividing the land up so Mom and Dad could make some money selling it. I was bearing the brunt of their unhappiness. Neither had been really loving to me but this was unacceptable. Well they weren't going to run me off and they weren't going to crush me. I was going to survive one way or another and I wasn't going to let them run me off either. I was part owner of the barn and I was going to turn it into my home and stay here.
I told Uncle Will that I was going back to school the next day but that I would be back that afternoon to help with the picking. “I'm glad that you have decided to go back no matter what. An education is the only way to get ahead in this world right now so I understand. I will support you in this no matter what.” He said.
“I am going to live in the barn since it isn't in the five acres that they got in the will. I will have to clean it up and find a way to make it livable but I can do it.” I said.
“Dennis, I want you to be careful. You and I have made the whole family angry and they aren't going to let it pass anytime soon. I have noticed a real change for the worse in your parents to the point I am considering calling Mr. Rosenthal to see what can be done about it. So I want you to avoid any confrontation with either of your parents.” said Uncle Will.
“Yes sir.” I replied.
The next day I got up and went down to the bus stop and waited for the bus. I had gotten my books out of the house and I took a bath while they were gone. I hadn't had a chance to clean my clothes so I was still a little rank, but at least I was going back no matter what. I thought it a little strange that Ralph wasn't at the bus stop and I became worried about him. I decided that I had time to go back to the house and do a little snooping around. I found out that neither he nor Mom were there and it looked like neither one had been there since yesterday. The car was gone and the doors were still locked. While I was there, a man came up and put a sign in the front yard announcing that the house was for sale. I went down and asked him what was going on and he told me that they wanted to sell the place and move to Texas. He said that it should bring a pretty good price but he didn't think that it would sell soon though.
Uncle Will came up about that time and I told him what I had found out. “I should have known that this was going to happen. Are you still going to stay here?” He asked.
“Yes, sir I guess that I need to talk to Mr. Rosenthal as soon as possible. I will need to make arrangements to be able to live here on my own.”
“Well, I can help with that some, but right now we need to get you to school and I need to go talk to Mr. Rosenthal for you. I don't think that your Mom or Ralph are in town so I don't see any need to avoid them right now. Hop in I will drop you off at school on the way.” Said Uncle Will.
“Do you think they were just going to go off and leave me here without saying anything?” I asked.
“I do.” he replied.
I got to school and went in and told the principal what I had decided and he told me that he thought it was for the best and that was when he told me that my Mom had come by and made arrangements to take Ralph out for a week. I couldn't believe it, they were just going to go off and leave me here with no place to live. Then it hit me, maybe I could put up my part in the farm as collateral to buy the house so I would have a place to live. I would have to find a way to pay it off, but I thought it could be done.
Ms. Givens was glad to have me back in class. So were Sally and Annie both of them gave me big hugs even if I did smell like a dead skunk. Some of the guys weren't so happy to see me and with Ralph, gone one of them got a little pushy, but when he tried to hit me I managed to avoid it and stay away from him just like the exercises had taught me. I blocked some of the punches and even managed to get in a couple of good hits before one of the teachers broke it up. Maybe there was hope for me after all.
The school counselor sent for me during shop class. I was wondering what was wrong now. My whole life for the last week revolved around one bad thing after another. When I got to the office I was greeted by the school secretary and was told to go on into his office he was expecting me. His office was wall-to-wall books and filing cabinets I often wondered what he kept in there, was it every incident and nuance of each students life that went through school. He wasn't in his office so, I out of curiosity drifted over to the filing cabinet marked A-Am and pulled it open. There in the back I found a file with my name on it, I looked around to make sure that no one was coming and pulled the folder up leaving it in place. I removed the contents and started to read. I apparently was a problem student that caused considerable trouble in the classroom with my appearance and my sexual orientation, According to the file, I was a homosexual who had attempted to lure several of the football players into a gay relationship. Their names were in the file and two teachers also made the same complaint. I was shocked to learn that one of them was the band director. I heard the secretary saying that I was waiting in the office and I shoved the file back in place and closed the drawer. I turned and was pretending to be interested in some of his books on Native Americans.
“Are you interested in Native Americans?” asked Mr. Thompson.
“I hadn't really thought about it, but you seem to be.” I replied.
“They lived and worked in harmony with the land and got along fine, opposed to the European peoples that colonized America. I am very interested in their spiritual lives and what they believed in. As a matt
er of a fact, one of the little known things about the peoples of this land and the land south of here in Central America is that they developed a complex calendar that is extremely accurate and is able to predict the end of time according to some scholars. I think they have been sniffing to much copying fluid if you want to know my opinion.” He said. “But I didn't call you down here to talk about that, Instead I need to go over your test scores from the other day and to find out why you weren't in school the last few days.” He said.
“I was told by my Mom that I wasn't allowed to go to school here and she didn't elaborate when she told me.” I unconsciously reached up and rubbed the cut on the side of my head.
“She didn't relay that to me. So why did she decide to let you come back?”
“I didn't ask for her permission, I decided that I wanted an education and came back on my own. So what's in the tests that is so important. Do they say that I have the IQ of a worm and that I am Gay and homicidal?” I asked. I couldn't help myself, I was starting to feel very angry and unable to control my emotions. The sudden realization that someone wanted to hurt me was starting to override all other thoughts that I had. I knew I had to get it under control or I was going to be in trouble. I needed a few minutes to calm down, but how would I get them. Then providence stepped in and the telephone rang. Mr. Thompson answered it and waved me out of the room and shut the door. I told the secretary I would be back in a minute, using the excuse that I needed to go to the bathroom.
I didn't go to the bathroom but instead I walked outside for a breath of fresh air. I had to sort this out and find out who the other teacher was. The file said that the other teacher didn't want to be identified because of the possibility of retaliation from me. What BS! This was a stab in the back from someone who only wanted me gone and I bet those guys were put up to saying that. Well I think that one on one I could take them and make them talk. That was exactly what I was going to do. But first I needed to know as much about them as possible.
Being Diane Page 5