Being Diane

by Dennis Adkins

  Chapter 11

  Mrs. Killibrew drove a big luxury car that had plenty of room for all of us. As we walked down the sidewalk to the car, she let out a wolf whistle that made me blush. I started to turn and run back but Chrissy and Sally each caught an arm and marched me to the car. Scared wasn't the word for the way I felt right then. Here I was out in the open wearing a dress and looking like a girl. What if someone I knew saw me? What would they say? We stopped in a line in front of Mrs. Killibrew and she looked each of us over. “Julie I think that you need to name your school, 'Julies Finishing School For Young Ladies.' They all look absolutely gorgeous.”

  “Thank you very much but it didn't take a lot to get them to look like this. They are all just naturally beautiful.” she replied.

  We all got in with Ms. Givens up front with Mrs. Killibrew and the four of us in back. I was sandwiched between Sally and Chrissy and Annie behind Ms. Givens. Sally and Chrissy both took my hands and didn't let go. Annie was bemoaning a lack of having a boyfriend to sit with. We were teasing her about how, soon she was going to be fussing about not having a free moment of her own. She didn't like that, but was a good sport about it though. Mrs. Killibrew and Ms. Givens talked about school and other things like that. That was when she announced that she had a brother and he was getting married soon. She apparently didn't like his choice in women though and made it clear that she thought she was a gold digger. She didn't want to be a bridesmaid if she could find a way out of it.

  What I wanted to know was, if she is from a family that has several stores in the mid-south and her mother sends her all those new clothes, then why was she teaching English in a high school. She could make a lot more money working with her family than working with a bunch of high school jocks who are more interested in what's between her legs than in what an onomatopoeia is. I suspected that there was a lot more to her than what was visible on the surface.

  When we got to the restaurant, it was packed but Mrs. Killibrew had already called for reservations and it was a good thing because there was a half an hour wait. We were led to a table in a corner away from the people traffic and when I went to sit a waiter pulled my chair out for me and pushed it up for me. I had always had to seat myself in the past and it usually meant having to push some rather large person back to get in. Not here though, this was nice.

  Mrs. Killibrew ordered our salads and an appetizer for us. We ordered our own drinks, I ordered a glass of ice tea, for an entree, I looked and ordered the cheapest thing. Ms. Givens was paying attention and changed mine to pasta and grilled chicken with a marinara sauce. “I think you will like that better than a hamburger.” she said.

  “Den..Err..Diane I take it you don't get to eat out often.” stated Mrs. Killibrew. “You don't look that comfortable with the environment.”

  “Well, no, not really that comfortable. I am more used to eating at the Dairy Bar than in a place like this.” I said.

  “You will love it. I like the Dairy Bar too, but every now and then, it's nice to go someplace nice. I hope this place lives up to its advertisement. I love great Italian food although it also loves me just as much and likes to hang around on my butt.” said Mrs. Killibrew and we giggled.

  “So tell me Julie, where are you from?” asked Mrs. Killibrew.

  “I was born and raised in Memphis and my parents still live there. In East Memphis out close to Shelby Farms.”

  “So how did you wind up here?” asked Sally.

  “It's a long story but suffice it to say I needed a teaching job and my minor was in English so here I am.”

  “What was your major?” inquired Mrs. Killibrew.

  “Orchestral conducting.” replied Ms. Givens. “I really wanted to get a job with an orchestra as an assistant director but I couldn't find one. So here I am.”

  “Then why didn't you take over the band when Mr. Stoop quit instead of letting Billy do it.” I asked.

  “Billy, is doing a fine job of directing the band right now and I can't get out of my teaching duties since they can't find a replacement for me. I have already submitted a request to move to teaching band and beginner band, but until they can find a new English teacher I am stuck.” sighed Ms. Givens.

  “Wow, I can't believe that all this time no one knew that you harbored a secret desire.” teased Annie.

  “Well my real secret desire is to eliminate the word ain’t from the human speech patterns. I would also like to drive as many juvenile boys crazy with my legs as possible.” She said and laughed. “I see them watching me all the time not paying attention to what is being taught. I caught on quick to not sit on the front of my desk in class because so many of them had trouble getting up to leave at the bell and none of them paid any attention to the lesson. The only class I could sit on my desk and be comfortable while I taught was with these three. I noticed that no matter what I wore I didn't get any leering stares or remarks from them. I also saw that the guys in the class were so unhappy about me sitting facing Diane and the other two that they paid attention to the lesson.” she said.

  “So that is why you always sit on the corner facing me.” I said.

  “That's right. You have never been rude and you have always tried to pay attention to what was going on. Although I have caught you, seeking a peek at times. Shame on you.” and Sally and Annie giggled at that.

  We were having a wonderful time when one of the jerk football players came up behind me and started talking to Sally and Annie. He obviously didn’t recognize me, which was a good thing and made it a point to introduce himself as the team’s star linebacker. Mrs. Killibrew was cordial, but it was obvious that she wanted him to go away.

  “Hi there, Ms. G. You look great tonight.” He said in his oiliest tone.

  “Hello Jeff. It is Jeff? Thank you for the compliment, but I really don't think it is appropriate.” snarled Ms. Givens.

  “Sorry, no disrespect intended.” he said.

  Sally saved the day. “It is so nice to see you tonight and all, but we are having a private get together and would love to have some. Privacy that is.”

  “Uh yeah right. Well I'll see you in school tomorrow.” and he left.

  Ms. Givens shivered. “He's one of the worst. I have had to push him away several times. He only seems to be getting more and more persistent though.”

  “Have you talked to the principal about this?” asked Mrs. Killibrew.

  “No, I don't want to seem like I can't handle the students. It wouldn't look good for me.” she answered.

  “Why don't you try wearing pants suits and not look so young and beautiful.” I interjected.

  They all looked at me and Mrs. Killibrew said, “You know that might not be such a bad idea. I mean you do look more like a college student than a teacher. I'm not saying that it is a bad thing but you might consider a more conservative approach to how you look.”

  “I never considered that my appearance would cause such actions in my students.” she said. “I only wanted to look and project professionalism, but it would be nice if I did wear slacks to work. They are so much easier to deal with than skirts.” stated Ms. Givens.

  “I think you would look great even in a burlap bag and as far as being professional you won't have a problem with that no matter what.” said Annie.

  “Why thank you Annie.” said Ms. Givens.

  “There's no doubt about that. You are beautiful and more importantly to me extremely intelligent and capable. I have learned a lot in the small amount of time I have been able to spend with you. I mean my grades have risen to the point even one of my teachers came by to see if I was cheating on a test the other day and afterward she wanted to know what I was doing to do so well.” commented Chrissy.

  “Well you certainly have made a huge impact on my life.” I said emphatically.

  “Yes, I do believe she has at that.” said Mrs. Killibrew.

  “Thank you Diane. I have to say you have made an equally good impact on my life and I relish the time I get to spend with
you and these three also. I think you make a much better person as a female than you do as a male. I have noticed that you seem a lot more focused and capable when you are projecting your feminine personality.”

  “Here, here.” exclaimed Sally. “I don't care if you are a girl you still have the softest lips I have ever kissed.”

  “Ahem. And just how many have you kissed?” asked Ms. Givens as she glared at Sally.

  “I won't kiss and tell.” giggled Sally. Mrs. Killibrew and Ms. Givens gave each other knowing looks and shook their heads.

  We ate dinner and had a wonderful time. I really enjoyed the pasta, but the conversation was better. Sally continued to keep quiet on how many boyfriends she has had and we continued to press her on it until Mrs. Killibrew told us to change the subject. Then it turned to me. I really don't do well in the light I am more the mushroom type hiding in the dark trying to remain unobtrusive as possible but tonight they wanted answers.

  “Diane, how long have you wanted to be a girl?” asked Mrs. Killibrew.

  I tried to dodge the question but it didn't work. “Mrs. Killibrew asked you a question, Diane. I expect you to answer it.” ordered Ms. Givens.

  “Yes mam. Well I guess that I have always wanted to be a girl, but had to suppress any feminine expressions to keep from getting into trouble. The Christmas catalog would come and I looked at the pretty dresses and shoes before anything else. I got caught looking at the Barbie dolls one time and my dad beat me pretty bad and made me do pushups until I couldn't do them anymore. I always was jealous of the girls in school because they got to wear pretty clothes in different colors. I was stuck in guy clothes of blue jeans and cotton shirts. At night, I would dream of being a fairy princess and got to wear these beautiful gowns like “Glenda the Good Witch of the East in the Wizard of Oz”. I started to grow like a girl about a year ago and now I look like this. It is really hard on me in PE because I have breast and the other guys like to make fun of me over it. And now I have a figure like a girl and they really give me a hard time.” I explained. “Does that answer your question?” I asked.

  “So when was the first time you....ah....dressed up?”

  “I have tried on some of my Mom's old stockings in the past but the first time was the first day at Ms. Givens after we had the accident with the coke.” I said.

  “Do you like boys then?” asked Chrissy.

  “No, I really don't. I like girls.” and I looked at Sally, who was staring at me. “But I don't know how that would work out with me like this. As a matter of a fact I have only kissed two girls and no I won't tell who they are.”

  “I think I know who one of them is.” said Ms. Givens and looked at Sally who blushed.

  “I don't care I think Diane is sexy and she is so wonderful. All the girls are loving her.” said Sally.

  “Yes, they have realized that she is a very nice person who cares about what they say, not what their chest looks like. I really like to have her around. I find it a little difficult to deal with some times but over all I think she is great and I am happy to have met her. I just want to say thank you Ms. Givens for helping her come out of her shell.” gushed Annie.

  “I agree it is a little difficult to understand, however there is a lot I don't understand about a lot of things, but Diane has made me see that if I want to succeed then I will have to change my attitude about a lot of things. Seeing her work so hard to be a better person has really inspired me.” said Chrissy with a big smile.

  “I thank you all so much for being my friends, but I fear if the wrong person finds out then you will all start having trouble because you are my friends. I don't want that to happen.” I said.

  “I think we can handle anything that comes our way. I wouldn't be much of a friend if I dumped you when times get tough. Now would I? So don't worry about that.” Said Sally.

  “Ms. Givens what prompted you to help her be what she wanted to be?” asked Annie. “Surely you must have seen something or suspected something.”

  “I saw a beautiful young person who seemed to be struggling with who she was. I would see Diane come into my class every day and at first, I thought she was staring at me with the usual lewd thoughts, but then as I was walking by her I found that she was drawing clothes on her paper. Gorgeous dresses and bell-bottom pants. Then I noticed that she brushed her hair back like the rest of the girls and had several other feminine mannerisms. That was when I decided to sit facing her on the desk to see how she reacted and she did just as a young lady would for the most part and didn't act rude or lewd like the boys in the class. So when Defiance came out and made me spill soda on her I gave her my clothes to wear and she looked great in them and it changed her whole attitude. She improved immediately in all areas. I knew then Dennis was Diane.” said Ms. Givens.

  “You know come to think of it I noticed that you talked with your hands and have a lot of female facial expressions. It must be hard to deal with some of the boys because of it.” said Sally.

  I nodded in agreement, “Yes it is. Although I have never really understood why they seemed to dislike me so much. I have never threatened them or did anything to provoke them. I put it down to being a male orientated society that disliked the weak or weak appearing. Now I in retrospect I feel as though they feel as though I am a danger to society that I will propagate my personality by making others do as I am doing. I also feel as though they are afraid that they will actually like me and want to have a relationship with me. God Forbid.” I said. “I mean I don't even like to be around Jeff much less want to have a relationship with him.” and the girls giggled.

  “Well be that as it may. Please be careful around him. I can't help but get the feeling that he could be trouble.” said Ms. Givens.

  “I was just using him as an example. There are many others out there who are just as bad if not worse.” I said.

  “Sarah McCarthy dated him two or three times and she has tried to warn any of us that would listen, to stay away from him. She wouldn't say why though.” said Sally.

  “Well, I think that we had better get going it's getting late and it is still a school day tomorrow.” said Mrs. Killibrew.

  She and Ms. Givens went to pay and had a tug of war over the bill when Ms. Givens tried to help with the bill Mrs. Killibrew refused to let her do it and paid the bill. I felt bad because I didn't have any way to repay her.

  I caught Mrs. Killibrew away from the others and said.“Mrs. Killibrew, I don't have any money with me. Shoot I don't have any money at all but I will find a way to pay for my part.”

  She turned and faced me and took ahold of my shoulders. “Sweetheart you don't have to repay anything at all. I wouldn't accept it even if you tried. You know I see why Chrissy and the rest are so fond of you and I think that I am falling in love with you. I wouldn't mind having you as my daughter also.” and she hugged me and kissed me on the forehead.

  “Thank you so much.” I said.

  The ride home was much quieter. Sally and Chrissy both laid their heads on my shoulders and went sound to sleep. Annie fell asleep on her side and I found out that she snores. When we got back to town Mrs. Killibrew took Sally and Annie each to their homes and watched until they got safely inside. Then she took us to Ms. Givens house and dropped us off. I thanked her again for a wonderful time and hugged Chrissy bye. As Ms. Givens was unlocking the door, I thought I saw someone standing in the bushes at the edge of the house. I pushed her in and slammed the door behind us and locked it.

  “Diane? What has gotten into you?” demanded Ms. Givens.

  “I saw someone standing in the bushes at the corner of the house.” I explained.

  Ms. Givens grabbed a flashlight and opened the door and rushed out onto the porch just in time to catch a glimpse of someone running behind the house next door. She came back in and told me she thought it was Jeff because of the clothes and his general build. I wondered if he had recognized me or not, the porch light was out and it was pretty dark out. I hoped he had not.


  “Go change clothes so I can take you home. Oh and put on some of the new jeans instead of your old ones. I think that you will like them better. And I think that you can get away with wearing your new shoes all the time since they seem to look like boys shoes too.” she said and I did.

  I gathered up my books after changing and put them in my backpack with my old clothes , shoes and all and for whatever reason I decided to take my new purse with me. “Ms. Givens, you don't have to give me a ride home I can run that distance without any problems and I will be alright.”

  “Nonsense I am not going to let you walk all the way home this late at night. Now let's go.” and she herded me out the door but this time she left the porch light on. As we drove out to my house, she asked me, “Did you have a good time tonight?”

  “I had a wonderful time. It was so nice to go and have a wonderful meal with such wonderful people. I feel like Eliza from Pygmalion, I could have danced all night.” I said with my best rendition of a British accent. “I wish that it wouldn't end. Although for some reason I feel as though the night needed to end before something bad happened.” I said wistfully.

  “I think we just need to be careful that's all. Listen I have to go to Memphis next weekend to be fitted for a bridesmaid dress would you like to accompany me. I am going to ask Sally and Annie if they would like to go too. I'm sure that my parents would love to have you since they are the only ones in the house right now.” she asked. “Well there’s my brother, but he’s never there.”

  “I would love to, however I would still have to get my Mom's permission and I'm not sure that she is in the permissive mood right now.” Then something struck me I had forgotten to wash off the makeup. I had to figure out a way to do it before going into the house. Then it hit me I would do it in the washhouse before I did my exercises. Yeah that will work. I was getting better at the routines and seemed to be more confident in the basic moves. I still needed a punching bag though but that shouldn't be a real big problem. I would use and old cotton sack and go down in the field and pick up the scrap cotton that had fallen on the turn roads. I could do that Saturday.

  “So do you think I'm queer? Did you think I was a girl or effeminate when you first met me?” I asked.

  “Yes as a matter of a fact I thought you were a girl when I first met you and then I wondered if you were gay when you answered to a male name. Then I started to wonder if someone had made a mistake when you were born. You are an enigma that I have yet to fully fathom. But don't worry I don't judge and now I am glad of it.” she replied and from the soft glow of the dash lights I could tell that she was smiling.

  She pulled up to the drive and stopped. “I think I will let you out here but I want to do one thing though,” and she leaned over and pulled me to her and kissed me on the lips. “Hmm, Sally is right you do have the softest lips and they taste like honey.” then she pushed me out of the car said bye and took off back to the highway.

  Smokey met me and walked back up to the house with me. I told him all about the night and what I did and where we went. I even told him about Julie kissing me. Wow, she had the most awesome lips and she smelled so good. I was on cloud nine. I washed my face and did my exercises and I put my dirty pants and under wear in the wash hamper. I still had the panties and bra on but the bra didn't show with my coat on. My billfold and the things I kept in my pockets were in my purse and it was in my backpack. I picked it up and went into the house. Mom was talking on the phone and didn't notice Smokey and I come in and go to my bedroom. Ralph was watching TV on the little portable in his room. It wasn't that great but it beat nothing. Once in my room I took my stuff out of my purse and put it on the dresser then I got my pj's on and climbed into bed. Smokey jumped up on the bed next to me and we went sound to sleep.