Being Diane

by Dennis Adkins

  Chapter 13

  The next day was dreary and overcast. I just stayed in the barn, did my exercises and hoped and prayed that God would take my life because I didn't think I could stand much more. The exercises seemed to help more than anything else so I kept it up and by about noon I was sweating and hungry but I wasn't going to go into the house again if I could help it. Then I remembered that Smokey had to be fed so I walked up to the house and got him some food. He stayed right with me the whole time. I got some water out of the hydrant and walked back to the barn. I lived like that for about two more days. Mom didn't come and see about me, but Uncle Will came by and checked on me every day. I lied to him about having enough to eat and he didn't press the subject.

  By the fourth day away from school, Ms. Givens came to see me. She came up the drive and parked her car. I was in the hayloft doing my exercises when I heard Smokey start barking. I went and looked out and saw her car. Smokey had her trapped inside it. I walked up and grabbed Smokey.

  “No wonder you don't have a girl friend with a guard dog like that.” she joked as she got out of the car. I didn't say anything. “So can we go inside or do you prefer to stay out here.”

  “I don't live there anymore. I moved out a few days ago.” I said coldly. Then I realized it wasn't her fault that things had gone the way they had. “I'm sorry I didn't mean to be rude.”

  “Diane, I found out what happened the other day and I would like you to know that you are welcome back in school anytime. We really miss you. Please come back.” She said. “I can't imagine what you have gone through this week. It must be a nightmare.” I just nodded and looked away.

  “You said you would like to go to Memphis with us and I am here to ask you to go. I think it would do you a lot of good to get away from here for a day or two. Please.” she said.

  “I can't go I am dirty and I smell bad. So I appreciate the offer but I have to decline.” I said.

  “I don't care what you look like or how you smell, please come. We can stop at my house and get you cleaned up and then we can go on.” she said.

  I relented. “Okay I'll go but I need to leave a note for whoever cares.” and I turned a started back to the barn.

  “Hey wait a minute,” and she opened her car door and reached in back and pulled out a pair of flats and changed into them. Then she walked out to the barn with me. “So this is where you stay now?” She asked. I nodded and kept walking.

  At the barn, I told her I would be right back and climbed the ladder. The twine was still on the ladder. I walked over to my room and found a piece of paper and wrote a note that I would be gone for a few days. When I looked up, she was standing there looking at the loop that I had laid on one of the hay bales. She looked at me with a pained expression and I gathered what few things I had and put them in my backpack. She stopped me and made me hold my head up. The mark from the twine was still there. “Dennis did you do what I think you did?” I didn't say anything I only walked to the ladder. She was looking at my bed and then she followed me. I let her go first so I wouldn't be tempted to look up her dress as she was climbing down.

  At her house, I took a bath and while I was in there I heard her talking to her mother. “Mother we will be there by six thirty can you have him meet us at eight. I really would appreciate it. I know, but she really needs help and I don't know what to do. Listen I have to go the girls are here now. Yes I love you too.” I knew that she was talking about me. I got out and dried off and when I walked out to the bedroom, there were clothes laid out for me, a pair of jeans and a blouse along with underwear and socks. I got dressed and came out to see Sally and Annie there waiting. They both ran to me and just about knocked me down. Sally threw her arms around me and kissed me and hugged me. Annie wedged in and hugged me tight. Ms. Givens was trying to get them to let go but they wouldn't.

  “I am so mad at you.” Sally sobbed. I thought you were dead or something. Nobody would tell us anything. Your, damned brother just clammed up when I asked about you. Don't you ever leave me like that again.” and she kissed me again.

  A huge weight had been lifted from me right then and I started crying with them. I guess that this was what I needed to help me more than anything else. The affirmation that someone actually cared about me. A hug from someone that loved me. The tears kept coming and coming until Ms. Givens pulled me onto the couch and held me and stroked my wet hair. “Honey, you are loved by more people than you know. We love you very much and care about you more than you will ever know.” and she let me cry it all out. Then she said, “come on we have to get going. Wrap that wet head and put your coats on and let's go.

  I dried my eyes and thanked then all. Then I walked over to my backpack and pulled out my new shoes and my prized possession, my purse. Alright I know that it is a small thing, but it is important to me as a symbol of my girlhood, things that are trivial to a lot of people are important to me. As I was getting ready to leave, I remembered that I needed to wrap my hair and pick up some clothes for tomorrow. I took my backpack because that was all I had and as I was walking to the bedroom out came Ms. Givens with a large suitcase and a small suitcase and a towel. She gave me the small one and the towel and I wrapped my hair to dry. “Wow you need a lot of stuff for the weekend, I mean two suitcases.”

  “The small one is yours I packed it last night.” she said with that wicked look on her face.

  “How did you know that I would agree to go?” I asked.

  “Oh a little mouse told me.” and she winked. “Oh your coat is on the bed go get it and let's go.”

  I found a blue wool coat with a fur like collar, I loved it. “Why was Ms. Givens always looking out for me and getting me the things I needed when my own mother wouldn’t.” I ran out to the car, Annie and Sally were waiting for me there, we all put our bags in the trunk and away we went. I got in the back seat and Sally got in beside me. Right beside me. Annie sat up front with Ms. Givens. Sally wore a skirt and it was short as usual and she took my hand and held it in her lap. Ms. Givens turned and looked at us and said, “no necking or I will separate you two.”

  “Yes mam.” we both responded.

  We didn't notice that someone was watching us from the shrubs next door. They even had a pair of binoculars to see better.

  “Ms. G. do you think we will get to go shopping tomorrow. I would love to go the Mall of Memphis.” Asked Annie. “I brought twenty dollars that I have been saving to go there.”

  “I don't see why not I have to be fitted for a bridesmaids dress and it is in the Mall so I think that you can go shopping if you want. By the way, have you been to the Zoo lately? I think Mother wants us to go Sunday after church. I hope you are Methodist because that is where we are going. I also hope you don't mind but Mother has invited my brother Robert and his fiancé to dinner tonight at Pete and Sam’s.” she told us.

  “What is Pete and Sam’s?” asked Sally. “I hope it is Italian because I love Italian food.”

  “As a matter of a fact it is and it is one of the best in town. It is a family restaurant with real Italian food. I love it.” replied Ms. Givens.

  So what is the fiancé’s name?” asked Annie. “I couldn't help but notice that you don't seem to like her very much.”

  “Her name is Katherine Ross and she is a secretary in the company headquarters where Robert works.”

  “So why don't you like her is she ugly? Does she have a bad personality or something like that.” asked Annie. “I know, she has a wart on her nose and she rides a broom and wears a tall pointy hat.”

  “No Annie she doesn't have a wart and she doesn't ride a broom or at least I don't think so.” giggled Ms. Givens.

  “Diane what happened to you Tuesday. I couldn't believe that you had all of those bruises on your face and now you have a bruise around your neck. I'm sorry but it scared me so bad I started crying and that mean Mrs. Johnson told the principal that you had been mean to me and made me cry. That witch. I think she does ride a broom. I know that her hu
sband fools around on her all the time, but I haven't heard with who yet.” Said Sally.

  Annie turned and looked at her. “You mean you didn't know. Wow I thought everybody knew.”

  “Knew what?” asked Ms. Givens.

  “Well I heard Mom and Dad talking about it. They don't know that I know, but Mr. Johnson dates men and I have heard that he likes teenage boys and girls.” said Annie. “But please don't tell anybody I told you.”

  “Are you making that up?” demanded Ms. Givens.

  “No mam.” exclaimed Annie. “They asked if they could have a sleep over for some of the girls in the class and according to Mom they all refused because they were afraid of him. I personally have had to get away from him one day. I haven't told Mom.”

  “What happened?” asked Sally.

  “He hugged me and tried to kiss me on the mouth. Yechh, he is so gross. Haven't you noticed that he dresses like a teenager at home and wears his hair long. I always wondered why they don't have any kids and I think I know why. I think Mrs. Johnson is afraid of what he would do to them.” said Annie.

  “You know he works with Dad at the airport and Dad doesn't like him at all. I wondered why.” commented Sally.

  “That would explain a lot.” I said.

  “Huh. What do you mean?” asked Annie.

  “She is the teacher that tried to set me up. She got three of the football players to say I was gay and tried to have sex with them.” I said.

  “Well that makes sense now. I understand why they kicked those three off the team. I can't say that it was a loss because the guys that have taken their place have proved to be much better players. I'll bet the three that got suspended, parents are hot because they leaned on the coach all the time about letting their kids play even though they weren’t that good. I can't believe that Jeff said they were the three best players they had.” said Sally.

  “Amy was telling me that the coach is under fire right now because he didn't demand that they be reinstated. You know she hears all the dirt about the coach from her boyfriend.” said Annie. “By the way Amy wants us all to meet at her house Monday about the cheer leading squad. I think Carey has some good news for a particular person,” said Annie.

  “Well, all I know is Diane had better not be fooling with any old football person. I'll be very unhappy if she does.” teased Sally.

  “I don't think you have a thing to worry about.” I said.

  What I didn't understand was why they weren't asking me about what had happened to me. I kind of guessed that Ms. Givens had something to do with it. I really didn't want to talk about it anyway so that was fine. I was having a great time just the way things were going. Sally was squeezing me into the corner it seemed. Then she laid her head on my shoulder and the next thing I knew she was asleep. I don't think I will ever get over the way her hair feels and smells. She was such a beautiful girl, but if I was a girl then that would make me, a queer girl and what did that make Sally? I was really starting to be confused even more so than I was.

  “Well, girls here we are. This is where I was raised and there is my Mother right on time. What do you want to bet she has been watching out the front window for us for thirty minutes.” said Ms. Givens with a grin.

  “Julie, it's so good to see you again. Oh no you look like you have lost weight have you been eating right? Are they treating you right? Oh never mind we'll talk about that later. Sarah, come help with their bags please.” asked Mrs. Givens.

  “No Sarah, I expect the girls to carry their own bags. They are still young and strong, so let's get to it girls.” and we got our own bags and lined up in front of Mrs. Givens. “Mother I want you to meet Sally, Annie and Diane. Say hello girls.” said Ms. Givens. We all said hello.

  “They are as pretty as a picture just like you said. Hello girls if you will follow me I will show you where to put your bags.” said Mrs. Givens. “Mr. Givens won't be home for a little while so that will give you time to rest and change for dinner. I just can't get over how beautiful you all are. I understand that you are cheerleaders. I'll bet you didn't know that Julie was a cheerleader also. She was the captain of the squad as a matter of a fact. All the boys wanted to date her. Her Father would have to beat them away with a big stick.”

  “Mother! Don't be telling them that!” exclaimed Ms. Givens.

  “Is that like going to Tahiti?” I asked with a grin. Then I leaned in close to Ms. Givens and whispered. “Gotcha.”

  Ms. Givens gave me a look and wrinkled up her nose, which made her even more gorgeous. “Move that cute butt. Now.” Sally and Annie both giggled and followed Mrs. Givens and exaggerated swinging their hips from side to side. I was going through the door and turned to see Ms. Givens hugging the maid.

  “I am going to have to put one of you in with Julie and the other two in the spare bed room. So let's pick this way. Eenie Meeney Miney Moe you get to hear Julie snore. Sorry Diane you lose so come on and put your bag in here and you two put yours in there. And go ahead and put on your dinner clothes.” She said.

  Ms. Givens room was very feminine and well-ordered with dolls on the shelf and pictures of her everywhere. She was very photogenic, but then I couldn't see why not. Her cheer poms were on a shelf and a record player with a large collection of records sat on another shelf. Recordings of all of the major classical composers were there, Beethoven, Bach, Dvorak, Copeland. Then all of the latest pop groups, The Monkeys, Rolling Stones, Moody Blues, Blood Sweat and Tears and of course Chicago. I was looking through them when Ms. Givens came in and saw me.

  “That is my favorite one. Dvorak’s, New World Symphony in D minor. I know that everybody else thinks that Beethoven was so great but Dvorak was so much easier to listen to and it had a real heart to it. Although some of his Slavic Dances were in my opinion not very good. So which do you like the best?” She said.

  “I love them all, but I really love Aaron Copeland and his Symphony for the Common Man. It seems to have as you say heart and soul. As far as the modern stuff, I like Chicago’s 25 or 6 to 4. The horns do it a lot of justice and give it a life. I love it.” I said. “Uh do you mind if I ask a question?”

  “Sure go ahead.”

  “Do I have a dinner dress?”

  “Well let's see.” and she took my suit case and set it on the bed and opened it. “Yes as a matter of a fact you do.” and she pulled out a beautiful winter white linen dress and hung it up on the shelf. Then she pulled out a pair of off white stockings and a pair of ivory pumps that had a heel to them. She helped me get dressed and showed me the little nuances of the different articles of clothing. I was a little wobbly in the heels but managed not to fall over. I walked around in them a little and figured out how to walk in them, it was nice.

  “Alright now I need you to unzip me and help me get dressed.” she said.

  “You want me to do that?” I stammered.

  “Yes and I thought the stammering thing was gone. Now let’s get to it we don't have a lot of time I have to fix your hair and makeup.” she said. So I unzipped her and she got undressed and picked out a beautiful mauve dress with an empire bodice. I helped her put it on and buttoned her up. She put on a pair of pink heels that she had in her closet then she had me to sit down while she brushed out my hair and then had me to put on the eyeliner. “Don't use too much, just enough to barely be seen. Remember you are a lady not a whore.” I did and then she made me put on the Mascara the same way and some lite pink eye shadow on the eyelids only. Then she shooed me out to go check on Annie and Sally.

  I knocked on the door and Sally let me in. “Damn girl you look great. I haven't even gotten started. Come on you can help. Which dress do you think I ought to wear? The blue one or the green?”

  “I like the green. It really sets off your eyes. You have the most beautiful green eyes, they seem to have little gold flakes in them. I love them so much.” I said.

  Annie giggled and said, “I think you have an admirer.”

  “I like it.” said Sally an
d she kissed me. Once again, I felt my cheeks getting hot and I had a weak feeling all over.

  “Diane, I need you to help me put my dress on.” said Annie and she had taken her blouse off and her pants. She had a beautiful firm body and she didn't mind me looking at it. She put on a slip and some panty hose and then she had me to lift the dress over her head and pull it down and straighten it out. I zipped up the back and stood back and looked at her she was gorgeous in her blue dress.

  Sally had taken off her clothes and put her dress on and had me to zip it up. I brushed out her hair for her while she put on her make up. Sally asked if I minded helping them get dressed, I said no I didn't but it was the first time I had seen girls without their clothes on. I admitted that I was a little embarrassed by it, but since I was supposed to be a lady I didn't think that it made a lot of difference, to which both of then giggled and grabbed me and threw me on the bed an started tickling me. We were interrupted by Ms. Givens who told us to get busy and quit fooling around.

  Ms. Givens went down stairs and I got up and straightened my dress and brushed my hair again. Then I turned around threw my head back and walked out. Annie and Sally both he-hawed at that. I went down stairs and was sitting in the living room, I could hear Julie and her Mother talking in the next room. They seemed to be talking about me. Her Mother was asking if this was the right thing to do to encouraging me to dress and act like a girl? Julie was telling her that when I was like this I was so much more natural and seemed to be more relaxed and calm. She did say that she was worried about Sally because she didn't seem to want to accept it. Then she told her Mother that she was worried about me because I lived in a barn and slept in the hayloft in a little space made out of hay bales. And she told her that I tried to hang myself the other day after I had to shoot those two thugs. She told her Mother that she didn't want to lose me I was the little sister she had always wanted. That was why she wanted 'Ted' to talk to me.