Chapter 27
School started to assume an air of normalcy for me as long as I didn’t go too far in expressing my feminine side. But there was always an edge to some of the kids that went to school with me. Even though I was never completely accepted, I was at least tolerated by most of them or so I thought. One day I was going to PE when three guys blocked the door to the Gym and wouldn’t let me in. I turned to leave and two more were closing in on me from the back. I took off and ran for all I was worth. I made it to the main building and down to the principal’s office. The five of them took off then. I knew them, they weren’t the type of guys to get involved in something based on principal. as a matter of a fact if it didn’t involve money or some way to get money they kept to themselves. Mostly they had the morals of a goat on a good day. Two of them were usually fighting with the other three and one wasn’t even in school anymore he had dropped out at the first of the year. So why were they after me. I decided to not bother the principal with this new turn of events so I slipped around and made it back to the gym and got changed in the little room in the back that I had been assigned to. I found that the coach was late that day so I didn’t have to explain what had happened.
That afternoon it was announced that opposite’s day was going to be held in two days. You couldn’t dress provocatively or expose any parts that weren’t supposed to be exposed. This was to ensure that no one came as a hooker or the girls as a Greek athlete like one girl tried two years ago. She didn’t make it into the school at all before she was sent home, fig leaf and all. Sally came up to me and said that I would have an opportunity to come as I really was. I thought about it and said that I had better not. I was warned to keep a low profile.
“Oh come on no one’s going to say anything and you will be able to show people that you really are a female. So come on, what’s it going to hurt.” she said.
I was sorely tempted. “Okay but let’s keep it simple alright. That way I can get away with it.” I said.
“Great I have just the outfit for you. It is a tan corduroy jumper with a white blouse. I think that it is pretty simple and you can wear a pair of those cute ankle socks and your tan saddle oxfords. You will look adorable. Not that you don’t look adorable anyway I mean…” said Sally and she just let it drift off because I was giving her an enough look.
“I get the picture.” I said. “But it will have to be fitted won’t it?”
“Yeah I guess you need to come to the house today to see if it is going to fit. This will work out well. You have to go to Ms. Givens for lessons. After that, you can come by my house and we can see if the dress fits. Mom would love it if you would. She asks about you all the time. So does Liz but she doesn’t count.” said Sally.
That afternoon Ms. Givens finally couldn’t take it anymore. “Diane what has you so distracted that you can’t do your work?”
“Sorry I didn’t mean to be so out there. It’s just, well, Sally, Annie, Amy and Carey all want me to come to school as a girl on opposite’s day so people can see me as I really am. I would love to, but I’m not sure that it is a good idea. You know what I mean?” I said.
Chrissy was the first to say something, “Diane, I am your friend and I wouldn’t say or do anything to hurt you. But I don’t see anything good coming out of this. I think it would be fun and all if it were just for a day and didn’t mean anything except harmless fun. But in your case, it would give your enemies the ammunition they need to get you thrown out of school. Because they would not accept it as harmless fun, instead they would twist it into something sick and demented. I say no and I say it as your friend.” she said.
“I, unfortunately, have to agree with Chrissy.” said Ms. Givens. “With what all has happened I don’t think it is a good idea. I have been thinking about this all week. Yes, I knew about it on Monday, but I didn’t say anything about it for your own good. There are still those who would love to have a reason to persecute you, let’s don’t give them the reason to hurt you.”
“Thanks now I have to convince the girls that it is a bad idea. I have been leaning towards your way of thinking but convincing them will take an act of God I believe. I would love to let them see me as I really am. However I know they aren’t ready for it and it would cause a ruckus that would eventually get me tossed out.”
“I’m sorry I know you just want to live a normal life as a girl but I’m afraid it won’t happen. Not in this redneck hell hole. I want to get out of here so bad I can taste it.” said Chrissy.
“Is there something wrong?” I asked and took her hand.
She suddenly started crying. I looked at Ms. Givens and she looked at me, neither one of us had a clue. Ms. Givens got Chrissy up and took her into the living room and sat her down on the couch. I sat down on one side and Ms. Givens sat on the other side. Chrissy suddenly threw her arms around me and just sobbed. I held her and rocked her in my arms. When she finally slowed down, I asked again, what was wrong.
“I…I wanted to run for my class president, but was told that I couldn’t. I pushed the subject and was told that if I pursued it I would be expelled for the rest of the year. So my dad called the Principal and they had a big fight over the phone. It seems as though I’m a girl.” She sobbed.
“Yes you are a girl, a very smart and capable girl.” I said. “What does that have to do with anything?” I saw Ms. Givens take a deep breath and cover her mouth with both hands. She had a look of total shock on her face. Then it hit me, she couldn’t run for a class office because she was a girl. I couldn’t believe it, I thought that kind of thinking had gone out years ago, but now here in the twentieth century it was alive and well in our town. Even though it was a private school that was doing it, the whole thing was immoral and wrong.
“I’m so sorry Chrissy. I didn’t know.” I said.
“I know, I’m not supposed to talk about it or they will suspend me for three days.” she said. “I can’t even talk to the others about it or I will be thrown out of school for creating a hostile environment in school. I have talked to the others though and it was decided that no one would run for class president or for any other position. I guess that they will expel me for that.” She said.
“Then let them, I have a feeling that they will regret it. Stand up and be a leader. Be someone that the rest can look up to. You know what I mean even though you are a little short on the stature side there.” and I patted her on the head.
“You know what missy. I will be a leader. Tomorrow when they call for the nominations, I will be right there and no matter what I am going to stand my ground against that bigot. I also think you need to wear a dress to opposite’s day and stand your ground.” She said. “Oh and I may be shorter than you but I can still kick your butt anytime I want to.”
“Well then go for it, you know I love it when you play rough.” I teased.
“You haven’t said anything Julie.” observed Chrissy.
Ms. Givens sat there for a minute and then she grabbed us both and gave us a big hug. “I am so proud of you both. You are turning into fine upstanding women who are willing to fight for what you believe in.”
“Tell me do you have the rules of your school with you?” I said.
“Yeah we are supposed to have them with us at all times.” she said. “Why do you think there is something in there that I can use?’
“Don’t know but it is worth reading. You might find what you need in there.” I said.
“I think I will make a phone call and see if I can get someone who would love to bring this to light.” So I called the reporter that took my picture on the Mississippi River and told him what was going on at Chrissy’s school and asked if he could come and cover the nominations tomorrow for class offices. He was hesitant at first but then he started to warm up to the idea and said he would be there. I put Chrissy on the phone to give him the details.
Ms. Givens said, “Well young lady are you going to stand up for the rights of people like you or are you going to keep low
profile and just let things go merrily on their own way. You know that you are going to be persecuted even more than before. Are you up to it?”
“Yes mam I’m up to it. I think I am going to let the school board know that I intend to start living full time as a female after the first of the year. I shouldn’t dance around the problem and I shouldn’t live a lie. I should be true to myself.” I said.
“Diane the reporter wants to talk to you again.” Chrissy announced with a grin.
“What did you tell him?” I asked somewhat suspicious of Chrissy’s grin. “Yes sir, is there anything else I can help you with?” I asked the reporter.
“Well, Diane or is it Dennis? Oh well it doesn’t matter. I understand that you are a story in your own right. I was told that you are going to come out to the entire school on opposite’s day as a transgendered person. Is that right?” he asked.
“I guess so.” I said. “I am coming to school as a girl for the first time that day and let the chips fall where they may.”
“I would love to cover the story if I may.” He said.
“I would love for you to, but be kind I have had enough negativity this fall.” I said.
“Don’t worry I will paint you as what you are a very brave and smart young lady.” He said. Then he set up a time to interview me right after covering Chrissy’s election.
I hung up the phone and turned to Chrissy. “You told him!” I said and ran up to her and threw my arms around her neck and gave her a big kiss on the cheek. “I love you.” I whispered in her ear.
“I love you too.” she replied. “I may have found something in the handbook. It says that any boy or girl may run for a class office. ‘As long as their grades are a B or above.’ I also found in the preamble that the school was to promote leader ship and positive citizenship traits in all of its students and teachers.”
“You have already read all of this!” I said, stunned that she had read it all so fast and retained it all.
“Diane. I want you to meet one of the most gifted speed readers I have ever met. She can read an average book in a matter of minutes and be able to tell you all of the details of the book without error. I don’t play cards with her either because she can keep track of each card played and beat the pants off of me. I really think that she wasn’t applying herself to her school work because she thought she was some kind of freak. She wouldn’t read or study because she was afraid that she would be teased. Then she met you and came to the conclusion that she wasn’t a freak just because she was different. She said you weren’t a freak and neither was she and now she is doing so much better. Now when she reads in school the other kids just are amazed to watch her do it. I know I just love to see her read it is the most awesome thing.” exclaimed Ms. Givens.
“Would you like me to show you?” asked Chrissy.
“Would I? I have heard about people that can do that but I have never seen one. Please show me.” I begged.
She selected a book on Music Theory from Ms. Givens book shelf and sat down at the table and started reading and in one minute, she had read thirty pages. Then she stopped and regurgitated what she had read. She showed me some of the things that she had identified that helped her read so fast and got me to practicing them. My reading speed and comprehension jumped way up. We went back to getting her the right to run for office and had a pretty good plan. It depended on the principal letting her speak her piece. That was going to be the major issue since he seemed to be a dictatorial type of person who ran the school with an iron fist. Well it was about to be broken with a velvet glove.
Chrissy called her mother and asked if she could go with me to Sally’s house for a little while to pick out a dress for school. Her mother said yes, Julie wanted to take us to the burger bar afterwards and treat us. Mrs. Killibrew thought something was up but she agreed as long as she and Junior could come to. Ms. Givens pretended to be thinking about it and suddenly said yes that would be great. Just put on a pair of jeans and tennis shoes. You don’t need to look like a fashion plate around us all the time.
“OOOO Honey. You have a deal I don’t want to put that damn girdle back on.” She said.
The three of us walked over to Sally’s house. “I hope you don’t mind I brought Ms. Givens and Chrissy with me. If I leave them alone at the house they get into trouble.” I said and the next thing I felt was my butt getting spanked.
“I’m glad that she got you I am tired of having to stand up all the time. Come on in. Hi Chrissy. Mom, Diane is here and Ms. Givens and Chrissy are with her.” Sally’s mom came out of the back wiping her hands on a dish towel. She stuck her hand out to Ms. Givens.
“It is such a pleasure to finally meet you. Sally and Liz talk about you all the time. I see why too. You are as beautiful as they say you are.” she said.
“Thank you so much. I don’t know about being beautiful, but I do try to teach my kids to take pride in themselves and study hard. Is Liz your daughter? I know her from the band, she is an excellent oboe player. I wouldn’t be surprised if she got a scholarship to college to play the oboe.”
I muttered under my breath that I thought she was adorable. She heard it and winked at me.
Ms. Givens told Sally’s Mom that she was taking Chrissy and I to the burger shack but Sally had to see me first.
Sally’s Mom said, “Yes I know you are here to see if the dress fits. Sally take Diane into your room and have her put it on and come on out so I can see if I have to do anything to it. Julie isn’t it? Come on back to the kitchen I was just finishing up supper. Liz set three more places.”
“We really can’t intrude like this we are meeting Chrissy’s mom and brother there in a little while.” Ms. Givens said.
“By the way I am Rachel Crouch. Call me Rachel. That is not a request it is an order. I don’t like being called Mrs. Crouch it makes me feel old.” she ordered.
“Thank you Rachel.” said Ms. Givens.
Sally took us into her room and pulled out the dress that she was talking about. She had me to strip right there and put the dress on. I pretty much didn’t have a choice. It fit very well. Everywhere! I was amazed because I thought Sally had bigger breast than I did. But now we were the same and the same in the bottom. The dress was a little short in my opinion but I would let Mrs. Crouch be the judge of that. We went into the kitchen to show Mrs. Crouch and Ms. Givens. Both said it was perfect. I whispered to Ms. Givens that I thought I had grown some in the chest.
“Well if they have a tape measure we can find out.” she said and asked Mrs. Crouch for a tape measure. She gave her one and I started to go back into the bedroom for Ms. Givens to measure me when Mrs. Crouch told me to take the dress off right there so she could see the measurements. I did as I was told, but I wasn’t comfortable about it, but I did it anyway. I was now a 32C and a 33 butt. My waist was the same. I went into the bedroom and got dressed. Sally said she would bring the dress to school the next day. I had to get some new bras since the ones I had were too small. Ms. Givens said she would take care of that for me. We thanked Mrs. Crouch and left for the burger bar.
We met Mrs. Killibrew and Junior and went in and found a seat close to the door. One of Chrissy’s classmates was there and he wanted to know what she was going to do about the class election tomorrow.
“I am going to ask to be nominated to the president’s chair.” she said.
“What if the principal does what he said he was going to do and expel you?” he asked.
“Then I will appeal to the students in the class to support me in my fight for my rights.” She said.
“Then we will all support you,” said one of the girls that was there also. “The days of women’s suffrage are over we have won the right of the vote and the right to hold office I think it is time for us to have the same rights in school.” And they all cheered.
Chrissy stood on a chair and addressed the kids there. “We as females are being targeted for homemakers and mothers, which is the most admirable of women’s
careers, but we have the right to be more and do more if we so desire. We are members of this society and we are going to be making decisions that will affect many others in the future. I say we be given the opportunity to learn to make the right decisions now. I don’t like being demeaned or belittled and told that I need to concentrate on my needle point and not on my views. I want all of us male and female alike to be able to be all that we can be and the only way to do that is if tomorrow we stand together against a tyrannical leadership that has not moved ahead with the times. Tomorrow let’s be one.” And she raised a clenched fist into the air. The rest of the kids there raised their fist in solidarity with her. I had the distinct impression that I was looking at the first woman President of the United States.
The mood there was one of exhilaration and excitement. Mrs. Killibrew took a picture of Chrissy standing on the chair with her fist raised. It was a momentous moment in Chrissy’s life. She started leading instead of following, she grew that day to a higher level than she had ever been. She was now a leader and she would never step to the back and follow again. Win or lose the battle she would come back and lead another fight and get better and better at it. She already knew that to pick the right battle was tantamount to winning from the start. To waste important people and resources on unimportant skirmishes was not the way to win a war. On this issue, she needed to call on her support and resources at the right time. Right now, she was getting her soldiers, so to speak, fired up for the upcoming battle. The pay phone stayed hot outside as they called more and more students and parents to come hear her speak. We had been there about an hour when she started to wind down. The owner of the place didn’t care as long as the customers kept ordering. Chrissyhad stepped down a long time ago and was mingling with the crowd.
I told Ms. Givens that I needed to go home. Junior stood by me the whole time and at one point he took my hand and at another he put his arm around me. No one said a word about it. As I got my coat, Junior held it up and helped me put it on. I dropped a hint that he needed to help Ms. Givens also and he did. I eased over to Mrs. Killibrew who was hanging on every word that Chrissy was saying and told her I needed to leave and asked her to tell Chrissy that I was proud of her.
“I will. Diane I want to thank you. You have awakened a spirit in my daughter that I don’t think I want to ever leave her. And it is all your doing. By being different and not backing up you have shown her that she can be herself and do what she believes is the right way. Thank you.” I got the biggest hug and a kiss on the cheek.
I left and Junior came outside with me. No one was around, “Diane, you are pretty special. I really like you a lot. I would like to date you some if you don’t mind?”
I hung my head trying to find a way not hurt him with what I had to tell him. But how? “Junior…”
“Listen I know what you are. I don’t care. I also want you to know that I am not gay and I don’t consider you a boy, just a girl that is starting to turn to a girl late. So don’t even go there. I don’t really care what people think of me or what I do. I’m big enough to change the minds of those who want to hurt you. So I’m asking may I date you some.”
I looked at him and said, “Yes.” Ms. Givens came out and was standing behind Junior. I was smiling from ear to ear.
“I’ll call you to set up a time. Can I kiss you?”
I shook my head no, but I was still smiling.
“Ms. Givens is standing right behind me isn’t she?”
I shook my head yes. I was still smiling.
He hung his head and then he turned and said. “Uh, good night Ms. Givens.” He practically ran back inside.
I looked at Ms. Givens and she looked at me and we both started laughing. She took my arm and walked me back to her house. “Well Sis this has been an eventful evening.” she said.
“Yesss, mam, I do believe you are right. I hope things go well for Chrissy tomorrow.” I said.
“So what has come over Junior?” Ms. Givens asked.
“Me.” I said.
“Yes you.” She said.
“No I meant, ME!” I said. “I think junior is a little sweet on me.”
“Careful young lady you aren’t old enough to be dating and I don’t know how to plant roses.” said Ms. Givens.
“Speaking of roses, how is Ted?” I asked.
Julie got real starry eyed and had a smile on her face. “He’s fine.” she said.
“So when is he coming down to see you again?” I asked being nosy.
“He should be here on Saturday morning. He wants to see you and then we are going to afternoon matinee and to dinner that night?” she said.
“And to church on Sunday morning with you.”
“Yes, I hope….” she said. “That’s not funny he is staying….”
“With you?” I said.
“Maybe, but I don’t think that is any of your business, anyway.” she said and turned her nose up.
“You know you really should be careful with your nose in the air like that.” I said.
“Why is that?” she said and then ran into a garbage can.
“So you won’t run into garbage cans.” I said and giggled. She laughed also and chased me all the rest of the way to her house. We sat on the porch steps and looked at the stars for a while. She pointed the different constellations out to me. She explained the names of each one she could see.
“Diane, do you find Junior attractive?” she asked.
“I think he is nice but I am still thinking of Harold.” I said.
“Harold? Who is Harold? Havc you been holding out on me?” Julie demanded.
“I thought your mother had told you already.” I said.
“No you had better tell me a little about him.” she said.
I told her everything that had happened that day from flying the kite and getting our picture taken on the river. I told her about his brownish curly hair and the wonderful eyes. About how I just wanted to get lost in them. Then I told her about being kissed by him.
She smiled at me and made a clucking noise. “I don’t think Junior has a chance at all. It seems as though you have fallen for the mysterious foreigner and won’t be settling for just any ole country boy.”
“I’ve spent a lot of time wondering if I would be gay liking a boy like that. I really want to be a woman all the way not just on the outside.” I said.
“I know that is a complicated issue that while it seems as though it is simple it’s not. I think the hormones are starting to have a profound effect on the way you act and think. I believe that you are becoming a female inside and out. I like it. You seem calmer and more focused. Oh there’s the phone.” she ran inside and answered it. “Diane, it’s Mr. Washington he needs to talk to you.”
“Hello.” I said.
“Diane, I don’t know how you do it but the current picks have increased. You now are worth.. wait I have it right here. Ah here it is, one hundred and two thousand dollars. So have you got your crystal ball on right now? Is there anything you want me to do tomorrow after that dramatic move?
“No sir, just leave things as they are. I think that they are going to take a break and stay static for the rest of the week and on next Monday or Tuesday they will start another upward climb. Then I will make a decision about doing something with them.” I said.
“Whatever you want.” he said.
He hung up and I turned to Ms. Givens and asked, “Is a hundred thousand dollars a lot of money?”
“Yes, honey, it is quite a bit. Why?”
“That is what I am worth right now.” I said. “Well, I have to go home now I will see you in the morning.”
“Be careful and go straight home no cruising the strip.” teased Ms. Givens. Then she looked at me and thought, “Not even having money changes her.”
I went straight home and fed Tiny and did my exercises. I was excited to be able to be myself. Even if only for a day. The dress was nice and I guess that I needed to find out that I had grown. I had
n’t realized how much though. My pants were a little snug in the behind and my blouses were pulling across the chest. I was growing up.
The next day at school, I was approached by six of the high school guys who wanted to know if I was going to dress up for Opposites day. I told them I was. The whole time I was looking for a way to escape. One of them told me to be careful because some guys were planning on roughing me up today so I wouldn’t be able to come to school tomorrow. He said that I had come to their attention and they thought I had guts, a lot of guts, to do what I was doing. Another spoke up and said they were going to support me tomorrow. I thanked them and they left. I was standing there digesting all that they had just said when someone yelled “Look Out!”
I spun around and one of the guys from the gym tried to stab me with a knife. Because I carried my books in my arms in front of me, he managed to stick the knife in my books. I dropped them and kicked the guy’s knee and hit him twice in the face. He went down and I kicked him in the ribs as hard as I could. Then the high school guys came running back and grabbed the punk up and drug him off. I don’t know what they did with him but he hasn’t been back since. The rest of the day went well. Sally came up and said there was going to be a change in plans. Tomorrow afternoon there was going to be a “fashion” show in the auditorium and they wanted me to change clothes and wear the gown that Amy had worn to the banquet. Other than that, things were going well.
I went to Amy’s house to pick up the dress and then by Ms. Givens where there was a strange car parked outside with Tennessee license plates on it. I walked up to the door and knocked on it. Ms. Givens opened it and smiled, “You have a visitor here. I think you need to talk to him.” and she invited me in.
“Hello Diane.” said the reporter. “Have you heard the news. Chrissy was voted president of her class today.”
I started jumping up and down screaming “Yes, yes, yes!!!” Ms. Givens caught me and had me to sit down so I could hear all of the story.
The reporter said that he showed up at eight o’clock to interview the principal, but he was in the gym with the rest of the school doing nominations and voting for the different class offices. I went down there and started taking notes. The principal gave the different rules for the nominations and in the end, he added that no girls could be nominated only males. That was when Chrissy stood up and questioned by whose authority he made that rule. Then she started in on a speech that stirred the entire student body into a standing ovation. The principal tried to physically remove her but the kids pulled together around her and wouldn’t let him close. Then a woman named Carmichal stood and called for silence. They all looked at her and she said she was on the board of directors for the school and she gave him the authority to do so. Chrissy told her that by the rules of the board, it took a two thirds vote to change the rules of the school and that no one board member could make unilateral decisions affecting the operation of the school. She then ordered the principal to use whatever measures he deemed necessary to remove her from the crowd. The kids all stood and moved to protect her. Then he said she was expelled from the school and one of the guys stood and said, “Then you will have to expel me also.” Then the rest all said the same thing. There was a general mutiny from the students.
The crowning moment came when the Carmichal woman told them they were throwing their lives away for “that little tramp that runs around with a pervert.”
Chrissy told her that you weren’t a pervert and that you were just another kid trying to live and get an education, however, Mrs. Carmichal was a sick and twisted woman who wanted power and the ability to dominate them all. “Not this time nor any other time will you rule over us with your hate mongering ways. Not ever will you fill us with the bile of hatred and cruelty. We know better and if we all live as we should, your dreams of ruling over all of us we will be as empty as this school building.” The applause was deafening Then they all started chanting “Chrissy, Chrissy, Chrissy!!” I was truly inspired by the way, the kids acted.
The Carmichal woman started yelling at the kids and making demands. They all got quiet and turned their backs on her not a one would face either the Principal or the woman. Finally, the parents who had come to see what the hubbub was about stepped up and told the principal that the best thing he could do was to let the girls be nominated. The Carmichal woman tried to force the parents to take their kids and leave so she could straighten out the “mess”, all of them turned their backs on her and said that the principal would not have a job if she wasn’t escorted off the property.
“I’m telling you it was inspiring. They all stood their ground together and did what was right.” he said. “Now I would like it if you told me about you. Come on let’s sit at the table, that is if you don’t mind Ms. Givens.” he said.
“I don’t mind at all. That way I can make sure that you follow the rules.” she said.
“Rules what rules?” he asked.
“You may not ask anything of a kiss and tell nature, you may not ask anything of a sexual nature and you may not ask anything of an embarrassing nature. I will stop the interview if you do. Is that clear?” Ms. Givens demanded.
“I understand. I am not here to destroy you and if I seem to be crossing, the line just let me know. I will back off. Diane I am here to write a positive story that everyone will enjoy reading. I don’t like the expose type stuff since it can backfire on you.” he said.
He asked me a lot of questions about how I felt and how I began to change physically. He wanted to know about the shooting and my relationship with my parents. I told him everything except about Harold and Junior. They didn’t need to be hurt. He asked what I wanted to do with my life and did I know how I was going to achieve it. I was worn out after the interview. He wanted to know if I had an outfit picked out for tomorrow. I told him I did and that he needed to come to school to see it. He said he would.
Ms. Givens told me that we had to go down town to get some clothes that fit me. So we drove down to one of the clothing stores where she got me a couple of bra’s that fit and some panties that fit. The clerk looked at me and at Ms. Givens and said. “I wish I had a teacher like you when I was in school. I probably would have turned out a lot different. I wanted to go to school and be a chemist, but that just wasn’t in the cards. Dennis, I hope you appreciate what she is doing for you. I have heard some of what you have gone through and I see a very positive change that is nothing short of a miracle, but I don’t think you have a clue of what she has had to put up with.” We paid her and I thanked her very much and we left.
“What did she mean by that?” I asked.
“Nothing you need to be concerned with.” she said.
“I think I do.” I said.
“Okay then I’ll tell you some of it. From the first day I saw you I knew that you were hurting so I asked about you. I was told to stay away from you that you were gay or that’s what some of the other teachers said about you.” Ms. Givens stopped and took a deep breath like it was a rather painful experience to tell what happened. “Then when Mr. Alverez assigned each teacher with a troubled student to tutor I got you. I really didn’t know if I wanted to since you had such a stigma attached to you. I asked if there was another teacher that could take you. I also was still hurting from losing Ted to a gay lifestyle. That’s really why I’m here, I was running from Ted thinking that I wasn’t woman enough for him.”
“Any way I was told that the others wouldn’t have anything to do with you either. So it was me. I stalled by having the psychological test done. That was when I got the first glimpse of what was going on. I was intrigued by you. By the way, the personality test showed that you were possibly being abused at home and that you might have gender identity disorder. Then that day at my house when I dressed you in my slip and panties I got my first real look at the real Dennis/Diane. From then on, I thought there was no turning back. You were so happy that day and it was like a door had been opened. A door that let you learn. You have no idea the di
fference. God, it was like I had discovered that you had a separate personality. I really was worried that you did have a split personality. Ted says that you have developed a complex self-defense personality to keep others and yourself from discovering that you are primarily female and the female was getting stronger and more pronounced. He thinks that if I hadn’t discovered your personality you would have really needed help in the future.”
“As it turns out when you are trying to keep a secret, word slips out about you and I started getting notes from the School Board that I needed to steer you back to being a male. Then one day I got a note saying that I needed to turn you to being a male or else. I was to do whatever I needed to do, even have sex with you if necessary. I still have them in my desk drawer in the house. Finally, I got a visit from one of the school board members who told me my job was in jeopardy and that I needed to distance myself from you. I couldn’t job or no job. I have fallen in love with you as a friend and as a sister. So last week I was told that my contract would be terminated after the Christmas holiday. I found out that Mrs. Carmichal would be taking my place until they can find a suitable replacement. Sorry, but that is what she meant.” She said sadly.
“Do your parents know?” I asked.
“No I wasn’t going to tell them until after the holidays. I didn’t want to ruin their Christmas.”
“What are you going to do?” I asked.
“I guess, I will go back to selling clothes. I was really good at it. I don’t think I will be allowed to teach again, at least not around here. Well you had better get going. It is going to be dark soon and I don’t want you on the road at night.” she said.
I got home and did my usual routine and laid down on the hay. Tiny got in on top of me and pestered me until I pet her. She was quickly taking Smokey’s place here, but she would never be able to fill the hole in my heart that I carried for him. It wasn’t dark yet, but close to it. The twilight time had a chill in the air that was biting. I looked at the house and wished I was in there helping wash the dishes and getting ready for bed. This was nice, but it would never be a real home like that. I knew it and I knew that all I was doing was making a place to survive.
Surviving was all I had been doing since Granddaddy died, now I wanted to live a little and not have to look over my shoulder all the time. I wanted to be accepted as I was, not only by the public around me, but by my own flesh and blood. I started to cry because I was lonely and wanted to be with my family. I guess that I was so distracted that I didn’t see the door to the lower level open. Tiny started barking at it. I jumped up looking around for a stick anything to defend myself with. I thought one of those thugs had found me and was here to finish the job. Then Mom called out to me and came out of the doorway. I was standing there with a hoe in my hands.
“What do you want?” I asked rather curtly.
“I want to talk to you.” she said.
“So talk.”
“Can you put down the hoe?”
“You came to talk so talk. The last time I tried to talk to you. You hit me with a pan and it got infected. I still have the scar see. I don’t want to be sucker punched again.”
“Dennis, I’m sorry. I was… I didn’t…. I have no excuse for the way I have treated you. I want you to come home I will find a second job if I have to pay for you, but come home. Forgive me and come home.” Mom cried.
Then it dawned on me she didn’t know about the money I had in the account. She wasn’t trying to rip me off, she really meant it. “Why did you abandon me and how do I know you won’t do it again?” I asked.
“I remembered Earl killing the man that tried to molest your Aunt. I have never gotten over seeing that and when I saw the bodies the only thing I could see was you turning into another Earl drinking and wandering from job to job. He has a place to live because of the one good thing he did in his life. I didn’t think I could deal with you being that way. Now you are changing into a girl and I have lost my son forever.” she sobbed.
“I am still here, I still need a mother as much as Diane as I did as Dennis. I needed you so bad that day and you wouldn’t even talk to me. I can’t even begin to tell you how much that hurt. How I cried at night for a hug from you. I needed you and you stuck a knife in my heart and twisted it.” I was sobbing so hard that I could barely talk. “Dennis is still here only the outside has changed. Now I am realizing that I have always wanted to be a girl and the accident accelerated the process to the point that I was having trouble hiding it. I haven’t gone away I just look different, if you look and listen you will see that I am still here.”
“I see it now. I see the strength and determination, I hear the intelligence and compassion in your speech. You are still mine aren’t you? Only now, you are growing into a beautiful young woman. I am so proud of you.” and she reached out and took the hoe from my hands and pulled me to her. We cried and cried. “So are you coming home?”
“Yes Mom, I am coming home.”
We gathered up my things and took them to the house. I took a bath at home for the first time in weeks. Tiny followed me and stayed right with me until Mom sat down on the couch to roll her hair. I had already rolled mine and had my pajama’s on with a robe on. Tiny walked over to Mom and jumped up on the couch and laid down next to her. Mom started petting her like she was supposed to. I looked at her.
“Who do you think takes care of her while you are gone? Isn’t that right Tiny.” And Tiny looked up at her and grunted. Then she looked at me and I swear she smiled.
Ralph came in and said, “This ain’t a good thing, two girls in hair rollers and a dog getting its stomach rubbed. What am I going to do now?” Tiny jumped off the couch and chased him all the way back to his room.
I got my clothes ready for the next day. The dress I was going to wear most of the day, I hung on the clothes rack by the wall. I hung the gown up next to it and put the shoes under it. I got my purse and put it next to the rack and put the makeup I would need for that afternoon in a small bag I would leave it in the truck until time for it. I filed and polished my nails and my toe nails then I went to bed and dreamed about being chased to a gallows and hung by twine while a mouse chewed the twine. When I fell to the ground, I found that I had magically changed to a girl on the way down to the ground. Defiance lifted me up and showed everybody how wrong they were about me, but they were flogging everybody that had believed in me. They stripped Julie, Sally, Annie, Amy and Carey and screamed at them that they were the cause of me changing to a girl. Then they beat them. I screamed for Defiance to help them but he couldn’t hear me. Then I woke up at midnight. Wringing wet with sweat unable to go back to sleep I got up and went into the living room where the phone was and made a phone call.
That morning I got up early like always, but I realized that I didn’t have to. Tiny was sleeping with Mom. That little traitor, you would think that she would stay with me, but she would rather sleep with Mom. That’s all right Mom can give her a bath when she needs it. I bushed my teeth and fixed some coffee. I sat down at the table with the paper and was reading the business section. My two stocks were on the move again. Damn they were on the move. One had jumped fifty cents in one day and the other thirty five cents in a day. There wasn’t anything else in there worth reading right them so I reached for the regional section and there on the front page of it was Chrissy. The article told the whole tale of how she got the right to run for class office. In the interview, she said that she was thankful for Diane Allen who showed her that being different and a female was a good thing. I cut it out and put it on my dresser.
I got dressed and brushed out my hair and styled it. I put on a little makeup and some lite pink lipstick. I carried the gown out and put it in the truck, yes I hung it behind the seat from a gun rack. I’ll bet I was the first to do that and to have a pink gun rack. The baseball bat was just below it in the rack too. When I came back into the house Ralph was eating a bowl of cereal with Tiny sitting at his feet waiting to get some too. I g
ot a bowl and put some in it with a little milk. When I put it on the floor Tiny tore into it like she hadn’t eaten in a year. Mom came in and petted Tiny then she hugged me and Ralph, who growled because, he, was being interrupted during his meal.
“I see who the grumpiest one is in the morning. Diane you look lovely today. Tell me though don’t you think that dress is a little short?” she asked.
“I do, but this is what Sally and Annie picked out for me and it is Sally’s dress.” I said.
“Well okay, but I really think it is a little short.” She said again emphasizing the word short.
I asked Ralph if he wanted to ride with me to school. He said yeah and we went out to the truck. I dug the keys out of my purse and started to get in under the steering wheel, but instead I gave Ralph the keys and asked him to drive. I sat on the passenger side and enjoyed the cool fall morning. We listened to the radio playing rock and roll. Ralph was in heaven being able to drive. I was in heaven being able to be me.
The school was buzzing with activity outside. Several of the older guys were wearing dresses and the girls were wearing men’s clothes and fake mustaches. Some of the guys really put some effort into it and some were a joke. Sally came up behind me and whistled. I blushed and shook my head. I guess that caused the rest to take note of me. The response I got was not what I expected at all. Several of the guys whistled and some just stared at me. One even went so far as to yell, “Can you say hot as a firecracker!” The overall response was positive, there were one or two bigots there, but by and large, everyone liked it. I was pulled into doing gag pictures for the annual, hamming it up with the rest of the “girls and boys”. We had a big time doing it Sally had to hold a big senior up that was pretending to fall for her. The whole day was great. Some of the kids were talking about how Mrs. Carmichal had been run off from the private school yesterday and Chrissy got elected class president.
I was excused from PE as were all of the participants of Opposites day. I saw the reporter hanging around taking pictures of the school day but he didn’t seem interested in talking to anybody right then. That afternoon the sixth period teachers announced who was going to be in the fashion show. I kind of hoped that I wasn’t in it because the girls got me off to the side at lunch and taught me the beauty pageant walk and wave and drilled me on what to say when I got asked a question it was hard to learn. I was to talk about saving the Whales or Dolphins or something equally benign. I was so happy to hear the bell ring. Ms. Givens announced that I was to represent our class. Another shock when the whole class cheered. Then she shooed me out early to get ready. She sent Sally and Annie with me to help. I was sent to the back of the stage to get ready. I took off the jumper and put on a pair of panty hose. Then I slipped the dress over my head and Annie zipped it up. I was going to leave my hair down but Sally pulled out a pair of jade chopsticks and put my hair up in to a bun and pinned it in place with the chopsticks.
“Ms. Givens said these might bring you luck.” said Sally. “This is from me to bring you luck and she kissed me.” I don’t why, but I still get weak in the knees and feel warm all over. “Damn girl you look better than Diana Ross in that dress. Let’s see if you can get some R, E, S, P, E, C, T girl. Now work it harder than you ever have, everything is on the line right now don’t blow it.” And they left me to my thoughts.
“No pressure that’s what I need right now.” I thought. I knew that all of my hard work was for nothing if I didn’t do well today. I thought it strange that I had to play a part to get things rolling so I could start living the part. I needed to convince the whole school that I was a female not a boy playing a female. This was going to be hard. Could I do it? Yes, I could.
I heard them calling us out one by one asking the inane questions that they ask at a beauty pageant and the talent part, which was about one to two minutes apiece. The older guys went first. I was to be the last one. Finally, Mr. Alverez who should have been in show business started the buildup for me.
“And now ladies and gentlemen and I use the names loosely, the one that you have been waiting patiently for. The queen of soul the hottest thing on this stage today except for Conrad there.” And the audience erupted in laughter. Conrad was the ugliest person you have ever seen in a dress. “Let’s hear it for Diane Allen. Let’s give her some respect.” The band erupted into Respect. I sang the song and danced like they showed me. Those girls really set me up right I have to say, when it was through Mr. Alverez motioned me over to answer the question.
“Let’s give her a big hand again.” He said and started clapping again. The whole audience stood up and applauded and applauded. I saw the reporter taking pictures; he had been talking to the other students who told him they didn’t care what I looked like. Mr. Alverez didn’t’ try to cut them off, he let them calm down on their own. When they stopped, he turned to me, pulled me in close to the mike, and asked. Diane, what would you say was the one thing that got you here today?”
“You mean other than falling out of that tree?” I joked.
“Well yes, let’s not discuss the tree thing.” He joked back and he handed me the mike.
I paused to screw up enough courage to go on. The audience who had not sat down was starting to murmur. “What got me here today is the courage and determination of one person. She believed in me and I owe everything to her. She showed me that I could be me and succeed in life. She put her life and career on the line for me. She knew that I was a girl waiting to bloom to the world. Now I have to say good-bye to her since she is being let go after Christmas. I can’t help, but think it is my fault that she is being terminated so I am dedicating this day and song to her. Would you come up here Ms. Givens? She was dressed to the nines that day and I was so proud to see her walking down the aisle. The band struck up “This is Dedicated to the One I Love” and Sally, Annie, Amy and Carey came up and helped sing it to her. The audience loved it, as hokey as it sounds one of the school board members came up to the stage, and took the mike. I looked at the other girls and shrugged my shoulders.
“That was a wonderful rendition of that song. Don’t you think?” The crowd applauded again. I have a correction to Ms. Allen’s announcement. By the way you look wonderful both of you.” He nodded to all of us on the stage. Applause erupted again. “The School board met today at lunch and reconsidered Ms. Givens work record and after careful consideration we really want her to stay. Would you, please?” Ms. Givens looked at him. Then he said. “Pretty Please with sugar on top.”
She said, “I would love to. Thank you very much.”
I had never heard the kids get so wild, they clapped, stomped their feet and cheered. Mr. Alverez quieted them down and said, “It is time for the voting for the best beauty. Beside Conrad, Conrad I just want to know does your mother know you have her dress?”
“Who said it’s hers?” he joked and that brought the house down again.
“Boy. We are going to have a serious talk later.” Said Mr. Alverez.
“Yes Uncle Jed.” Conrad said to a huge applause.
“Now I want you to clap for the one that you think is best.” said Mr. Alverez. He went from one to another holding a paper over each one. They all got a smattering of applause. When he held it over me, the house erupted again. This time he couldn’t calm them so he just put the roses in my arms and had me to walk to the front of the stage. The band started playing Respect again. Talk about a rush that was great.
Now I can tell you that I called Julie’s parents and they went to her house and found the three notes that were given to her. Mr. Givens had brought his attorney with him and he called each one of the school board members that weren’t in jail and asked to meet with them on a very important matter. He told them that he was going to talk to the district attorney about possible charges against the board for ordering a teacher to seduce a minor and then firing that teacher when she refused. They voted right then to rehire Julie and to let me stay in school as Diane.
Sally became kind
of distant to me and wouldn’t talk to me much after the Opposites Day. When I would try to get close to her, she would say she had something or another to do and leave. On one occasion, I found her crying by herself and when she saw me, she ran off. I couldn’t stand it anymore and asked Annie what was going on.
Annie stood silently for a few minutes and finally she crossed her arms and said. “You really don’t know what is going on do you?”
“I wouldn’t be asking if I did, now would I?” I said getting a little exasperated by then.
“Diane you have come a long way in the last few months from the day she first sat in your lap and kissed you. She knows that Junior wants to date you bad and now she doesn’t want to stand in your way of being happy. She thinks that you need to date him and see where it goes.”
“What! I don’t want to date Junior I want to date Sally.” The tears started flowing then. “So that‘s why she won’t talk to me. She is trying to put some distance between us so I will date Junior. That is the most asinine thing I have ever heard.”
We stood there without speaking while I tried to regain my composure. “Diane, you are going to have to tell her that, I can’t tell her for you.” Annie said.
“What do you think I have been trying to do? Every time I get within five feet of her, she takes off like a scared rabbit. I might as well be trying to catch the wind. Annie you have to help me. Please.” I begged.
“Let me see what I can do.” She said and turned and walked off.
The next day I found a note in my locker. “Today at four o’clock, at my house. ‘A’.”
I left school at three and told Ralph that I would catch a ride home with Mom and walked down to the store to kill some time and drop off my books. It was three days before Christmas and I wanted to do some shopping while I waited so I went into the store and Mom was there with a customer. The lady was buying some jeans and shirts for her son and a dress and shoes for her daughter. When she went to pay, I could tell that she had saved for a while to get these for Christmas presents. She started counting out the money in change and dollar bills. She was short about a dollar. Mom took the money and put it in the cash register and asked if she wanted them wrapped for Christmas.
“I can’t afford the wrapping fee.” The lady said obviously embarrassed.
“Today it is free.” Mom said. “I need to put someone to work anyway.” She picked up the clothes and handed them to me and winked.
I noticed that the bill was sitting on top of the stack of clothes. I took them and carried them back to the wrapping table while Mom talked to the lady. I couldn’t help but notice that the dress and the shoes were some of the cheapest in the store, so were the shirts. I walked over and picked out a really nice dress from the rack and a couple of nice shirts. I picked up a box of really pretty shoes and carried them back to the table. In the box of shoes, I put money in the amount on the sales slip in it. I wrapped them all up, including what she had picked out. I wrote a note on the back of the sales ticket. “Accept this gift in the spirit it was given.” On the ones I picked out, I put a tag on them that said Merry Christmas, from Santa. I put them all in a sack and carried them back out to the lady and handed it to her.
“Goodness what did you wrap them with they seem to have gotten a lot heavier.” The lady said.
“Good wrapping paper is a lot heavier.” I said. “Merry Christmas.” Mom was smiling at me the whole time.
After the lady walked out Mom turned to me. “What did you do?”
“Nothing, nothing at all. Here is the money for the things I bought. I have to go now I need to meet one of the girls.” And I took off before she could say anything else.
I ran to Annie’s house and was there about five minutes early. I saw Sally knocking on the door and I stopped and waited until she went in. I didn’t know if I should go on and knock on the door or not. I was so afraid of what Sally would do. I loved her so much. I knew that Harold was special, but I couldn’t for the life of me see me with a boy. At least not at this point in my life. I still had guy feelings and while I stayed confused a lot, I didn’t want to date a guy or do anything else with one. I had come to the realization that I had been caught up in the moment with Harold and wrote and told him so. He wrote back and said he still wanted me to come to England and let him show me around.
I made the decision to go and try to tell Sally how I felt about her and try to work it out. So I walked slowly up the door and knocked. Annie’s mother answered the door and let me in, but she held her fingers up to her lips and led me to Annie’s room. She opened the door slightly and called for Annie. When Annie came out, she grabbed me and pushed me into the room and pulled the door closed behind me.
Sally looked up and saw me standing there. She grabbed her purse and coat and ran around me to the door. It wouldn’t budge. She turned the knob and pushed on it, but it wouldn’t budge. “Sally, I really need to talk to you.”
“No you need to talk to Junior, not me.” She said.
“No, I need to talk to you, not him. Please.”
Sally hung her head and stood there. “You are a girl now and you need to talk to boys not me.” She said and suddenly turned to me and ran up and started hitting me until she started crying and fell into my arms.
“Sally you can’t avoid me and I won’t let you anyway. I love you and that is all there is to it. I don’t know how this is going to turn out, but for right now, I want you to know that you are the most special girl I know and the only one I want to know. Junior is nice and all, but you are the one that I care about.” I said.
“Girls aren’t supposed to love girls though.” She sobbed.
“Then I won’t be a girl starting today.” I said and started crying.
“You would do that for me?”
“I would and more.” I said. She looked up and I gazed into her absolutely beautiful eyes and thought I would do anything to be able to look into those eyes every day.
“I won’t let you. I won’t let you give up being the wonderful sweet person you have become. I don’t care if you are a girl or not I have fallen in love with you and that is the only thing that I care about. I have been so cruel to you and you still want to love me. I won’t be able to find anyone else like you no matter what. So no, I won’t let you go back to being what you were. We will move forward and love each other.” She said through the sniffles and the tears.
I leaned into her and kissed her tenderly and passionately. She responded in kind and we stood there like that, for I don’t know how long. Her lips were like a drug to me and I couldn’t get enough. I didn’t want to stop.
We heard someone clearing their throat and we stopped and saw Annie and her mother both smiling at us. We both turned beet red. Annie ran in and hugged both of us. “It’s about time. I was beginning to think that I would never get the two of you together.”
On Christmas Eve, I gave Sally her present. She shook it and wanted to know what it was, but I wouldn’t tell her no matter what. “You have just got to open it in the morning and find out,” was all that I would say. We decided to tell her parents about us and let the chips fall where they may.
“Sally do you really love, Diane?” Her father asked.
“Yes, I really do and I know she is a girl and all, but I really do love her.” Sally said.
“Then I don’t see anything wrong with it.” Her father said with a smile.
Her mother was sitting there with a perplexed look on her face, staring at us. “Why, did it take you so long to figure out that you really needed to be together?” She asked.
“I was being stubborn Mom. I wanted her to date boys. I didn’t realize that she wasn’t going to be happy with them though. We finally talked and came to the conclusion that we need to be together to at least find out if we really loved each other.” Sally replied.
“Mam, I have loved Sally with all my heart since the first time she kissed me and I don’t see me with anybody else. Please understand.” I pleaded
.
“I understand, I feel the same way about Sally’s father. I still get a warm tingly feeling when he holds me and kisses me. He makes my life a lot easier for me and fixes some of the messes I make, like at the grocery store when I arrange a whole row of canned goods so they are all even. I really do understand girls. I want you to know that I will support you no matter what. I saw that the two of you loved each other the first time I met you. I knew then that you didn’t know yet, but I knew. The looks you gave each other told me.” She stood and walked up to us and hugged us both. Sally suddenly started crying and held onto her mother tighter than she ever had. Her mother didn’t try to pull away like she usually did, but hugged us both tighter.
Sally’s sister suddenly spoke up. “Hey, what about me? I am opposed to this.” She said with a pout.
“And why is that?” Sally’s father asked.
“Because I wanted to date her instead of Sally.” She exclaimed.
We all laughed and her Dad took her by the hand and led her to the kitchen where they had a long talk.
I went with her to her church for the Christmas Eve service and lo and behold, I didn’t get one negative comment. We sat together with Julie and Ted and held hands throughout the entire service. The preacher was an older gentleman who talked about love and the connection to forgiveness. He was obviously a very experienced pastor who cared a lot for his congregation. On the way out, he took my hand to shake it and leaned down and whispered to me. “Please come back and bring that teacher and her boyfriend with you two. I want to do the marriage ceremony for them.” As he looked from me to Sally. We couldn’t help it and started giggling. Julie gave us a what now look and when she and Ted walked up the Pastor, she asked what he had said.
“I said, they could come back anytime as long as they brought you two along.” He said. “Well that’s not exactly true. I really said that they are welcome here anytime and so are you.”
That evening at Sally’s house Julie confessed that she really liked the church she was going to, but they had never once asked her to come back. “You know, I think I will be changing churches.” She said.
Sally opened her present that night along with the rest of us and found a wind chime of silver. The head of it was two cherubs kissing. It made a beautiful sound when the wind blew. A delicate tinkling, a sound I imagined occurring when two hearts came together to be one. Maybe not rhythmic, but making music together always as the winds of time blew by them. Sometimes they would miss and no sound would be made, but eventually they would connect and the vibrations of their touch would bring happiness not only to themselves, but to all who were around them.
I reflected on the attitude of the congregation. Live and let live. I often wondered if that was the basic theme of the teachings of Jesus. To live with the proper guidance and let live. He didn’t accuse the sinners of sinning he only let them know that there was salvation if they would turn from their sins. None of the people at that little church accused any of us of any wrongs. The Pastor only wanted us to come back to learn of the correct ways to live and treat others. I believe that we must find the straight and narrow path and the narrow gate on our own. I also believe that that path may not be the same path that others have to tread, but it must be straight and it is narrow.
Christmas is a time for rejoicing, for our savior was born. I knew that the day was arbitrarily picked and it was picked to appease some of the local pagan religions, but to me it is only for the celebration of the birth of Jesus. Whether or not we give or receive gifts on that day, we should be thankful for the opportunity to draw a breath and use it to praise him. I was thankful to him that he had led me to the place in life that I was at right now. I had friends and family now. I had the ability to see a future and I was going to go to it. So live and let live, don’t stand in another’s way as they follow a straight and narrow path if it isn’t the same path you are following. Let them live and you live also.
Disclaimer
Okay before all of my family starts to have a conniption fit. I want everyone to know that any resemblance to anyone living or dead in this book is coincidence. I had the best Mother who loved me very much and treated my brother and myself well. She was nothing like the fictional Mother in the story. My family was the best by far. While a lot in this seems to be based on fact, it is not. I wrote about fictional characters and used names that are similar because it is easier for me to keep up with them while writing. The only ones in this story that are based on living characters were Smokey and Tiny the two dogs, who would push me out of bed. Enjoy the story as a work of fiction because that is all it is.
Thank you.
Dennis Adkins.
Being Diane Page 27