There was something about his voice that settled on my chest like a warm blanket. It was comforting.
“I’m doing all right.”
“I was hoping I could talk you into taking another walk with me, perhaps this weekend?”
That weekend I had my grandma’s eighty-fifth birthday. No way would I bring him there, nor was I going to miss it.
“Sorry, but I have a family birthday for my grandma this weekend.”
“Oh! How old is she?”
His quick acceptance took me by surprise. There was no demanding or manipulation involved like I was accustomed to enduring. I fumbled for an intelligent response.
“Um, eighty-five. But you’d never guess it. She dresses better than I do.” That earned me a deep laugh, and I smiled in response.
“Wow! That must be a huge blessing for you and your family.”
“It is, she is.” That was the truth. I adored my grandparents.
“What about the weekend after?”
Persistent much? For a moment I almost said no, but I paused because I was being pursued. Not the stalker-scary-I-watch-your-every-move. But the I-respect-you-enough to-let-you-know-that-I–think-you’re-worth-chasing. The realization softened my heart, and I accepted.
“Great! Where would you like to go? What would be easiest on your little ones?”
My heart melted a bit at his sincere question.
“Actually, if it’s okay with you, we usually have breakfast on Saturday morning at my parents’ house. They could watch the kids if you want to come, say about 10:30 or so? Chase will be down for his nap anyway.”
Well, there’s nothing like meeting the parents right from the get go.
“Sounds great! I’ll give you my phone number, and would you mind texting me their address?”
Levi Jensen, you are a brave man.
“Sure.”
After we hung up and I texted him my parent’s address, I walked into the living room and spun in a little twirl. It was an amazing feeling, to be wanted. To be pursued.
****
The party celebrating my grandma’s birthday passed without a hitch. Grandpa took it all in with his usual smile and chuckle as he watched grandma spread her proverbial peacock feathers and strut around the room. I giggled to myself as I thought about how she was still strutting around at home for Grandpa.
Each day that passed brought me closer to seeing Levi. If I could pinpoint my greatest fear, it would be that I’d involve Levi in my life and have the relationship fizzle out, leaving my children with another phantom father-figure. That wasn’t acceptable. Each day they grew older, more aware, and I didn’t want them enduring the same torture twice, only this time remembering it. Not only that, but what if Levi loved us, but I didn’t love him back? How would that destroy him? It wasn’t just about me; it was about a potential family. That I was thinking about all these deep problems felt foolish when I had only met the man once, but wasn’t this type of relationship a big deal? Shouldn’t I take it seriously? Was he? He wasn’t just taking me out; he was trying on the ‘dad’ shoe to see if it fit. Did he have any idea? Although Samantha had told him about the boys and he had clearly seen them, it was easy for someone who had never been a parent to not grasp the gravity of this type of relationship. He needed to understand, and if it scared him off, then good riddance. He wasn’t up to the task, and I had saved both of our hearts in the process. I made a mental resolution to bite the bullet and discuss all this with Levi when we met.
After my intense mental debate, I was worn out. So I called my sister, because she would have no issue in telling me I was speaking crazy. And I needed someone to assure me because I sure felt crazy. The phone purred in my ear a few moments before she answered.
“You’re calling early.” I grinned at her greeting.
“Willi?”
“I swear, if you weren’t my sister I would have beat you up on the playground for giving me that nickname.”
“You love it.” I sing-songed back.
“No, you love it, I hate it. I simply love you, so I tolerate it.”
“Good enough for me.” I quipped.
“Whatever.” My sister replied impatiently.
I grinned. My sister was the best and I could always count on her to lift my spirits. Being older by three years, she had let me call her ‘Willi’ when I was younger because “Wilhelmina” was a mouthful for a three-year-old. She could hardly pronounce it herself. The nickname stuck, but I was the only one she let speak it. To everyone else she was Willow; my mom tolerated it but still called her Wilhelmina.
“So what’s up squirt?”
“I need you to tell me I’m not crazy.”
“You’re not crazy.” She mumbled as I heard the keyboard tap through the earpiece.
“Hey, listen to me! And don’t put this on social media or anything.”
My sister was a social media tycoon and had helped develop the most cutting edge marketing strategies out there on the web today. But her fame came at a price, an obsession with Twitter. Nothing said around her was safe, and soon it would have a hash tag and #tellmeimnotcrazy popping up everywhere. That was the last thing I needed.
“Fine.”
“Thank you.”
“It was a good one.” She said.
“No, you’re just desperate this morning.” I replied dryly.
“True.”
“Anyways…” I tried to steer the conversation back.
“Why do you think you’re crazy?” The chair she sat in squeaked as usual as she undoubtedly turned away from her computer, which told me I had her full attention.
“Okay, long story short…” I spilled my concern in over analyzing this walk with Levi and all the possible repercussions, and before I finished, she interrupted me.
“Shh! My word. You’re turning into Mom. Do you know that? You are Mom. You are worrying over nothing. This is why. Are you listening?” She voice was impatient.
“Yes.”
“Good. Now. Have any of these things happened yet?”
“No.” I walked over to the table and sat in a chair, tracing the patterns of the wood grain with my finger.
“Then are you borrowing trouble from tomorrow?” She asked quickly.
“Well yes, but—“
“No buts. We are to worry about today, only.” She drew out the words carefully.
“But the kid—“
“My sweet little nephews will be fine. You worrying over everything will do more damage than imaginary fears. Have you prayed about this? Yes! Are you seeking God? Yes! So let Him be God. The end.” She sighed into the phone.
“Thank you. I needed that.” I nodded and closed my eyes.
“You’re welcome, my services are always available.” She replied with lofty teasing.
“Willi?”
“Yes, Abby?”
“I love you.”
“I love you too sugar. Now go be a mom and let me get at it with Twitter. Hey! #getatit…” I heard her typing. “Wait, that won’t work…”
“Why?” I asked, my hand stilled and I waited.
“Spell it out, Abbs… it’s not what I meant to say… hey that would work…”
I wrote the word on the table with my finger and burst into giggles. “Yeah, that wouldn’t work.”
“Stupid social media and the rule against spaces, but I got one. Ready? #thatsnotwhatimeanttosay.”
“Isn’t that a little long? Don’t you only have a few characters?”
“What are you the Twitter police?”
“No.”
“Okay, trust me, it’s gold. Okay, gotta go. Love you!”
“Love you too!”
“Bye.”
I hung up the phone and laughed. Leave it to my sister. My heart lightened, and with a smile on my face, I picked up Javan, who was playing in the living room, and swung him around.
“Who wants to go to the park?”
Chapter Eleven
With the car safely situa
ted in my parents’ driveway, I turned off the ignition and unstrapped a giggling and bouncing Javan, who immediately rushed into his grandpa’s arms. Delighted, he laughed loudly as my father swung him around. Chase made impatient noises as I unbuckled him from the car seat and pulled him out. He tried to squirm out of my hands, but I didn’t want him crawling on the asphalt. I held him tightly till I reached my mom, who had also come out of the house and was waiting with open arms.
“Baby!” She crooned as she snuggled into the soft skin around his neck and cheek. After a moment she reached out and pulled me into a side hug and kissed the top of my head.
“I’m so glad you’re here! Who’s hungry?”
“Me!” Javan threw both fists into the air.
“Good. Let’s all get inside before the food gets cold!”
After Javan stuffed himself full of waffles and sausage, he snuggled with his papa on the couch to watch a cartoon. Chase finished his oatmeal, and I wiped his face clean.
“I’m going to put him down for a nap, Mom. I’ll be back in a few minutes.”
Shortly after, I glanced at the hall clock, fifteen minutes after ten. The anxious rhythm of my heart kicked up a notch, and my fingers got cold
“It’s almost time dear, are you ready?” My mom placed her arm around my shoulders and I leaned into her, thankful for the comfort to my anxious nerves.
“No.” I answered in a weak voice.
“You can always tell him the truth, that you’re scared witless and just want to be friends at first.” My mom offered gently.
The idea had merit. Why not? Who said I had to commit to a relationship?
“Okay, that’s actually a good idea mom. Thanks.”
A huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders, and I offered my mom a slight grin.
“Well, I’ve been around a little while longer than you.”
“True.”
A knock on the window caused me to turn and see Levi standing at the door, offering a small wave to my dad, who had risen to let him in.
“Hello sir.” Levi nodded to my father and held out his hand. “I’m Levi Jensen. It’s nice to meet you.”
My father took Levi’s hand and gave it an enthusiastic shake before thumping him on the shoulder. “Nice to meet you too! I’ve heard a lot about you—“
I closed my eyes in mortification. Leave it to my dad. Levi glanced over at me and gave me a small grin, which I returned with a red face to boot.
“I’m Darin Forrester, and this is my wife Caroline.”
My mom stepped forward and extended her hand. Levi shook it.
“Ma’am. Thank you for opening up your lovely home.”
“Oh, not a problem. We’re thrilled to have you.”
“Yes, thank you for coming.” I spoke, kicking myself for not having anything original to say.
“Are you hungry?” my mom asked.
“No ma’am, but thank you.”
“Levi, would you like to walk now, or did you want to sit and have a cup of coffee first?” Finally, my brain kicked in, and I had something intelligent to contribute to the conversation.
“Thank you, Abby. “ He spoke my name like a caress, and I broke out in goose bumps. Was I the only one who noticed? I glanced at my parents, and they were smirking. No, it had been apparent to them too. Levi glanced down for a moment and his tanned face looked a little pink. Nothing he could have done would have endeared him more.
“I, uh, I already had coffee this morning, and if I drink any more, I’ll be shaking from the caffeine. If it’s all right with you, the weather’s beautiful, and we could take a walk?”
“Sure, let me grab my coat.”
Levi and I headed out the door into the spring air. Without thinking, I placed my hand on my belly. Whenever he cast his piercing blue gaze my way, butterflies in my stomach fluttered wildly.
“Your parents seem very kind.”
“Yes, they are. I’m truly blessed. I had a great childhood, and my parents love me to a fault.”
“It’s very clear they adore you and their grandchildren.” The white of his smile was accented by the tan of his skin from spending so much of his day out of doors. The effect was enticing and attractive, and I turned my head before I stared overlong at his nice teeth.
“The seasons are beautiful around here. I love that each one has its own identity leading into the next.” He spoke in his rich baritone.
“I hadn’t really thought about it, probably because this is where I grew up, but you’re right.” I glanced around and noticed the little sprouts here and there braving the still chilly weather. A few birds flew overhead, flapping their wings furiously in the cold thin air. I shivered.
“Are you cold?”
He caught my shiver and was already shrugging out of his coat. The gesture made me smile and feel like I was in an old movie. I held up my hand to stop his progress and smiled, thanking him. It had been a long time since a man, someone other than my dad, had done something like that. He paused halfway out of his coat.
“Are you sure? I don’t want you to be chilled.” His blue eyes bore into mine, questioning me.
“I’m fine. I was just sympathizing with the birds.” No, I did not just say that out loud…
“Birds?” He looked at me skeptically.
I gave him a sheepish grin.
“Yeah, after you spoke about the changing seasons, I glanced around and noticed them flying frantically through the cold air, and I thought they would be pretty chilly. I shivered thinking about it. I’m pretty warm, no worries.”
I was an idiot. Talking about birds and shivering. Poor Levi. At least I could tell Javan later about the birds, and he’d enjoy my story.
“I see.” He nodded and continued walking as if my explanation wasn’t at all strange.
After a bit of small talk, I decided to take the plunge and see what was in Levi’s heart. The idea scared me almost as much as the fact that I was really attracted to him. But before I could begin with the deep questions, he asked one of his own, amazing me.
“So, at the risk of sending you running for the hills…” He paused and regarded me.
How many times had I thought the same about him? He glanced over at me and then down at the dirt path.
“Though I’ve only met you once before this, you need to understand something about me.”
Immediately I was curious and concerned. Okay, what could possibly be wrong with him? My mind flew through a million possibilities.
“Yes?” I encouraged carefully.
“I’m not into the casual dating thing. I was raised with the belief that when a man asked a woman out, it was with the permission of that lady’s father and under the impression that he was looking ahead to marriage.”
“Okay.” I was waiting for the punch line. Everything he was saying I agreed with, wholeheartedly.
“Okay…” He eyed me for a moment before continuing. “And if you’re only interested in being my friend, I’m all right with that. But you deserve to know where I stand.”
“Okay.” Was there an echo?
“And… I’d like to pursue you as my potential wife, if you’re all right with that.”
Rather than freaking me out, which his expression told me he was expecting, I was immediately relieved. He had very articulately stated everything I was concerned about and allayed my fears.
“Thank you,” I whispered, looking at the ground for a moment before gazing back at him.
“But…” He added as if expecting more.
“But nothing, I agree with you. Completely. In fact…” I glanced shyly down at my shoe. “You just said everything I was about to ask you about. I appreciate your honesty and really respect you for being brave enough to ask.” I risked a glance up and saw his face break into a grin.
“All right.” He nodded, still grinning.
“All right.” I echoed, feeling myself grin back.
“So, since we’re in the deep questions, is there anything else you w
ere wondering?” He continued walking, slow at first till I caught up.
I glanced at the sky again, thinking. “Well, um. Why aren’t you married?”
“I haven’t asked anyone yet.” He smirked at me.
“Funny, ha ha.” I gave him a wry grin.
“No, honestly. I don’t take marriage lightly. I’d rather live out my days as a bachelor than marry someone simply because I’m lonely or desperate.”
Before my brain could filter my mouth, I spoke. “Then why in creation are you interested in me?”
I wanted to melt into the ground. But at the same time, I wanted an answer. I was confused. Why would he even look twice at me? I was a divorced woman with a ready-made family to boot. What possible allure did I hold?
“Well, why not?” He stopped and gave me a pensive expression, as if not understanding why I would ask that kind of question.
Okay, I wasn’t expecting that.
“Levi, I’m not blind. You’re handsome, funny, and a gentleman. I doubt you have issues attracting half the female population of Springville. And me, well…”
I couldn’t even hold on to my own husband, so why would you look twice at me?
I glanced at him and he was watching me.
“Why would you want a woman who is divorced, probably more emotionally damaged than I want to admit, with two little children to boot? I’m no prize, and the responsibility of being a father isn’t for the fainthearted. It’s a huge responsibility…” My words trailed off. Okay, now came the part where he retracted everything he said earlier and ran for the hills. If I hadn’t scared him with my brutal honesty, then the fact that I was already throwing fatherhood into the mix certainly would.
The wind tossed the leaves on the path into a circular motion and I stared, not wanting to meet his eyes, though I knew by the prickling sensation on my skin that he watched me.
“Why do you think being a father is such a burden? Why would you think of that aspect of a relationship being a deal-breaker rather than a blessing?” His blue eyes searched mine as he waited for an answer.
The question settled, and I fought the urge to argue. No, my boys were a blessing! But didn’t I just imply the opposite? I hadn’t meant to, but as I thought over my words I had unknowingly equated fatherhood with burden, not blessing. Just another departing gift from Jack in the messed up world that was my life.
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